Hi, Morgan! ^_^
Hey, how's it going? Good to see you got chapter 5 out! ^_^
This one took forever. I got stuck in a couple of scenes and... Well, let's
just say that my deadline went to hell.
A pal has an interesting theory: the more you plead for C&C, the more
likely
you are to get some. I agree, so... Please, PLEASE, I beg you, send C&C.
I like public, I take anything. Drop me a line, if only to say "hello",
okay?
Gotcha! Public C&C, coming up!
You mean my pal was right? Figure... ^_~
Just keep in mind that my reality could stop
being yours with little or no warning. Proceed at your own risk, and feel
free to ignore me completely at any time. ^_^
Me? Ignore you? Ha! That will be the day Ranma becomes a philosopher (no,
this is NOT a challenge).
Larry F has kindly decided to host my story in his site, so previous
chapters can be found at: http://lwf58.tripod.com/fan_fiction/latin_d/
Good! I'd hate to think that people were missing out on this story just
because they had overlooked an earlier chapter and couldn't find it.
Because
that would be wrong.
VERY wrong. ^_^
Heh. Yeah, people, listen to this wise man. Besides, if anyone is actually
reading this, Larry's neat site has a lot of other very interesting fanfics,
so go take a look, okay? And if you feel like it, check my section... ^_^
Anyway, on with the story!
And they're off!
And away we go, through and beyond!
DISCLAIMER: Ranma 1/2 belongs to the brilliant Takahashi Rumiko.
Robotech
is
owned by Harmony Gold USA, Inc. No copyright infringement is intended.
You know, Robotech is also the property of Carl Macek. Just thought I'd
bring that up, since you were kind enough to mention Takahashi-san.
Yes, I guess you're right. But while Rumiko created Ranma from scratch, Carl
merged three different series... Which I'm grateful for, but I know of some
Macross fans who would rip his head off if they could.
But, as I said, you're right. I've got to give the guy the credit he
deserves, so he'll be in the next disclaimer.
This story is based on McKinney's books.
Right! I'll try to keep that in mind as I go : there are a few differences.
Quite a lot, actually. After all, I never SAW the SDF-2 in the anime...
Chapter 5: Dark beauty
---
For eons upon eons, Pluto had traveled its unstable orbit around
the Sun in a never-ending voyage of solitude. Captured by the yellow
star's
gravity, forced to wait for eternity an impossible freedom, the lonely
planet navigated the black void, undisturbed by anyone or anything.
Ooh, good opening. You've really been getting a lot better at these, you
know. And you were pretty good at them to start with. ^_^
Hey, thanks. I try to avoid starting the chapters with dialogue or such, and
I gave this one a lot of thought. Guess it finally paid off... ^_^
<ALREADY, A SNIP?>
_I_ should be asking that question, ne? ^_^
The sphere of light disappeared then, and its contents were
exposed to the harshness of deep space. In an instant, the near absolute
zero temperature froze the chunk of sea water the starship had brought
along, and the air soon followed the same destiny.
Destiny? I guess it's allowable, but I would have said "fate", instead.
Although that's just me : it could be a style thing.
Yep. It's one of those cases when the words seem to be synonyms, but they
fall a little short. 'Fate' it is.
Translucent flakes of
frozen air commenced falling over the ruins of Macross city, soon covering
the scars of the recent battle in a thick mantle of inscrutable whiteness.
Get your Macross Island snow globes, here! Big as life, and twice as real!
SALESMAN: Buy your translucent flakes of frozen air, here! Hurry up, before
they melt!
MAN: Hey, that's cool! How much for them?
SALESMAN: Oh, almost nothing: two bucks the pair. Price of a lifetime!
MAN: What the hell! Give me four! *hands him the money*
SALESMAN: *pointing at the frozen Macross Island* Good choice. Now all you
have to do is go fetch 'em. Good luck, sir! *runs away*
Which is, all said, a very good bit of imagery. Well done!
Thanks. ^_^
For a moment, the SDF-1 remained in its position, a reluctant
witness of the chaotic events. Then, slowly, almost reluctantly, it began
descending towards the waiting island.
Nitpick #1 : In outer space, the only way to move "down" is to head towards
the
surface of a planet. Since the SDF isn't heading towards Pluto, but towards
Macross Island, it isn't really "descending". Like I said, it's a really
tiny thing, but I'd change "descending" to "heading", "moving", or
something
like that.
Oookay, same discussion I had with my prereaders.
Some pointed out that the most of the atmosphere should have dissipated, not
frozen; other one told me that the salt water couldn't have frozen
instantly; and a couple of them echoed your words. BUT McKinney himself
explains that, even when thing should have happened like that, some weird
Protoculture's side effects caused things to go the way I described (or
similar). So, for that reason, the flakes FELL toward the island, and so did
the ship.
As one of my prereaders himself said: "people screwed up in the animation,
and he didn't want to fix it." But as I _did_ say that this was based in
McKinney's novels...
Look at all the problem I had for backing you up, Jackie! ^_^
However, I'll let myself ignore 'canon' (not like I never screw up, as the
'no fighters in the RDF' thingie below proves ^_^) and change it for
'heading', so to avoid further confusion.
<SNIP!>
At that moment, his eyes seemed to cloud over, as strange as that
may sound.
I think you mean Ranma's VISION clouded over. The difference is that when
you say his eyes clouded over, you make it sound like an external
description. Which would mean his eyes actually are turning cloudy (i.e.
white). Now, you've been hinting that Ranma has some pretty spooky powers,
so maybe that is what happened, but I'd try to be a little more precise.
My bad. Ranma _has_ some pretty spooky, hidden and very-impressive powers,
but that's not one. Will change.
And if I were you, I'd end the sentence at "cloud over". "As strange as
that
may sound" doesn't really fit the rest of your narrative.
Yep. This does seem very awkward. I'll drop that bit.
It became impossible to focus on anything, and the world around
him acquired a sense of double focus that disturbed Ranma somehow.
Try not to use the same word twice in the same sentence. Here, you've got
two "focus" : one a verb and one a noun. Maybe if you said something like
"...impossible to focus, and he began seeing double." I'd drop the
"anything" because if he can't focus, he can't focus.
Gee, how did I miss this one? I'll fix it, and thanks for the catch.
<SNIP>
Before he had the chance to ponder on the possible causes of this
new phenomenon, the bridge returned back to normal. There had been
something
very familiar about the side-effects of the spacefold operation, but he
couldn't quite put his finger on exactly what.
The symptoms are a bit like having a concussion : maybe he misses Akane.
^_^
Maybe...
But that has more to do with those terribly-spooky, ultra-secret, and
very-super-hyper-powerful new abilities he has. ^_^
�This can't be good,� thought Ranma as the lights went out.
RANMA : In fact, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this is bad!
Boy, nothin' good EVER happens to me when the lights go out...
KAJI: And nothing good ever happens to me when t.... Er, I mean, uh... Oh,
hell, turn off the lights and come here, babe.
MISATO: Yay!
In no
time, though, the emergency lights began casting an eerie, uniform red
light
over the people present in the room, but for some reason this didn't help
to calm his worries.
Comma splice. That when you use a comma to make two seperate sentences one
big
run-on sentence. In this case, you could have said "...red light over the
people present in the room. For some reason, this didn't help calm his
worries."
First sentence was describing the lights. Second sentence was describing
Ranma's reaction. Personally, I do it ALL the time. ^_~
Blech. I thought I had left these behind me. Guess not.
Thanks for pointing it out, my friend. I, just like so many other teenagers
with egos the size of the Fourth Quadrant, am sometimes blind to my own
flaws.
Gee, that sounded cool. Let me write it down... ^_^
Gloval gave a few orders, and soon the lightning was normal
again.
�Something is wrong, I just know it.� Ranma slowly backed to a corner.
Ranma
knew he wasn't supposed to be there, and he felt like he was intruding
where he wasn't wanted.
Not that he ever let that stop him before or anything...
Well, one step at a time. He KNOWS he's messing up. In another ten years,
he'll maybe learn to avoid messing up in the first place. 'Maybe' being the
key word here.
"There's something in the radar, Captain," said Vanessa, one of
members of the trio of young female techs that composed the bridge crew
along with Lisa and Claudia. "Something _very_ large."
Gee, I hope the good Miss Leeds can get it out of her radar, whatever it
is.
It might start blocking her view of the screen. Because, you see, a blip or
other signal would be ON her radar, not IN it. Sort of like the way your
hat
is ON your head, and your brain is IN your head.
Heheheheheh. Oops? ^_^
I still have problems with preposition, I see. Not gonna make that one in a
while, that's for sure.
BTW, the 'brain in your head' part, was some kind of jibe or something? ^_^
"It must be the moon; that was the target of the fold," reasoned
Gloval, surprisingly calm.
Is it so surprising, really? As far as Gloval knows, everything has gone
according to plan, so far. The fold might have been a bit disturbing, but
he
doesn't really have a need to panic.
Ah, yes, right again. It sounded bad while I was writing, and it sounds bad
now. I'll change it for: "calmly reasoned Gloval."
And, actually, the fold was almost suicidal--he just didn't know that.
<SNIP, SNIP!>
�Macross Island?� wondered Ranma, not wanting to believe what his
Shouldn't it be "Ranma wondered", instead of "wondered Ranma"? I'm not
really sure, as it could be a matter of style, but something about the way
you put that sounds a trifle... off, I guess.
Um, I really don't know about this. I guess it's merely an stylistic issue,
as you said. I'll change it, though, and use your suggestion. If I don't
heed the advice of experienced writers like you, then I'm an idiot (which
I'm NOT, no matter what they say at school).
�The shelters!� Ranma suddenly remembered that Jason, Max and
Lena
were meant to be there with the rest of Macross population. �Please, let
'em be all right!� he mutely prayed.
You need something up there on "Macross". I'm not sure if you want to say
"with the rest of the Macross population", or "with the rest of Macross
City's population", but you need to add something to that sentence so it
makes a bit more sense.
Yer right, my good man. Missed a word there. 'of the Macross population' it
is.
Vanessa gasped before yelling, "It's Macross Island, Captain! And
it's coming straight to us!"
Gloval hurried to her side and gave the readouts a quick glance.
"No, _we_ are going towards it!" Turning to his Bridge Officer, he
ordered,
"Fire the retro rockets, Claudia!"
Is retro rockets really two different words? I always thought it was one
word, like afterburners.
I have seen it both ways, I think. Will look it up.
Cladia quickly typed in her keyboard, sweat glistening in her
brow.
Y'know, I've just noticed a typo here. 'Cladia' --> 'Claudia' . Missed that
one, eh? ^_~
Remember that little "in/on" discussion we had earlier? Needless to say the
sweat is ON her brow.
What dis... Ah, yes. ^_^
ON her brow it is. I swear this will be the last one (in this chapter, at
least)!
RANMA: Heheheh.
LATIN_D: What?
RANMA: It's you. You keep screwing up with this 'in', 'on' thingie. Ha! And
people call ME dumb.
LATIN_D: Oh, yeah? I'll have you know that I'm a very dedicated fanfic
writer, and everyone can make a mistake.
RANMA: Excuses, excuses...
LATIN_D: Keep this up, and when I finish SB I'll write a Ranma fanfic and
self-insert myself IN it. Then, I'm gonna beat you, Ryoga, Mousse, Kuno,
Herb AND Saffron within an inch of your lives. Using only my left hand.
While I read the manga I'm holding with my right hand. And AFTER that, I'll
get ALL of your fiancees and form my personal harem. And THEN, I'll pair you
up with COLOGNE, okay? So be careful about what you say to me.
RANMA: ...
LATIN_D: Now who's laughing, eh? *turns around*
RANMA: MOKO TAKABISHA!
LATIN_D: ...ouch....ouch...ouch...
Gee, don't know WHAT came over me. Sorry. ^_^
The SDF-1 collided with the frozen island with devastating force,
pulling down the last standing buildings that had miraculously survived
the
successive disasters.
Unless the ship attached some tow cables to those buildings, I think you
want to say it "knocked" down the last standing buildings...
I really thought 'pull down', 'knock down' and 'demolish' were all synonyms,
but, don't worry, I'll rephrase it.
In the bridge, everyone was knocked from their feet,
except for Ranma that managed somehow to keep his balance.
"On the bridge, everyone was thrown from their feet, except for Ranma, who
somehow managed to keep his balance."
MUCH better. I really had a lot of trouble with that sentence. It rewrote it
a few times, failed miserably, and then gave up. Thanks.
Ranma noticed
through the commotion that one of the women had tripped and was falling
backwards, about to crash into one of the situation consoles. Almost
without
thinking, he leapt towards her, catching the woman before she could hit
the
hard surface with her head.
And, since this is Ranma, we can all guess A) who he caught, and B) exactly
where on her anatomy he caught her. I sense a lot of pain coming for this
poor guy : Akane's got nothing on Commander Lisa Hayes. First of all, Lisa
is a lot less tolerant. She also owns a gun. ^_^
'A' I agree. 'B', I didn't give any kind of description, you HENTAI!
But you're right, anyway. ^_^
�That was a close one,� thought Ranma, holding the lean woman in
his arms. "You okay, miss?" he asked, gazing at her face for the first
time. �Oh, no.�
Oh, dear. ^_^
ATARU: Oh, YES!
KASUMI: Oh, my!
KENSHIN: Oro?
Lisa was looking at him through narrowed eyes, a deep frown in
her
face. "Let go of me," she ordered in a the coldest tone he had ever heard.
"Now."
Hehehe. He is SO dead. Maybe Rick will be able to sympathise, in a few
weeks.
Have you been reading my plot? ^_~
He would have never acknowledged it, but the ire visible in those
big brown eyes scared him. Thus, he released her a little too quickly, and
Lisa, surprised and unable to react, fell down to the floor on her bottom.
We know the floor is down, pal. Just "fell to the floor" is good enough.
Gee, you say that because you're intelligent. What about me, eh? I'm not
so...
Er, I mean, uh, I'll drop the 'down', all right. ^_^
Lisa's face reddened with anger as she tightly clenched her tiny
fists. Slowly, she stood up, letting out a growl and beginning to walk
towards Ranma using controlled, measured steps. The pig-tailed martial
artist retreated, warily eyeing the fuming Lisa, but stopped when he
realized that there was no place to run.
No place to run to, Ranma... No place to hide... And this woman has nearly
every Veritech jockey on board scared of her for a REASON. ^_^
Well, I guess he COULD hide in the ship. It's quite large, y'know.
But Lisa would find him eventually, you're right. ^_^
"Lisa! Order Lieutenant Commander Fokker's team to engage the
enemy!" ordered Gloval. "We need them there immediately!"
I believe Captain Gloval would simply say "Order Skull Squadron to engage
the enemy!" It's shorter, and more accurate.
Um, you may be right in this. I'll use your suggestion.
"Yes, sir," said Lisa through locked teeth. Shooting Ranma one
last hateful glare, she hurried to her duty station. Ranma sighed,
You've got an extra space between "to" and "her".
Why yes, you're right! How did that one got there? And how the heck did you
notice it? ^_^
relieved. Following her with his eyes, he noticed with detachment that she
was gently rubbing the sore spot with one of her hands, only to quickly
tear
his gaze away when he realized exactly _what_ he was staring at.
Of course, it helps that the part in question is quite stare-worthy. Still,
he's lucky he didn't get caught. ^_^
Do you think there're cameras in the bridge? I could have Lisa receiving
certain tapes... Nah, that's just too mean. ^_^
A faint blush coloring now his face, Ranma heard Lisa relaying
Gloval's command and couldn't help but wonder what were Rick and Minmei
doing in that moment. Not much, probably.
I think you mean Ranma was wondering "what Rick and Minmei were doing at
that moment".
Ayep. Will fix.
At least, he was sure they couldn't be a having a time worse than
his.
Hey, give Rick a chance. He hasn't been introduced to Lisa yet. And,
considering how well the "Mr. Lingerie" incident plays out, I think he and
Ranma are going to be even as far as headaches go.
Heheh. R&R, comrades in arms!
RICK: Sorry, sir, I didn't mean to squeeze your butt!
LISA: Why you--
RANMA: Gee, man, you got some stomach. To touch that--Brrrrr!
RICK: Eh, Ranma.
RANMA: But, now that I think about it, better grab her butt than her boobs.
Now THAT would be disgust--
RICK: RANMA!
RANMA: WHAT?!
RICK: Run. Fast.
RANMA: *looks up* Uh-hoh.
LISA: *glowing* DIE, FRIEKS!
Mockinbird, the one-seater racer of his design that he had built
Typo : Rick's plane is called the Mockingbird. Although I'm not sure it can
be called a "plane" anymore, given the shape it's in. ^_^
As Roy himself said: "A piece of junk. But a NICE piece of junk."
peeled off, and a big part of the fuselage had been damaged during their
chaotic reentry into the SDF-1.
I believe "re-entry" is hyphenated, but I'm not sure.
"Reentry" in the dictionary, the spell-checker approves... I'll check it up,
though.
<SNIP!>
The last Battlepods remaining in the island had been dispatched
quickly. Most of them had thrown themselves blindly into a nearly-kamikaze
attack against the SDF-1, where its primary and secondary batteries,
Destroids, Spartans, Gladiators and other Civil Defense mecha--early
products of Robotechnology, incapable of flying but with lots of firepower
to compensate--had made short work of them.
Technically, it's not flight that the Destroids, Spartans, Gladiators,
Excaliburs, and so on are lacking. I mean, sure, they can't, but the real
lack is the fact they can't transform. They're ground mecha. They aren't
SUPPOSED to fly.
Well, but one of their weakest points is exactly that one: they can't fly,
and so are sitting ducks against flying mecha. That's why the pods (and the
Quadronos, and the Botorus, and so on) destroyed them so easily.
<SNIP!>
Ranma's eyes were wide as he thought of the implications this
unexpected turn of events could have. "She surely can't mean Pluto,
right?"
he asked, turning to Lisa. "As in 'the planet Pluto'?"
"Yes." Lisa's tone was still vexed.
"Pluto?" asked Ranma one more time. "As in the farthest planet
>from the Sun?"
"YES!" she snapped.
Taken aback by her outburst, Ranma started to back down once
again, returning to his secluded corner. "Okay, okay. Jeez, what's with
her,
anyway?" he grumbled under his breath. "Why d' I always have to deal with
tomboys?"
I really liked this exchange. Very believable, and pretty in character for
both of them. Although, maybe for Ranma's last line, you could say
something
more like : "How come I always gotta deal with tomboys?"
Thanks.
I think it sounds a little bit better, but that's just me.
Right again. I'll rephrase it and put something the like.
<SNIP-SNIP-SNIP...>
Ranma gasped as the gravity of the situation finally sank in. How
were they going to return? Was returning even possible? Would he ever see
his friends, his family again? He couldn't brood on this matter for long,
though, as Claudia's melodious voice distracted him from his musings.
I thought you mentioned earlier that he hadn't seen any of his "family" in
years. Why would he get all choked up now over not seeing them again? It's
not like he was planning to visit anytime soon, right?
Really? I said that? Where? All I said (a couple of paragraphs below) is
that he had left Nerima, and had never returned. BUT his mother doesn't live
in Nerima, and I said in ch1 that she was the one who arranged his meeting
with Gloval. And I also mentioned that he had seen Ryoga regularly... and
Kuno (though friend might be too strong a word in his case ^_^).
Besides, there's a big difference in between willingly going into exile
because of emotional pain (as he KNEW he could return any moment he felt
like it) and losing every possibility of seeing any of his loved ones ever
again.
"See you, hunk!" Sammie called out just as he was exiting the
bridge, and all three of the techs erupted in much-needed giggles that
seemed to sweep away the tense atmosphere in a moment. Lisa, however, just
whirled around, ignoring him, arms folded across her chest. Seeing her
reaction, Claudia let a knowing smirk reach her lips. �This should prove
interesting.�
CLAUDIA : I can put them in a steel cage together, and let them fight to
the
death! It'll be fun!
And today, in Celebrity Deadmatch...
They made a quite peculiar couple: he, with broad
shoulders that denoted a lifetime of martial arts, and blue eyes partially
covered by a thick mop of black hair; she, with delicate features and dark
skin, and close, coffe-coloured curls that gave her a rather exotic
beauty.
Typo : coffee-coloured
Right. And as I'm using American English: coffee-colored.
Unexpectedly, Claudia broke the silence. "She's not that bad,
y'know."
"Huh?" asked Ranma intelligently, caught off guard by the cryptic
remark.
"Lisa," she clarified. "She's not that bad--once you get to know
her."
Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match... find me a find, catch me a
catch...
This is going to cause no end of trouble, isn't it? I mean, because Ranma
has always had SO much luck letting other people handle his romantic life,
hasn't he? ^_~
Heheh. Of course there will be trouble. It's Ranma we're talking about here,
ne?
And don't forget that Ranma can also play the matchmaker part...
"Really?" Claudia looked sincerely interested. She was an
accomplished hand-to-hand fighter, but she usually had a hard time finding
sparring partners, as not many RDF officers practiced some kind of combat
art.
BZZZT!
This isn't good, ne?
BIG mistake of the night, people.
Sorry! All people in the RDF are proficient in some kind of combat art.
Even
the bridge crew manage to wipe the floor with their opponents during the
big
barroom brawl in Homecomings. No army lets its cadets out of basic training
without SOME kind of hand-to-hand combat skill.
ACK! As I found almost no reference to them practicing combat arts, I
decided to let my imagination fly for a moment. Serves me right. ^_^
And I was talking about a different level, definitely higher than the basic
training that they could receive in those two months of drill.
BTW, you're right about that fight in Homecomings. Funny the things you
forget sometimes.
On top of that, Claudia
would have no problem finding a sparring partner : she's dating Roy Fokker.
The same Roy Fokker who's certain he could beat Lynn-Kyle in a fight. How
did he put it?
"A good big man beats a good little man every time."
And I really didn't remember this. Now that you say it, you're right. ARGH!
How did I forget about that?
Sorry about that, but you might want to come up with a better reason for
her
to want a sparring partner than "nobody on the ship is good enough". How
about the fact that she out-ranks everybody but Lisa and Gloval? A lot of
soldiers would be worried about slugging a superior officer, even if she
wanted them to. Maybe Roy won't spar with her because he refuses to "damage
such a pretty face". It kind of sounds like something he'd say.
You're completely right. And this IS a much better reason. Will rephrase
this whole part.
"Don't tell. Well, I know a couple of moves myself. Perhaps we
could spar someday?"
I think you want Claudia to say "Do tell", not "Don't tell". "Don't tell"
sounds like she doesn't want to hear it, i.e. she doesn't care.
Argh, silly mistake. I'll fix it immediately.
The grin quickly disappeared, only to be replaced by a doubtful
expression. "Er, I dunno..."
Claudia's brows came together. "Why? What's the matter?"
"It's just that I don't like hittin' girls," Ranma nervously
explained. "Besides, I'm not sure you'd be much of a challenge, y'know?"
"Oh, is that so?" drawled Claudia, dangerously narrowing her
eyes.
"Well, don't worry. We don't have to spar if you're afraid or something."
Oh, and here we go. All these years later, and Ranma still manages to paint
himself into a corner the second he opens his mouth. Pride and honesty are
NEVER a good combination.
Well, he was never good at verbal sparring, or at thinking before talking,
or at keeping his mouth shut, or...
Except when he uses insults; he's good at that. ^_^
�What has just happened?� wondered Ranma, still staring in the
direction she had gone. If he hadn't known better, he would have thought
that she had tricked him--but that wasn't possible, right?
Seems like he's doubting himself, here. I'd rephrase it a little, just to
show that he still hasn't learned anything. Try "he would have thought she
had just tricked him... but that wasn't possible. Nobody EVER tricked Ranma
Saotome."
Well, he did admit that Nabiki could trick him, he just doen't like to do
it. The only thing he's overconfident are his fighting skills. There I could
see him saying something like that.
I'll rephrase it, though, to show a bbit more of that healthy ego of his.
<And one, and two, and three, and SNIP!>
Breetai, commander of the Zentraedi fleet sent to retrieve the
missing Dimensional Fortress, was angry. More than angry, he was furious,
enraged.
Just a tip. Whenever you're listing somebody like that (you know, title,
position, so on), it's a good idea to include their last name. In this
case,
that would mean putting "Breetai Tul, Commander of the Zentraedi fleet sent
to retrieve the Dimensional Fortress, was angry."
Oh, but I knew that. There's only one problem...
WHERE THE HECK DID YOU GET HIS LAST NAME?!
I looked everywhere for it, but I'm almost sure it isn't in the novels. I
mean, I thought male Zentraedi just hadn't last names (which isn't so silly,
if you think they're all clones); it's always Dolza this, Exedore that. The
only exception I believe is Miriya.
I'll look those last names from now on.
How it was that Zor's ship had escaped, he
Uhm, wouldn't that be "Zor's Ship"? The name that the Zentraedi give the
SDF-1 is "Zor's Ship", so the "ship" is considered part of its title.
Well, McKinney uses 'Zor's ship' all throughout his books. And the name they
give the ship is Dimmensional Fortress, if I'm not wrong.
Dolza, had been bested by mere primitives. Right when he thought the
Dimensional Fortress would finally be his, when there seemed to be no way
out for the weaklings, they had somehow executed a spacefold operation
right
over the surface of their puny planet--which was supposed to be
impossible!
Actually, as Exedore pointed out at the time, it's not impossible. It's
just
considered so insane and dangerous that nobody would ever consider doing
it.
That's one of the first things about the Terrans that impresses Breetai :
he
thinks they deliberately put themselves and all of Macross at risk on
purpose,
because they didn't want to lose. He might be impressed at their guts, or
shocked by their lack of sanity, but he wouldn't think such a move
impossible.
Y'know, I had this doubt while I was writing.
But, the first thing that Exedore says when he sees the fold is that
"impossible", and then he thinks that they must have come up with a superior
spacefold process. It never crosses his mind that they didn't know the
consequences of their acts, or that they were insane, or that they were
incredibly reckless. He just believed the ship was superior--at least in
that moment. And so, IMO, Breetai's thoughts would echo those of his
advisor in this case. He just doesn't KNOW them enough to think them
reckless.
And, IMO, Breetai only thought that the Micronians were unpredictable, not
insane or courageous--until the incident in Canada (Ontario?) when that city
was destroyed. It was THEN that his opinion changed.
<SNIP AGAIN!>
They had found them once, and they would find them again. And
this
time, there would be no mistakes.
The way you put this, it sounds like Breetai wants to find the people on
board the SDF-1. He doesn't care about them : he wants the ship. So, "They
had found it once, and they would find it again."
Um, right you are. Fix I will. For pointing it out, thanks.
<JUST A TRIM AROUND THE EARS>
Heh.
Afterwards, he had tried to forget and go on with his life, as so
many of his friends had advised him. But every single place in Nerima
brought Akane back. If he hadn't done something, anything, he would have
gone crazy. So he had made a decision. One night, while everyone was
sleeping, he had left the house, carrying nothing but his old leather
backpack and without so much as a backward glance.
He had lost a home--his first and only home--that night.
Which begs my point : Ranma never had any plans or intentions to ever see
his family again! Why should he CARE if he's in orbit around Pluto? He has
nowhere else to be!
As I said above, Ranma does have a family: Nodoka and Genma. If Ranma left
Nerima, I think Nodoka would follow him (Genma, I'm not so sure). And he HAS
other friends outside the Tendo family...
AND he's not in his planet any more, far from his home, and his life.
Yep, life was looking good for the youngest Saotome.
And somewhere, for no apparent reason, Mousse, Ryoga, Tatewaki, Kodachi,
and
Cologne all got the urge to do something really nasty. Because that is how
life works for young Ranma.
Actually, in this timeline, it's the big, powerful Zentraedi armada the one
with the urge to do something really nasty.
<SNIP!>
He had thought thing couldn't get any worse... He should have
known better: bad news always come in pairs.
Actually, bad news always comes in threes. This might make for some good
foreshadowing : have Gloval worrying about what the third piece of bad news
would be.
Ah, my bad. There's an Spanish set phrase that says something like what I
wrote. Serves me right for not checking it out. Will fix.
(I'm guessing that huge alien armada heading in his general
direction. Anyone feel like taking bets?)^_^
Not me. ^_^
And good idea, I'll use it.
Slight of build and of average height, Lang's most distinctive
feature were his eyes: pupilless, irisless, all black eyes that seemed to
look in every direction at the same time--and then beyond.
Nitpick #2 : McKinney is never sure about Lang's eyes. Sometimes he says
they're all pupil, and at others claims they're blank, with neither pupil
nor iris. If you say all-pupil, try to do McKinney one better, and stick to
it.
Gee, Jack, it seems I can't trust you any more.
BTW, _I_ said 'pupilless', and, of course, I'll stick with it.
"I see only one solution. The SDF-1's construction isn't very
different from the Veritech fighter's construction."
Except, of course, for the fact that it's completely different. Why not
have
Lang mention instead that since the SDF-1 had transformed on a small scale
before (when they were in it), it might be possible to transform it on a
large scale, like a Veritech?
Um, actually, I think he explained that both the Veritech's and the SDF-1's
construction was modular (which is why I wrote that sentence in the first
place), and thus very similar. I'll change it to make it more clear.
Damn! Why was everything always so difficult?
RYOGA : Because the world is a dark and lonely place, Captain. And it's all
Ranma's fault. Trust me on that one.
RANMA: Hey, shut up, P-chan! Oh, sure, I was here when the SDF-1 crashed
against the island, but that has nothing to do with it. It's not like the
ship was looking for me or anything... Right?
<SNIPPETY-SNIP!>
Ranma stood in the wet earth, drenched from head to toes. "Aw,
just _great_!" she grumbled, before running the rest of the way up to the
dojo. Just the thing she needed, and after she had stayed male for so
long--almost a personal record.
Don't feel bad, Ranma-chan. We all knew it had to happen eventually. You
may
as well get it out of the way as soon as possible.
_I_ certainly knew it had to happen... And this is only the beginning!
"Excuse me, lady," came suddenly a voice from the restaurant's
direction. "Do I know you?"
See what I mean? ^_^
Am I a mean, bad person? Am I? ^_^
Ranma whirled around, and she found Lena standing next to her
home's front gate, looking at her with a curious expression. "Eh, I'm..."
stuttered a panicked Ranma, only to say the first thing that came to her
mind, "Ranko! Yeah, that's me: good ol' Ranko." Nervous laughter escaped
Ranma's lips as she unsuccessfully tried to look innocent.
Hehehehe. Yup, good old Ranko. It's always nice to see her pop up every now
and again, isn't it?
It is. Even more when she uses those things Kenko keeps describing in GD...
Oh, God bless mental images!
Lena smiled knowingly. "You wouldn't happen to know Ranma, by any
chance?"
"Uh? Ah, yes, I'm a friend of his," assured Ranma, nodding
vigorously. "Definitely."
"A friend? Then, why're you using his clothes?" asked Lena,
RANKO : Did I say friend? I meant sister.
LENA : He never said he had a sister.
RANKO : What? Uh... how dare he not mention me! His favorite cousin!
LENA : I thought you said you were his sister.
RANKO : Uhm... I am! His twin... cousin's... sister's... ah, hell. Got a
kettle?
LENA: Sure. Wait a second. *heads to the restaurant*
RANKO: *runs away*
As Ranma was dragged by a very enthusiastic Lena towards the
White
Dragon, she couldn't help but ask, one more time, �Why me?�
RYOGA : Because you're finally getting what you deserve!
WHA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Heheh. You may say what you want about Ryoga, but he's got his convictions.
<SNIP!>
"Exactly, sir," Exedore said. "But I believe there's something
else you should see, Your Excelence."
Typo : "Excellence"
Got it! Thanks for pointing it out.
"But how is this even possible? Is it an android?" In their long
history, the Zentraedi had encountered numerous sentient races dispersed
throughout the galaxy. Many of them had possessed advanced robots that
resembled members of their species; they had all only been stupid
machines,
though, incapable of free thinking. Nothing the warrior race's powerful
armada hadn't been able to defeat in mere seconds.
I half-expected another Transformers reference in here. ^_^
Nah, one every three or four chapters is enough (as in, I was _this_ close
to putting one ^_^).
<SNIP TO END>
To be continued...
And I for one am glad it is. This is one of the best cross-overs I've read
in a while, and it's always a pleasure to C&C. You seemed to have one or
two
rough spots here and there, mostly the misconception about RDF combat
training, but other than that, I'd say this is one of your best chapters
yet. The plot proceeds apace, and the characterisations are more or less
dead on. You still manage to avoid retelling scenes we already know, but
make sure people less familiar with Robotech can still follow the story.
Good work, my friend, and I'm looking forward to Chapter Six already!
Thanks for the praise, Morgan. Hopefully, there won't be so many scenes to
retell in a few chapters. Things will change soon!
And rest assured that I won't make that mistake with the combat training
again. Baaaaad D!
Once again, thanks a lot for the comments. I'll be glad to return the favor
when the next chapter of Dark Crusade is posted. When will that be, BTW? I'm
waiting... ^_~
Bye and good luck,
Latin_D