Hi, K'thardin!
Well, much like yourself, I've been under a bit of a backlog on the fics I
want to C&C lately. Relatives from Ireland and such put me rather far
behind. Sorry I couldn't get to this a tad sooner, but you know how it goes
sometimes, right? ^_^
It's been posted on TMFFA for awhile, and I don't think I've posted it
here yet.
Not as far as I've seen it. And as many people have been saying lately, it's
always nice to have some variety on the list: Tenchi of any kind is pretty
rare. Make sure you send the synopsis to the synopsis list, and those fine
people at the SLR will be sure to get back to you on it, as well.
Hope you enjoy!
(shrugs) Only one way to find out, isn't there? ^_~
Eternal Heavens
Author's forward: Welcome to the rewrite! Heh, in this I will attempt
to do everything that I wanted to do when I first started this fic. I
hope you enjoy it!
Yeah, I need to do one or two of those myself. There's nothing harder to do
than go back over old work with a knife and some masking tape. I always find
it easier to patch on new scenes, but cutting the old stuff can be like
removing an arm, sometimes. You've got my sympathies, man.
Gathering of the Children
-Walker of the Stars
<Opening Theme: Sweet Child O' Mine - Guns and Roses>
Not a bad tune, although I admit that Guns N' Roses was more of my sister's
favourite band than my own.
<BGM: Robert Miles' Album: Dreamland>
Sentient beings have a rather interesting view of how the universe
works. Some have a general feel that the universe is alive; that it has
a consciousness. It watches us, studies us, and dissects us for some
unfathomable reason that only it and possibly some types of fungi could
understand. That to discover that purpose would drive one mad.
Some think that throughout all of this the universe guides
us...cares for us in it's own way.
Some think that even the universe is the one being guided on some
journey, and that they are naught but bits and pieces of machinery in
this great venture.
However most just think the universe is either a. out to get us,
and/or b. uses us for it's own personal entertainment.
If you were Kiyone Makibi, it would be a bit more than a belief.
It would be a certainty.
Not a bad opening. Almost Douglas Adams-ish, with Kiyone as a far
better-looking Arthur Dent. ^_^
BTW, I've always been a big fan of Kiyone, so you're already gaining points
with me. ^_~
Things started out OK for her. She was your basic 5'10" 140
I have a teensy problem with this, though. Generally speaking, it's not a
good thing to use slurs like "OK" and short forms like "lbs" and such in
narration. Maybe if you said "okay" instead of "OK" and juggled the next
sentence, it would flow a little better. Like :
"She was a basic humanoid: five feet, ten inches tall and about one hundred
and forty pounds, with teal hair, blue eyes, better than average
intelligence, and a figure that most creatures would kill to possess..."
lbs
humanoid, with teal hair, blue eyes, better than average intelligence,
and a figure most would kill to possess...the method of possession
depended on the individual, of course. She had also found that
Ah, Kiyone. Women want to be her, and men just plain want her. And sometimes
the other way around, depending... ^_~
she had a
distinct talent for espionage and covert operations, which she employed
in the humble and rewarding pursuit of justice, making her a perfect
candidate for the Galaxy Police...a profession she threw herself into
with an enthusiasm bordering on obsession.
"Bordering" on obsession? Excuse me for a second...
(off-stage) AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!
Okay, I'm back. Sorry, but I think I need a drink of water. "Bordering", he
says. Sheesh... ^_^
Of course...that's when it all went to hell. Perhaps she should
have expected it, as everything had always gone her way until...then.
Hell, odds were something had to go wrong.
That being the general way the universe works, yes. It gives a person
exactly as much rope as they need to hang themselves with. Things only go
right when life is trying to lull you into a false sense of security.
But why, oh why did it just have to keep going wrong? Hadn't she
suffered enough? Hadn't she paid her karmic debt, whatever it was?
Couldn't the universe just tire of her, and simply send her tired soul to
the next life?
"tired" and "tire" in the same sentence? Not quite a no-no, but you may want
to change one. Maybe the universe can "just get bored with her, and send..."
?
The answer was almost painfully obvious. Just when she thought she
was free, just when she thought nothing in this entire universe could
possibly save her from her foreordained fate...it had one last
"foreordained"? Is that even a word? I thought it was a "preordained" fate.
twist to
pull.
She was considering all this miserably, as she idly played with
this 'twist' in her section chief's office.
I'm not touching that one. I swear, I'm not. ^_^
Section X. The one dealing with VERY weird stuff...and the
operatives themselves were eccentric in their own way. It was no wonder
they all started chuckling when episodes of the 'X Files' started making
their way to the many peoples of the universe from the unknown source of
the third planet orbiting Sol.
Kiyone's been re-assigned? But, then why is she complaining? As long as
Mihoshi wasn't with her, one gets the idea she'd be happy to have a job
testing trash compactors to make sure they were escape-proof.
All had a little extra something that made their mission success an
actual possibility. Oh sure, the pay was much better as she had been
promoted to Major...of course that had been about meaningless,
Again, how is her life still unfair? IIRC, most of Kiyone's complaints about
her job -and the universe in general- revolve around Mihoshi. Now she's been
re-assigned to an elite unit, promoted (and, one assumes, given a raise),
and she still thinks something's wrong?
She's not STILL stuck with Mihoshi, is she? ^_^
considering you had to be at least lieutenant to be in this section. The
danger was nothing she wasn't unaccustomed to...of course normally danger
wasn't the type of interdimensional monster or insanely super powered
criminal you'd be suicidal to take on without a dimensional cannon or
better.
Which, it should be mentioned, seemed to pop up with shocking regularity.
Really, one thinks that they'd start being a bit more pre-emptive in their
strikes. What if they'd stopped Kagato when he was just mildly disgruntled?
At least...
Actually, that was bitter sweet when she thought of it.
I believe that "bittersweet" is one word.
As it was most didn't know the fact that she was still alive. Most
of those in Section X were presumed dead or missing by the general
populous, which had aided their operations more times than they could
count. That and the powers that be had a better chance of plausibly
denying all knowledge of such matters...after all; the personnel in
question were already dead.
Hmmm... Sounds like something out of "Knight Rider" or "La Femme Nikita"...
All said, though, a rather iron-clad defence for the Galaxy Police, isn't
it? ^_^
The only way she'd be able to see her erstwhile former partner was
if she were to be put on an assignment in which contact with that woman
was unavoidable. That didn't seem too likely all things considered, and
she had had to leave very abruptly after the Kain incident so she hadn't
gotten to spend any real 'quality time' with Mihoshi anyway.
I'd think that if the GP were being that anal about security measures and
deniability, they would make quite sure not to send Kiyone anywhere NEAR
Mihoshi. Especially a Mihoshi with a fragmented mind, who frankly was never
that good at keeping things secret to begin with. All they'd need was for
her to blurt out the wrong thing at the wrong time, and there goes Kiyone's
cover!
The door to the office slid open behind her. She barely
acknowledged the diminutive presence of the Section Chief, as she walked
in and around Kiyone. Setting herself down on a seat behind the desk
across from Kiyone she shuffled some papers in her 'In Box' and smoothed
back her hot pink hair, uncovering some tattoos that marked her as a
member of the Juraian Lords, very briefly before she focused her
attention on Kiyone.
"Mind getting rid of that?"
Kiyone absently grabbed the ball of green energy, reabsorbing it
into herself. Her arm glowed briefly for a moment in the aftermath of
it's snuffing.
AH! The aforementioned "twist" that life has thrown her. I take it she's
some kind of abnormal freak now, then. But still damn cute, so I'll overlook
the glowing balls of energy. ^_^
<SNIP>
This meant it would likely go into the files of unsolved mysteries
that took up more than their fair share of the storage facilities of this
particular starbase, which just happened to be the size of your average
spherical ship designed to annihilate worlds. Too bad the designer of it
would never be able to claim any monetary compensation for his
plagiarized idea. He'd never see it, being on a technologically
backwater world, poor sod.
The really sad thing is that they own a Death Star, and they're using it to
store files and reports. I imagine that George Lucas would rather NOT know
about that little change they made to the station design.
The Chief then picked up a small stack of papers she had set aside
on her desk, and handed them to Kiyone. Kiyone took them, and scanned
their contents, making little humming sounds at certain points. At the
end she neatly stacked them on the desk, and handed them back to her
superior. Without skipping a beat the Chief tossed them into the small
molecular destabilizing chamber behind her on the wall, or 'The Burner'
as it was nicknamed by most. The document was vaporized instantly in a
very brief flash of light.
Hehehe. At least she's smarter than Chief Quimby. His messages always
self-destructed, and usually on him.
Woah. Inspector Gadget flashback. I must need sleep.
"So, you'll want me to check it out." Kiyone stated as she nodded
her head in what she already knew would be an affirmative answer.
"Yes." The Chief said needlessly. "The Youma have always
been...isolationist at best. Still, they normally give some
The youma? Now that's interesting...
indication
that they are still alive, trade some goods with the rest of the galaxy,
and even some empires in nearby galaxies, like the Tetranians. Though
you'd think that would be the height of stupidity, considering the
penchants of Tetranians." The Chief paused, to regain her breath
As I recall my Sailor Moon (and I damn well better!), youma have never
particularly been known for their intelligence. Or good looks, or fashion
sense...
<SNIP>
I'm told that the metals, if those substances could be even called
'metal,' used to make that ship were of the sort that even the Galaxy
Academy still considered...classified."
Growing a bit impatient, Kiyone decided to speed up the process a
bit. "You couldn't get anything other than 'Its the end! We will soon
be judged!' out of them?"
Wow. Talk about a bad sign, Kiyone... ^_^
"No." the Chief stated. "The women and children were all huddled
around each other and praying to their patron goddess." The Chief
Also, I feel I should note, not a good sign, especially from people you can
assume understand the situation better than you do. ^_^
suddenly started opening drawers and shuffling through her desk. Finally
finding something she tossed it to Kiyone. "That was supposed to be a
carving of her, they were carrying far many more than...are you alright?"
"Hmm?" Kiyone started. "Yeah...yeah...I'm fine."
"You sure? You know something about that statuette?"
Kiyone glanced at it only momentarily. "I thought I'd seen it
before somewhere...an image like this goddess somewhere...never mind.
It's not important." she said, pocketing it quickly.
The statue looks like Mihoshi, I'll bet. ^_^
The Chief looked at her skeptically, but did not press the issue.
"Anyway, we need one of us to go and scout around, and report anything."
"Anything?" Kiyone asked.
"Anything." The Chief repeated.
Kiyone : Okay. I report that instead of going on the scouting mission, I
headed to the Mos Eisley cantina and got slammed on tequila.
Chief : Kiyone! Don't you have anything ELSE to report?
Kiyone : Sure! I also won the limbo contest, beat a Wookie at arm wrestling,
and started a brawl.
Sensing this to be a dismissal, Kiyone arose and turned to walk out
of the office, but not before she took some of the Chief's gumdrops out
of her candy jar.
The Chief frowned at Kiyone's back, as she exited.
"Damnit...you guys know how hard it is to steal this stuff from
Earth?" She complained to no one in particular, popping a couple of the
gumdrops in her mouth for good measure. "I mean, really..."
Hehehehe. Hey, it could be worse. At least she doesn't have to put up with
subordinates like Leon McNichol. The original, cool McNichol, I mean, not
the new 2040 version. Or, as my roommate calls him, "Leon Lite".
Kiyone proceeded down the many twisting corridors of the office
levels, to one of the lifts that would take her down to the living
quarters of this space station. She could have taken an easier route,
but last time she did that, she accidentally wound up passing through and
shorting out one of the power transformers that led to her living
quarters. How was she to know the nebulous energy form that she used to
pass through matter would have had that effect on that piece of
equipment? Of course, had they stopped to consider what she
I don't know. Reading old copies of X-Men, maybe? I mean, Kitty Pryde always
had that effect on electronics, too.
became while
incorporeal, it probably would have been apparent that phasing through
electronic gear was not a good thing, but hindsight 20/20 and all. Well,
at least nothing had been permanently damaged, and there was a backup
transformer system that power was immediately rerouted to...still
something to keep in mind.
She's going to use that little ability of hers before this story is out,
isn't she? ^_^
Coming to the lift she keyed in the floor where her room was
located. The door to the spherical transport swung open and a couple of
other operatives passed her...one in particular caught her attention.
Like he would walk by without saying anything. She figured she
better go ahead and acknowledge his presence.
"Seion." Kiyone said in simple greeting.
Which he would have none of. "Kiyone!" He shouted, his eyes
lighting up. He reached out quickly and picked her up, squeezing her
tightly. "Ah, my big sister! I'm going to hug you and squeeze you and
pat you and pat you and sit on you to make you warm, so you never feel
rejected!" His female companion rolled her eyes, and went off, knowing
as she did that it would likely be a bit before the big Amanese warrior
had finished his 'brotherly duties' concerning Kiyone.
Hehehe. Reminds me of that Abominable Snowman that went after Bugs Bunny and
Daffy Duck, once. "And I will hug him, and squeeze him, and name him George,
and I will ruffle his little black feathers..."
"You sit on me, and I swear I'll beat you to a bloody pulp!"
He grinned at her mock/serious (as he had no doubt in his
I believe it's "mock-serious", not "mock/serious".
<SNIP>
The door to Kiyone's simple living quarters opened with a slight
hiss of solenoids being energized, and motors moving. As she walked
inside, the lights came on automatically...and quite needlessly. Around
her form was a bright glowing field of green energy, whose patterns
shifted and writhed around her like a living thing searching for only it
knew what.
Man, I hope she can control that. People who glow in the dark tend to have a
tiny problem sneaking around. ^_^
She took no note of her surroundings, not that there was much to
see other than her collection of rarities and trinkets she kept in a few
cases along the walls...the cases themselves being made of wood worked in
the Juraian skill of woodwork. Dark, almost a black color, and the
'grain' more sturdy than even some forms of battle armor, they were older
than many civilizations, and gifts from her former partner's mother, who
was a dealer in antiquities. Surprising such a thing found it's way to a
simple dealer...but then Mihoshi's mother was hardly 'simple' anything,
though few knew the truth of that situation.
Her bed - unlike the rest of her room - was a bit of a gaudy
affair. It was all decked out in teal sheets with frills and lace and
the cover being a fluffy comforter of a slightly darker shade than her
sheets. The pillow was large and fluffy, it hung over the sides of the
bed, was so thick it looked to almost be a second mattress, and had a
coverlet of emerald upon it. The entirety of the spread was encircled by
a translucent bug guard, a total affectation considering the only insects
on the station were the sentient type; like the rest of bed, it too was a
shade of green.
This would have been the case, had not all those sheets, blankets
and pillows been moved from their nice and orderly arrangement. Instead
they had been wadded up and tossed around, and the black traveling case
that Seion promised, placed at the foot of her bed; making it look very
much like a hurricane had hit it.
Or a Seion.
Cool. Kiyone's going to kill Seion. ^_^
Her brother seemed to have this annoying idea that she was too
uptight and needed to loosen up a bit. So what if her room had not a
speck of dust in it, and the bed made with military creases?
I just liked my stuff neat, that's all! She complained to herself
as she absentmindedly made minor adjustments to her uniform that had come
out of place as she moved.
Very nice touch. I like the way you show her doing it without even realising
that she does it.
She sighed in defeat, knowing that she didn't have time to
straighten it up, and that her brother would probably consider it a minor
victory. She sat down and picked up the traveling pack and opened it.
Scanning it, she noted it was her basic gear: a high resolution scanner,
capable of taking EM samples from both spectrums of matter down to the
quantum level and up to 12 dimensions; a backup recorder (though it was
unlikely the memory in the scanner would fill up, but it never hurt to be
careful), a communicator, a candy bar (though she no longer required
food, it still tasted good), and an emergency beacon capable of returning
to base from any place in the given galaxy. That was only in the first
layer; pulling that out, she discovered what her brother had left her at
the second.
A look of disbelief crossed her features, as she pulled out what
appeared to be a firearm of some sort. Shiny silver colored coating
glistened in her radiance, as her grip tensed and relaxed on the grip,
which felt like rubber, but she knew was probably tough enough to
withstand a full nuclear explosion. It was at least a full 12 inches in
length...though it was remarkably light.
I like Seion. He really knows how to look after his sister, and he's got
AWESOME gift ideas! ^_~
Both the gun and the knife would be perfect backup weapons for her,
in the unlikely event she would need them.
She'd have to be damn weak before she'd have to resort to their
use.
Huh. I figured that Kiyone would be the type who would PREFER to use the
weapons first, and save her powers for a situation where she really and
truely had no other option. I mean, considering some of the tricks she's
been pulling, using her powers against, say, a wild animal or a common
criminal would be like swatting a fly with a tactical nuke. And would she
really want to use all of her power just getting through the cannon fodder,
and have nothing left when she had to drop someone like, say, Kagato? Or
Saffron? Or Largo?
Ah well, still if she found herself in such a situation that she
needed them, she would most certainly be thanking the overprotective
impulses of her brother.
To say nothing of the man's taste in heavy artillery! O_O
<SNIP>
The last thing she would need in the universe would be to listen to
her brother saying "I told you so!" while she burned in hell.
It would make him more insufferable than he already is, she
figured.
Cute. I like it. ^_^
Kiyone's mind conjured up possibilities, but all were beyond
fantastic. Strangely she got the feeling that the truth would be far
more unbelievable than even the theories her imagination had created.
"Yep, me too Seion." she told her brother, who while not with her,
would hear her on some level.
Likely because he's got her clothes bugged, knowing him. ^_^
"I've got a bad feeling about this."
And on those prophetic words, we come to a close.
In all, a pretty good chapter. Not too much happened, but you're setting the
stage for what looks to be a rather rough time for young Kiyone, and I'm
betting her brother as well. Very good work on the characters, especially
Kiyone's "neat freak" mentality. I'm looking forward to seeing where you go
with this.
Until next time!
-Morgan Hudson
_______________________________________________________
Say Bye to Slow Internet!
http://www.home.com/xinbox/signup.html