*sigh*
Let me guess: You've never formally studied the
english language. I mean, you have a pretty good story here, but...
Well, let me demonstrate:
**************************
"" indicate a speech in Japanese
indicates
<> indicate a speech in Chinese
indicates
[] indicate a thought
indicates
This story that your about to read is a crossover
drop the "that your about to read"
your>>you're
featuring the Ranma 1/2 cast, the Sailor Moon cast and the
characters from Devil Hunter Yohko. The action take place at the
takeS place
beginning of Ranma 1/2 and after the arrival of Asuza. At
first I wanted to write the plot into " The truth revealed ",
but I a believed the story would have become to complicated.
drop the a
What as happened before :
has happened
Ranma and Genma found the valley of
Jusenkyo with the help of the Chinese guide. Before they
could start training ( and get cursed ), the ground of the
valley opened and demons began to emerge from it. After a
quick
run, they arrive to the Chinese Amazon village right in the
arrived
middle of the annual tournament. Genma try to eat a fruit
tried,
btw, just a fruit?
from the first prize, but Ranma stopped and attract the
Ranma stopped him, attracting...
or
stops him and attracts, if youre using the present tense.
attention of Shampoo and Brush who start to fight over the
right to challenge Ranma. Before the fight could reach is
OOC.
end, Cologne hear Ranma and the guide talk about the demons
hears, or rather overhears
talking
at Jusenkyo and she stop the fight ( and everything else in
stops
the village ). Soon after, Ranma, Shampoo, Brush and
everything else? you mean Cologne is actually Sailor Pluto,
and she stopped time?
etc...
Chapter 2 : Going home.
11:37, Jusenkyo valley
Qinghai province, China
The sun was high in the sky and it was slowly drying
the blood that felt on the ground. Blood and corpse could be
felt on the ground?
blood doesn't have nerves, so it really can't feel anything
also, corpseS
seen in all part of the valley. Some of the blood was human
, but it was mostly the blood of Demon. The corpse them were
a demon.
Huh? all this from a single demon?
...
Sorry, I am not skilled enough to advice you properly with this,
but in general, your writing is clumsy, there are few spelling errors
and LOTS of bad grammar. also, your vocabularity seems a bit
limited. (then again, so's mine. ^^;)
On the good side, your formatting is pretty good, and the text is readable,
and you seem to have an interesting story there.
*sigh*
I hope someone more skilled than I goes through this, to aid you properly