actually to tell you the truth....I didn't see the
similarity right away
I wrote how I figured an irritated Ryoko would act if
she DID know that the person she was irritated really
didn't intend to cause a problem...or if she really
didn't want to fight them...i.e her and Ayeka's
fights....now the problem came that her powers are for
the moment unavailable...so that left her raw
strength, which Ryoko has in spades but doesn't use
near enough to be skilled in phys combat...
errg...basically I was trying to reproduce the Ryoko
side of an Ayeka/Ryoko fight sans Ryoko's
powers....Ranma certainly wouldn't fight
back...Ryoko's injured and not nearly at full power,
not to mention she's female...so it comes out looking
more like Akane/Ranma than anything else...
As for Ryoko's current attitude....she be slipping
back into her normal attitude eventually...for the
moment she's pissed and out to pick a fight with
virtually everybody that can stand a chance against
her...she's NOT acting in character on purpose....oops
you noted that explanation already...oh well I'll
leave this in for others for now
other assorted comments: In this fic Ryoko has a
tail...and that is the final word of this author...and
also I'm going to go with the ages implied by Tenchi
Muyo in Love movie 1....where the Caine event happened
"100 years ago" and yet none of the cast knew about
it...Washu, this could be explained since she was on
Earth in a crystal...Kiyone and Mihoshi might not be
that old anyway...but Ryoko and Ayeka...unless the 100
years translation was wrong...definitely should have
been aware of an event of such galactic
importance....so the girls, aside from Washu are going
to be about the ages they appear to be rather than
centuries old....this might be rather non-Tenchi, and
its not important to the story, but I'm getting a
little bored of doing them as if they were a two
thousand plus years old...this is my method of getting
a little variety.
--- Jason Bates <jbates3@bayou.uh.edu> wrote:
Just one problem on what is otherwise a highly
enjoyable fic. I have a very
hard time seeing Ryoko acting like Akane whatsoever.
Although this is
probably half due to bias (Ryoko happens to be my
favorite Anime character
from any series, and Tenchi happens to be my
favorite series, I'm a little
nitpicky about it ... :) ), there are a couple of
times where I see Ryoko
acting like Akane would act in any given situation,
without any basis for
it.
I understand that's the premise of the fic, and
hell, I can see quite alot
of comparison between 'em ... but it is a bit
noticable.
"All I know is that because of HIM," Ryoko
spat.
"I have to wait a week to finish something. And I
have to put up with HIM babysitting me the entire
time."
I have a hard time seeing Ryoko just mindlessly
blame Ranma for everything,
like Akane would. Ayeka, yeah ... but there's a
long hisory between the
Tenchi U Ryoko and Ayeka, and nada in history
between Ryoko and Ranma.
In fact, for the most part, Ryoko was fairly open
and welcoming to strangers
(until they picked fights with her) ... and not
above a little seduction to
get what she wanted.
Of course, she's expectably a little touchy after
her loss :) ... so that
could explain it.
Only one scene really seemed awkward to me (lo and
behold, the hardest scene
to get right of the whole fic, no less ... I'd wager
:) ) though, and that
was the scene right at the end where they both admit
their loss ... Ranma
reads to me as right on (probably b/c I don't pay
attention to him the way I
do Ryoko ... *grin*), but I don't see Ryoko
admitting anything, and I don't
really see her giving him the Akane schtick like she
does ... I'd see her
more as saying something along the lines of 'none of
your damn business' or
some such (when asked about Tenchi, that is).
And one last gripe, then I'm done, I swear. :)=
Watch your paragraphing
when your doing dialog. Every time someone new
speaks, it should be a new
paragraph (which you did, I might add ... just bare
with me, I'm making a
point ... *evil grin*), but also, everytime the
person who's doing the
speaking isn't doing the acting in that paragraph,
it should also be a new
paragraph. For example :
"You know what I mean." Ryo-Ohki sighed.
Ryoko
was really going to be mad about this.
Should be written as :
"You know what I mean."
Ryo-Ohki sighed. Ryoko was really going to be
mad about this.
The second version shows a line of dialog, and then
a reaction to it. The
first version claims that Ryo-Ohki has somehow
learned how to sigh in
English.
Ok, there I'm done. End of rant. I promise. It's
a very good fic (I don't
make it through most of 'em if they aren't ... much
less read the second
chapter). I'd love to keep seeing more of it. Just
one thing though ...
where's the pouting? I haven't scene ONE good Ryoko
pout so far. I mean,
c'mon! You expect this to be believable? (*grin*
Erhm ... sorry. To hard
to resist. I won't break my promise again, I
promise).
- Jason
=====
"Caffeinated Kender? What's that, a berserk spell?" -
Tribble, Kender Warrior of the Celestial Kingdom
Signed
He of Too Many Names (Thrythlind/Thryth/Luke/Hyperbole/Pika/Pooka)
http://members.aol.com/thrythlind/snake.html
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