Hihi!
All C&C are my opinions and suggestions only.
Gary Kleppe wrote:
And now....
"Greetings, 'General.' Or should I call you...."
Prince Herb?
David Letterman?
Megatron?
"Don't underestimate me, 'General.' I may be one mere human
being, but I'm an elder Amazon warrior. And unlike your major, I know my
opponents. He might fail, but I won't."
Oh, he's not human? In that case:
David Letterman?
Megatron?
He could hear no noise in the background, save for the endless,
rhythmic chirping of cicadas and the occasional howl of a wild animal.
He could see nothing; even though it was still dark, they had covered
his eyes with a blindfold. Evidently, they didn't want to take any
chances chance that he might be able to locate their camp, or whatever
out-of-the-way place to which he was being moved.
Hmm. I suggest:
'He could see nothing; even... blindfold. All he could hear in the
background was the endless, rhythmic chirping of cicadas and the occasional
howl of a wild animal. Evidently...'
"The little wife back home, huh?"
"Fiancee," Sauchuk answered curtly. "We're getting married as
soon as my hitch is up."
Oh dear. This means he's dead, right? :)
The mercenary grinned, his smile accented by his thin moustache.
"I bet you've already done your husbandly duties with her, right?"
"I've taken out her garbage, yeah." That wasn't what he'd meant,
of course, but what business was it of his anyway?
Fiancee: How dare you call me 'garbage'?!
Sauchuk: Sorry, dear. I meant it in the nicest possible way.
"Morning, sir," Sauchuk said, his tone carefully neutral. Like
most of the enlisted men, he felt a growing resentment towards the
officers. Rou may have been an idiot, but he was a friend -- until the
'Amazons' had knifed him to death. When the men had heard, some of them
even wanted to go out shooting villagers until the killers were found.
But orders came down that no reprisals were to be taken, and that
Command would handle the situation. Morale dropped, sinking lower and
lower as the men waited to see which of them would have to die next
before the officers did something about it.
All of them? :)
"Damn it," Ranma said, "just... just do what you have to. But
not what you don't have to."
"Thank you, Ranma-sama. That makes everything quite clear."
Kodachi turned away, a self-satisfied smile on her face.
She rubbed her hands gleefully. Oh yes, that made everything absolutely
clear... :)
For a second, hate flashed in Kodachi's eyes, a fire so intense
that Akane and Shan Pu should've been instantly burnt to cinders. Then
her usual condescending smirk returned, as if none of this were
particularly important.
*This is your fault, Tendo Akane. You could've ignored Kodachi's
baiting. You let her anger get the better of you, and now gods only know
what the consequences will be. After being married for six years, are
you still so insecure that the thought of your husband paying attention
to another woman shuts down your brain?*
This paragraph was confusing, especially coming after the POV from Kodachi.
The first sentence made me believe it was Kodachi thinking here, rather than
Akane. You might want to consider clarifying this part.
"He got... we chased him off." Yuan glanced past the rows of
wrecked radiators and punctured tires. "But at least we stopped him
before he could damage anything!"
Heh.
The poison she'd added would take effect about half an hour
after the victims ate the stew. Doctor Tofu had mixed it up from some of
the herbs Mu Si had brought back from Yaocaicun. From what the doctor
said, it would cause severe diarrhea, along with virulent stomach cramps
in some cases. Just the thing to soften them up for the impending
battles, Akane thought, and she winced at her choice of words.
'diarrhoea'
Heh. And here I was thinking that Akane could have cooked the stew and
achieved the same results without resorting to poison. :)
She sighed. Yesterday, when Kodachi had carelessly drugged a
Mongol captain into a coma, Ranma had chewed her out, and Akane had
agreed with him. But now, she might have done the same -- not to one
man, but to the entire village that they were supposed to be rescuing.
Do as I say, not as I do was Akane Tendo's motto.
Perhaps single quotes around the motto?
"Practical joke?" Hikaru blinked. "Kasumi, do-- do you know what
that powder *was?*"
"Yes, Mr. Saotome told me. It was glass; one of their
windshields that he, er, borrowed and ground up." She giggled.
Hikaru and Ti Pi stared at her in disbelief.
"I'm sorry. I know it's not nice to laugh at others'
misfortunes. But just think of how they'll feel when they take their
clothes out of the wash, and they're still dirty." She giggled again.
Is Kasumi really that vapid? She is a priestess, after all.
"Uh... don't mention it." He nodded feebly, for a moment
imagining a myriad of possibilities. Then he pushed off the rock, and
his feet landed on solid ground. Why would she ever be interested in
him? And even if she normally might be, this wasn't the time. He
couldn't ask her out on a date when they were about to fight a battle to
rescue her village. And after that, he'd be gone. No matter how he
looked at it, it seemed that Hikaru Gosunkugi was going to end up alone.
Hmm. And how is he ever going to defeat her in battle? Write a better
computer program than she can? :)