On Tue, 17 Oct 2000 02:25:14 -0700, Christopher J Olsen wrote:
Shampoo? Shouting about....> She didn't get to finish her thought.
My pet peeve. Improper ellipsis. Is it really so hard to do it
correctly?
E.g., Shouting about . . . >
And I don't mean just this one, fix all of them.
speach with the stress of the fight. "Stupid pig boy." She turned to
Misspelled word: speech
the safety of the hotel. Luna and Sailor Moon, arriving by the pool as
the mass exodus began, found themselves shoved and pushed, (in Usagi's
case), and stepped on and kicked, (in Luna's) both ending up falling
You are using commas before an opening parenthesis? Not
correct. See the end of this post for the entry from The Gregg
Reference Manual.
You could it this way:
'Luna and Sailor Moon, arriving by the pool as the mass exodus
began, found themselves shoved and pushed, in Usagi's case, and
stepped on and kicked, in Luna's, both ending up falling into
the pool.'
Or this way:
'Luna and Sailor Moon, arriving by the pool as the mass exodus
began, found themselves (in Usagi's place) shoved and pushed and
(in Luna's), stepped on and kicked, both ending up falling into
the pool.'
Note that I did not put a comma after 'place)' but did put one
after '(in Luna's)'. Actually does it matter who was shoved,
pushed, stepped on or kicked? Since they both wind up in the
pool? You could eliminate both '(in Usagi's place)' and '(in
Luna's)' and the sentence would still be understandable.
Then again, you've got an awful lot of commas in both examples
and it's a very complex compound sentence to boot. How about
this (although I don't think it's perfect):
'Luna and Sailor Moon arrived by the pool as the mass exodus
began and Usagi found herself being shoved and pushed while Luna
was stepped on and kicked. In the end, they both fell into the
pool.'
tatters, and the two Senshi's robes were in the pool. Sailor Moon was
struggling to get
back out of the pool, but her own waterlogged robe was hampering her
formatting problem. no biggie.
he's escaped, you idiot!" Below, Shampoo and the Senshi gathered what
they could of their dignity, (and clothing), and looked up at the two.
The comma after 'dignity' is a no-no. Please remove it.
"Sorry." He said in almost a whisper, "Maybe I should let you fall
next time." he turned the corner before she could get her
'he' should be capitalized since it is at the start of a
sentence.
At the front desk she cornered the hotel manager. "Oh, hello." He
stammered, apparently quite disturbed. "Oh, this is very terrible
miss! Someone rob many customer's rooms, someone been harassing
customers at pool! It very terrible trouble, very bad for business! Is
you being robbed too?"
Hmm . . . Wouldn't a hotel manager, in a hotel that caters to
tourists, speak better Japanese? I mean, he can't be speaking
Chinese, unless he's a foreigner (Japanese, Korean, European)
working in China that hasn't mastered the language yet. Do the
Chinese even allow that (outside of Hong Kong maybe, if there)?
And if he is Chinese, why would he be speaking broken Japanese,
Which he is, since Nabiki understands him, or is does Nabiki
speak Chinese?
I could see, the hotel manager talking pidgin Japanese after
Nabiki asks to speak to him in that language. But not before.
Just my opinion.
I tell him, You say you looking for legendary valley, called Jusenkyo,
you maybe loose memory, maybe meet Amazons near there? He say, 'Yes,
Misspelled word: 'lose' as in "I never lose!" instead of
'loose' as in "Loose lips, sink ships!"
One of the more common errors.
out the blasted slopes of Jusendo. "Here is beginning of trail, we go
now OK?" Though it was already
approaching dusk, they agreed to hike a few hours until it was full
dark.
Formatting problem. Same as last one. Still no biggie.
looked up at the Senshi. "And... you don't really have to tell me
now..." A loud Meow! and
Bwee! protested. "But I guess I'm not the only curious one."
Formatting problem. Same as last one. Still no biggie. But
isn't it annoying?
Jupiter shrugged. "It's alright with me."
Another pet peeve. There is no such word as 'alright'. It
really should be spelt out as 'all right'.
his surprise, Sailor's Jupiter and Mars were quickly breaking free of
his attack. Sailor
Moon, having stared into the eyes of Metalica, The Death Phantom, and
Once is happenstance
Twice is coincidence
Thrice is enemy action
I don't know what four times may be but it's one formatting
error too many. Please reduce your line lengths to no more than
65 characters per line.
slightly frazzled. She called out, "Hoop!" One was delivered to her,
(though Jupiter couldn't see her assistant,) and she wrapped the end of
Again eliminate the comma after 'her' and change 'assistant,)'
to 'assistant),' and then it will be correct.
Here is an extract from my grammar source. I'm only reproducing
sub-paragraph 'a.' and only that paragraph and two examples and
a NOTE. These are all taken word for word from the book. Words
or phrases surrounded by asterisks are in italics in the book
Source: The Gregg Reference Manual
by William A Sabin, 7th Ed., 1992
On page 54 of the paperbound edition:
Parenthetical Items Within Sentences
224 If the item in parentheses falls *within the sentence*:
a. Make sure that any punctuation that comes after the
item (such as a comma, a semicolon, a colon or a dash)
falls *outside* the closing parenthesis.
Unless I hear from you within five working days (by May
3), I will turn this matter over to my attorney.
I tried to reach you last Monday (I called just before
noon); however, no one in your office knew where you
were.
~~~(there were two more examples I am not using)~~~
NOTE: Do not insert a comma, a semicolon, a colon or a
dash *before* an opening parenthesis.
Richard Person
Seattle
<Where the Sunshine, dry or wet, never ends>