Hi, Adrian!
Gee, maybe I should start writing EVA fics--plenty of insightful comments.
Lesee...
For the first time in my life, I found myself frozen,
unable to think. She was watching at me with those beautiful eyes of hers
while I disserted about something meaningless and boring, her gaze boring
into me, unwavering. She listened to me intently, seemingly swallowing my
soul as she breathed, making me hers. How I managed to finish that class,
I
don't know. And later, when I heard her melodious voice calling my name.
Oh, I could have died happy in that moment...
I have two quibbles with this paragraph: Firstly, EVA canon indicates that
Yui and Fuyutsuki first met when Yui came to see him, and he commented on
her paper (The episode 'He Knew That He Was Still A Child'). There is also
an implication that Yui was not one of his students before then.
Right you are. To tell the truth, I all but forgot about that till I read
Jon's comments. I'll be making the appropiate changes to correct this error
during the revision.
About the 'Yui student' bussiness, well, I know it's not exactly canon, but
I like it. However, I'll also make some subtle changes in this regard--I'd
hate people saying I don't respect canon. ^_^
Secondly, your use of the word 'boring'. It's not really a good idea to
use
a word more than once in a sentence, especially if you are using alternate
meanings for each use.
Ah, right again. Hadn't noticed that. I'll rephrase it, all right, and
thanks for the catch!
And Gendo is even worse. He never deserved Yui, never.
His isn't love, it's purely an obsession. A desire to possess something
way
beyond his usual reaches. Maybe he doesn't even know it--for he is so
used
to deception that, sometimes, he even fools himself--, but he doesn't
really love her. He just needs her, because if someone so perfect as Yui
loves him, then he mustn't be that bad.
Hmm. I have my own interpretations of Yui and Gendo's relationship, which
I
may share at some point in the future. But I'm not sure Fuyutsuki would
see
it quite this way.
Well, remember this is Fuyutsuki's reality, and he isn't exactly unbiased in
this matter. Every single one of his opinions will be tainted by jealousy.
But I can't, and I'll never be able to. My heart
forces
me to go on, reminding me why I'm doing this every step of the way. For
if
I can see her face one more time, if I can feel her touch again, then all
the pain won't have been in vain. It will be worth all the sacrifice, I
just know it.
A very nice dissertation on the nature of Fuyutsuki's obsession. Remember,
however, that he joined Gehirn well before Yui's absorption. He must have
had other reasons for doing so.
I didn't say Yui was the reason he joined Gehirn (though she probably was a
big part of it, if only to be near her), I meant she's the reason he STAYS
in Nerv, now that the situation is getting out of hand, now that he begins
to have doubts about the Project. Besides, I also mentioned duty as another
reason that keeps him from just giving up.
The phone rings, startling me out of my musings. I
answer it, and Gendo's cold, controlled voice immediately greets my ears.
"Fuyutsuki, I need you here immediately. Something... unexpected has
happened."
Unexpected? Coming from Gendo, that's a lot.
"Yes, Gendo," I hear myself say. "I'll be there in a
second." I put the handset down, stand up, and slowly begin my way to the
door.
I await your judgement, Yui, my love. We will meet
soon.
Taking into account what this last passage implies, I have to wonder
whether
Fuyutsuki would really want Yui 'back', or would merely want her the way
she
is in his mind.
I tried to imply he's so tired, so disillusioned, that he doesn't care any
more. He wants it to end, and even when he's scared of her judgement, he
also longs for it, because it will give him peace--at last.
Deep, eh? ^_^
Overall, nice, but I can't say I've ever liked character sketches,
especially ones of canon characters without any changes. There's something
about sticking to canon characters with canon plot that seems to be the
anti-thesis of fanfic to me. Oh well.
Um, wouldn't a non-canon character be an original character? And pure
character sketchs don't usually have a plot (actually, I don't think they
have a plot at all); they aren't but the take of a certain author on a
certain character. If you have a new, unknown character (or even a known,
but deeply changed one), and no plot, how can readers identify themselves
with it? You'd be writing a biography, I think.
And CS _are_ fanfics. And they're all different, even if you follow canon,
even if you use the same character. For example, take Zen and Rhea (sorry,
Zen ^_^). They both love Ukyo, and if they ever write character sketchs on
her character, both of them will contain nothing but kind words. However, I
bet they wouldn't have a thing in common.
Besides, I've found out I really enjoy writing them. ^_^
WinAmp(TM) is now playing: Moby-Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?
Because Someone Stuck A Sword On It? ^_^
(Quite an appropriate piece for this character sketch ^_^)
You got that right. It must have been your destiny to C&C this fic. ^_^
Well, thanks a lot for the helpful comments, Adrian!
See you!
Latin_D