On Thu, 20 Apr 2000, Carly -chan wrote:
Right on, a well-done Ranma/Hana Yori Dango x-over. :)
For the most part, this is really good. My major quibbles would be that it
follows Hana Yori Dango almost to the letter. The main divergence point is
that Ranma and Akane are still martial artists.
Also, is Akane wearing some sort of disguise? The girl in HYD (don't
remember her name at the moment) had her hair in braids in a conservative
style. Guys obviously noticed Akane pretty much regardless of her hair
style. Perhaps something about how it was known that she wasn't rich and
wouldn't give out?
I'm now wondering if during key romantic points, Ranma will let his hair
flow free out from his pigtail. ;) He is also going to be slightly more
refined, but every bit as arrogant. And is Ryoga going to be the
transfering friend? I was wondering why he wasn't in the F4. Interesting
how you included Tofu, many of the characters actually fit rather well
into Hana Yori Dango. I really enjoyed the short Sayuri scene, it was one
of the first parts that were really distinctive from either series.
Overall, I saw a few tab problems and some slightly awkward sentences, but
nothing really glaring.
"Don't you have anything better to do than strike a girl who obviously can't
defend herself?! You guys think you run the school just because you have
money! You make me sick!!" She all but screamed.
Ranma eyed the girl over. He didn't know her, but was very glad she had
said what she had. It was time to have some fun at this school again.
Yay, so the fun begins. :) I actually don't think the latter two sentences
are really necessary.
Suggest:
--
Ranma eyed the girl coldly, then turned away.
"Let's go," he said to the three that stood behind him. They obeyed
without a second thought and soon the F4 had left.
--
But I'm a great believer in suspense. :)
Good luck, and I'm excited to see more!
Colleen
--
ODP: http://dmoz.org/profiles/minty.html