----- Original Message -----
From: E.L. Toh <teloong@cwcom.net>
To: <ffml@fanfic.com>
Cc: <marurku.ferrer@sympatico.ca>; <hitomi@ndirect.co.uk>;
<keiichi@i-manila.com.ph>; <platypus3333@yahoo.com>; <yaanathn@hotmail.com>;
<jmele@brandeis.edu>
Sent: Sunday, April 30, 2000 8:57 PM
Subject: [FFML] [C&C][EVA] Cranky Evafic Comments 23-29 Apr 2000
Two Hearts of One Mind - TimeRunner Reprise
Gratuitous Theater rework of Scriviner's Two Hearts of One Mind
by TimeRunner <keiichi@i-manila.com.ph>
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/7482
A reworking of an old Eva fic in a Gratuitous Theatre style
(actually I have no idea what GT style is). Shinji and Rei
get their act together - and have some fun at Asuka's expense.
Weeell, personally, I liked Scriviner's original story better.
While TimeRunner's attempt was competent, it lacked a certain
feel that Scriviner was able to capture. One of the things that
stuck in my craw in particular was Rei's giggling at the end of
the fic - my opinion on the fic was wobbly at that point and that
just tipped it over to the negative.
Ow. ^^; You win some... The reason why it lacked the feel that Scriv
captured was because I was avoiding that feel consciously. That EVA-esque
vagueness from the introspective episodes -- I did not want to do that
again. Scriviner did it -- I saw little need to beat him at his own game.
The unfortunate consequence is that the reprise was inevitably going to be
judged against the original, anyway. I did expect this; I just didn't think
the reprise was as bad as some people say it is.
The trouble is that I purposefully avoid stream-of-consciousness angsty
introspection these days -- it used to be all I could do well (just ask my
friends), and I needed to break out of the rut, which is why I shifted
toward dialogue with my later fics.
Shinji is a reserved and timid person. Rei is laconic and is
unfamiliar with the conception of exploring her feelings. A
story about them sharing their feelings requires above all,
subtle writing. Scriviner's work achieved that, unfortunately,
this version falls short.
Ack. Well, the main cause of Shinji's spine and Rei's giggles WAS the
sharing of minds, since Rei never put up with Asuka's bitching and Shinji,
though timid, was not above chuckling over silly situations, so the
memory-sharing caused both to gain personality traits they never had before.
Also, I really prefer (and it shows) the manga Shinji -- reserved and
fatalistic, yes, but also a smart-mouthed punk who won't put up with
anything unless he's convinced he doesn't have a choice - like piloting the
Eva.
At any rate, unfortunately, seeing 'competent' tagged onto one of my works
is worse to me than reading 'hated it'. I suppose I'll have to work this
over -- or maybe I won't.
After all, I happen to like it, myself. It made sense when I wrote it. ^^;
=====
w.o.m.
TimeRunner's Web Page:
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/7482
=====
"George used to say, 'You can have more than one emotion at the same time.
The one makes the other more acute, and then it cures it."
- Alex, Aspects of Love