Panty Raid
Based on Characters created by Rumiko Takahashi.
Ranma leaped into the air. As he felt himself reach the top of
his arc he rolled into a kick and descended at Happosai's head. The
perverted martial arts master dodged left and Ranma hit dirt,
narrowly missing the Tendos' pond. Happosai turned and saw Ranma
get ready to pounce. Behind Ranma he saw Akane walk into the yard.
This may just get Ranma off my back for a while, he thought to
himself. Happosai held up his hand. "Hold on a minute, Ranma. Would
you stop chasing me if I gave you this?" He reached behind his back
and pulled out a pair of green panties. "They're Akane's."
Ranma paused in confusion and regarded the panties. Behind
him Akane fumed. Finally Ranma said, "What am I supposed to do with
'em?"
"Huh?" Happosai eloquently stated.
"Well, it's not the first time you've offered me her panties.
What am I supposed to do with them? Do you expect me to wear them
over my head, or mount them on the wall like a trophy or something?
I can't give them back to her, cause she'd accuse me of stealing
them from her in the first place."
"Um, well." Happosai stalled as he thought of an answer.
Instead he was saved from coming up with one by Akane.
"Ranma, you jerk," Akane said. Ranma jumped straight into the
air, his pigtail sticking out at a ninety degree angle in surprise.
Akane glared at him and said, "I bet if they were Shampoo's panties
you wouldn't even hesitate.
"Aww, come on, Akane. Besides, I don't think Shampoo wears any."
"Yes she does," Happosai said, "I have a pair of hers right
here." He rifled through his sack and pulled out a pair of Fairy
Princess Minky Momo panties. Akane took one look at Shampoo's
undergarments and fell on the ground laughing.
Ranma looked at Happosai and said, "Oh, guess I was wrong. But
I wouldn't know what to do with those any more than I would know what
to do with the tomboy's." Ranma punctuated his statement by hitching
a thumb at Akane.
Akane picked herself off the ground and glared at Ranma again.
"Well, what about Ukyo's then?"
Ranma thought for a moment then said, "I'm pretty sure that
Ucchan wears boxers."
Happosai nodded, "Yes she does. It's too bad really. Such a
little cutie and all she has are cloth strips for chest binding
and boxers. Nothing for a poor old man to ste, er rescue."
Akane just shook her head. "I should have known. But what
about Kodachi then?"
Ranma shuddered. "I don't wanna think about her, let alone what
kinda underwear she has." Ranma turned to Happosai. "And I don't
need to see them either." Happosai grumbled as he pulled his hand
out of his pack.
Akane threw her hands up in exasperation. "Then whose panties
do you want?"
Ranma scratched the back of his head. "Well, no ones. Sides,
Pop says that I should be more interested in what's in the panties
than the panties themselves." Akane turned bright red at his
comment. "Not that I have a clue what he's talkin about," Ranma
continued.
Akane's face returned to its normal color as she said, "Wow,
so you really are more of an idiot than a pervert." Ranma glared
at her.
Happosai looked at Ranma in surprise. "You don't want any
panties?"
"I already told you, you old lech. I wouldn't know what to do
with them anyway."
"Then why do you keep chasing me if not to steal my silky
darlings for yourself?"
"Steal your silky darlings? I was tryin to keep you from
picking on all these defenseless girls."
Akane began to glow a bright blue. "Defenseless? I'll show you
defenseless." Akane spotted Kasumi's broom sitting next to her. She
picked it up and swung it at Ranma. He dodged backwards out of it's
way and right into the pond.
Ranma held her sopping wet clothes away from her skin. "Aww
man, and I just took a bath too." She glared at Happosai as he was
trying to creep out of the yard. "Oh, you think you're going to get
away that easily." She launched herself at Happosai, missing by only
a hair's breadth as he dodged out of her reach. Unfortunately
Happosai snagged his bag on a nail and it opened all over Ranma.
One black pair found it's way to the top of Ranma's head.
"See, I knew you were after my treasures." Happosai pointed
at the pair lodged on Ranma's head. "You're even wearing Kodachi's."
Ranma covered her eyes with her left hand and removed said panties
from her cranium with her right. She brought the fingers of her left
hand together and rubbed the bridge of her nose.
Akane pointed at Ranma and said, "No, you're both a pervert
and an idiot."
Ranma began to glow red and yelled, "Happosai, this is all your
fault. Prepare to die." She launched herself at Happosai once more
and chased him out of the yard.
Kevin McHorney
"Duct tape'll fix anything, 'cept my last relationship."
"Cause when Princess Fatora sets out to conquer a foreign toung,
it's foreign toung Fatora gets."
-Princess Fatora, El Hazard 2