The only problem with this that I had was the excessive use of the present 
tense, even in the parts that detailed past events.  Makes the story kinda 
hard to read.

Don't get me wrong.  This has teh makings of a good story.  Just a bit hard 
to read.

James Holzhauer (aka Tobimaro [Ton-chan])
       ---coming out of my shell to c&c some fanfic.


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