Typicalbug@aol.com wrote:
Mizuno Ami sighed and leaned against a wall. It was Thursday evening, and the Senshi were in the midst of a business meeting. It wasn't so much business that they hadn't spent the first hour grilling her about her date though. No detail had been left untouched; no moment was
ignored.
"Well, now that we're done with the important stuff, let's talk about this new guy." Usagi clearly considered this minor as compared to Ami's
love life.
~gotta love the ever down to earth Senshi.
Of course.
"Oh yes. We will take him out," Minako muttered darkly, to low for anyone else to hear.
~cue ominous lightening and thunder
Whatever do you mean? <innocent blink>
They got their chance less than a week later. Makoto, on the way home from a grocery store, had seen Pearl assaulting a crowd of people in an open air mall. While he was doing the drain your energy bit, she had
transformed and called the others. Makoto knew that by herself she was as good as dead against him, but she had to try and delay him. Besides, she could not just let him hurt these innocent people.
~this sounds like a news casting, it makes the reader ~step back a little in my opinion, don't know if you ~want that or not, just an observation.
Not quite sure how else I'd put it.
She was almost died when a stone she landed on broke. Tumbling to the ground in a pile, the Senshi of Jupiter had looked up in time to see Pearl preparing a blast that would no doubt end her life.
~either 'she almost died' or 'she was almost dead'
Um... she had mad skills was able to almost do both?
The fight really got going after that. Pearl, as Mercury had predicted, was not nearly as powerful as the Senshi combined. One on one, he outmatched them easily. Five on one, the outcome was almost certain. It
was not in Pearl's favor either.
~hm, i'd assumed Jupiter would be out for the count.
She's all right due to the intervention of her friends.
It might of ended there. The Senshi might have won relatively painlessly and simply. An evil man would have been forever wiped from the face of Earth, to be the bane of honest men nevermore. There would have been a happy ending.
Psshhah. As if.
~no, they could never get that lucky, espically not ~with you as the author.
Why do people keep implying I'm a sadist?
But didn't I just say that wasn't in the cards? Would I lie to you?
~it's possiable, but again, the Senhi just wouldn't be ~that lucky.
They might be. They're not, but they might be.
A moment before the polychromatic death knell smashed into Pearl, a man appeared in front of him. The energy collided with the newcomer's chest and for a moment he was wreathed in a glow resembling St. Elmo's fire.
~good movie
Haven't seen it.
The other Senshi were also horrified at what they had done. Was the blood of an innocent man on their hands? Were they, supposedly the heroines, now common murders?
Then the melted man began to flow back together.
~oh God, run away. run faster, much, much faster.
But why? He's just a guy, right?
Slowly the pool of silvery liquid collected itself. It congealed like an ice cube melts in reverse, were the ice cube six feet tall and made from polished steel. It resolved itself into a vaguely erect shape.
Still mostly formless, it possessed a mirror like exterior.
In unison the Senshi blinked.
~now that takes talent
They had it in spades.
The vertical puddle seethed for a second before refining itself. Loosing it's vaguely phallic appearance, it manifested a human shape and
features. Then, like someone had abruptly thrown a switch, color raced across the surface if it. Before the Senshi stood the man they had just thought dead, completely healed and in, to all outward appearances,
perfect health.
The Senshi blinked again. Twice.
~no, don't blink, run. your author is a sick sadist and ~life will really suck any second now.
who? Me? <second innocent blink>
The man stared back at them, eyes cold and hard. For a long moment they stared at each other across the broken concrete as a bitter wind sprang from nowhere. It seized pieces of waste and whipped them into a circle, redistributing everything on the ground again a moment later.
~what, no tumbleweed?
There was western music in the background. Will that serve?
The Senshi scattered. Whatever mysterious source of wisdom speaks to girls fighting for their lives hinted rather strongly that this was not
someone to be taken lightly. As the girls darted in five different directions, the man ran through the middle of them, hands swinging to the sides, desperate to catch someone as they moved from his way. He did
not succeed.
~hm, they hit him, all at the same time, with ~everything they had. all he does is simply ooze back ~together. i'm sure had nothing to do with their
~reaction what so ever.
Well, in and of itself, his reformation wasn't too dangerous. He might
be only able to do it once or so as far as the Senshi know.
But her attacker cheated. Instead of climbing over the fence, he just walked through it. The bars seemed to melt through his skin as they flowed past him without resistance. In the time it took Venus to take a
staggering step backwards, the man was before her.
"Uh oh," Venus commented.
~now there's an understatement
I'll give you that.
Then the obligatory last minute save came in. Tuxedo Kamen had previously been uncertain as to whether or not his contract included Venus specifically. He usually just did the rose thing when Moon was about to die. Still, he figured it would be just a friendly favor. So the rose whisked through the air and impaled the blade, knocking it aside and away from Venus' face.
~aw, isn't he sweet?
He's supposed to be.
"No, no, no. You need to be more assertive."
~could it be??
Possibly.
"Now kick his ass!" Tuxedo Kamen did not really like this guy succeeding where he had failed, but at least he offered the required words of encouragement. Well, they were something like encouragement.
~i think it is!
It's a definate possibility.
"Um...right." The Senshi paused in indecision for a moment before all coming to the same decision simultaneously. At some unknown signal, they
all released their magical attacks, slamming the strange man with the energy of love and justice.
He melted again.
Then someone smacked Mars across the back with a stop sign.
~ah crap...
Yep.
Discarding the bent stop sign, the huge, bulky figure walked towards them with measured tread. Dark hair, dark clothing obviously scavenged from a dumpster, blank expression, everything was the same.
The Senshi, frozen in shock, could only stare at him like deer in the headlights. He had plagued their nightmares, terrified them when they went to bed, and been lurking around the unseen corners of fear. The
single most sinister, vicious, most horrifying opponent they had ever met. And now he was back.
Someone emptying the last of a magazine into the machine's chest shook them out of their shock. The tall man staggered for a second but righted himself a moment later.
The break was all the Senshi needed though. They came out of their shock and instantly decided that a strategic retreat was called for. Moon lifted Mars to her shoulders, and they ran.
~i think you really, really want to see them all die.
Already killed them all in the last fic, some of them twice. It would be
like beating a deat horse.
~sigh, here we go again. poor Senshi. i like the way ~this had turned out so far, though i think the other ~chapter three had a lot going for it too. i look ~forward to reading what comes next from both of your ~series.
The other chapter may hit the list eventually, there's a definate
possibility. It didn't fit the flavor of the rest of the story though.
~oh ya, happy 1&1/2.
And to you.
Thanks muchly.