Agreed....i almost deleted it out of hand, thinking it
was a discussion e-mail.....I'm also glad I
didn't...are you writing for people that know Ranma or
just for anime fans in general...if you are going for
anime fans in general you STILL need to pare down the
word for word description at least a little...as for
the bit about talking to the reader....it is allowed
in one circumstance...a character telling the story to
an audience...see Merry Time-Go Round which ends
showing that the narrator was, in at least some parts,
Tenchi and Ryoko's son
--- KaraOhki <karaohki@snet.net> wrote:
I came very close to skipping this one, because of
the way you started
it. A word-for-word (nearly) re-telling of the
arrival at the Dojo
has been done so many times that I usually run
screaming in horror.
For some reason I stuck with it this time. Glad I
did.
If you can pare down the beginning somewhat so that
you don't lose
your audience, you may have something here.
June
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