kichigai wrote:
For a change, PUBLIC C&C.
It gets easier with each one you release. Before you know it, you'll be
doing it as often as I used to do. ^_^
First off this is not a crossover or fusion with Those Who Hunt Elves.
This
title just happened to be the most appropriate for the fic.
Aww, but that would have been funny too.
True. I enjoy the series a lot, but there's nothing my muse is whispering
in my ear about it.
Akane stretched her hands towards the ceiling as she finished putting on
her dress. She paused a moment to examine herself in a mirror. Not the
best
she had ever looked, but not bad either. Satisfied with the results, she
exited her bedroom and headed downstairs to see if Kasumi had finished
making breakfast already. She was humming a little tune to herself, and
had
just reached the bottom step, when loud noises coming from the direction
of
the Saotomes' bedroom caught her attention. Unable to tell what the source
of the disturbance was, she braced herself for the worst and made a detour
towards the room. Just as she turned the corner, she saw that both Nabiki
and Kasumi were already standing next to the open doorway. Kasumi seemed
concerned while Nabiki appeared apathetic about something that was going
on
inside the room.
I'd suggest breaking this up a bit. While more or less fine as it is,
these huge block paragraphs are a bit annoying to read.
I'll see if there's a good place to divide it.
Poking her head around the corner, Akane looked into the room. Ranma,
still
dressed in boxers and a red tee-shirt, was clinging desperately to the
floor. His blankets were wrapped around his midsection and his pillow
clenched in his teeth. Genma had his son by the ankles and was apparently
trying to force him to release the deathgrip he had secured with the
flooring.
Ah, yes. Reminds me of trying to drag a dog to the vet for castration.
It's simply amazing how they -know- what you have planned. Wonder if this
applies here?
It's a safe bet. Occasionally Ranma's self-preservation instincts kick in.
Occasionally.
"What's going on?" Akane asked.
The interruption made Genma pause in his efforts. "Ranma here says he
doesn't want to wake up and greet the day." He returned his attention to
his son. "The boy needs to get up and face the day's challenges like a
man."
As opposed to a panda?
Growf.
"No way!" Ranma insisted as the pillow dropped from his teeth. "I knew as
soon as I woke up it was going to be one of 'those' days. A really bad
one,
and I don't wanna have to deal with it. It's Saturday. I want the day
off."
I was under the impression that Japanese students have to go to school
on
Saturday.
Thanks to Mike Noakes I have now learned that it's now everyother week and
they're going to phase out Saturday sessions altogether soon. Therefore
it's no longer the mistake it otherwise would have been. (Thanks for the
save, Mike.)
And yes, Ranma is finally using his instincts.
For at least the moment.
Maybe, just
maybe, one day he'll use his entire brain... Nah.
*Derisive Snort* Not in this fic.
Akane sighed. It was up to her to resolve the situation. She entered the
room and snatched Ranma's ankles away Genma. "Quit being childish, Ranma.
You can't see the future and you can't stay in bed all day. Now come on.
Let's go eat breakfast."
Are you cooking? If so I'm DEFINITELY staying in bed!
Actually no gratuitous Akane cooking bashing here.
Akane began pulling on Ranma's legs, having much more success than Genma.
Using brute strength alone, she forced Ranma to move, the boy leaving
behind grooves in the flooring that were molded in the shape of his
fingers
as he desperately tried to stay where he was. It was to no avail as he
found himself slowly dragged from the room.
Cute.
It was easy for me to visualize.
"A cute fiancee wouldn't make me do this," Ranma protested as Nabiki moved
her leg calmly away from his attempt to grasp it.
"It's a good thing I'm an uncute fiancee then. You're getting up and going
to breakfast," Akane growled in agitation as dragged the reluctant Ranma
to
the breakfast table.
I liked this. Akane doesn't fly off the handle -every- time Ranma
insults her.
Too true. They can engage in banter between one another at times without
any ill consequences. Sometimes
Ranma looked at the people left behind in the hall. "Remember, no matter
what happens today, it's not my fault! I didn't want to get up!" Those
were
his last words as he was dragged around the corner and out of sight.
You'll be blamed anyway.
That's because it is his fault. :P
"The boy's just being lazy," Genma said with more than a hint of doubt in
his voice.
"Do you think we should prepare for the worst?" Kasumi asked. She wondered
if she should make some extra food, since trouble frequently meant someone
would be dropping by the house for a visit.
Quick! Into the emergency anti-fiancee bomb shelter!
Oh, it's something much worse than that this time. Hard to believe, I know,
but it is.
"I know I'll be," Nabiki said. "That's why I'm going to be sleeping over
at
a friend's house. I'll be leaving as soon as I'm packed, which should be
in
about five minutes."
Shoot, you'd think she wasn't worried at all.
Doesn't want to have to deal with it either. (Although since it doesn't
happen at home, her retreat is unneccesary.)
Genma wondered if he should hide... err, sleep over at a friend's house as
well before remembering that was essentially what he was already doing.
Well, there was always the possibility of getting some cold water and
hiding out in the panda pens at the zoo for a couple of days. It was a
sound plan, and they had all the bamboo one could eat. Sometimes the
visiting children would even toss marshmallows at him. Not a bad deal,
really.
Sounds nice to me.
Growf.
As the trio considered their options, Ranma's cries of, "No one's sticking
me with this one!" echoed throughout the house.
Denial. The ugliest stage. Remember, acceptance is the path to a
cure.
Heh
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The stone walls of the corridors of the ancient keep were mottled green
with a fungus that gave off a revolting aroma that made Mai's nose cringe.
The smell vaguely reminded her of rotting fish mixed with sulfur, or what
the bathroom was like the day after Tai had eaten Mexican food and downed
a
keg of beer. The smell of Mai's own burning flesh would have been
preferable to putting up with either one's noxious odors.
Kinky.
You have odd tastes. ^_^
Mai yawned in mid-air.
It was about here I thought that this was the Mai from Fatal Fury.
Nah, I'd have called it an xover with it then. Tai is more a visual twin to
her, though personalities are very different.
As Mai landed deftly upon the other side, the teenage girl took an
inventory of her uniform. The standard night black ninja outfit hadn't
even
suffered a snag. That was for the best, since she unilaterally detested
sewing necessary repairs to any of her garments.
Oooh, unilaterally! Well, that's different then init it?
Just a wee bit.
She continued to advance up the corridor, now running in a sprint. Upon
turning the corner, she found herself confronted by a huge Bengal tiger. A
large stream of saliva dripped from its jaws as it roared in hunger in her
direction.
Sprayed maybe?
Eh?
The sounds of a string of colorful curses about her ancestry and which
barnyard animals were mixed in with it grew fainter as she continued
running at top speed through the complex.
Really, not that many people have female dogs in their family tree.
Which was why he included barnyard animals.
was the size of a large cavern. Instead of a floor that she could walk
across, she found herself standing at the edge of a precipice, with the
corridor behind her the only way off the protrusion. Looking over the edge
of the precipice to the bottom thirty feet below, she saw the entire
chamber was covered in a pool of molten lava: the source of the increasing
heat. A series of small, narrow rocks dotting the chamber 'floor' rose a
foot or so above the surface of the lava. From each rock was a thirty foot
bamboo pole sticking upward, one pole to a rock.
Expensive. Rock is pretty hard to melt in any quantity.
Ohh logic. Don't try to use too much of it here: you'll only be hurting
yourself. ^_^
As Mai reached the apex of her leap, right on target with the first bamboo
stalk, a six inch spike of metal shot up from the top of the bamboo.
>From across the chamber, the male ninja bellowed with a deep, sonorous
laugh. "Ha, ha, ha, you're finished now!"
-_- Hasn't this guy ever seen any ninja movies?
It's called 'wishful thinking.'
In response, Mai twisted in mid-air, making her plunge face first towards
the pole instead of feet first. Just as she was poised directly above the
spike, her face no more than six inches away, she lashed out with her
hands
and grabbed onto the portion of the bamboo below the sharpened piece of
metal. It took a great deal of muscle, but she managed to arrest her
decent. By the time she had stopped her falling motion, her face was no
more than three inches away from the point of the spike.
And then, this move having been anticipated, the spike shoots out
another
six inches.
Hehehe. Very tricky. You'd make a good ninja.
"Four minutes and twenty three seconds. That beats the best time for
completing the course by more than thirty seconds. What do you have to say
to that?"
Heh, I kind of expected this.
Yep, the deception ploy we writers often use to try to throw the savvy
reader off the track.
"ARGHHH!"
"Oh, that's right. That was your record, Granduncle," Mai said in all
sincerity, then placed the stopwatch back in her outfit. She began
laughing
and giggling, just like a five year old that had been told she'd been
given
a lifetime supply of A.M. Phetamine's 'Hyper Concentrated Pure Sugar
Sticks'.
TM. And they taste like crap.
But you're so high from the sugar rush, you could drink battery acid like
it was ginger ale and wouldn't be able to tell the difference.
"What are you talking abOWW!" Mai shouted in pain as two other figures
landed on her back, causing all three to end up in a tangle of twisted
limbs. Little mews and feminine cries of pain began to emanate from all
three of the figures.
Hehheh. Didn't see this one.
Ah, good.
It took Takeo a moment to regain control of his emotions. He carefully
examined each of the girls. Mai, Tai, and *shudder* Bobbie Joe (oh how he
loathed his idiot niece for giving the girl that stupid gaijin name.) At
least everyone just called her B.J., but even then, that led to some
pretty
vulgar jokes for which she would continually beat people up.
Vulgar jokes? Do tell, that's a new one for me. My Mom's nickname is
BJ.
I can't tell you right out, but it has to do with oral s...e...x.
Her sister, Tai, was exactly the opposite. The girl was voluptuous, with
enormous breasts that she insisted on showing off as much and as often as
she could.
So enduring her was more a matter of testicular fortitude?
Heh. Yes. Actually it is. Takeo mentions it later.
To that end she tended to wear very risqu� clothing. Today she
was wearing a bright pink outfit that consisted of only a couple of strips
of cloth that reached up from the waist of her outfit, over her breasts
(covering only about half of them at that) and attached to a collar she
wore around her neck. Her back was completely bare, and she wore only a
tiny skirt that barely made it to the bottom of her rear end. Virtually
all
of her clothing was the same way. That, combined with her tendency to use
high leap kicks while wearing only lacy thong underwear, had resulted in
her being able to string together a record of twenty five knockouts on
Takeo's male ninja students; an unsurpassed string of victories.
Ah, but worth it.
Depends on how horny you are, I guess.
As concerned as Tai was about her beauty, and men, she also tended to be
the high strung one, ready to panic at a moment's notice. Likewise she had
some of the oddest combat tactics of any ninja Takeo had ever taught. The
idea of sacrificing her sisters' bodies for the sake of a fight was
something Tai tended to employ without hesitation. To this end she had
come
up with a whole fighting style that entailed the use of her comrades as
weapons in a variety of moves that, while causing great damage to enemy,
also tended to leave the other two girls the worse for wear.
And she's not considered the smart one?
I guess from that viewpoint she might be.
Now, Tai stood before Takeo, chest thrust forward and somehow jiggling
despite the rest of her body remaining motionless.
Secret ninja technique. Hide in jello.
It's the one thing she can blend effortlessly in. ^_^
knew where, she could grab any one of a number of outfits from her own
gaudy garb, and the appropriate wig and make-up, to make her look like
almost anyone else within a flash. She was capable of even mimicking both
tone and accent in a person's voice to a degree that astounded even her
granduncle, and she could to it after only hearing a person speak one
time.
However, her choice of primary weapon was something that simply confounded
Takeo's sensibilities. Still, in spite of what one would assume from such
a
small girl, she was able to use it supremely well. It was just so...
unseemly for a ninja to use such an inappropriate weapon.
Of course, making us want to know what it is. Probably a zanbatou or
something.
I think it is going to be revealed in the next part.
It had proven to be the worst mistake of his life.
Aww, but they're -family-.
All the more reason to reject them. :P
Common sense was a skill none of them had mastered. They constantly made
basic mental errors, glaring mistakes that even neophytes would know
better
than to do. Yet as time progressed, they continued to botch things up in
some way, though managing to pass all of their courses at the same time.
By
now he had given up hope on trying to make them fail altogether, and was
content to try to get them to think. But an entire year had passed and no
matter how hard Takeo tried, they were still just as stupid as they were
the day they first arrived at the school.
Making people think is damn near impossible.
Sad but true.
But there was one last hope. Something special he had added just to their
curriculum which, if they failed, would set them back at least a couple of
months. And then maybe he could come up with something, some technique,
that would get them to start using their heads.
Or maybe they would die. Either way it meant he would come out a winner.
Forgot the most likely outcome. They win. He's screwed.
Wishful thinking on his part again. ^_^
Spinning on his heel, Takeo turned his back to the girls. They were going
to be so disappointed when they found out they had not really graduated.
He
could just feel the concern over his lack of congratulations pour off them
in waves.
"Yawn. That whole obstacle course was like something out of a low budget
Indiana Jones flick."
"Ewww. The heat from the lava made my mascara run."
o/~ Every time we kiss, it's lava, hot lava... o/~
Heh
"I think I need more sequins on my outfit. I'm not glittery enough."
"WOULD YOU IDIOTS AT LEAST PRETEND THAT THE OBSTACLE COURSE WAS TOUGH?! IS
THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!!!" Takeo shouted as his battle aura partially
melted
some of the stone he was standing on.
Oh, nevermind. Cheap lava.
Very.
"Gee, would it have anything to do with us going to the Nerima Museum of
History to steal the Sacred Urn of CaoPatty?" Tai asked as she filed her
nails.
I'd expect them to bitch a little about having to retrieve a cow
patty.
Ah, and here I was afraid the pun had gone over everyone's heads. Thanks
for restoring my faith in myself.
"It was easy," Mai shrugged. "There were just a few dozen simple
anti-ninja
and magical traps. Completely predictable. It took us about three minutes
to get past all of them."
More enthusiasm than intelligence was used in the construction of the
traps. ^_^
Nah. They're just that good.
"GAK!" Takeo swore he felt a brain embolism coming on.
"Well, I didn't think it was all that simple," Tai said. "There was one
trap in particular that was nasty and very well concealed."
Here it comes.
Of course.
"There was?" Takeo gasped, feeling some shred of his dignity return.
"Yep. I chipped a nail on the edge of the desk. Very tricky, making the
edge of your desk extra long so that people will chip their nails on it. I
had to get a fake nail to take its place and everything. Very
inconvenient."
Thought so. -_-
yep.
Takeo's eyebrow began to twitch violently again. "You do understand that
you're ninjas. Masters of stealth, assassination, and thanks to the
recession, thieves as well?"
All three of the girls looked at him, bewildered. Mai slowly said, "Uh,
yeah."
"Then why would you tell the museum that you were coming to steal their
urn
when the whole point of the exercise is to sneak in and grab it without
alerting anyone?"
The girls thought about that. As one they said, "Oops."
Heh.
Typical of them, sadly.
Takeo began bashing his head into the ground and didn't stop until he was
unconscious.
Yeah. There was nothing I could do, so I took a nap.
I usually beat my head into blunt objects when I get that frustrated. A
concussion can put everything in perspective.
"So you see, we need martial artists to prevent the theft of the urn.
Against ninjas, high-tech, sophisticated expensive alarms that have really
flashy lights and go 'awooga, awooga,' just aren't going to cut it," Toshi
Takayami explained to the two older men, boy, and two younger girls that
were seated around the dining room table at the Tendou household.
Why don't they use a bunch of tin cans on a string as an alarm system
and
a trap designed by a 10 year old? Against these, I bet it would work just
fine.
Sadly, you're probably right.
"What about your security guards?" Genma asked.
"Their union contract specifically exempts them from having to fight
ninjas."
If I was a security guard in Japan, I'd make sure that was in my
contract
as well.
Same here.
"I see," Soun said, accepting some tea that was offered by Kasumi.
"Then you'll help us?" Takayami asked.
We'll help you with your ninja problem, you help us with our bills.
Takiyami: Fair deal.
"I guess you can come along," Ranma reluctantly agreed. Ninjas did have a
tendency to be a handful, as his fight against Konatsu had proven. But
then
again, Ranma could be a handful as well. Still, he was surprised his
warning senses would have gone off so loudly when he woke up. Three
ninjas,
especially girls, wouldn't be that much of a problem. It could have been
worse. Much worse.
No, nothing is worse than another fiancee. Except maybe two or three.
True. All too true. But do you really think I'd do that to Ranma?
"Damn you, Saotome! How dare you lure Shampoo into danger. Now I'm going
to
have to go along too."
Oh, yes. Now this was exactly the sort of thing that would have given him
the morning jitters.
I still think a permanent addition to the krewe would be worse.
Depends on your defintion of worse. ^_^
Ranma was smarter and knew there wasn't any point in trying to figure how
they all knew to come by at the worst possible moment. Sudden appearances
by people he knew were about par for the course. This was an exceptionally
large batch, surprisingly including the often underutilized Konatsu.
And here you start straining the fourth wall.
I'll bloody well kick the whole thing down on the next go round.
"STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!" Ranma-chan shouted as she turned around and shook
her fist at everyone, trying desperately to get their attention. "Is this
a
fic done by Eric Hallstrom?"
Nope. This totally turned me off. Fourth wall jokes bug me. I'd
suggest removing all this kind of jokes, you're funny enough without them.
But that's just IMO.
I'm afraid they're here to stay. One of the things I wanted to do in
writing something that's only a pure humor fic (lord knows it has no other
redeeming qualities) was to do some fourth wall breaking down. This is by
far the worst part, but it's going to happen I believe three more times in
the remaining amount of the fic, two of which I think will flow better.
However, I'll probably be cutting at least one of the bits, in deference to
your comments. The more I think about it, the more I want to limit the use
of it so that it isn't overused. So your criticism has not fallen on deaf
ears, in spite of how it might appear.
Konatsu again took up his instructional stance. "As I was saying, ninjas
can be..." Konatsu trailed off as he suddenly gave a wide-eyed stare above
Ranma-chan's head and shouted, "Look out! It's a falling barrel of
Nanniichuan!"
And Shampoo doesn't look, so doesn't move, and now you just fused it
with
your other fic.
Heh. Probably not a good idea at this juncture.
"What?! Where? Where?" Ranma-chan's eyes scanned the skies overhead. A
moment later, a fist connected with her mid-section, momentarily knocking
the wind out of her. After taking a second to regain her breath, she
leveled an angry stare at her attacker: Konatsu. "What did you do that
for?!"
You asked for it.
You got that right.
"That was a ninja trick. And a basic one at that," Konatsu said, as though
talking to a four year old child with a lobotomy. "You have to be very
careful. As I said, ninjas are tricky. They might try..." Konatsu trailed
off as he suddenly stared above Ranma-chan's head and shouted, "Look out!
It's a falling Dojo Destroyer!"
"Yeah, right," Ranma-chan smirked. "Like I'm going to fall for that one
again."
Heh.
Yep. Couldn't have telegraphed it any clearer than if I came to your home
and swatted you with a mackeral.
Konatsu crossed his arms and smiled satisfactorily. "I see that you have
indeed learned-"
A falling Dojo Destroyer landed directly on Ranma-chan's head.
"-absolutely nothing," Konatsu finished. "You see, I knew you would have
Hehe.
Thanks.
With a grunt of exertion the redhead pried herself out of the ground and
stared evilly at the large man. "What the hell were you doing falling out
of the sky and landing on me?!"
"I couldn't very well fall up, now could I?" the Dojo Destroyer retorted.
This is cute.
Ah, good. Some people thought it was distracting, but I liked DD's speech
myself.
"Uh, well," Ranma-chan said hesitantly.
The Dojo Destroyer continued. "I mean, there I'd be, breaking the very
laws
of gravity. And then there's the whole problem with falling upwards and
ending up in the upper atmosphere. There's no oxygen to breathe up there,
you know?"
Poor Ranma.
What's that supposed to mean? It's not like he was plummeting through the
skies. ^_^
The Dojo Destroyer became indignant. "Hard on you? How do you think I
felt?
I was the one doing the falling, and your head's none too soft. The next
thing you know, you'd probably be expecting me to break the laws of
inertia
too, and all because you hurt your head. Screw the natural order. Ranma
Saotome doesn't want to take a tiny little bump, so it doesn't matter how
many laws of the universe you break, just so long as he can have his own
way."
The sad thing is, this works in almost every situation. Verbally
attack
someone and they go on the defensive. They can't attack you then.
True. The key is in not responding to the jibes and imply that by attacking
you, the other person is admitting guilt. You then ignore further attempts
at deflecting the issue and declare yourself the victor.
Konatsu gave a sad shake of his head. "I think I'll use someone else.
Someone who's nicer." he emphasized the last word, then moved over to
Mousse. "Would you like to help me?"
"Of course, unlike some people, I wouldn't complain about a Dojo Destroyer
falling on my head." Mousse shot Ranma-chan a dirty look, which earned one
right back from the redhead.
Ranma finally lost a battle. The stupidity battle.
But given how competitive Ranma is, would he accept a loss even in that?
"Take off your glasses," Konatsu instructed.
"Sure." Mousse did as he was told. Konatsu flicked his wrist, producing a
can of mace from the sleeves of his ninja outfit, and proceeded to spray
some in Mousse's eyes. The effect was instantaneous as Mousse began
running
around screaming, "Ahhh! I'm blind! I'm blind!"
He can see he's going blind.
He's an astute guy.
"Oh, right," Mousse said calmly as he stopped running around.
A Dojo Destroyer fell on him.
But true to his word, he didn't complain.
Yep. A stolid man, he is.
"Let's move under this building's overhang," Konatsu said, leading all but
the flattened Mousse to it. "As you can see, ninjas can be very tricky.
Let's move onto another example. Now Shampoo-"
Shampoo immediately punched him in the jaw, flattening him with the blow.
Smart kitty.
Meow.
The others stared at her in surprise. They began to protest the ninja's
treatment at her hands, when Konatsu started to rise, saying, "As you can
see, Shampoo has learned the best defense in not falling for a ninja
trick:
never give them a chance to use one. Now let me-"
A spatula blow to the head cut off the rest of Konatsu's statement. Ukyou
smiled at him and said, "How was that?"
Not bad, but try it again. This time with FEELING.
Heh. If he was a bigger masochist, probably.
Konatsu started to pick himself up again. "Quite good, but you see, the
lesson is-"
Akane kicked him in the gut, winding him and sending him back down. "Wow!
This is easy."
Heh. He did ask for it.
Yep.
"Wait," Konatsu gasped. "The lessons are over. You don't need to hit-"
It's another ninja trick! Hit 'em again!
Hehehehe. I almost wish I had thought of that one. It's very good.
"Thanks a lot for helping us out, Konatsu. I don't know what we'd have
done
without you. You're an okay guy." Ranma-chan slapped the ninja on the
back.
It was a little difficult, since Konatsu's unconscious form was draped
over
Ukyou's back.
Girl, thing, whatever.
Just a cross dresser that's in touch with his femininity. Some girls dig
that touchy-feelie stuff, you know.
"Oh, excuse me," The redhead said in exaggerated tones. "I thought you
wanted to be treated seriously as a martial artist, but if carrying just
one scrawny little ninja is too much for you to handle-"
So now Ranma is a rocket scientist.
Nah. He just has his moments.
gold dominated the entryway. Dark runes etched in a dry, flaky, red
substance marred the surface of the doors. A multitude of gargoyles, all
of
them carved from pure obsidian, their mirrored surfaces shining with an
unholy gleam, stared at the group from their perches along the ledges of
the building Their obscene appearance was an abomination to the senses,
and
gazing at the darkness within them, a veil of endless night that seemed to
stretch into forever, gave the looker the impression that their soul would
be devoured in the pits of Hell for an eternity.
Of course, the effect was nearly, but not totally, ruined by the street
okonomiyaki vendor just off to one side. It took the clown and crowd of
children to really make it silly.
Hehehehe.
"Kawaii," Kodachi moaned, clapping her hand together in girlish delight.
"Brother dear, remind me to purchase one of these delightful statues once
we are finished helping Ranma-sama tonight."
She's asking HIM to remind her? Now I have proof. She's nuts.
Or just exercises poor judgement.
Kunou sighed in the direction of his sister. Ranma-chan opened the door to
the museum, not even bothering to use the demon head door knocker that lay
among the carved bas-reliefs of men, women, and bizarre fusions of both
man
and animal engaged in various positions of carnal lust with one another.
Too bad none of them were art majors. The detailed carvings went
unappreciated.
Heh
"Ha!" Ranma-chan laughed. "I'd sooner be dead then caught in a fuku, and I
think I speak for everyone here when I say that goes for all of us."
"Actually, I think I'd look rather good in a fuku," Konatsu mentioned.
"Okay, everyone but the ninja cross dresser," the redhead corrected.
Heh.
Well, he would. ^_^
"Odd. I could have sworn I felt something drawing me to this location and
assumed it was the right place," the Youma grumbled, feeling hopelessly
embarrassed at the faux pas. "Anyhow, I'm terribly sorry to have troubled
Faux pas? Oh, THERE was where it made the mistake. It should have
taken
a left turn and ended up in Devil's pass.
Hehehe.
you."
Do not say it," Ranma-chan warned. "She hates it when people compare her
to 'that unnamable person'."
"But she looks just like-"
Who? Ami?
Bingo.
"Apology accepted," Akane said to her fallen foe in its last moments of
existence.
Just as Akane was about to give a prayer for its soul, the Youma's eyes
shot back open and it pointed at Ranma-chan, saying, "But that redhead
would make the perfect Sailor Earth."
Delete a blank line here.
Nah. It's supposed to be sort of a scene change thing. You'll note Ranma
magically has warm water when we shift back inside.
Ranma considered that. "Since this is a big museum, and we're going to
have
to deal with multiple opponents, I think we should split up into teams and
cover more ground that way."
-_- It's Scream all over again.
No. It's just nearly impossible to focus attention on nine people in the
same scene. You have to break them up and focus on them in smaller groups.
Really, they aren't going to get picked off one by one. Would I lie to you?
A length of ribbon coiled itself around Ranma's arm. "I'm afraid
Ranma-sama
wouldn't want to associate with two such simple-minded peons. He shall
conduct his search with me at his side."
This is pot. You kettle. You black.
Kodach is not a peon. She's a simple-minded aristocratic
"Ryouga! How contrived... I mean, how convenient," Ranma quickly
corrected.
Moving his head closer to the lost boy, he whispered, "We've got to get
out
of here. I'll explain things as we go."
*sigh* Nail a few boards over that wall.
Actually forgot about that one. LIke I said, won't be as many in upcoming
parts.
Ranma knew if he told Ryouga, the truth, the lost boy would accuse him of
betraying Akane or something else equally stupid. He had to think fast.
"Because if you don't, the odds of me getting hit in the head and acting
like a girl again are good, and guess which guy I'll come onto."
Kuno? *shakes head* Mousse? *shakes head* A self inserted fanboy?
*POW*
Heh.
Konatsu looked at his companions and shrugged. He would rather have joined
Ukyou, but would never voice such a thing. He moved closer to Mousse and
Kunou, then loudly announced to everyone, "Since we're dealing with
kunoichi, they might be dressed like me. Therefore I'm going to tie this
gold ribbon around my arm so you'll know it's me instead of one of the
enemy."
Oh, how lovely! And look at the way it accentuates his eyes just so...
Now you sound like B.J.
The hunt was finally on.
Interesting, very few grammer/spelling errors, and was good for a
chuckle.
Excellent. That was what I was going for.
We've already seen I'm not fond of some of the jokes, but hey.
It's up to you as always. Waiting for the next one.
Still got to revise the next part and send it to the prereaders. Been busy
again. Hoping to get it out by next week sometime.
Thanks a lot for the extensive (and public) commentary. It's greatly
appreciated.
D.B. Sommer