----- Original Message -----
From: "Ginrai" <ranmafics@hotmail.com>
To: "Kevin D. Hammel" <kevinsff@pacbell.net>
Cc: <ffml@fanfic.com>
Sent: Wednesday, October 11, 2000 1:45 AM
Subject: [FFML] Re: [Fanfic][Bet][Ranma] Crippled: Body and Souls Episode 6
Friendship andFamily
Glad to see that this fic is being continued.
First try at commenting a fic. Hopefully it will be decent.
It was fine. Thanks for the effort!
Earlier chapters may be found at:
http://www.anime.sobhrach.com/~khammel/BetCrip/
...
The gray-white light of pre-dawn illuminated her last few footsteps
as she finally approached the door. A glance at the paper assured
that this was the proper place.
She was home.
The above was a little confusing. I'm assuming that it has to do with
how Kasumi sees everything as she gets closer to where Ranma and Nabiki
live and her doubts on whether or not she would be accepted by them.
Your assumptions serve you well. I like it as is, however. It's interesting
to get another view on it, of course.
...
Akane didn't know what to do. Her world, last night neat and
orderly, had been consumed by chaos. Ryouga was P-chan. Uncle
Saotome had run off into the night. And now... "Kasumi," she choked
out. "Why? Why did you leave? Where did you go?"
Everything that has happened since the incident with Ranma is slowly
starting to catch up with Akane. Though she still seems to ignore what
happened to Ranma (I don't remember her feeling that guilty in any of
the previous chapters).
WHY should she feel guilty when it wasn't her fault?
It WASN'T her fault... was it?
...
"Auntie?" Akane asked as she turned to the open door, not as a
sixteen-year-old girl, but as a child who was utterly lost.
Maybe she does feel some guilt.
Or maybe she finally realized that she has LOST something she
took for granted... Kasumi? Ryouga? Ranma? or MAYBE
(just maybe) Nabiki.. Nah, on the latter.
...
Nodoka looked at the girl, feeling again the pity she had for her
own... daughter just a few months ago. She searched for words to
offer Akane, but could find none. Turning abruptly, she left the
room.
She probably doesn't want to be reminded that she rejected Ranma for
what now seems to be (in her opinion) a stupid reason.
Hmmm... I dount she would EVER see it as stupid.
...
Kasumi looked up into Ranma's eyes seeing neither anger nor
forgiveness. "Thank you Ranma, Nabiki." She said, turning to each.
She rose, the glanced at the kitchenette. "Let me prepare
breakfast."
Same old Kasumi :)
Oh dear, I fear you are right. Ginrai-san...
...
In the brief time it took Little Sister to help Ranma, Kasumi
cleaned up the mess that still remained on the floor. "Sorry,
Nabiki, Ranma... I couldn't help myself." She said apologetically,
while putting the last soaking paper towel in the trash.
She's addicted to it.
That's one way of putting it. I view it as more of a reflex action. :)
She took a deep breath, then closed her eyes. She had to focus on
the issues, not visual distractions. Nodoka had chosen the path
honor had told her to take. It wasn't the easy route or even the
one her motherhood had cried out for her to follow. But then,
motherhood was in her past. It had been sold all those years ago
for a scrap of paper.
Any thoughts of continuing the same path ran off with Genma.
True.
She had hoped to find answers, not more questions. The bright flash
of inspiration she sought eluded her ardent search. Perhaps things
were only black and white on the page. It was harder to find right
and wrong amongst the mottled shadows of the real world.
What would she do now?
Nodoka: Maybe I can apologize to Ranma and make him part of the family
again. He'll accept me with open arms.
(Scene showing a laughing Ranma on a wheelchair rolling over Nodoka)
I don't think he would be quite so brash. No matter WHAT, she is his mother.
(Don't wory, my sarcasm detection system is fully functional)
That doesn't mean he will forgive her any time in the near future.
Then again, maybe not.
...
Nice scene. Looks like both are going to try to start anew. Maybe
Akane won't screw up this time. Where's Soun during all this?
Good question! You aren't the first to point this out. However
I doubt he would offer Akane much but tears.. and THOSE she has in
profusion.
In
fact, where's Ryouga (don't remember them eating pork chops)?
He ran off.
It seems
like the only people living at the Tendo's are Nodoka and Akane.
Well, Soun is there too. Probably in bed waiting for the smell of
Kasumi's cooking to help him wake up...
***
"Oh man! We turn down a new street and look what happens!" An
exasperated, female, Ranma spat as she rolled just behind a
completely dry Nabiki.
Ranma: Who knew the water lady had a sister living in Kyoto?!
:)
...
Back in Kyoto, a nostalgic smell awakened a memory in Ranma's mind.
Visual reinforcement came just a bit later when she spied a sign
that brought her memories roaring g back to life... "Ucchaan's"
The 'g' probably doesn't belong there.
Is it Ucchaan's or Ucchan's?
Also, did Ukyou run a restaurant before she came to Nerima?
OOPS! Good catch.
Ranma smiled at the sign. "I wonder if it's okinamiyaki Ucchan?"
okonomiyaki
I'll check on this, thanks.
...
Nabiki flushed a little at Ranma's expression. It was weird how the
cursed boy knew some parts of the 'girl act' perfectly, but
others... "Good grief" Nabiki whispered before responding a bit
louder. "Okay, Ranma. Let's go in."
..Ranma's in girl form. This doesn't look like it's going to be a
happy reunion.
You're probably right.
"Ucchan?" The girl asked tentatively, as the smile began to fade
from her lips.
Nothing's ever easy for Ranma, is it?
Nope. At least not here.
Ukyou took a breath and tired to calm his nerves. He wanted to beat
this girl to a pulp to salvage his honor and maybe something more.
But could he really restore his station by beating up on a
wheelchair-bound opponent? It didn't matter; he still had to attack
anyway. The useless weapon clattered to the floor as he took a
second battle spatula from the rack. The empty shop would provide
the venue for his vengeance.
Calling her cute might not work this time.
I doubt Ranma will, in this storyline.
...
Nabiki swallowed at what she saw. A girl's chest wrapped in torn
bandages.
I'm surprised that Ranma didn't have any reaction to this since he
still thinks that Ukyou's a boy.
Good point. I shall consider it when I rewrite. Thanks.
...
When Ukyou finished his tirade, a heartbroken Ranma turned her
chair and slowly rolled to the door. Soon Nabiki was pushing the
girl out of the shop. Only the quiet sobs of the establishment's
proprietor provided a soundtrack for the scene.
I have this feeling that they're probably going to meet again.
One would assume. BUT I doubt Ranma or Nabiki will go anywhere
near that place, until they have a REAL reason to.
Ukyou composed him... HER... self. She had to take some time to
freshen up. Customers would be coming soon; she had to be ready.
She would try to live her life now, whatever that meant. A frown
crossed her face as she looked at the small red puddles on the
ground. The shop needed to be tidied up, especially the blood.
Now that she believes that Ranma is a girl she can try and move on with
her life. I wonder what will happen when she finds out that Ranma is
really a guy. Seeing that the circumstances are different, maybe it's
renewing a friendship and not an engagement.
I think she... But that would be telling!
***
As with the earlier parts of this fic, I thought this was good.
Thank you.
Have not read many (if any) Ranma/Not Akane fics recently and it's nice
to see that this one is being continued (I don't really hate Akane.
Just read so many fics with her and Ranma that they all seem to be the
same.)
Uh... Okay. I will accept that as your opinion. I feel, however, a bit
differently. If you step back, there is incredible diversity in 'R&A' fics.
Consider "Lines of Destiny", "Hearts and Minds", "Hearts of Ice",
"Ranma's Curse", "Cinders", "Accidental Goddess", 'R&A: ALS',
and heck.. even "Sailor Ranko" and its sequel
"Twice in a Millennium". My opinion is that there is a great range in
fics featuring this pairing.
I do feel it's fun to try another character with Ranma, however.
I'm hoping that the next chapter explains what has happened to Genma,
Ryouga and Soun as well as have more of Ukyou.
Genma, yes. Ryouga, Yes. Ukyou, definitely. And... I'm fairly certain
Soun will drag himself out of bed SOMETIME...
"Ah.. I love the smell of... uh just what IS that?"
THANK YOU for your C&C!
Kevin D. Hammel
========================================
khammel@mail.anime.sobhrach.com
kevinsff@pacbell.net
http://www.anime.sobhrach.com/~khammel/
========================================