---
platypus 3333
end of an era
---
0.1: father
---
"So why do you wear glasses? With modern technology, there really isn't any
need to-"
"I suppose it's a habit I picked up from my father."
"Ikari Gendou?"
"Yes... Gendou," he said. "I got it from him."
Lee bit the end of his pen idly. "Care to explain?"
"Well, I don't remember exactly..."
"Ah. Your father, then. Tell me about your father. He is, quite possibly,
the most famous man on the planet..."
Shinji squinted as he thought. "I have many things to tell about my father.
Many."
"Any ones that stand out?"
"There's the time, right before he died, the last time we talked-"
"If it's too personal-"
---
I opened the door slowly, carefully; I didn't want to disturb the man
inside. Behind me, nurses bustled down the hall, murmuring amongst
themselves:
"Do you know who THAT boy is," one whispered.
"You mean- HIS son? Oo... he's cute..." another responded, giving me a
quick glance. She reddened when I looked at her, and dashed down a side
corridor to escape my gaze.
I shook my head slightly, and went in, shutting the door behind me with a
soft click. Despite my precautions, my father heard me- he tilted his head,
sideways, toward me- and blinked. "Shinji," he said, simply.
I didn't know what to say- I had had many things to relate, had many
discussions going through my mind during the drive to the hospital. And
yet- I couldn't remember any. All those thoughts on the elevator ride up,
all those questions- they had disappeared. Here was a man who had caused me
more pain and suffering than any other being on Earth- a man that,
regardless, was my father, and my last known relative- and the only thing I
could say was "father."
We stared at each other for several minutes before he looked away, at the
opposite wall. "What do you want," he asked me.
"I... I wanted to see... how you were," I said nervously. "I haven't seen
you in a long time-"
"I'm fine," my father responded curtly. "Fine." He looked at me again, and
for the first time in my life, I saw him. For his glasses were sitting,
pristine, on the small nightstand next to his head. As a result, I saw his
eyes, met them, as I had never done before. They didn't look arrogant, or
angry, or cold, as I had always imagined- but weary, worn, tired. Old.
Never, ever, in my entire life had my father been old- always, he was a
constant, never changing, my world circling about his being. He was
different, here in this hospital room, various wires and tubes connected to
his frail body. Human. Weak, frail. My heart went out to him, but once
again, I was silent: I didn't, couldn't, say anything. I had never seen my
father in this light.
He frowned. Then, slowly, as if it were an effort to make conversation:
"How are you?"
"Fine."
"Fine..."
"..."
"You know," he said suddenly, as if something had just occurred to him.
"It's a very strange thing."
"What is?"
"Us. Father and son. Were we?" He gestured toward a chair. "Sit down."
I pulled it over to his bed carefully and sat down. "Were we what?"
"Father and son."
I blinked. "I'm not sure I see what you mean. You're my father-"
"But not a very good one, was I?" He stared at me with those piercing eyes.
"Come now, admit it. You never thought I was."
"Yes I did."
"No you didn't."
"...Well," I started, resigned. "If that's what you want to think, then I
can't stop-"
"Dammit, Shinji, shut up with that bullshit and tell me what you think for
once!" he burst out suddenly, rising up off the bed slightly. "Yes, you CAN
stop me from thinking that! Was I a good father or not? The truth!"
"..."
"..." he collapsed back into his bed and stared at the ceiling.
"..."
"..."
"I thought you were."
"...Really?"
"Yes," I said quietly. "I do think you were."
"Thank you."
I sat there, and he lay there, for what seemed like an eternity. Yes, I did
think he was a good father- in the sense that he taught me about the world.
Perhaps not in the traditional sense- no baseball games, no bonding- but,
I'd like to think, he taught me what is relevant. The real question was-
what did he think of me? Did he like me? Did he hate me?
Was he proud? Was he disgusted?
Certainly, I could never be as upfront as he had just been- it was
impossible- or could I? I couldn't just ASK what he thought- that was just
rude, it put people off balance. Forced them to search for words, for a
suitable answer that wouldn't offend. It made people uncomfortable.
But then again- would my father really care? Surely, he expected the
question. He had just asked the same of me- wouldn't he be prepared for a
retaliation? Didn't he prepare for everything? In the end, the dilemma came
down to a single question:
Did I have the guts?
I didn't know, but I asked, quietly, "Was I a good son?"
He took this question with no look of surprise on his face at all: for a
brief instant, I even caught a glance of some smugness in his manner. And
then it was gone. My father regarded me with a thoughtful look for several
minutes, and answered. "No."
I stared at him. I was crushed, didn't know any proper response. "Thank
you," I said.
He studied my face carefully, a curious look on his face, for several
silent minutes after that. And then, the same nurse tapped me nervously on
the shoulder. "Mr. Ikari," she murmured. "It's time to go- visiting hours
are over."
"Ah, er. Thank you," I responded, looking up at her. She blushed again and
turned away.
"Well... whenever you're done, then."
"No, I'm done now, that's all right..." I got up. "Father," I nodded at
him.
He nodded back, and watched me slowly walk to the door.
Once out, I gripped the metal handle firmly with my right hand and pulled
the door.
When the smallest crack was left- I saw him, staring at the ceiling, flat
on his back, his hands folded over his stomach- and smiling. The largest
grin I've ever seen in my life, on anybody, much less on my father's face.
I shut the door.
---
Lee blinked. "Smiling? Why?"
"I don't know," Shinji shrugged. "I really don't." And then he grinned.
"But, you know- the most important thing he ever taught me-"
"Yes?"
"I can't explain it..."
---
---
the main purpose behind this series of fics is to provide random pictures
of Shinji's life/experiences; there is no logical order to this series, nor
is there any pattern to the arrangement of the stories. this is an extremely
rough draft, having had no extensive editing on my part. i would appreciate
whatever C&C anyone can come up with.
this story may not be the final incarnation of EoaE 0.1, nor will it
necessarily be
a part of the final series. there are so many stories that i have to write
that this
may end up pushed back to become part of another series...
platypus3333@yahoo.com
http://www.evasource.net <- under heavy construction, will eventually
replace my
personal page
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