Something I wrote quick, all at one sitting. An hour fic,
sort of, inspired by the near endless supply of Ranma as
a senshi fics that are being worked on. :)
***
Mallet Girl - in Text!
(a Ranma 1/2 magical girl spamfic)
By Ammadeau
Roy.Fokker@UNSpacy.org
http://www.thekeep.org/~amm/
***
Ranma would never win the Nobel prize for female
psychology, but at the moment he had a feeling that Akane was
mad at him for something. He had been so bored with his pop off
getting tanked with Mr. Tendo that he was actually sitting and
watching her practice martial arts, or as he liked to call it, 'making
kindling the hard way.'
*Clumsy tomboy,* he thought bitterly as she directed
another scathing look in his direction. Here he was, doing his best
not to offer her a banana, and this was the thanks he got.
*Stupid Ranma, we don't you just leave?* Akane thought in
irritation as she glanced back to confirm that yes he was still sitting
there scowling at her. Normally, when she cranked up the pissed-
off tomboy act he'd do something that at least gave her an excuse
to get rid of him, but he seemed to determined to wait her out
tonight, and she was started to tire of her fake practice session.
*Could he have found out my secret? Come on, this is
Ramna. He couldn't figure out that... Where is she anyway?*
"Nihao!" suddenly came a cry that was loud enough to
remain audible over the splintering of wood as a Amazon-sized
hole was knocked in the side of the dojo. "Shampoo come for date
that husband promise!"
"What?!" Ranma shouted in alarm, backing away from his
bubbly and boiling fianc�es. "I never promised you anything like
that!"
"Husband no remember?" Shampoo asked as she bounced
closer to him, not seeming to notice the fuming Akane behind her.
"Husband promise that if Shampoo keep secret of date with rose-
girl from Akane, you would take Shampoo on date!"
"Going on a date with Kodachi and Shampoo!" Akane
raged as she stomped closer and closer to Ranma, the wood
starting to buckle under her feet from the force of her steps.
"Violent girl here?" Shampoo blinked in an appearance of
innocent confusion. "Shampoo make mistake. So sorry. Good
thing Shampoo not say how husband seal deal with kiss... oops."
"Akane, she's making it all up!" Ranma's voice was nearly
shrill with panic as he held his hands out before him to ward off
the oncoming short-haired disaster. "I don't know what she's
talking about!"
Akane picked up the mallet conveniently at her side and
held it aloft like a katana. "Ranma... you pervert!"
Bang, bang, Akane's wooden mallet came down upon his
head. Ranma did his best to dodge, but like magic the mallet
unerringly struck him dead center of his forehead. After a brief
moment of pain filled with fireworks, he entered the blissful realm
of unconsciousness.
Shampoo leaned over to check Ranma driven half-way
through the floor. "He out like light," she confirmed with a grin to
Akane.
"Stop talking like that!" Akane told her with a frown.
"Where were you anyway? We're late for our rounds, again."
"I know, but I had a hard time getting away from Mousse
tonight. I think that even a moron like him is starting to suspect
something," Shampoo explained in fluent Japanese.
"Ugh, I don't want to know the ecchi thoughts that he'd
have seeing us together. Why doesn't your great-grandmother ship
him back to China anyway?" Akane asked.
Shampoo sighed. "She's says that it's good training for me,
to help keep me on my toes at all times. I think she got the idea
from some French movie she saw once. Anyway, he's usually not
that big of a pain, especially when I'm the reason he got cursed."
Akane nodded as she easily pried Ranma out of the floor
and laid him gently on a mat, making sure there weren't any serious
injuries. She hated to do this to him, but she knew that if he found
out the truth about her, he'd have to interfere and probably wind up
getting himself hurt or worse.
"Baka," she whispered softly and kissed him gently on the
forehead.
"Baka is right," Shampoo affirmed. "I don't know what you
see in him. The fool actually thinks I want to marry an idiot like
him. Fine husband he'd make when all he knows how to do is fight
like a cowardly dog, eat like a pig, and has all the manners of... his
lazy father."
Akane frowned again as she turned to face the Amazon. "I
really wish you wouldn't tease him so much."
Shampoo smirked in reply. "I have to keep my cover up,
don't I? Besides, it provides the perfect excuse for Cologne to train
him to be a fitting life-mate for you, even if I think you could do
much better."
"I know, and I'm grateful to her for that," Akane replied as
her eyes studied Ranma's sleeping face, wondering if he was
having a nightmare about a violent tomboy making his life hell.
Who was she to judge? She probably hurt him more than anyone
else, but she really didn't have any other choice. "I only wish..."
"Wish what?" Shampoo prompted as she tapped her foot
impatiently. "That you were a normal girl with a normal life, that
could grow up and have a normal family? Well, you're not, so you
won't. Get over it; life is tough all over."
With a gentle smile on her lips, Akane walked over to
Shampoo and put a comforting hand on the girl's shoulder. Almost
immediately, the Amazon's features softened.
"Things have been the hardest on you most of all, my loyal
companion," Akane told her, her voice tender and serious. "We'll
find him again and get your cure someday. Do not loose hope!"
"Yeah, I suppose so," Shampoo replied with a smile.
"Shouldn't we get going now?"
"Right!" Akane agreed and then held up what appeared to
be no more than an ordinary wooden mallet. "As one of the five
princesses of the planet Asguard, I call upon the sacred power of
justice!"
*If only you knew what you were missing right now,
Ranma-baka,* Shampoo thought, snickering, as with an impressive
light show, Akane's clothes were shredded away, only to be
replaced by a bronze-looking breastplate with leather straps that
accentuated her now more significant figure, a short white skirt
that didn't seem at all practical in anything but a heat wave, knee-
length brown leather boots with golden straps, and a bronze cap
with two cute little horns on either side.
"Mallet Girl is ready to smash evil!" the now transformed
Akane declared using what Shampoo called stock silly pose #4.
The super heroine strapped the now much fancier-looking mallet to
her belt and eyed her Amazon accomplice. "Well?"
"This is so embarrassing," Shampoo muttered with a sigh
as she shouted in Chinese with much less enthusiasm than Akane,
"As 104th Amazon champion, I summon the ancient power of my
people!"
Shampoo's transformation was a little more dramatic; for
while her clothes also ripped away, her very features began to shift
as she grew whiskers, a long prehensile tail, her hands becoming
claws, and purple fur suddenly sprouted on parts of her body so
that she felt a little less exposed than if she were wearing a string
bikini.
"Can't I wear my chisogasm over this, or something?"
Shampoo complained with a faint blush as she looked down at
herself. She thought her previous costume had been a bit too
revealing, though ever since she had been cursed by... but this was
simply ridiculous! Sure, she'd surprise Ranma naked, but then she
had the reward of teasing him. She'd have to go out in public like
this!
"It would impair you movement too much," Akane
explained for the nth time. "We're not fighting simple martial
artists here. We are fighting the villains of the world, the very
scum that clings to our global sink, and we need to do everything
we can to scrub them out!"
Shampoo sighed as she rubbed her head with her paw, her
nightly ritual to ward off headaches. *Where does she come up
with all those corny speeches?* "Let's just get going, meow.
Things have been too quiet lately and that's always something bad
for us, meow."
"Quite right, Neko Avenger!" Mallet Girl declared and then
leapt effortlessly through the hole Shampoo had made earlier. "We
must keep the city save from evil! Onward!"
"I wish she wouldn't call me that, meow," Shampoo
muttered dejectedly to herself before following out into the night.