Here is my Take on the C&C for this "story".

From: "Darklord Kerbros" <reddragon1977@hotmail.com>
To: ffml@fanfic.com
Subject: [FFML] [Dark][Ranma]Project Zero ch2 part1
Date: Thu, 05 Oct 2000 03:52:34 GMT

:P
It seems I sent out part one again.  It was revised on the new sending here
is part 1 of chapter two.  C&C is welcome and here is a cup of coffe to go
with your story <(_).

I would rather have a coke but hey free coffe is fine too.

~Red Dragon

Project Zero
Chapter 2: Evil Has a new name

"How did they escape?", a man sitting at a desk asked as he looked at
Dr.Carnin.  Dr.Carnin stood still as he stared back at the man.  The man
took out a stack of papers from his desk drawer.  The man slowly looked at
the stack carefully placing each paper in a new stack as he looked at each
one.

In chapter one you make it sound as if there is only one of these things how many are there total?  Is this thing a rabbit?  Or can it reproduce like an amobe?

"Do you know how much those 2 units cost us?",  The man shoved a piece of
paper into Dr.Carnin's face that was filled with costs and figures.
Dr.Carnin stood still as the man tossed a stack of papers at him.  "Damnit,
answer me!"

"I have no idea how much they cost.  Perhaps you could enlighten me Mr.
Dracon",  Dr.Carnin spoke as Mr. Dracon stood up slowly and started to look
Dr.Carnin in his eyes.  "We had no idea that they could become active on
thier own."

"They cost three trillon yen Dr.Carnin,  I want them back.",  Mr. Dracon
walked to his window and looked out to look upon Tokyo.  "Did both units
recive the same strange commands? or was it just Unit Zero?"

thats alot of money!  Capitilize the "O" in or

"From what we know it was just Unit Zero was contaminated with the strange
commands.  Unit one seems to be acting on its own."
*****

Ya could have put meanwhile in Nerima in stead of the ******

Ranma listened at the door to the nurses office as two police officers
started to talk with the young man who found the body of the girl.   The two
cops were finding the story a little hard to belive.  One of the cops
started asking him strange questions about drugs and where he had hidden the
knife.  Ranma was shocked to hear the cops saying that the boy was the
murderer.  Nabiki was standing next to Ranma crying over the loss of one of
her friends and coworkers.

Cops go figure!

Soon the cops finished with the boy and took him out of the office with his
hands held behind his back.  Everyone in the school was talking about the
murder wondering why the boy killed the girl.  Ranma thought about the days
events as he walked back to the Tendo Dojo.  He noticed a strange  suit of
armor standing next to a tree in the park.  Ranma walked up to it and
noticed a large green one on the sholder pad of the armor.
"Unknown",  the metallic figure stated as it looked at Ranma.  Ranma stood
back a bit as the armor walked closer to him.  "Checking memory for id
number of human"
"What?",  Ranma yelled at the armor.  The suit of armor stood looking at him
making an occational beeping noise.  Ranma noticed that Nabiki was walking
towards him and the strange armor.

Rember kids don't talk to strange suits of armor that have numbers painted on them!  As for the beeping noise was it gonna blow up?  Or is it like a toster oven telling Ranma his toast was ready?


Well it looks good and might be worth reading but you need to remove that [Dark] from the tag.  This chapter was dull.  Not dark use this tag instead [Dull] there was no action this time.



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