Many thanks to Kenko for his insight into this fic, and giving me so
many good ideas. I may not be as funny as he is, but I hope you all enjoy
this anyway.
==============================================
Knight Rider: A shadowy flight, into the world of a young loner and
his crusade to protect the innocent, the weak, and the helpless. One man in
a dangerous world of criminals who operate above the law. A man who does not
exist, and a car unlike any other.
===========================================
Ranma 1/2: Knight Rider 1/2
A Knight Out Of Water
===========================================
"Ranma, you're going too fast!" AKANE exclaimed as he approached the
curve.
"Don't worry, AKANE, I've got it." Ranma gripped the handles
tighter, sweat forming on his brow as he screamed closer to the turn.
"Ranma, listen to me, you won't make it! Slow down!"
"An' I'm tellin ya I got it!"
"Your chances of survival are .04 percent!"
"AKANE, never tell me the odds." Ranma cranked the handles hard to
the left, tires screaming as he raced into the curve. He fought for control
as the rear wheels slid around to the right, carrying the front end along
for the ride.
"C'mon, c'mon..." the squat brick home loomed up from out of nowhere
barely a second before he slammed into the side of it, the car erupting in a
ball of flames.
"I told you," AKANE said smugly as Ranma threw down the joypad. He
glared at the flashing "GAME OVER" screen on her monitor, the words almost
seeming to say "You sucked! Nya-nyah!"
"These videogames are a waste of time, if ya ask me," Ranma growled
as he shifted in the seat. The countryside raced past outside AKANE's
windows, evergreen and fir trees lining both sides of the long stretch of
asphalt.
"Aw, we both know you just couldn't cut it," AKANE teased, the three
red lines that Ranma had come to know as her mouth... of sorts... rising and
falling with her voice.
"How'd ya like me to pull out your sparkplugs?"
"Temper, temper." Ranma glared at AKANE's displays, a myriad of
digital readouts that he could barely comprehend, and leaned back in the
seat as she continued to pilot herself.
====================================
Man, I hate this, Patrolman Jim Sykes thought to himself as he
polished off another donut. Waiting for speeders was often a boring job, all
he did was sit there for hours on end and clock what few cars passed by.
Hardly any of them ever did more than fifty-five, which made meeting his
daily quota quite problematic.
The sun filtered through the trees, casting slivers of light on the
shadowed ground below. Birdsongs echoed throughout the woods as Jim leaned
back in his seat, casting a glance to his left. Through the trees, he
spotted a black shape approaching, seeming to slice the air as it went.
He reached for his radar gun, aiming it at the oncoming car as it
rode past. With a disappointed breath, he looked at the readout; fifty-five
on the dot. Well, that could be fixed.
Grinning, Jim adjusted the readout, bumping the number up to
seventy. There, that should do nicely. He replaced the radar gun, starting
the engine and ramming the transmission into Drive. The Caprice rocketed out
of its cover, rear wheels spitting a spray of dirt before catching on the
asphalt.
===================================================
"Huh?" Ranma grunted as the wail blasted him from his nap. Startled,
he looked around for the source of the noise before glancing out AKANE's
rear window. A black patrol car hovered close behind, blue lights flashing
as the siren blared its strident call.
"AKANE, you sure you're only doing fifty-five?" he asked in annoyance.
"Of course! Check the readout yourself." Ranma's eyes floated around
AKANE's dash, finding the spedometer locked at the speed limit.
"Maybe you oughtta get that checked," Ranma said as the siren burst
again.
"Are you saying that MY equipment is faulty?" AKANE asked
indignantly. "Anyway, it's probably just some cop trying to reach his quota."
"Yeah, well, bum rap or not, I ain't taking a ticket for YOUR driving."
"I'd love to hear you explain that to the cop back there."
"How far to the state line?"
"Three point four miles."
"Then let's put the hammer down!"
"And what is THAT supposed to mean?!" AKANE shouted.
"Huh? I just meant it was time to hit the gas, okay!"
"Oh... alright..." Ranma merely shrugged his shoulders before
stomping on AKANE's gas pedal. He heard a short tone as the car went from
Auto Cruise to Pursuit, the increased G-forces shoving him back in the seat.
The scenery outside became an indistinct blur as AKANE roared toward the
state line, the patrolman's own car rapidly shrinking in the distance.
Jim Sykes brought his car to a halt as the the black Trans Am began
to vanish into the trees. Unable to believe it, he aimed his radar gun at
the car once more.
What the? The digital readout's numbers were rapidly circulating,
passing two hundred in the space of half a minute and still climbing.
Dumbstruck, Jim continued to stare at the rising numbers until the car went
out of range, dropping the readout back to zero. What the hell had just
happened?
"Man, the guys back at the station won't believe this," he muttered
as he went back to his cover. They'd think he was nuts, or drunk! As he
neared his hiding place, Jim decided that it would be best to keep this to
himself. Heck, maybe he'd been seeing things, yeah, that was it. That car
just didn't pass by, he had been dreaming. Yeah.
===========================================
The trees had thinned out considerably, exposing open grassland as
far as Ranma's eyes could see as he steered AKANE down the now four lane
highway. The sun glinted off her polished black hood, the glare muted by her
tinted windshield.
Ranma kept AKANE in line almost subconsciously, his mind lost in the
euphoria of driving. There was something about driving aimlessly that seemed
to lull him, to wash away the tension of the world as the countryside
blurred past outside the windows. Even his own lack of memory didn't bother
him now.
"Hey, Ranma, why is Nabiki calling us back in?" Ranma glared at the
twin monitors on the outside edge of AKANE's dash as his relaxed state
diminished. Time to get back to work.
" Well, we ain't exactly the best of friends, so I think it's to
brief me on my next assignment. Besides, Ryoga has a few new toys for ya."
"YOUR next assignment?"
"OUR next assignment," Ranma reluctantly growled.
"That's better," AKANE replied, apparently sated.
"For a bunch of circuits, you're real touchy, ya know that?"
"I am *not* touchy!"
"Are too."
"Am not! My systems just function better when we work together!"
"Sure. Okay."
"I'm glad you agree." AKANE said in a somewhat haughty voice. Ranma
continued to stare out the windshield, a sly grin on his face.
"But you're still touchy."
"Ranma, you jerk!" AKANE shouted angrily.
"See?" AKANE fell silent, the hum of her engine the only sound in
the cockpit. Ranma leaned back in the seat once more, inwardly gloating.
Ranma eased into the outside lane as he and AKANE approached the
turnoff to I-95, that would take them directly into Virginia. From there, it
was more or less a straight shot to FLAG's headquarters, and his meeting
with Nabiki. For some strange reason, he felt a lump of dread settle in his gut.
He slowed AKANE down as he eased onto the off-ramp. The road curved
up a small hill to the overpass above, cars rocketing in both directions as
Ranma prepared to merge into the flow of traffic.
"How long before we get to FLAG?" Ranma asked as he pulled into the
merge lane. AKANE remained silent as if she were ignoring him. "AKANE?"
"I'm not speaking to you."
"Aw, c'mon, AKANE, what about all that...."
"RANMA, LOOK OUT!" Ranma felt a jolt of electricity race through him
as he jerked AKANE to the left, narrowly avoiding the burgundy Sports
Utility Vehicle that raced past. He brought the car back on course, glaring
after the retreating car.
"Are we just going to sit here and take that?" AKANE asked.
"Hell no!" Ranma floored the gas pedal, AKANE roaring off like a bat
out of hell. Other cars on the interstate blurred past as Ranma zeroed in on
the burgundy Nissan, drawing closer by the second.
"Guy gets a Pathfinder, and thinks he owns the road," Ranma growled
as he edged closer to its rear bumper.
"That pile of junk isn't half as sleek as I am," AKANE said.
Great, Ranma thought, my car has an ego. The Pathfinder began to
accellerate, weaving between traffic as it tried to lose him. Ranma easily
kept up, keeping directly on its rear.
"AKANE, what else have ya got besides that grappling hook?"
"Where do you want me to start?"
"With somethin' that'll stop this guy!"
"Well, I do have an EMP generator."
"A what?" AKANE let out a noise that Ranma almost thoguht was a
frustrated groan before explaining.
"An electro-magnetic pulse. It'll fry that heap's systems in no time."
"Great, now what do I push?"
"It's right under the Turbo Boost." Glancing at the myriad of
buttons beneath AKANE's "mouth" Ranma spotted the white button with the
letters "EMP" printed in black. With a dubious glance out the winshield, he
pressed it.
He immediately slowed as the Pathfinder's engine died, the SUV
losing speed dramatically. Ranma grinned as he saw the shilouette of the
Pathfinder's driver banging the steering wheel and cursing dramatically.
What do ya know, that thing actually works! The SUV limped into the
breakdown lane, the driver waving his arms angrily as Ranma shot ahead.
"Now do you see what I mean about working together?"
"Yeah, yeah," Ranma reluctantly admitted. Man, if I didn't know
better, I'd swear this car was gloating...
===========================================
Sunlight filtered through the menagerie of pines that flanked the
gravel path leading to the FLAG mansion, slivers of gold dotting the ground
from what managed to pass through the needles. A sparrow's song eched
between the trees, answered by others of its kind in the still peace.
The faint sound of turbines faded in from the distance, growing
closer and closer by the second as an indistinct black shape came into view.
As it grew nearer, a moving red light became visible as it shifted left and
right. The shape became clearer as it approached, a cloud of gravel dust
billowing behind.
Ranma steered AKANE through the pine trees, her speedometer holding
steady at seventy. AKANE had remained silent after the incident with the
Pathfinder, apparently returning to what Ranma came to call her "sulk mode".
Really, how could a car be this much a pain in the ass?
The mansion came suddenly into view as Ranma continued to boil the
road. He slowed to a respectable fifty as he entered the circular drive,
racing around to the path that would lead to Ryoga's lab. He hit the brakes
and cranked the wheel, sending AKANE into a powerslide onto the concrete
drive. Ranma straightened the front wheels, stomping the gas pedal to bring
the car back up to speed.
He raced around the side of the FLAG mansion, following the curving
path as it meandered through the rear gardens dotted with trees and various
other shrubs of many different shapes and sizes. Dogwoods, azaleas, roses,
and others Ranma couldn't identify lent their colors to the otherwise green
and brown landscape
Ranma slowed AKANE to almost a crawl when the door to Ryoga's lab
came into view. The blocky structure resembled a warehouse, two stories of
reflective metal with an enormous sliding door that stood open and ready. He
eased AKANE into the interior of the lab, cutting off her engine as the door
behind shut.
===============================================
Ryoga's laboratory was a cross between a garage and something out of
a science fiction B-movie. Computers and other such scientific equipment
lined walls and tables that seemed to be everywhere, along with tools one
would expect to see in any garage.
Ryoga was standing just beyond AKANE's front bumper, a withering
scowl on his chiseled face. He wore a baggy white jumpsuit in place of his
lab coat, the left breast emblazoned with the Knight Foundation logo.
Ryoga's brown eyes locked on Ranma's, boring into them with fierce intensity.
"Do you have to drive AKANE so damn fast, Ranma?!"
"Hey! I can handle it!"
"What if you get her into a wreck?"
"It."
"Huh?" Ryoga asked, confused.
"It," Ranma explained. "AKANE is an 'it', not a 'she'. We're talkin'
about a CAR, Ryoga, not a girl." Ryoga glared at him for a few moments more
before moving over to AKANE.
"How are you, AKANE?" Ryoga asked in a soft voice. Ranma merely
rolled his eyes.
"I'm functioning normally," AKANE replied, "despite that maniac's
driving."
"Well, I'm going to tune up your parts, and I have some adjustments
to make. I need you to shut down for a while."
"All right." The red light on AKANE's front vanished, a low whine
coming from under her hood as she shut herself off. An army of technicians,
dressed the same as Ryoga, appeared from seemingly out of nowhere as AKANE
was hoisted up by the enormous jack he had parked over. Ranma simply grunted
in disgust. How could one guy be so damn obsessed with a car? Okay, so it
talked. And could deflect bullets. And drive itself. And seemed to have its
own personality. But still... Ranma turned and retreated into the depths of
the lab. He had never seen the place, and figured that a quick look around
couldn't hurt anything.
Racks and shelves filled with various boxes and spare parts lined
the walls and floors of the cavernous lab, workstations occupying the odd
corner or two. For such a high-tech place, it seemed somewhat disorganized.
How did these people get any work done? Multi-colored lines ran across the
floor between the shelves, green, orange, red, and white all leading from
AKANE's work area to different parts of the lab. What was that all about?
Ranma passed the occaisional technician, all dressed in the same
baggy white jumpsuits and carrying clipboards while rushing to or from
wherever. He wondered briefly whether these people were actually robots with
the way they worked. Maybe they were just clones of Ryoga... Nah, that was
just TOO scary. An army of Ryogoids just wasn't a very comforting thought.
He kept walking, meandering through aisle after aisle of stacked
parts when he spotted a black door in the far wall. It drew his eye
immediately, a dark void amidst the featureless gray of the laboratory's
outer walls.
Now, what's this? he thought as he ambled over to the closed door. A
sign painted in glaring crimson adorned the dark wood, declaring that only
authorized personell were allowed beyond. Ranma tested the doorlatch,
finding it securely locked. What could they be keeping back there?
The door burst open, nearly smacking him in the face as a diminutive
lab tech came bustling out. The tech gave a rushed apology as she rushed off
down the nearest corridor with an armful of papers clutched to her chest.
Ranma paid her no mind, catching the door in his hand before it could click
shut again. Hey, he worked for FLAG, so he was authorized, right?
The interior of the room was cast in a much softer light than the
rest of the lab, rows of flourescent lights lining the tile ceiling. Along
the walls were shelves stuffed with things Ranma couldn't identify to save
his life. What was so important about this stuff, anyway? He eased the door
closed behind him, not noticing that the it had failed to latch closed.
Let's see, let's see... nothin but junk! He strolled to the end of
the shelf when he spotted the large case sporting the label "Jusenkyo
Samples". His curiosity piqued, Ranma plucked it off the shelf.
The case was large and bulky, yet surprisingly light. Ranma placed
it down on a clear spot on a nearby metal table wich was otherwise occupied
by parts he couldn't identify. The latches popped easily when Ranma tried
them, the top of the case opening up with a jerk.
The interior of the case was mainly a gray foam cushion, with
several slots cut out of it. In those slots were twelve tubes of clear
liquid, sealed with plastic at each end. Printed above each slot were names
Ranma could barely make out, much less pronounce.
Ranma took out one of the tubes, gazing at the contents with a
rising sense of unease. Something about this stuff really didn't feel right,
but for the life of him he couldn't put his finger on what. He took out a
second tube, holding them both up to the ceiling. The lights from above
shone through the clear liquid as if it were glass. Man, what IS this?
Ryoga walked through the aisles of his laboratory, eyes locked
firmly on the green line beneath his feet. While he may have been blessed
with superiror intellect and, in his humble opinion, amazing strength, his
sense of direction was nothing short of crap. He had discovered that the
first time he had gone to the store for milk while living in California. The
store had been only a block away, and he ended up in Manhattan. That same
sense of direction, or lack thereof, had made his life hell. He could never
find the school on his own, could barely make his way through his own home.
And with his parents gone all the time, things only got worse. Until she came...
Ryoga stopped dead when he saw the door to one of the lab's
restriced areas haning slightly ajar.
Just relax, he told himself, some tech in there probably forgot to
shut it. It's nothing. He decided to check anyway, just to be on the safe
side. Besides, if there was a technician in there, Ryoga would definitely
give him an earful on procedures.
He threw the door open, his best "you better have a damn good reason
for this" look on when he saw Ranma holding two clear tubes above his head,
squinting into them as if looking for something. Ryoga's heart froze in his
chest when his eyes fell on the open case sitting on one of the many
workbenches. What the hell did he think he was doing?
"RANMA!" The pigtailed man spun around at Ryoga's shout, a startled
cry escaping his lips as the two vials were sent flying into the air. Ryoga
charged forward, ice-cold fear coursing through his veins as he raised his
hands in an effort to catch them.
The flourescent lights glinted off the two spinning vials as time
itself slowed to a crawl. Oh, please don't let them break! There was no
telling what was in those things! Ryoga didn't notice Ranma running toward
him, hands raised in the air as if to catch them as well until they
collided. Ryoga hit the floor with a cry just before he felt something hit
his head. A cold, tingling sensation washed over him as he felt... huh?
Ranma opened his eyes, the tingling sensation finally starting to
abade. He groaned as he rubbed the top of his head, feeling the wetness
coating his hair. What was that stuff? Was it poisonous? Was he gonna die?
Ranma climbed to his feet, looking around for Ryoga. He was here
somewhere... Ranma spotted a pile of white mylar on the floor, wiggling as
if something were under it.
A tiny black snout poked out from the bundle, followed by a round
head of the same shade. Ranma's jaw dropped as the piglet crawled out,
oinking furiously. Ranma crouched to his knees to examine it when he finally
noticed that his clothes had gotten baggy. VERY baggy. His jacket hung over
him like a sheet, yet his shirt felt a little tight around the top. Ranma
opened his leather jacket, looking down at... his...
============================================
The peace of the forest surrounding FLAG's headquarters was
shattered as the piercing wail-of-doom ripped through the air. Birds took
flight in a panic, swarming into the sky away from the commotion. Most of
the gardeners looked up from their work, startled by the sudden noise.
"What the hell was that?" asked one of the garden staff.
"That, my friend," another replied, "was the sound of ultimate
suffering." The scream died, and the garden staff went back to work while
keeping a wary eye out for anything strange.
=============================================
Nabiki Tendo sat behind her desk, vainly trying to fight off the
migraine that seemed hell-bent for leather on taking root in her brain. She
kept silent as she rubbed her temples in tiny circles, the words refusing to
take proper form as she tried to put them together.
Come on, Nabiki, think! How could she use this? She stared at the
red-haired girl sitting across from her, a lost and terrified look on her
face, and then to the tiny black piglet sitting in the pet carrier in the
opposite chair. One thing was for certain; Nabiki Tendo had never before
been this pissed off in her entire life. Heads would now roll.
"Ranma," she said slowly, trying desperately not to lose control of
her voice, "I told you to park AKANE in the lab and come DIRECTLY here."
"But..."
"But what?! You go and decide to take the grand tour, and look what
happened!"
"I already looked!"
"And WHAT was that door doing open?!" Nabiki had ordered those
samples destroyed, not left out in the open. Ryoga started oinking
defensively, banging around in his plastic carrier.
"HOW SHOULD I KNOW?!" Ranma shouted in reply. "Maybe some of that
stuff can fix this!"
"Oh, no! I WILL NOT have anyone else screwing around with that! As
of now, the Jusenkyo Samples are under the Knight Foundation's highest
security protocols. NOBODY even goes near it unless I say so!"
"Then say so! I ain't gonna stay this way!"
"Ranma, I didn't say you would." Nabiki said, fighting her rising
temper. She needed time to think, to sort all this out. But now, she had to
placate this idiot who was now more in touch with his feminine side than any
other heterosexual man she knew. "But you have to understand that until we
know more about what those samples are and how they work, I can't take the
risk of someone else being affected."
"Screw this," Ranma growled, rising from her seat with one hand
holding up her now-oversized jeans. "I'm goin' for a drive."
"First, AKANE isn't online yet and secondly, do you think she'd
recognize you?" Ranma stopped in mid-step, sagging deeper into her clothes.
"We have to program her to recognize you in your... present condition. Then
you can continue with your assignment."
"What?" Ranma hisssed as if she couldn't quite believe what she was
hearing. "I... I can't! Not like this!"
"Ranma, like it or not, you are STILL an operative of the Knight
Foundation and FLAG! Just because you're a girl now..."
"I AIN'T A DAMN GIRL!" Nabiki lurched backward at the sudden rage in
Ranma's voice. The red-head's eyes glowed with anger, her face flushed with
heat. "I'M A GUY!"
Not from where I'm sitting, Nabiki silently replied. "Anyway, I
think you should just go cool off for awhile. The adustments and
reprogramming to AKANE are going to take all day now, with Ryoga in his
present state. Go get a shower and meet me back here. I'll have some new
clothes sent up to you."
"I..."
"I don't want to hear it, Ranma!" Nabiki shouted, shooting up from
her seat and pounding the desk. "Get a damn shower and meet me back here!
AND THAT IS AN ORDER!" Ranma continued to match Nabiki's glare with one of
her own, not moving an inch. "If you want help in getting out of this, then
you'd better do what you're told. Do you understand?"
"Yeah." Ranma spat before storming out of the room. The door swung
on its hinges, hanging slightly open from where she neglected to shut it.
"Bwee?"
"Oh, shut up!" Nabiki shouted, grabbing the nearest paperweight and
flinging it at the cage. The thin wire door popped open, Ryoga bursting out
of it and charging directly for the door before she could even open her
mouth to shout.
"As if I don't have enough to worry about," Nabiki groused as she
picked up the telephone reciever. She had better put the grounds staff on
alert for Ryoga. There was no telling where he'd end up.
=====================================
The bedchamber, which Ranma would use whenever he had to come back
to the mansion, was as luxurious as the rest of the place. A thick
wine-colored carpet covered the floor, nearly enveloping her small feet as
she walked. Set against one wall was a plush queen-sized bed, piled high
with blankets and a neatly folded comforter. In a corner rested an ornate
chest of drawers and vanity next to the double windows that afforded a view
of the rear gardens.
Ranma's eyes fell on the clothes that rested atop the dresser. They
didn't look too bad; jeans and a t-shirt that were meant for someone her
size. At least there wasn't a bra there, or any panties. Ranma shuddered at
the thought of having to wear those.
"Do you think AKANE would recognize you?" Nabiki's question came
back unbidden, raising all sorts of other, much nastier questions. She
looked at her reflection, seeing the red hair and woman's face staring back.
She didn't even recognize herself, how could she expect AKANE to?
Hey, what am I doing? Why was she worried about whether or not her
car would recognize her? It was just a car! Grumbling, Ranma doffed her
clothes, which fell off her small body easily, and padded into the bathroom.
The water came on with a rush, the roar of the jets hitting the tile
floor filling the room. As she waited for the water to heat up, Ranma stared
down at her impossibly bouyant breasts. Oh, she hated the sight of those!
Ranma reached down to scratch a sudden itch, and stopped when she noticed
that an all-too familiar presence suddenly wasn't there anymore.
"I'll fix this," Ranma muttered. "I'll get my old body back, no
matter what it takes." She stepped into the now steam-filled shower, letting
the hot water stream over her body. Hey, why was she tingling? Ranma looked
down again, finding a smooth masculine chest. Hope blooming in his brain, he
looked down lower...
"YAAAA-HHHOOOOOO!" Unmindful of his unclothed state, Ranma charged
out of the bathroom and into the hall. This was great! He had to tell Nabiki!
========================================