Pleasepostpleasepostpleasepost!
At 09:55 PM 4/24/2000 -0700, you wrote:
All comments strictly my opinion, and offered in good spirit.
Of course!
Dead Butch part 1
A Ranma 1/2 fic by Michelle Thatcher
***
I know I wouldn't be the first to comment on it, but life
can be a real bitch sometimes.
Okay, not everyone has discovered this fact for themselves
yet. There are still some starry eyed sixteen-year olds out
starry-eyed sixteen-year-olds
Right. Will change this and other typos and gleebs pointed out, thanks.
there who believe their lives'll turn out exactly the way they
plan them. They'll meet a nice girl, they'll fight with her for
a while, they'll have some other friends to fight with too for a
couple more years, but eventually they'll marry the girl and
maybe not fight as much and be happy and definitely *not* get
themselves or their friends stuck as a girl or a duck or, god
forbid, a pig for the rest of their lives. They'll have a damn
house and some damn kids and a damn fairy tale life with their
family and their friends ... and the girl ... most definitely the
girl ... 'cause it's only fair, right? It's only fair after
everything they've done for her.
{OK, right here was where I was hooked. I don't know why, and I wish I
did, 'cause I'd like to be able to do that myself. :) It's clearly Ranma
himself... er, herself... but what's he upset about? Reading on...}
I mean, why let the bitch win? Why let her defeat you
completely? That one or the other one.
{"other one"? *piku* This is also very Ranma, though; down, perhaps, but
not out.}
That's what I'm going for. The basis of this fic, in fact.
And you said goodbye to your father six years ago, 'cause
you just knew you'd have cracked his stupid bald skull wide open
if you had to see that disgusting defeated look in his eyes
another minute.
{hmm. I guess Genma wasn't stuck in his cursed form with the others,
then... interesting.}
Yes. Just Ranma, Ryouga, Mousse, and for the sake of poetic justice, Herb.
More on this later.
And the last time you saw A- -
- the last time you saw -
...
{Oh dear.}
Now I ain't saying it's easy. You make rules for yourself.
You tell yourself it's gonna get better. You don't let yourself
think about ... the things that it's too hard to think about. It
ain't easy. It's *life*
*life*.
So one day I was on a training trip. There's still nothing
like a little open space and the art to give a guy some peace of
mind. I mean, at the risk of sounding like some dumb greeting
card, even when you *are* all alone in the world and have someone
else's girl-type body and no hope of ever finding anything like
true love or even someone who'll *believe* you when you tell them
why you don't like guys *or* girls, there *are* still things in
the world that are good, or worth doing, or worth seeing, or
worth protecting.
{This fic really needs HTML so you can use bold or italic, I see. :) I
stumbled over the past tenses, though; up until now it's like Ranma is
making with the monologue, and that's fine, but when he starts into
telling the story, I can't tell whether he's telling it to me afterwards
(which would require past tense) or we're along for the ride (present
tense) or Ranma doesn't give a damn about tense... I'll assume present
tense is what you had in mind but that some past tense crept in, but I'm
prepared to be mistaken. :)}
Just rough narrative style. Ultimately it'll be looking back, but the
audience is so hypothetical as to be mostly Ranma-internal. Does that make
any sense?
So anyway, one day there I was in the mountains and I just
So anyway, here I am
found this mostly clean lake and decided to maybe spend a couple
find {...} decide
Will consider.
The feeling's gone by the time we get back. So's what's
left of the food. But the really weird thing is that now all my
dishes and the pans I carry with me have been washed and dried
and stacked neatly. Mystery solved, then. Just some poor honest
shy martial artist type
{It's Konatsu, isn't it?}
Aw, geeze. Can't fool you, can I? ;)
Now, I know that sleep is important for relaxing the body
and resting the spirit and yada yada yada. I got the concept.
I've never really been very big on sleep, though.
{Really? In the manga, he seemed to be an enthusiastic sleeper...
certainly a very sound sleeper. :) But he might not admit it, of
course.}
Well, from my observations he seems to be having good dreams in the manga,
but, to the best of my recollection he's never exactly eager to go to sleep.
I haven't read all the manga yet, though.
convince *anybody* that I really am over twenty-one. I mean, I
ain't exactly a debutante, but even after all this time,
<*piku* again. I wonder how long?}
I think he's about 25 or 26 here. Not sure yet.
I don't
look a day over fifteen and three quarters. Damn spring. Not
bad enough I get an involuntary sex change barely outta the
puberty gate, I also apparently get to look like I belong in the
cast of Sailor Moon for the rest of my life. Ain't that swell?
{That's one word for it. :) }
^-^
Anyway, my suspicions are more or less confirmed when I get
close enough to see the sign above the entrance. 'Sexy Kunoichi
Tea Shop' in cheesy neon.
{It IS Konatsu! Well, probably. :) Hmm, he'd be a bit older, just like
Ranma... I surmise that the point of divergence of this tale is before
v35 of the manga, then. Wonder what went wrong...}
Yup. Right again. I'll probably be posting an official point of divergence
and resulting differences kinda thing on my page about the same time as part
two for the technically minded reader.
{Rats. What a place to stop. :) }
Don't worry. More soon.
****************************
Any comments and questions are really really welcome. This is very
different from any story I've written in the past so I'm very interested in
finding out what people think. :)
I think I want you to write more of this. No, I'm sure I want you to
write more of this. :) What most appeals to me about it is the way the
voice rings so true: it's Ranma, battered a bit by life, somewhat
embittered, but still optimistic underneath.
Another thing is the polished economy of the text, the way words are
laden with a freight of meaning; some of that comes from context, of
course, but it's still an amazing amount of story packed into a mere 15K.
I usually try to snip more when sending C&C, but it hurt to snip... sorry. :)
Thanks for reading!
Thanks for writing and sharing!
Vince Seifert Fanfic Analyst FFIRC Frog
Prime: seifertv@csus.edu
Backup: seifertv@myrealbox.com
Techie: http://webpages.csus.edu/~seifertv/
Fanfic: http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/toth/
Ideas are worth their weight in gold.
I'm really glad you enjoyed it, Vince.
I'll be even gladder if my posts'll actually go through now, but... ^^;
Anyway, thanks for the comments and encouragement! I'll try not to lag too
badly on this one.
Michelle Thatcher misha@cybergal.com
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Reality-ometer: [\........] Hmmph! Thought so...
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http://www.akane.org/michelle