WARNING: If you haven't watched all of Escaflowne you might
not want to read this spamfic as it gives away a few spoilers from
the end of the series. If you don't mind, then read away but if you
do, stop now! End warning.
The Crossdimensional Adventures of Escaflowne:
A Really Idiotic X-Over Spamfic
By: Dreiser
EPISODE TWO: Escaflowne Appears!
SCENE: The island of Marmo. The Dark Knight, Ashram, faces
off with the Free Knight, Parn. Watching them are both of their hot
elf chick women, Pirotessa and Deedlit.
ASHRAM: (Points his sword at Parn. Sounds cool, as he always
does, because after all, Ashram is coolness.) Know that this will be
our final fight, Free Knight.
(Parn is about to reply with a line that could never equal Ashram's
in sheer coolness when in a big blue beam of light, Escaflowne
appears. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on your opinion
of things, Escaflowne appears right over Parn's head and when it
lands it squashes him into the ground.)
PIROTESSA: (Blinks.) Final fight is right.
DEEDLIT: (Eyes wide.) Parn...?
PIROTESSA: (Looks to Deedlit. Slaps her on the shoulder.) Hey,
no worries. Now you can find a knight who's actually cool enough
for you, Deed. Someone who isn't such a big whiner when he first
shows up.
VAN: (Inside Escaflowne. A bit muffled.) Where am I?! This isn't
Gaea or the Mystic Moon. (Sounds irate.) Damn stupid big blue of
light! Now I have to use the pendant again and traveling in these
beams make me queasy!
(As Van complains, a big blue beam of light appears around
Escaflowne. And watching this, Ashram snaps out of his daze and
regains his usual razor sharp wits.)
ASHRAM: (Watches Escaflowne. Sounds cool.) Such power... to
destroy the Free Knight with a single squash while it would've
taken myself a two blows at least. I must have the power to help
the survival of Marmo! (He runs forward and into the big blue of
light. Out of nowhere, he produces a small flag of Marmo and
sticks it into the left foot of Escaflowne.) I claim whatever this is for
Marmo!
VAN: (Inside Escaflowne. A bit muffled. Irate.) Hey, that could've
hurt me y'know! In fact, that does hurt a little!
ASHRAM: (Sheepish.) Sorry. I was just claiming you.
VAN: (Inside Escaflowne. A bit muffled.) What?
PIROTESSA: (Runs forward and watches with some panic as
Ashram disappears in the big blue beam of light. He IS Ashram
after all.) Lord Ashram! Come back!! Don't leave me, you're the
only cool guy in Lodoss!!
ASHRAM: (Consoling tones. Sounds cool.) Don't worry,
Pirotessa. I'll return to you after I've claimed more land for Marmo.
Then we'll live happily ever after or something.
(Ashram and Escaflowne then disappear in the big blue beam of
light leaving Pirotessa and Deedlit alone.)
PIROTESSA: (Heartbroken.) Lord Ashram...
DEEDLIT: (Walks up to Pirotessa. Pats her on the shoulder.)
Now we're both in the same boat, huh?
PIROTESSA: (Turns to face Deedlit. Eyes gleam in an almost
creepy manner.) So we are...
DEEDLIT: (Gulps. Backs away.) Uhm... dark elf... high elf...
enemies and all that... remember?
PIROTESSA: (Moving forward.) But now I'm missing a boyfriend.
A very hunky one, remember?
(Deedlit squeaks in semi-terror then runs away. Pirotessa
immediately follows after her. A moment passes before the rubble
moves and Parn crawls out of it.)
PARN: (Covered in rubble. Rasps.) What squashed me?
SCENE: Somewhere in the skies of Gaea. Allen Schezar is on the
bridge of his ship ranting about rescuing comely blonde chicks. His
crew and his sister, Dilandau Albatou, try their best to ignore him.
Dilandau now wears a pair of jangley earrings and a big bow in his
hair to go with the frilly pink dress that he has on.
ALLEN: (Ranting.) And then we'll have 2.5 kids! (He turns to
Dilandau.) Won't it be wonderful, Sister?
DILANDAU: (Fiddling with the bow in his hair.) Yeah, whatever
you say, big bro.
GADDES: (Whispers to Dilandau.) Why do you let him keep
calling you that, anyway? And dressing you up like a girl? (He
smirks.) You don't enjoy it do you?
DILANDAU: (Scowls. Looks at Gaddes.) No, I don't. But I'm
not about to upset him as long as he can severely kick my ass.
Besides, technically I am his sister, you know.
GADDES: (Snickers.) Yeah, well, you look the part.
DILANDAU: (Scowls some more. Lowers his voice and sounds
threatening despite how he's dressed.) He can kick my ass but
there's no way you can. I'd remember that if I were you. That and
my still slightly unstable mentality.
GADDES: (Gulps. Laughs nervously.) Sorry, Boss's Sister. I didn't
mean anything by it, honest!
DILANDAU: (Turns away from Gaddes and adjusts his frilly pink
dress.) Thanks. I think.
ALLEN: (Suddenly exclaims. Sounds extra gallant.) At last! We've
arrived in Fanelia to rescue it from ruin!
DILANDAU: (Dry tones.) It was in ruin?
ALLEN: (Turns to Dilandau.) Of course! Every country that I,
Allen Schezar, Knight Caeli am not in is in ruin!
DILANDAU: (Heaves a sigh.) Right.
ALLEN: (Laughs gallantly.) Yes, right. I'm always right, my Sister!
And now we must rescue Fanelia from ruin!
(As Allen keeps laughing and talking about rescuing Fanelia from
ruin, the scene fades to black.)
To be continued...
Most characters in this spamfiction are from Escaflowne. As the
series goes on more characters from other series will appear and
I'll list where they come from to try and avoid confusion that I'm
sure will occur anyway. Like Scenes From An Elevator this is a
nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when
extremely bored. I'll continue to write this series when I'm
extremely bored because sometimes I just feel like being silly. In
other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun.
THE NON-ESCAFLOWNE CAST:
Parn - Record of the Lodoss Wars
Ashram - Record of the Lodoss Wars
Pirotessa - Record of the Lodoss Wars
Deedlit - Record of the Lodoss Wars
Author's Note: Heh. Okay, first off. Sorry for misspelling Hitomi's
name last time. That was lame of me. Oh, and to clear up any
confusion because I got a few letters about this. Dilandau is a guy.
Despite being called 'sister' by Allen and wearing a dress, he is still
a guy in this fic. I hope that clears up any confusion. Sorry again for
my big Hitomi misspelling err! Blech.
Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com
The not so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next time?! Will
Van finally end up where he wants to go?! Has Ashram really
claimed Escaflowne for Marmo?! And will Allen rescue Fanelia
from it's supposed ruin?! Stay tuned!
Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780
Thanks to Red Death all of my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm
A RANDOM ANIME DEFINITION:
Evil Coolness: (noun)
Any person that has displayed or mentioned to have characteristics
that would make them evil but still has a high level of charm and
ability to charm others.
Ex: "Nakago has a sort of evil coolness about him."
Juri Rules All.
Miss Kitty Fantastico
is a great name for a
cat. Just ask Tara.
When I'm dead I'll
be worth something.
-Quotes from me-