Quite possibly the funniest thing I've written since 'The Three Magic
Knights.'
Continuation of this depends on feedback. It's also the first time I've
written a SM fic. I'm using the Manga for this and not the show, but it
doesn't really matter much since almost only two SM characters actually
appear in it. Read on my friends...
Sailor Ranmoon.
Part 1
A moon star is born!
This story diverts just after the events in Ranma 1/2 volume 6. Soun and
Genma were successful in sending Happosai to the North Pole. It starts
just after volume nine.
Happosai struggled through the icy wind as he crawled across the frozen
desert that stretched out before him. His chi was severely weakened after
those two cowards took advantage of his weakened state after Ranma had
used the woman repellant on him. Now here he was, at the North Pole. The
boy looked for a moment like he might have stopped the two men from
boxing him up and mailing him off, but in the end he simply turned away
with a disgusted look on his face.
Now here he was, nothing but snow in every direction, well snow and that
weird light...
Happosai entered the small cave and glanced around, it wasn't much
warmer, but it was still warmer than the outside. In front of him was a
large pool of some sort. He blinked, as a misty image seemed to appear
out of nowhere in front of him. "So, you have returned. After all this
time..."
"Huh?" said the old pervert after a moment. He blinked and looked around
in confusion.
Nerima Ward, Tokyo...
Ranma Saotome was having a bad day. He expected to enjoy a little peace
and quiet after riding himself of that strange old pervert who had
appeared a week ago, but things just didn't seem to work out that way.
"Ranma! Why haven't you left for school yet!?" screamed Genma as he
punched the boy in the back of his head.
"Because you took too long in our sparing session this morning Pop!"
retorted the angry boy as he grabbed his bag.
"Now Ranma, you shouldn't blame your father for training you harder when
you need it," said Soun sagely as he shuffled the pages of his newspaper.
The headline was about Sailor V nabbing some criminals in a robbery.
Akane snorted and grabbed his arm roughly pulling him with her through
the door. "Come on idiot! We're late!"
The pair rushed through the streets as fast as they could. Ranma ran
beside Akane for once along the ground; not by choice though, she was
dragging him down the sidewalk by his arm forcing him to hurry. His
fianc�e turned and gave him an angry glare.
"This is all your fault you know."
"My fault? It was Pop who made us late!" retorted the boy.
"You and those stupid baths! You could have gone to school as a girl you
know, it's not like everyone doesn't already know about the stupid
curse," snapped the girl.
Ranma froze up and started to shake in her grip slowing the pair up for
a moment.
"What's the matter with you?" snapped Akane angrily. She stumbled a
moment later as her foot hit something soft on the ground in front of
her. She paused and released her fianc�e.
"What the?" she stopped and saw a small black cat in the middle of the
road with a footprint in it's back. "Oh no! The poor kitty!"
The animal stood up shakily and Akane took it into her arms. She paused
and noticed it staring at Ranma. Ignoring this she blinked and noticed
the bandages on its forehead.
Ranma did not fail to notice where the attention of the animal was, his
courage finally gave out and he turned away running at top speed towards
the school. Akane sighed and looked at the cat. "That dope, afraid of a
little kitty cat."
The animal looked at her for a moment and turned its attention back to
the disappearing speck that was Ranma Saotome.
Akane smiled cutely at the cat and pulled the bandage off of its head.
"There, all better! Sorry I can't stay, but I'm already late." She turned
and broke into a run again following her fianc� down the street. "Ranma
you jerk! Get back here!"
The cat sat alone in the street with a strangely contemplative look on
its face.
Ranma walked into the classroom after his teacher released him from
bucket duty in the hall. Moments later the bell rang ending the first
period. He sat down at his desk and sighed. Two of his friends walked up
next to him, Hiroshi and Daisuke.
"Hey Ranma, how'd you do on that quiz?" said Hiroshi as he took the seat
next to him.
The boy blinked and pulled out a paper with a thirty on it. "Not so
good, what do I need this stupid math junk for?"
"I donno, I got a fifty though," said Daisuke as he looked at his own
paper.
"Ha! I'm smarter than both of you! Fifty five!" cried Hiroshi in triumph
as he held out his own paper.
"Idiots," muttered one of the girls in a group nearby. The others nodded
in agreement.
"At least Ranma's got looks," said another one as she turned to Akane.
The shorthaired girl glared at her fianc�e and snorted. "I'm gonna pound
him later for being so stupid."
The conversation between the three boys quickly degraded.
"Man that Sailor V is supposed to be a babe!" cried Hiroshi.
"I heard that too, but she can't be as much of a babe as Ranma!" agreed
Daisuke.
"Hey!" snapped the pigtailed martial artist.
"Sorry Ranma, but everyone knows you're the cutest girl in school," said
Daisuke in agreement. "Still that Sailor V is mysterious! She's supposed
to have super powers!"
Ranma snorted in disgust at this. "I don't see what the big deal is, I
could take her... and I'm a guy damn it!" he promptly hit both boys in
the head.
"That hurt you know," said Daisuke.
"Good," retorted the pigtailed boy.
"Hey Ranma, you want to go for some Ramen after school?" said Hiroshi as
he almost completely forgot about the pain in his head after a moment.
"Sure," said Ranma with a snort.
A short time later...
"Aiya! Airen!" squealed Shampoo as the three boys sat around the table
at the Cat Caf�.
"Hey Shampoo! Three specials!" said the pigtailed boy cheerfully.
"Yeah, and one for each of us too," agreed Hiroshi and Daisuke.
The girl nodded and went into the kitchen. Moments later she returned
with three steaming bowls of noodles.
"I hear we got another test coming up," said Hiroshi with a small frown
appearing on his face.
"Yeah, another math test," agreed Daisuke as he slurped at his noodles.
"Whatever, I don't need no stupid math anyway," muttered Ranma as he
crossed his arms over his chest and looked away.
"You need to study more Ranma, school is important," said Daisuke with a
small snort.
"Yeah? What do I need it for?" replied Ranma as he finished his third
bowl of Ramen.
"Uhh...umm...I donno, but my dad says it's important," said Hiroshi. He
looked towards his companion with a questioning glance.
"Don't look at me! My dad says the same thing, but he's never explained
it to me either!"
"Whatever, I'm going home," said Ranma as he stood up from his chair and
tossed the balled up test over his shoulder.
"Hey! Do I look like a trash can to you?" snapped a voice from behind
them.
Ranma turned to see Mousse holding the test in his hand glaring at a
nearby chair angrily.
"You're standing in front of one dope, I wouldn't have hit you if you
weren't," replied the pigtailed boy.
"Saotome! Damn you! You'll die for this offence!" Mousse moved to
attack, but pulled open the page first and looked at it.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! Who could have known you were this stupid Saotome!"
Ranma growled and kicked him in the face before storming off angrily.
"Stupid jerk!"
Meanwhile...
Akane stood in front of the window of a jewelry store staring in the
window with her two friends, Yuka and Sayuri.
"Wow, Yuka! You never told me your mom had a jewelry store!" cried Akane
as she turned to her friend.
The girl beamed proudly and looked a little embarrassed at the same
time. Her mother was outside with a bullhorn crying about a big sale.
"She's like a used car salesman," commented Sayuri.
"She's not usually like this, but it sure is working," agreed Yuka with
a small nod.
Akane turned and saw a small black animal moving through the streets
nearby. "Hey, it's that cat from earlier today! It looks like it's
looking for something."
The animal looked at her and turned away into an alley.
Akane turned and looked at the engagement rings, not that she was
interested mind you. They were just pretty.
That evening...
A lone figure stood outside of a familiar jewelry store. He paused for a
moment and peered into the glass windows of a dress shop that sat next
door. After a moment he smiled to himself and stepped into the shadows
with the rustle of a cape being the only sound he made.
"Wahahahaha! I've sapped plenty of energy!" said Yuka's mother as she
fondled a glass tube that glowed in the darkness. All around town young
girls suddenly felt very faint. "Selling this special gem was brilliant
with its energy sapping powers. Now I'll just grab this real jewelry!"
The woman collected the wares of the store into a bag and glanced around
in slight frustration. "Hmm, I can't find the most important thing of
all!"
Yuka peered into the room in confusion from the doorway. "Mom? What are
you still doing up?"
The woman slowly turned her head revealing two long sharp fangs.
Ranma Saotome sat with a math book in his lap scratching his head. A
huge furry ball of black and white snored lazily beside him. "Aw man, who
needs this math junk?" He pulled his hand away from his head suddenly as
he ran across the newly acquired bump. "Stupid Akane, makin me study like
this." He tossed the book aside and lay down on his futon. "I learned
enough for tonight, I'm goin to sleep." His mind failed to mention the
fact that he had not actually read the book, but merely grumbled and
complained about being forced to study.
Within moments he was asleep and dreaming. He blinked and looked around
at the dream. He was currently female and dressed in a sailor fuku style
uniform with an extremely short skirt. He blushed and brushed off the
skirt idly. "Oh man, not another of these dreams. I only tried it one
time in the bathroom and now I..." The presence of the huge monster in
front of him told him that it was indeed not another one of those dreams.
He easily cut the beast in half and smiled to himself in slight relief.
At that moment he woke up screaming in pain. "Ouch! What the..." He
froze in place at what he saw, a small black cat with an empty bucket of
water next to it was staring at him. He was also a girl at the moment.
"C...c...cat!" Ranma backed into the wall of the room leaving a small
crater in her wake. The panda snored lazily undisturbed by the commotion.
"Now, now, there is nothing to be afraid of..." started the animal as it
moved closer. "I won't..."
It paused and watched in shock as the red haired girl promptly ran up
the wall and attached herself to the ceiling.
"I see..." The cat did a back flip and something landed on the ground.
"Put this on, or I'll come back and find you." With that said it jumped
out the window and waited on the edge of the roof. "Hurry up now!"
Ranma nodded and jumped down. She picked up a small headset and blinked
in surprise. The cat nodded and backed further away causing Ranma to
relax a little. She put the headset on and turned to see the animal had
disappeared.
"Now, you're going to listen to me or I'll have to come back and explain
all this to you in person!" said the voice from the earpiece.
"Who are you? What do you want?" said the pigtailed girl nervously.
"My name is Luna, and I've been searching for you! I couldn't figure out
why I was drawn to you until I saw that angry girl try to drown you in
the koi pond earlier."
Ranma promptly lay back down on his futon and closed his eyes tightly.
"This is a nightmare! Yeah! A nightmare!" he said to himself.
"It isn't a dream! Look on the floor next to you!" said the voice
calmly.
Ranma turned his head and saw a small brooch lying on the floor. "S'not
my style."
"Just put it on! It's important!" snapped Luna.
"No way! Things like that are for girls!" retorted Ranma.
"If you don't I'll come back and put it on myself! Just wear it, it
doesn't matter where!"
Ranma quickly picked up the brooch and put it on the inside of his
shirt.
"Good! Haven't you noticed all the strange events lately? On the news
and in the papers? Unsolved crimes?"
"I don't care about junk like that," said Ranma. Somehow he managed to
make it sound cocky and ignorant at the same time.
"Well you should! You see, you are the chosen warrior! It's our mission
Ranma! You must find your team and defeat the enemy! Then we search for
our queen and..."
Ranma blinked in surprise for a moment. "What do you need to find
Tsubasa for?"
"Who?" said the cat in surprise. Hoping beyond hope that Ranma had
already located the lost queen.
"Tsubasa, he always dresses like a girl..."
"Not that kind of queen! Pay attention!"
"Whatever! Find some other chosen warrior!" snapped Ranma bitterly.
"There is no one else! It has to be you!" retorted the animal with a
hint of frustration in its voice.
"Look, I've got enough problems!"
"Just do as I say or I'll come back and talk with you about it
personally!" Ranma froze up at these words and nodded dumbly. "Now yell
out moon!"
Ranma blinked and shrugged his shoulders. "Moon..." His voice seemed to
go on without him. "...prism power make-up!"
He was bathed in a golden light as the transformation overtook him. A
moment later he was standing in the room next to a snoring panda dressed
like he was in his dream.
"I knew it! Akane was right! I'm being punished for that one perverted
thing I did!"
"What are you talking about?" said the cat.
Ranma blushed and looked around in embarrassment. "Uh, it's nothing..."
The pigtailed girl gasped in shock as an image appeared inside the
lenses of the mask she wore on her face. "Hey! That's Akane's friend!"
The young girl was being strangled by a weird looking monster in a
dress.
"Help!" she cried desperately as she tried to push the thing back.
"I've got to help her!" said Ranma with a dangerous tone to her voice.
"I'll just go change..."
"There's no time for that! Come on!" cried Luna.
Yuka struggled for air as the thing laughed at her. "I'm not your mother
girl! She's tied up in the basement!"
"No! Mommy!" gasped the girl.
From the shadows a familiar figure stood watching. He was dressed in a
tuxedo and top hat.
"Get your hands off her now!" cried a new voice in the room. The thing
turned to see Ranma staring her down in the doorway.
"Who are you?" said the thing.
"I'm Ran..." she was cut off by Luna's voice from the headset.
"No! You idiot! Don't give your real name! Tell him you're Sailor Moon!
Defender of love and justice!"
"Moon," finished the boy with a grimace on his face.
"Ranmoon? I've never heard of anything named Ranmoon before," snorted
the thing as it turned its attention away from the young girl. "Wake up
my slaves! Give your energy to the omnipotent!"
A large group of girls appeared in the doorway and surrounded Ranma.
They attacked with various objects, like broken bottles and anything else
that was on hand. Ranma dodged easily and charged towards the hag. "You
jerk!"
The thing shrieked in surprise and jumped back. "You're no ordinary
girl!"
"Now Ranma! Use your tiara! Call out Frisbee!" cried Luna.
Ranma ignored her. "Who are you callin a girl!? Katsutenshin
Amaguriken!"
The evil creature was pounded by hundreds of punches and flew across the
room into a wall. She screamed in pain and crumbled to dust in front of
Ranma.
"Or you could just do that..." said Luna with a large sweat drop
appearing on her head.
"Serves her right," snorted Ranma. She spun around as she felt a
presence near her.
A man with long dark hair, clad in a top hat and tuxedo jumped away into
the night. He turned towards Yuka and smiled at her. "Well Sailor Moon, I
didn't find the Silver Imperium Crystal here; but I enjoyed the show!"
"What is that idiot doing here?" muttered Ranma to herself as she
recognized him instantly.
"My name is Tuxedo Mousse! I won't forget you Sailor Ranmoon!" With that
said he vanished.
"Dope," grumbled Ranma, the girls around her started to wake up and she
simply walked out the door into the street.
Meanwhile, in a dark secluded place...
A familiar figure stood watching from a strange red crystal. He gave a
fanged grin and snorted. "Sailor Ranmoon? Not bad at all. Looks like I
must hurry up and find this stupid crystal."
The next day...
"And then Sailor V's partner saved me!" cried Yuka dramatically. "If I
hadn't passed out I would have seen her face."
Akane smiled at her friend. "I still think you were dreaming."
"Could be, but this Sailor Ranmoon sounds like a real woman!" agreed
Sayuri.
"Yeah, I bet she's cool. I wish I could have seen her too," said Akane
with a sigh.
Ranma almost bit his chopsticks in half at the conversation he was
hearing from the girls. "A real woman?" He hung his head and almost
cried.
"Wow, that tempura Kasumi made must be pretty good if you're crying over
it Ranma," commented Daisuke.
TBC...?
Should I continue this? I think it would be pretty funny. I don't recall
ever seeing Ranma/Sailor Moon done this way before. I don't want to give
away who would be what scout. I think you can probably figure it out on
your own though. Since I'm working on so much other stuff, I'm going to
throw this out and see what people say before I continue.
C&C to Carrotglace@juno.com