"Musabetsu Tendo-ryu, Final Technique!"
or
Hiroshi and Daisuke on the Finer Points of Martial Arts
and the Last Sunday in the Life of Saotome Ranma
A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction
by SeventhOne
***
[8:03 AM, Sunday]
It was an almost-typical Tendo household gathering,
except for the fact that, today, there were two other
people attending. They were the only ones currently in
the room besides Ranma. Ranma stared at them for a
moment with an annoyed expression on his face, and he
tried to put two and two together to figure out why the
meeting had been called and why these two were here.
After a few minutes of trying, he gave up and asked
them.
"Say," he said, "why the heck are the two of you here?"
Hiroshi looked at Daisuke.
"Should we tell 'im?"
"Nahh . . . that'd take away the fun."
Hiroshi turned to face Ranma.
"Let's just say, it's a secret. For now, at least," he said.
"Yep. At least until the others arrive."
Both of them smiled. It was . . . a nice smile. Sorta.
Except for the fact that Ranma knew he didn't really
wanna know what the secret was. Not to mention, the
smile was kinda like the smile cats give to their prey
before eating them.
Ranma gulped.
A little tense, Ranma started when he heard the door
slide open. His father, Mr. Tendo, and Kasumi entered.
Kasumi smiled. As they settled down, Ranma awaited
the explanation.
"Well, boy, " said his father. "After hours of discussion,
me and Tendo have decided to let those two boys to try
this out."
Mr. Tendo nodded, expression solemn.
"It's for the sake of the Art, son. Do your best."
He then started bawling his eyes out. Ranma was
skeptical. He turned to Hirsoshi and Daisuke.
"Alright, what're you guys gonna try?"
Hiroshi smiled.
"Well, buddy, here's the plan," he said. "Daisuke and me,
we were doing some really deep thinking about your
martial arts, see? Daisuke?"
"Yeah, Ranma," said Daisuke, continuing where Hiroshi
left off. "Well, we were thinking like, what's the only
thing common to all these martial arts you've seen in the
past few months? We came up with a good answer."
"The answer is," said Hiroshi, smiling widely, "that
they're all crazy. They take things too far."
Ranma nodded. After all, who'd have ever thought
people would make a martial art based on Tea
Ceremonies?
"Now," said Daisuke, "we really don't have the training
you or any of those other crazy martial artists have, but
we figured that we've pretty much gotten the theory
down."
"That's why we're gonna test our theories out on you,"
said Hiroshi.
"Me?" asked Ranma. "Wait a sec. You guys don't know
martial arts. How could you test it out on me?"
"Simple," said Daisuke. "We never said we were gonna
*fight* you. You think we wanna get slaughtered?"
"You're not gonna fight me?"
"Nope. Absolutely not," said Hiroshi. "We've devised an
ultimate technique to teach you."
"We figured that since all those martial arts were crazy,
any fool could devise an ultimate technique," said
Daisuke.
"Really? You're gonna teach me an ultimate technique?"
asked Ranma.
"Yep."
"But to tell the truth, we kinda took a lot of it from the
techniques we've seen you use," said Hiroshi.
Ranma was really interested now.
"What's the technique?" he asked.
"We can't . . . tell you. Not until the actual training, of
course."
"Both your father and Mr. Tendo have approved."
Ranma turned to his father. Genma nodded solemnly.
Mr. Tendo was still crying.
"Oh! This is so wonderful! I'd never thought I'd see this
day! Finally! Someone will learn the Tendo Final
Technique!" cried Mr. Tendo, bawling out more tears
with every word.
"Tendo . . . Final Technique?" Ranma pondered on that.
"Yeah," he said, addressing Hiroshi and Daisuke. "Let's
begin right now."
The two grinned evilly.
***
[9:55 AM, Sunday]
"No! I'm *NOT* going in there again!! Never!"
"Ranma . . . if you want to learn the technique, go back
in," said Hiroshi calmly, pushing Ranma-chan back into
the room and closing the door.
"NOOO!! Not the styler! NOT the styler!"
***
[11:42 AM, Sunday]
"No! No frills! NOOO!!!"
"Back in you go, Ranma. It's for your own good."
"Arghhh!!!"
***
[1:29 PM, Sunday]
"Get that thing away from me!!!"
"Ranma, it's just a comb. Go back in."
The screams went on for the entire afternoon.
***
[6:55 PM, Sunday]
Akane smiled as she stood in the hall, holding the dress
she'd just bought. It was a white sun dress that she'd seen
at the dress-makers down on the shopping street, and
she'd just had to get it. She smiled. Yep. It'd look good
on her.
She put the dress back into the bag, and began up the
stairs.
"Akane-chan! You're back from shopping? The bath's
ready."
"I'll be right down, ne-san!"
Wait. That voice. It was off.
Not Kasumi.
Akane put her bags down and rushed downstairs. When
she got to the kitchen, she found Kasumi, humming a
nice little tune and chopping a carrot.
She sighed in relief and closed her eyes.
"I must be tired," she thought to herself. "I thought
Kasumi'd been possessed by some alien or something."
And then she turned.
A cute redhead wearing a dress and an apron was setting
the table for dinner.
"Ranma?!!!"
***
[6:56 PM, Sunday]
"Yes, the Tendo-ryu Final Technique," said Soun.
"The Dreaded Housewife Fist," said Genma. "Those two
boys have talent. Who'd have thought they could
reinvent something like that?"
"Indeed."
"Yeah, Tendo. More gourmet foods for us!!"
"Yes. Too bad Ranma isn't with us to enjoy the food
anymore."
"It's worth the sacrifice, Tendo."
In another corner, Hiroshi spoke with Daisuke.
"Geez, the way they're taking it. I feel almost sorry about
doing this to poor Ranma."
***
Fin.