"Here they are! The strongest underwear that money can buy!"
Nodoka may have been proud of her find, but Soun, who after all, was
ponying up the cash, winced. "Indeed, but we're on a budget. Do you
know how much it costs to continually be paying the repair bills for
the Dojo?" He moved a little farther down the clothing store's aisle
and picked up another, more nondescript package of underwear. "Why
don't we buy these? They cost less than half the price."
Nodoka was unimpressed. "Now, you know how many fights Ranma gets
into. If we bought him those, they'd be destroyed before too long.
Then we'd have to buy him some more. Pretty soon, we'd have spent
more than we would have if we had bought the more expensive ones in
the first place."
Soun sighed. "I guess you're right. We spend more to start with, but
since they will last much longer, we end up ahead in the long run."
Nodoka gave him a small smile. "Good, you're catching on. It would
be false economy to buy the cheaper ones."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
False Economy
by
Sean Connor
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Several months later...
All of Fuurinkan High School was abuzz with the latest development in
the continuing soap opera surrounding Ranma Saotome. This time, it
seems, Ranma and Akane had run off together. But that wasn't the end
of it, by any means. Some people around weren't too happy about this.
And those people had friends who could very well prove dangerous to
the prodigal couple's plans...
"Don't worry, Ukyou-sama. I will find him and bring him back. He
will be held accountable for what he has done. That I promise you."
"But..." Before Ukyou could say anything, Konatsu was gone.
It wasn't that she wouldn't have valued the opportunity to give that
untrustworthy lout a piece of her mind, but she had her doubts about
whether Konatsu could physically manage to bring him back. She didn't
want him to be yet another one of the men who had promised her
something, but then didn't deliver.
Well, at least she was confident in the knowledge that if Konatsu
didn't bring Ranma back, it would be because he was simply unable to,
and not because he had chosen not to. It was amazing, really. When
she had first met Konatsu, he was easily led astray from his task by a
scrap of food.
But not anymore. Now that he was well fed, and no longer subject to
the capricious whims of his stepfamily, his faithfulness was nearly
absolute. She'd heard stories of dogs who stayed by the graves of
their dead masters for years. There was no doubt in her mind that
Konatsu would be such a dog, if he were a dog.
But, she had no intention of dying anytime soon. And, whether or not
Konatsu succeeded, it would be several days at least before he
returned, and the bills wouldn't pay themselves. Alone, she started
to open up the restaurant.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Now I've found you, Saotome! Now you will face my darling Shampoo's
wrath! Now that she finally knows what a dishonourable rat you are...
She'll have no mercy on you! Come on, will you!"
Konatsu watched the behaviour of the long-haired, Chinese robed youth
with some bemusement. "Uh, are you looking for Ranma Saotome as
well?"
"Indeed I am," the youth replied dramatically. "And now that I've
found him, he shall pay for hurting my darling Shampoo!"
"Uhhh... but..." Konatsu started.
"Now look at it from my perspective. I love a woman above all else.
Unfortunately, she loved Ranma Saotome. Now that the pusillanimous
cur has run off with Akane Tendou, my darling is inconsolable! If I
can bring him back to her, and she can make him pay for his actions,
she will be forever grateful to me!"
"Well, alright," Konatsu quavered, "but I don't think she'd be very
impressed if you brought her back a telephone pole."
"Eh?" Mousse fumbled in his pocket for his glasses. "Oh, it's just a
telephone pole," he said, obvoiusly disappointed.
"Well, I'm looking for Ranma Saotome too. If I find him, I'll bring
him to you after Ukyou-sama is done with him. How about that?"
"That would be great. And, if I find him, I shall let you have
whatever remains of him after my darling Shampoo is through with him."
Mousse took off his glasses and placed them back in his pocket.
"We've no time to lose, so good day!"
"But..." Konatsu started, but the youth was already gone. It was
obvious that he couldn't rely on him as long as he wouldn't wear his
glasses. Indeed, there was no time to lose.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Konatsu searched high, he searched low. He searched east, west,
north, and south. He searched up and down. He searched fore, aft,
port, and starboard. For two whole days, he searched the land of the
rising sun. Then, late at night, he finally found his quarry. A tent
was carelessly pitched beneath a tree, and a distinctive red shirt was
hung on one of the branches.
It was a remote area; all the better, as the operation would not
attract unwanted attention. Quick as lightning, his mind formed out a
plan.
He perched on a branch above the tent, and summoned forth his Ninja
ventriloquism.
"Graaaaaar!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Inside the tent, Ranma sat bolt upright. That sounded a lot like a
bear.
"Roooaaaar!"
So did that. It also sounded like it was right outside the door of
the tent. Most people have to be very careful when dealing with
bears, but Ranma wasn't one of them. In five seconds flat, he had all
of his clothes on. He threw open the tent door, and prepared to do
battle.
However, once outside, he saw no bear. A quick glance around not only
revealed no bear, but also no indication that one had been there.
Some garbage was stuffed carelessly into a plastic bag, but it was
undisturbed.
He relaxed too soon, though, because at that moment, he was attacked
from behind. Clever bear, that!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Konatsu's attempts to take hold of Ranma all met with little success.
Sure, he was fast enough to take hold of him for brief moments, but
Ranma was much stronger, and would always break the grip. He weaved
in and out, dodging a few recklessly aimed blows. Finally, he managed
to latch onto a piece of clothing that didn't give when pulled on.
That was all that Konatsu wanted for now, so he simply ran off,
trailing Ranma behind him.
By this time, the noise had awakened Akane. She emerged from the tent
just in time to see Konatsu dragging Ranma off. She gave chase. For
a while, she held her own, and even seemed to be gaining slightly.
But then, Konatsu looked back and saw her, so he put on an extra burst
of speed, leaving her in the dust. Akane, already near her top speed,
had no chance. She tripped on a tree root, piled head first into the
tree's trunk, then lay unconcious beneath that same tree.
Meanwhile, Konatsu made quick progress back towards the city. He
ducked to avoid a low tree branch. Newton's First Law wasn't kind to
Ranma, however, and he struck his head quite solidly against said
branch. Konatsu neatly swerved in order to circumvent a patch of
thorny bushes. Again, Newton's First Law had it in for Ranma, as he
sailed straight through the bush.
Still, Konatsu made rapid progress, with Ranma trailing nicely behind,
occasionally bouncing off something, or getting dragged through
something. If anything, something didn't seem quite right. He
thought that Ranma would be more trouble than this. After all, Ranma
was a formidable foe. He did thrash around a bit at first, but now he
seemed to have gone completely quiescent. But, since he was so used
to things not going his way, he wasn't about to complain when
something was easier than expected.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
He arrived back at the Ucchan at the crack of dawn. He burst through
the doors, and triumphantly presented Ranma to a recently-awakened
Ukyou, as a cat might present a mouse that it captured to its owner.
Ukyou said nothing, but goggled at the sight.
Konatsu, seeing her expression, nervously asked,"Uhh... is something
wrong?"
Ukyou continued to goggle.
Finally, she managed to ask, "So, where did you find him?"
"Somewhere around Mt. Fuji, I think. Is something wrong?"
Ukyou goggled even more, but somehow managed to get another question
out.
"So you dragged him all the way back from Mt. Fuji... like THAT?"
Konatsu nodded, and continued to hold Ranma up off the floor -- by his
underwear.
Ukyou goggled even more than would seem humanly possible. Then her
expression moderated somewhat. Then she seemed to crack a smile.
Then, she burst into a fit of helpless laughter. Konatsu stood in
place, confused. Ranma groaned miserably.
Once Ukyou's laughter had exhausted itself, Konatsu asked, "Well, what
should we do with him now?"
Ukyou thought for a second. "Well, put him down, for a start."
Konatsu complied, and Ranma collapsed to the ground in a heap.
"Did I do something wrong?" Konatsu asked, still confused and
concerned.
"Well, let's just say that it hurts anyone to be carried like that,
and it _really_ hurts a guy to be carried like that." She paused,
then looked at Ranma.
"Well, I think you've atoned for any wrongdoings. Let's call things
even. But get out of here; I don't really want to see you right now."
Konatsu objected. "But I saw a guy in white robes who said he was
looking for Ranma too, and I promised that if I found Ranma, he could
have him when you were through with him!"
"That would be Mousse," Ukyou replied. "In that case, take him to the
Nekohanten. It's five blocks north and seven blocks east of here. I
don't think he'll be going too far on his own right now, anyway."
"Righto!" Konatsu picked up Ranma, again by his underwear, and left
in a flash.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ukyou sat down on one of the restaurant chairs. She wasn't quite sure
whether to feel sorry for Ranma, or not. But then, she thought of
where he was currently headed, and quickly decided that she wouldn't
wish her worst enemy in his shoes right now.
At any rate, it seemed as if Ranma was largely part of her past right
now. He wasn't the man she thought he was. It really shouldn't have
been a surprise, considering that for so many years, Genma had been
the only role model that he'd had.
So much for the past; what about the future? That wasn't hard to
figure out. Hard as it may have been to believe when he first
arrived, Konatsu was rapidly turning into a fine young man. Kind,
loving, intelligent, and faithful, he was looking more and more like
the kind of man that she thought Ranma was. He still had
idiosyncrasies, make no mistake, but he wasn't the only one. And, as
the morning's events had shown, he was still shockingly naive about
some things. But, naivety was an eminently curable disease.
Konatsu would be returning soon. The thought brought a smile to her
face, and a frisson to her body. She turned to her grille and started
to prepare an okonomiyaki -- not the kind she served her customers,
but the kind that she once made for Ranma.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ranma was in altogether too much pain to be thinking of much of
anything. Not that he was much for thinking even under the best of
conditions. Not to mention that he didn't really want to think about
the permanent damage this may have caused.
Still, if one could look deep into his heart, one would see that he
couldn't bring himself to blame Konatsu for this: he had, after all,
deeply hurt the one whom Konatsu cared for more than any other.
He had thought that this whole elopement idea couldn't possibly result
in a good end, but in the end, he didn't have any better ideas for
resolving his problems, and his father and Mr. Tendou were pushing the
idea quite determinedly. If there's one thing he had learned from all
this, it was to not let anyone push you into something that you didn't
think was right.
And also, of course, to make sure your underwear isn't too strong. It
may save some money, as it didn't have to be replaced every time he
was in a fight, but it had possibly cost him something whose worth
couldn't be measured in yen. In short, it was a clear case of false
economy.
[Author's Notes: I may be the author of this, but even I'm not exactly sure
what I've wrought. It seems to border on spamfic territory if you ask me.
Your comments are welcome; they might just help me understand it better. :]