Time for more public C+C:
The Gods Within
A Neon Genesis Evangelion elseworlds fanfic by Scriviner
The room was dark. It always was during these
things. The only light was right above him, pinning him
in a spotlight in the center of the room. He stared
straight out into the darkness, suppressing slight
shivers. It always creeped him out when the Doctor did
these things.
But not as much as the mimes they sometimes brought in. Now those were
really creepy.
Such a normal person in all other things,
but the debriefings were always deadly serious. Deadly,
being the operative term. Rumor had it at least eight
staff members who had displeased the Doctor were no
longer connected with NERV. Or with their heads. Well,
that was par for course when working with a Special Ops,
Super-Secret Government controlled research facility.
Sounds more like your classic super villain strategy for failed flunkies.
'Since you failed to kill my arch-nemesis, I shall kill you instead, no
matter how close you came to actually succeeding. This is a superior
strategy to saving you and the others that fail, so that you could attack
him en masse and quite possibly win with superior numbers.
The crisp voice resumed speaking. "Major Kaji, you
are contending that releasing Unit 01 in a metropolitan
area was a suitable decision? You've faced L-types
before." The soft rustle of paper in the darkness. "In
fact you personally destroyed five of them in your
previous operation without calling for assistance from
01."
Kaji: But I didn't have my Deus Aux Machina gun with me this time.
Doctor: Like that's an excuse.
"With all due respect, he won't have controlled
conditions all the time. Also, he's been deployed
previously with no problems."
"But not in a metropolitan area. What if 01 had
used Nova Flux after all? Or if he'd simply decided to
throw the car into orbit?"
He might have knocked the Lance of Loginus out of orbit then. Oh, wait.
Wrong universe. Nevermind. :)
"But he didn't. He showed perfect restraint,
limiting collateral damage to the absolute bare
minimum."
"Granted. Perhaps it is about time, 01 be sent out
a bit more."
Ah ha! Grammar comment at last
'Perhaps it is time 01 be sent out a bit more' sounds better to me
"As for Unit 03, she apparently manifested
something similar to 01's Compression technique?"
Should 'Compression' be capitalized there? Not sure how you're using it.
"Unit 01 said that did appear to be the case."
"You are becoming careless, Major. If she hadn't
spontaneously manifested, you would be dead."
He couldn't help a sheepish grin from forming on
his features, outlined as they were by the harsh light,
"I try my best, but I can't be ready for everything.
Certainly not a sniper from an unknown position.
Especially one sitting in wait
'lying in wait' sounds better to me.
in an area I wasn't even
supposed to be passing through."
"Part of your job is to make certain. We would
hate to have to train a replacement for you."
"Of course."
"Mind you, we would enjoy killing you. It's just that the training is more
annoying than the pleasure we would get from your death."
The voice softened slightly, "Major... I want your
opinion. What do you think of her?"
"She seems like a nice, perfectly normal girl.
Shy, though. Nervous and edgy when I met her, but that's
understandable. Her home town is nowhere near as crowded
as Tokyo and
Tokyo, and
"Alright, if you really must. Just make sure to
try and get some sleep."
There was a smirk in the darkness, "If you'll let
me."
The two shared a laugh, as only the oldest and
closest of friends could.
Well, well, well. I like this surprising development. It hints at things
yet to come and possible complication. Establishing it early is a good way
to get the reader's mind going as to what might happen next.
up. She smiled as she realized that someone had tucked
her in with Dieter. That at least was familiar. The
little bear's lopsided smile and beady little black eyes
were a welcome sight. A jarringly familiar one in such
an unfamiliar place.
Heh. I like the name.
"What's the time, little bear?" She
she
"That still doesn't tell us where we are, though."
She
though," she
cape asking her... something... and the bullets... She
closed her eyes forcing herself to calm down again. She
did not catch that bullet.
She just halted its forward momentum and changed its direction in
mid-flight
Those men did not keep trying
to kill them after he'd had his head
'Those men' doesn't agree with 'his head'. Perhaps 'That man' would suffice
blown open. Kaji-
san... didn't shoot them,
and this would be 'him' if you use my suggestion
She glanced in the direction of the noise. It was
a woman. Sound asleep and leaning back in a flimsy
looking foldable chair. Her long dark hair was draped
over the backrest and her short black dress looked
rumpled from having been slept in. The red headed girl
clutched her little bear closer and couldn't help but
marvel at the regularity, range and power of the woman's
snoring, even given that there was a book over her face
to muffle it. With every inhalation, her lightweight
chair tipped back just a fractional increment more.
Heh. Nice set up to the intro.
into it. The whole process took longer than it should
have, largely because the woman seemed to have trouble
finding the sleeves. "Got it!" She
she
The woman laughed lightly. "Oh, no... don't call
me ma'am, you'll make me feel old. I'm Ritsuko, dear."
Oh? Not The' Doctor' that was mentioned earlier? That's a surprise.
Ritsuko stared at her in confusion for a moment,
then laughed again, "Twenty?"
"You said he was your age." The
age," the
this mistake seems to crop up a bit. I'm not going to mention it anymore,
but I'd double-check your work for this bit.
Ritsuko laughed harder, barely able to contain
herself, "Oh, Asuka, you are a dear! You were with Ryu-
chan only twenty minutes and you're lying to me just
like him."
Shall we call her 'Little Ritsuko' then? :)
Asuka just stared at her. Perhaps the woman's
'woman had' sounds better to me
"Take my mother for instance. She's been forty two
for... hmmm... many years now.
This sounds intersting as well.
Ritsuko leaned down to brush some hair from
Asuka's face. "Well, you fainted after saving Ryu-chan
>from getting his pretty-boy face getting blown off. He
brought you here and
here, and
"My full name is Ritsuko Kaji." She winked and
raised her hand, flashing a gold wedding band. "I'm Ryu-
chan's old ball and chain."
Oh. Okay. Nevermind the earlier statement.
"Okay... Ritsuko-san." Asuka looked at her
thoughtfully, "Can you answer something for me?"
"Sure thing. If I know the answer."
"How did Ryu-san know my parents?"
'He was screwing both of them,' Ritsuko said.
"Ritsuko-san," Asuka watched the older woman's
reaction nervously, "Just how can he do stuff like that?
What does that make me, if I can do it too? I didn't
actually see it, but if I had to guess, I'd say he can
fly too..."
Ristuko seemed amused once more, "How did you come
to that conclusion?"
It was the moving through mid-air bit that was kind of the giveaway.
Asuka bit back a giggle, "That's mean!" She
sobered and said quietly, "It still didn't answer my
questions though."
"Oh, I didn't mean to divert the topic.
Sure she didn't.
"Um... a little. Stuff from school..." Asuka was
uncomfortable about that topic. She knew a lot more than
a little. But admitting to it would be showing off. She
was never supposed to show off. It was wrong. It was a
bad thing.
Can't wait to hear her upbringing that led to this personality.
"Well, it's probably more than I know, since I
slept through most of my physics classes, but you pick
up stuff here if you hang around enough." She paused for
a moment, trying to find a proper way to explain. "Do
you know what Planck's length is?"
"About ten inches, but he used to lie a lot, so it might be smaller," Asuka
answered.
"That's what the plug suit is for. If it looks
like you've altered conditions to the point of fatality,
the suit detects it, and it'll help direct your mind to
establish more survivable conditions. Shinji's used to
operating without one, but it still tires him, so he
prefers wearing it. Especially after his mother agreed
to let him have the cape."
Heh. Of course Yui would seek a compromise.
So it was to her great surprise when the door
opened, at what she perceived to be 'normal speed'. "I
thought I heard a voice..."
Asuka looked relieved as she saw Shinji's face
Ah, Shinji is here to save the day.
"Hold on." He moved his hand closer to her. "Trust
me." He gave her that same smile Ryu had used earlier,
and she couldn't help but wonder if they weren't somehow
related.
'help wondering if they were realted' sounds better to me
After a few moments, Shinji literally flew back
into the room, his cape flapping in the still air behind
him. In his hands he had a brightly colored bundle.
"I painted the designs on myself." He said
proudly, "It was supposed to be for Rei, but she's not
very good at using super-speed, so..."
Ahh. So there is an overlap in powers. Interesting.
"What's the matter? Are you feeling too weak? I
could help you put it on if you want..."
heh. Cute
Unable to think of any better solution, she
hurriedly stood behind his back and took off the flimsy
paper hospital gown she'd been wearing. She hadn't
realized she's
she'd
His voice was an octave or two lower than what it
originally was
'originally had been' (I think)
"Um..." she blinked. Yes... she did feel much
better. The feverishness was gone and she didn't really
feel quite so queasy as she did earlier. She blushed and
took a step back, pulling away from him.
"What's wrong now?"
'I'm horny' Asuka complained
"This... this... this outfit! It's very... very...
you know... um..." she
She
tried desperately to grab the
discarded hospital gown and put it on without changing
the position of her arms. Needless to say,
Stock phrase. Try to limit using it. I'd recommend dropping it in this
case.
it was quite
complicated and not too successful. "It's not very
proper!"
He looked at her as though she'd grown a third
eye. "I don't understand, what do you mean? I think it
looks great on you!"
Heh.
She blushed at him and frowned. She looked down
and tried to look at herself. It almost looked as though
it were painted onto her body. It left almost nothing to
the imagination. She blinked in surprise as she noticed
a lightning bolt insignia in a white circle on her
chest. "What's this supposed to mean?"
That you are the Flash.
"Oh, I forgot... almost nobody in this country
reads them.
Or watched the shor-lived TV series. *Sigh* If only they hadn't bounced its
time slot around, it might have stood a chance.
Ritsuko glanced at them. Some of the prizes from
his collection. The boy was definitely trying to make a
good impression on Asuka, that certainly couldn't hurt.
She picked them up and looked at the brightly colored
covers. Superman, The Flash, Wonder Woman, Martian
Manhunter, Green Lantern... I
'She' not 'I'
"Yes, remember? I was in the white dress? You were
in the tux? We got a lot of flatware?"
What, no mixers?
"Oh yeah!" he
He
pulled her to him and kissed her
cheek playfully. "Hey, you kids alright?" he
He
nice work. The situation is beginning to be set up as we learn more about
the people inhabiting this Alt-uni. I'm curious to see what form the Angels
will take here though.
D.B. Sommer