On Sun, 10 Sep 2000, Felipe Sambrosa wrote:
First bit of C&C I've had time to do in a while...
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Gos
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By Felipe.
Friday night.
Club Tatou.
Sensory overload.
TDSTDSTDSTDSTDSTDSTDSTDSTDSTDS.........
Nice intro, very evocative.
Trusty mini digital camera in hand, I attempt to navigate across the sardine
packed dance floor as the heavy techno beat threatened to liquify my ear
Picky bit: what kind of techno? It's an amazingly broad term.
drums. Kogyaru in sailor fuku to my left, black faced ganguro complete with
ten inch platforms to my right, it seemed the Shibuya fashion tribes were
out in full dress uniform tonight.The brazilian DJ, who looked so strung out
^^
Space needed.
on ectasy his eyeballs were popping out of his head, was furiously mixing as
fast as his chemically enhanced reflexes would allow him.
Kogyaru as you are describing it is actually a fading fashion. For more
information on the Shibuya fashion tribes, I suggest picking up a copy of
Kerouac or Fruits. You also might want to throw a lolicon girl in there
too, just for good measure. If you care, I have some websites you can look
at. Japanese counter/pop culture is somewhat of a specialty of mine.
And you might want a meth/X combo. You're going for hyperculture,
invent a drug if you like. :)
So your might be wondering why I'm at a place like this, huh? Me, Hikaru
Gosunkugi, voodoo master and baggy eyed freak of Furinkan High. Well, why do
you think I always have these bags under my eyes? I love the clubbing scene.
Hahaha! I'd actually not have him address the reader though. An internal
dialogue would be just as explanatory and perhaps more evocative.
The Tokyo clubs are probably the best in the world. Ever heard of a place in
the city called Shibuya? Used to be a broke down industrial neighbourhood a
couple of decades ago. A real dump. These days its the teen mecha, fashion,
If there were really mecha there, I'd be there. :) I think you're going
for "teen mecca."
style and trend center of Tokyo, probably of all Japan. Yep, its my regular
haunt, choc full of yummy photo opportunities. But you already know about
"chock-full" Though I wouldn't use that terminology at all. Too cliched.
that, don' you? Yep, me and my photo fetish. But don't get me wrong, I'm not
like Kuno-san. I prefer taking the photos. Wait for that perfect kodak
moment. See, you don't look for a good shot. It comes to you, totally
spontaneous and candid, capturing the spirit of that fucking moment. That's
why I always carry around my kawaii little digi cam on my little excursions
into kogal central.
"digi-cam" Otherwise, I believe you're trying to speak informally here,
and it is okay, but comes off a little stilted.
And so here I am, making my way across the writhing mass of bodies, trying
to get to the bar to score a decent drink before I pass out from the heat.
You probably won't recognize me right now. Not with the fudged up, crimped
hairstyle, astroboy shirt, flared girl jeans and platform japtech runners.
^^
Extra space.
Ah, the bar at last. "Hey man, gimme a Sub Zero Cherry.", I shout through
the din, a few inches from the bar tender's face. I repeat my order when he
"bartender"
signals back that he didn't hear the first time. A feminine drink for a
pretending-to-be-feminine guy.
Slinky. Heh.
Girls these days sure love their"bishonen",
^^
Space needed.
which is another word for "pretty boy", or more accurately "feminine lad".
Teenage Japanese society had embraced this concept so much with open arms,
that it turned into a culture by itself. I know a lot of guys from school
getting the whole treatment.
Most Japanese schools wouldn't really go for this...of course, this is
Ranma world...
Crimped hair, plucked eyebrows, shit , even
makeup. All for the sake of getting pussy.
Shampoo's popular.
I don't know what the gilrs find
^^
"girls"
so attractive about a guy trying to look like "that" kind of kawaii, hell I
don't care, but I've seen it work! So I decided to get a piece of the
action, and that, I guess, that explains my current get up right now.
It would be interesting to get a little insight on how he decided on his
particular look. Observation? He's good at that. But the latest fashions
cost a lot of money.
Pulling out a menthol, I was about to light up when...
I was actually going to comment on that in the beginning. There should be
a sludgy thick cloud of smoke in the club. It's bad enough here, but
in Japan where absolutely everybody smokes...
"Hi there."
Ah, the Gods so nice to me.
^^
Insert "are"
"Gos? Gosunkugi, is that you?"
Oh, fuck.
Right now I'm hoping it's Nabiki, or even Akane. I liked your work with
Nabiki in True Blue. Please oh please oh please do not let it be
Ranma-chan. It would truly ruin the fic for me.
I really liked the gritty language and attitude of your work. I actually
was going to do something in the vein, but I have no free time at the
moment. Please continue.
Colleen
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http://dmoz.org/profiles/minty.html