This isn't my normal C&C, just a few comments.
I was disappointed by this chapter. Of course, it's all your
fault. ^_^ Your previous parts have all been been an
interesting an insightful perspective of what could have been
for Usagi.
You've had a logical progression in previous parts, addressing
Soban's relationship with each Senshi in turn. Now Mamoru and
Luna have shown up (however briefly), and Soban gets her
transformation wand.
It's the obvious time to see Soban's transformation. I was
eagerly awaiting what would happen.
But what will it be? Transform into a pretty soldier? I
doubted that from the start. After all, she gave up all her
light; she simply isn't magical girl material. Maybe she
wouldn't be able to transform at all.
So what did happen? I DON'T KNOW! I have absolutely no idea
what the heck happened. What's with the transfomation wand being
intelligent, and references to various ages and impurities and
stuff?
Huh?
It felt like all the previous parts built up to this, but nothing
happened. Or something monumentous happened, but I completely
missed it. Either way, I feel cheated. :p
As for the Blue Seed elements, I can deal with them being an
important part of the plot, but then why hasn't they shown up
before now?
It might be a good idea to go back to the previous parts and
retroactively add Blue Seed references, otherwise, their sudden
introduction into this part looks completely arbitrary.
(It isn't helped by the You're Under Arrest! cammeo also in
this chapter, which *was* completely arbitrary! ^_^)
One last comment.
I don't know if it was your intent in this part, but the role playing
game really clarified some things for me. Soban neatly and effiently
pointed out how the Sailor Scouts were screwed. I have the feeling
that some people might take that as affirmation that the original Sailor
Scouts were weak, and should have learned how to really fight, or use
tactic. Maybe Soban will help them kick ass!
But then I realized something. Maybe the original Usagi realized it was
a lost cause, realized that fighting was futile. That's why she broke
the rules. Instead of fighting them, she loved her enemies. Ultimately,
that was how the Scouts were able to succeed.
Which begs the question, will this Soban, who's given up her light,
ever really be able to succeed? She may gain power, and is better
suited to protect her friends. But what about protecting her ememies?
;)
Still looking forward to more,
Doug
----
Douglas MacDougall "You were nicer when you were evil.
http://www.dougmacd.net Cuter, too. Definitely more sexy!"