Here it is, the last part! Well, the last part that's finished >:)
Thanks to all who've read parts 1& 2 and who've encouraged Neko-chan and I to
post the rest. I'm really amazed at how all the C&C has commented about the
closeness of the original Monkees show. And for all of you that didn't think
part 2 was as funny as part 1, I hope this part is more on par with your
expectations. ^_^
PS - Mr. Babbit is the Monkees' long-suffering landlord.
-- Attached file included as plaintext by Listar --
-- File: ranmonk3.txt
<HTML>Part Three<BR>
<BR>
************************************* <BR>
Scene Seventeen: <BR>
<BR>
(Happosai is in a small room, going over his "collection" and talking to himself and it, occasionally. Outside, Ranma and the Monkees are crouched under a window.) <BR>
<BR>
Ranma: Now listen, you�re really only gonna have one shot at this, so you better do it right, and if you screw up, I�m not helping you. <BR>
<BR>
Davy: Well, who says we need your--(Peter puts a hand over his mouth.) <BR>
<BR>
(Happosai looks up furtively, then goes back to counting his "silky darlings") <BR>
<BR>
Happosai: One million, three hundred sixty-eight thousand, nine hundred and one, one million, three hundred sixty eight thousand . . . . <BR>
<BR>
(Ranma and Mike drop back down from the window. Mike crinkles his nose up.) <BR>
<BR>
Mike: That�s . . . disgusting. <BR>
<BR>
Micky: (in a ninja outfit) Okay, whadda we do now? <BR>
<BR>
Happosai: (voice-over) . . . three hundred sixty eight thousand, nine hundred seven . . . . <BR>
<BR>
Ranma: Okay, when I tell ya, you pounce on him. (glances up) There�s no way that old freak could know we�re here, but just in case . . . <BR>
<BR>
(Ranma jumps up to the window, clearly visible to Happosai) <BR>
<BR>
Ranma: (quickly) Hey, old FREAK! How many martial artists does it take to change a lightbulb? <BR>
<BR>
Happosai: (irked at being interrupted) I don�t care, Ranma! (he then pales) Oh, no! I lost count! (he begins to gather up his "collection," completely distracted.) <BR>
<BR>
Ranma: (to the Monkees) NOW! <BR>
<BR>
(The Monkees attempt to get through the window at the same time, and then they realize their folly and go in one at a time. They immediately pounce on Happosai, Mike grabbing the keys off of the old pervert�s belt.) <BR>
<BR>
Mike: (jubulantly) I got �em! <BR>
<BR>
(Micky, on top of Mike, gives him a thumbs up sign. Mike looks at the floor underneath him start to shake) <BR>
<BR>
Mike: Uh-oh. <BR>
<BR>
(The boys shoot straight up in the air and leave a nice-sized hole in the roof of the Tendo household. Ranma runs in through the door, he stares at the Monkee trails in the sky.) <BR>
<BR>
Ranma: Oh, no! <BR>
<BR>
(Akane, on the second floor, peers down through the hole, fuming and blushing. She is only in her underwear and is vainly attempting to cover herself with a towel. She sees Ranma staring up at her.) <BR>
<BR>
Akane: (growling) Ranma! <BR>
<BR>
(From out of nowhere, a huge mallet drops from the second level. Ranma deftly avoids being squooshed, only to find himself under a pile of Monkees. Happosai stands in front of the disorganized mess of bodies, spreading his arms wide.) <BR>
<BR>
************************************* <BR>
Scene Eighteen <BR>
<BR>
(One look and Ranma and the boys are running quite frantically.) <BR>
<BR>
Peter: What is that? <BR>
<BR>
Ranma: Tha Happo-Fire-Burst! <BR>
<BR>
Micky: The what? <BR>
<BR>
Ranma: In the time it�ll take me to tell you, we�ll all be burnt to a crisp! <BR>
<BR>
Micky: Good enough for me. <BR>
<BR>
(Coming to a fork in the road, they accidentally split up, Ranma running one way, the Monkees the other. Unfortunately, Happosai follows the larger group (�cause they�re the weaklings). A rapid chase results in the Monkees coming to a dead end, where there is a door.) <BR>
<BR>
Peter: (reading a sign outside the door) Bell out of order. Please don�t knock. Go away. <BR>
<BR>
Mike: (knocking furiously) C�mon, somebody open up! <BR>
<BR>
Micky: Wait! <BR>
<BR>
Mike: What? <BR>
<BR>
Micky: (staring to pick up Davy) Gimme a hand with this. <BR>
<BR>
Davy: Ey!! <BR>
<BR>
(They heave him up, and prepare to knock the door down with him.) <BR>
<BR>
Peter: Stop struggling, Davy, you�re heavy enough as it is. <BR>
<BR>
Davy: I resent that! You guys are gonna kill me! <BR>
<BR>
Mike: Uh. . . close your eyes. <BR>
<BR>
Micky: Ready? One. . . Two. . . Three. . .! <BR>
<BR>
(They run into the door, which opens just before Davy�s head makes contact with it. Of course, they all fall in the doorway and drop him anyway. They dust themselves off and stand up. Suddenly, the notice a figure in the corner stabbing a voodoo doll.) <BR>
<BR>
Gosunkougi: That fool Saotome! That fool Saotome! That fool Saotome! <BR>
<BR>
(He notices them.) <BR>
<BR>
Gosunkugi: What are you doing here?!?!?!?!? <BR>
<BR>
Mike: Leaving! <BR>
<BR>
(They run out a door on the other side of the room, standing there is Ranma.) <BR>
<BR>
Micky: Boy, man, you sure make a lot of enimies. <BR>
<BR>
Ranma: So do you. <BR>
<BR>
(He indicates Happosai charging at them.) <BR>
<BR>
Monkees: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! <BR>
<BR>
************************************* <BR>
Scene Nineteen: "Randy Scouse Git" Romp <BR>
<BR>
(The Monkees and Ranma (mostly the Monkees) run around from Happosai and various other characters who show up to hate Ranma. Lots of fun and silly improvised things happen here, the Monkees never run out of breath, and more episode time is used. Through lots and lots of aggrivation, the boys finally trap Happosai in a microwave.) <BR>
<BR>
Ranma: (shocked) You beat him? How. . . how did you do that? <BR>
<BR>
Micky: It�s called trick photography. <BR>
<BR>
Ranma: Trick-what? <BR>
<BR>
Mike: (triumphantly holding the keys) Monkee Magic. <BR>
<BR>
Peter: Can we go home now? <BR>
<BR>
(Back at the Nekohanten, the Monkees are walking back to their golf-cart, very happy and bouncy that they�re going home. Suddenly, all the fun and happiness is brought to an aburpt stop by a someone standing in the path of the Fearful Four.) <BR>
<BR>
Kuno: I�ve been waiting for you, Micky Dolenz of 1334 North Beachwood. <BR>
<BR>
************************************* <BR>
Scene Twenty <BR>
<BR>
(The notoriously curious but not notoriously brave Monkees all whimper and huddle up, backing away from Kuno.) <BR>
<BR>
Micky: (the realisation dawns on him) Oh, me? <BR>
<BR>
Kuno: (approaching) I don�t appricate my opponent abandoning me in the middle of a battle between men! <BR>
<BR>
Micky: Kuno, the battle was over a long time ago! I beat you! <BR>
<BR>
Kuno: That was no battle, you foolish imp! Come now, and fight me! <BR>
<BR>
(Micky considers this.) <BR>
<BR>
Micky: All right. I�ll give you a battle. But on my terms this time. <BR>
<BR>
(Kuno considers this. Then, reluctantly,) <BR>
<BR>
Kuno: Very well. <BR>
<BR>
Micky: (to the other Monkees, assuming an incredible accent) Men, the Dueling Table! <BR>
<BR>
(The scramble around for a minute and set up a card table with two chairs. Suddenly, Micky is wearing an elaborate Admiral-Of-The-Fleet uniform. Kuno watches in anger/confusion as Peter brings out a large wooden box and opens it cerimoniously, placing on game peice on each side of the table.) <BR>
<BR>
Micky: The duel. . . is Battleship. Please, sit. <BR>
<BR>
Kuno: (hesitant, but sits anyway) I accept your Duel, Rubber Funball. Be prepared to be annihlated by the Blue Thunder. <BR>
<BR>
Micky: (sits as well, with the other three hanging over his shoulder.) Indeed. <BR>
<BR>
************************************* <BR>
Scene Twenty-One <BR>
<BR>
(An obviously long amount of time has passed. Kuno is on edge, Micky�s uniform is in disarry, his accent gone. The other three Monkees have all but lost interest, Davy is playing with a yo-yo, Mike has found a guitar from the Magical Monkee Prop Closet and his working something out with Peter. Both Kuno and Micky�s boards are almost covered in white pins.) <BR>
<BR>
Kuno: I will guess. . . A-Five. <BR>
<BR>
Micky: Nope. <BR>
<BR>
Kuno: Why you--- (he composes himself.) <BR>
<BR>
Micky: D. . . Seven? <BR>
<BR>
(Kuno checks his board, his face contorts and twists in a various number of tortured positions, he growls, ect.) <BR>
<BR>
Kuno: You sunk my Battleship, knave!!! <BR>
<BR>
(Micky and all the other Monkees jump up and shout "yay!" Kuno, fuming, stands.) <BR>
<BR>
Kuno: You think I�ll be defeated so easily? <BR>
<BR>
(THUNK. A huge hammer comes down on the top of his head. He falls over in the promise pose, revealing Akane standing behind him.) <BR>
<BR>
Mike: Hey you�re that chick who-- <BR>
<BR>
Akane: (shaking her head) Just go home, please, go. <BR>
<BR>
(Don�t need to tell them twice. The Monkees hurriedly pile into the golf cart, stick the keys in the ignition, and drive off, never to be seen in Nerima again.) <BR>
<BR>
************************************* <BR>
Scene Twenty-Two <BR>
<BR>
(Back and safe at home at the Pad, the front door opens and four exhuasted Monkees spill out, landing on whatever it pleases them to land on first. They�re not down three seconds when someone comes knock-knock-knockin� on their door.) <BR>
<BR>
Peter: (looking through the screen) It�s Mr. Babbit. <BR>
<BR>
Micky: Ugh. . . tell him we died. <BR>
<BR>
Peter: (opens the door) Uh, Mr. Babbit, Micky says we can�t pay you the rent right now because we�re dead. <BR>
<BR>
Babbit: (charges in) Don�t you kids pull any of that stuff with me. Your rent�s overdue--as usual-- and you�re all sitting around here doing nothing. <BR>
<BR>
Mike: (dryly) No we�re not. We�re presently all selling our souls to get you the rent money. <BR>
<BR>
Babbit: Oh, very funny. You better get your act together or all of you are going to end up on the street! And I mean it this time! <BR>
<BR>
Davy: But, Mr. Babbit, we really don�t have the money to pay you right now. Can�t you just let it go this one little time? <BR>
<BR>
Babbit: It�s been thirteen little times! <BR>
<BR>
Micky: That makes it lucky. <BR>
<BR>
Babbit: I can�t deal with you kids. <BR>
<BR>
(He storms out. There is silence for a while, then someone speaks up.) <BR>
<BR>
Davy: (forgetting they have no money) I�m hungry, let�s order some food. <BR>
<BR>
Peter: Chinese take-out? <BR>
<BR>
Micky, Mike, and Davy: NO! <BR>
<BR>
Micky: (picking up the phone) Let�s just order in some grocereis. (He dials one random number and hands the phone to Peter.) <BR>
<BR>
Peter: (receiving the phone from him) But we don�t know the number. <BR>
<BR>
Micky: Just keep dialing. <BR>
<BR>
(Peter dials one number and hands the phone to Mike, who dials a number and hands it to Davy, who dials the last one. The phone rings and they all act surprised. A recorded message picks up.) <BR>
<BR>
Voice on the phone: Goddess Relief Hotline. Our representitive will be there in half an hour or less, guaranteed. Thank you for calling. <BR>
<BR>
(The Monkees smile, a bit confused, but pretty pleased with themselves.) <BR>
<BR>
(Suddenly, a young woman comes crashing through the roof. Her name is Namid ("dances with the lights of heaven"). She has been sent by the Goddess Relief Hotline.) <BR>
<BR>
Mike: That�s definately less than half-an-hour. <BR>
<BR>
Micky: Hey, man, a chick just fell through our roof!<BR>
<BR>
Peter: Mr. Babbit won�t be happy about this one. <BR>
<BR>
Namid: Hello, I�ve been assigned to you to grant you one single wish. Once the wish is in effect, it cannot be reversed. So, what will be your order? <BR>
<BR>
(They all look at her, then each other in unison.) <BR>
<BR>
Davy: (* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *) <BR>
<BR>
(They all smack him on the back of the head) <BR>
<BR>
Mike, Peter and Micky: DON�T YOU DARE!!! <BR>
<BR>
(Freeze and fade out.) <BR>
<BR>
************************************* <BR>
<BR>
Post-Episode Interview and Music Sequence <BR>
<BR>
("You Just May Be The One") <BR>
<BR>
************************************* <BR>
<BR>
End of Part Three</HTML>