WARNING: If you haven't watched all of Escaflowne you might
not want to read this spamfic as it gives away a few spoilers from
the end of the series. If you don't mind, then read away but if you
do, stop now! End warning.
The Crossdimensional Adventures of Escaflowne:
A Really Idiotic X-Over Spamfic
By: Dreiser
EPISODE ONE: Beams of Light.
SCENE: The kingdom of Fanelia. Its king, Van Fanel, stands in
the woods by his brother, Folken's, grave. Next to him is a very
dirty looking and inactive Escaflowne. Van holds the pendant
Kanzaki Hitome just gave him in one hand and the dragon energist
in the other.
VAN: (Looks at pendant. Frowns.) The love of my life is gone
and all she left me is this stupid pendant. (Stares at it some more.
Twitches.) Stupid... pendant... (Keeps staring at the pendant.
Twitches even more.) Must... destroy...
(Suddenly out of nowhere the patented Escaflowne freaky
operatic music begins play. You know the one, where it has an
orchestra in the background and singers just repeat the word
'Escaflowne' over and over in creepy tones. It's the song that
always signals that it's time for Van to kick ass.)
VAN: (Twitching at extreme levels.) My music... it's playing I
know what I must do. Must... kill... something...
(The freaky Escaflowne music gets even louder.)
VAN: (Whirls around to face Escaflowne.) I know! I'll use this
stupid pendant to visit Hitome then ask her why she left me with
just this stupid pendant! She could've been my Queen! Queen!!
(Van shoves the dragon energist into his Guymelef. It comes to life
and stands up. Van hops inside it as he laughs madly.) Now I just
need a big beam of light to transport me to her! (Pendant begins to
glow.) That's right, you stupid pendant! Glow! Glow!! Take me to
Hitome so I can ask her why I got this crappy souvenir!
(With no further ado, Van and Escaflowne disappear in a big blue
beam of light. Oh, and that freaky opera music finally stops
playing.)
SCENE: Earth. A groovy place. Kanzaki Hitome is running
around in circles as people on the track team tend to do. Sounds
boring doesn't it? It probably is.
HITOME: (Running in circles. Huffs.) I... feel... like a hamster... in
a giant track... wheel...
(Suddenly Hitome has one of her every present weirdo visions as
she keeps running like the hamster she is.)
HITOME: (Running in circles. Huffs as her eyes get wide and
freaked out like they do every time she has a vision.) Van! He's
using my pendant for evil! (Pauses.) Or he's just using it! (Huffs
some more.) I must... warn him about the use of frequent big blue
beams of light miles running out...
(With that, Hitome disappears in a big blue beam of light as the
other members of the track team don't notice. Or if they do, they
just don't care because it's happened so many times that it's now
just a normal occurrence to them.)
SCENE: The kingdom of Fanelia. Merle is on one of the
reconstructed roofs of one of the many rebuilt building in the city.
She is wailing at the Mystic Moon in sorrow.
MERLE: (Wailing. Or a wail-meow.) VAN-SAMA!!!!!!
RANDOM CITIZEN: (Stares at Merle. Winces.) Why does this
always happen when Van-sama disappears in a big blue beam of
light? It's annoying.
RANDOM CITIZEN #34: (Stares at Merle.) What do you
mean? He's only disappeared like this once before.
RANDOM CITIZEN: (Stares at Merle who is now running
around on the roof in circles wail-meowing even louder. He plugs
up his ears.) Yeah, but once is enough.
RANDOM CITIZEN #125: (Blinks.) Hey! With Van-sama gone
who's going to be the King of Fanelia?
(All the random citizens stare at one another before a huge fight
breaks out and the cries of 'I'm the King' are heard.)
SCENE: The kingdom of Asturia. A random field where the
ultimate mack of all Knights Caeli, Allen Schezar, stands watching
Dilandau Albatou, who is wearing a frilly pink dress, run around
squashing bugs with certain glee.
ALLEN: (Watches Dilandau. Sighs.) Well... at least he's helping us
out with our insect population problem.
(Suddenly, a big blue beam of light is seen. Allen sees it because,
well, it's there. Dilandau keeps squashing bugs.)
ALLEN: (Stares at big blue beam of light.) What the...? I thought
that Hitome already left so who on Gaea could be disappearing in
big blue beams of light?
DILANDAU: (Stops squashing bugs for a second. Looks at his
big brother.) Van, of course! (Squashes another bug with certain
glee as his eyes get weird and bright purple as they always do
when he talks about Van.) He has Hitome's pendant now and it
produces those big blue beams.
ALLEN: (Muses.) So if Van is producing that big blue beam of
light then that must mean he's left Gaea just like Hitome. Which
further means Fanelia is without a King and a clear line of defense.
(He turns to face Dilandau.) Sister! You know what I must do
now, don't you?!
DILANDAU: (Sighs heavily.) Rescue the weak and downtrodden
as well as mack on comely blonde chicks.
ALLEN: (Forms a gallant smile. Exclaims.) Of course! (He turns
around to face his group of men who appear out of nowhere.)
Men! Ready my ship and the Scherazade!
MEN: (Heave a huge sigh.) Yes, boss.
DILANDAU: (Coughs loudly and folds his arms across his chest
while he frowns.) And what about me?
ALLEN: (Looks to Dilandau.) Oh, yes. That's right. (He turns
back to his men.) Ready my sister's red Guymelef as well! She will
fight by my side in battle! Right, Sister?
DILANDAU: (Adjusting his frilly pink dress.) Whatever.
ALLEN: (Laughs gallantly as he looks into the sunset which
appears out of nowhere.) Yes, it's good to be alive!
(As Allen continues to laugh gallantly while looking into the sunset
the scene fades to black.)
To be continued...
All characters in this spamfiction are from Escaflowne. As the
series goes on more characters from other series will appear and
I'll list where they come from to try and avoid confusion that I'm
sure will occur anyway. Like Scenes From An Elevator this is a
nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when
extremely bored. I'll continue to write this series when I'm
extremely bored because sometimes I just feel like being silly. In
other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun.
Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com
The not so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next time?! Will
Van end up on the Mystic Moon, I mean Earth, and find Hitome?!
Just which random citizen will become the new King of Fanelia?!
And is Allen really the ultimate mack of the Knights Caeli?! Stay
tuned!
Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780
Thanks to Red Death all of my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm
A RANDOM ANIME DEFINITION:
Dirty Pair event: (noun)
Any incredibly destructive and casualty causing event which is no
one's fault in particular.
Ex: "Due to a minor Dirty Pair event, Southern China is now
mostly uninhabitable."
Juri Rules All.
Bunnies are quite
dangerous at times.
Yurika is perky.
-Quotes from me-