Through The Eyes of Infinity
A Record of the Lodoss War Shortfic
All comments and criticisms appreciated. You can contact me at
sommer@3rdm.net
Standard Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any of the Record of the
Lodoss War.
You can find all of my fics now stored at:
http://angcobra.jumpfun.com/dbsommer.html
This one might be a wee bit different from what you would expect a RotLW fic
to be. The idea occurred to me though, and it wouldn't go away until I wrote
it.
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The skies were a perfect azure, as they always were.
Pirotessa hated perfect skies.
She could remember a time when clouds would randomly hang in the air. Some
large, some small. Some fat, some thin. Some one huge mass, some strung out
so far they barely connected with one another. And if she used her
imagination, she could sometimes picture the clouds taking on shapes:
People. Animals. Objects. Anything. Everything.
Sometimes they would be dark. Sometimes it even rained. Sometimes it just
looked like it would. Sometimes it would rain in a downpour, other times it
would barely manage a drizzle. Lighting was optional. Weather was
deliciously unpredictable.
No longer. Never again.
The weather was controlled now. Rain only came at night, and only in the
amounts that were needed. Never was there a flood; floods were bad. Never
was there drought; droughts were bad. Getting rained on was bad; it made
people wet unless they carried some for of protection, and they never wanted
to do that. So it only rained in the darkest of night, and only after
everyone had been warned how much would fall and how long it would last.
Very considerate, really.
Pirotessa wished people would be less considerate.
That was the problem with the world now; there was no longer
unpredictability. It was all planned, all reduced to a simple formula of
needs and wants and how to meet them in precise amounts without waste. At
first, it seemed a blessing to have so many worries eradicated and needs
met. Now it seemed boring and staid, like being a child smothered in a hug
by its mother's love. It was fine when given in small quantities, but became
suffocating if left in the embrace too long.
It felt like forever that Pirotessa had been smothered in 'love'.
She allowed the bright rays of the sun shining through the window to bathe
her dark brown skin and warm her worries away. She had more important
matters to think about. It was time for the decade meeting with her friend.
Her last true friend.
Pirotessa had acquaintances, perhaps even a handful that could be numbered
as friends, but she never got to close to them. It was so silly after all;
they always disappeared in what seemed the blink of an eye. Humans always
complained how others were like that. Pirotessa thought it an unusually
accurate assessment for a race that seemed so inherently stupid most of the
time. Centuries of observations had never made her waver in that particular
conclusion about the human race; it only served to reinforce it.
She wondered if her friend thought the same way. She would have to ask her
at this decade's meeting.
"Here we are."
The automated voice made Pirotessa blink her eyes twice and look around. She
had been so lost in thought that she had failed to notice that she had
reached her destination. How unusual.
She moved forward with three other people and departed the hover vehicle,
being certain to make eye contact with the camera above the airbus. It would
take a retinal scan of her and the Central Memory, (which she still knew by
the long forgotten title of 'Sylnex Master Control Computer') in its vast
canyons of circuitry, would subtract the appropriate amount of value for the
ride from the amount she had tallied from her various jobs over the years
since the system was first instituted. All of it was automatic. There were
times when she missed the old debt card system. At least with that she had a
feeling that she was actually spending her earnings.
It was happening again. Actually, she should have expected it. Every time
one of these meetings came around, Pirotessa would reminisce about the past
far too much for her liking. That had to be changed before she arrived at
her ultimate destination. Concentrating only on the present, she ran her
hand through her long blonde locks. It was a habit that always served to
help her focus her thoughts. She was no longer sure why that was, but it
worked. Usually, in any case.
This time was no exception. She stepped off the airbus and onto the
duracrete 'ground,' a 'skyisland where a mesa of buildings floated a mile
high. At least a dozen other equally large skyislands were in view from the
border at the edge of the floating landmass she currently stood on, but this
was the one she wanted.
Walking briskly, it took only moments for her to arrive at the open air caf�
along the boulevard that also lined the edge of the skyisland. It was
something of an anachronism in this age, but every now and then people found
the urge to hold onto symbols of the past, if only for a little while; about
two blinks of an eye, in Pirotessa's estimation.
It was at the table closest to the wall surrounding the island that her
friend waited. The golden-haired woman was sitting down, relaxed, though
obviously waiting for someone. A white cup bearing some liquid substance
rested in her hand. Pirotessa took only another couple of steps before the
woman's eyes looked up and at last caught sight of her form. The
golden-haired woman delicately put the cup down on the tabletop and waved
happily at the approaching figure. The return smile automatically came to
Pirotessa's lips, and she waved back as she approached.
"I was wondering when you'd get here," Deedlit chided once Pirotessa got to
the table, though the effect was lost since she was smiling happily the
entire time.
Pirotessa examined the timepiece on the biocomp located in her forearm. "I'm
on time, which means you were early."
Deedlit seemed unmoved by the declaration. "I'm always early for these
little get-togethers. They do only come along once in a decade. Now sit
down." She made a gesture to the open chair opposite her.
Pirotessa did as she was bade. It was something of a ritual for her to wait
standing until Deedlit offered her a seat. Once the fair-haired elf decided
to test Pirotessa's resolve by starting their conversation without offering
her companion a chair. The dark elf had been forced to stand for five
minutes before Deedlit conceded defeat and asked if she would like to sit
down. Pirotessa considered refusing the offer for several seconds before
accepting. To refuse would have hurt Deedlit's feelings and cast a shadow
over their meeting, and Pirotessa did look forward to them, even if she
wouldn't openly admit to it. Though perhaps it was time for a change. Maybe
next time she would surprise Deedlit by arriving at their rendezvous first.
A little change rarely hurt things.
"I took the liberty of ordering some Sasuasha Juice for you," Deedlit
explained as her companion sat down. "Best thing humans have come up with
for decades." She sloshed the green-orange liquid in her glass for effect.
"Agreed," Pirotessa said.
A young man still in his early teens, obviously a cook from the style of his
uniform, approached the table. He bowed deeply before the duo. "It's an
honor to meet you, Eternal Ones."
Deedlit and Pirotessa both nodded less formally in his direction. "And it is
such to meet you as well," they greeted in return, their voices becoming a
seamless melody of one.
He continued gushing. "I've never met one of your kind before, let alone
two."
"We're very rare," Deedlit admitted, handling the man's admiration with a
grace and style of one having done such for years.
Lacking the courage to say anything else, the man bowed and left the dining
area, obviously still pleased with what had happened. Deedlit gave a girlish
giggle at his departure. "I do so love the different names they give us over
time. It used to be the 'Endless,' and 'The Ageless Wonders.'
"I was always partial to 'The Fair Race' myself," Pirotessa admitted. The
two laughed a bit over that. With the interruption out of the way, the dark
elf waited for the ritual to properly begin once again
Her wait was brief. "So how are things going with you?" Deedlit asked, the
same question she had led off with as far back as either could remember.
"I've been thinking about the past lately."
Deedlit jerked. The next line was supposed to go: "Not much, and yourself?"
She cast a warded glance in Pirotessa's direction "Have you now?"
Pirotessa watched an aircar fly by, noting they no longer left contrails.
When had that happened? One year ago, or ten? "Yes, I have, and not just
because of this upcoming meeting. I've been doing it for several years now."
The golden-haired elf took a deep drink. "Why? For what purpose?"
Pirotessa shrugged, a helpless little gesture, especially coming from her.
"I don't know. I just have. And I mean the far off past, not recent events."
"S'a waste of time," Deedlit shrugged non-committedly as her companion's
drink finally arrived. "Worry about what's ahead, not behind."
"Ahead is always the same," Pirotessa snorted in disgust. "I think I value
the past more than the present. I felt more alive then, even if I was
continuously closer to death than I am now."
"Sounds like you need laid," Deedlit said as she finished her glass and
ordered another.
"That's not it." There was a helpless tone in the dark elf's voice. "Don't
you ever think about the past?"
Deedlit shrugged. "Sure, sometimes. I've had a lot of exciting adventures
and interesting things happen in my life."
"How about the time you were nearly sacrificed to that God?"
A look of confusion crossed Deedlit's features. "Bahlasamon?"
"No, he was a demon. I meant a different one, farther back."
Deedlit's features scrunched up in frustrated thought.
"When you helped save the world," Pirotessa prodded.
"Hell, I've done that lots. At least five times in the last thousand or so
years, and there's been a lot of other action in-between. You're going to
have to be more specific than that."
Pirotessa gave out an exasperated sigh. "When we lived on Lodoss,"
"Oh." Deedlit's eyes took on a knowing light. "Why didn't you say so? I
remember Lodoss. Sort of. It was an island and there was something odd about
it. Cursed or something. Hmm. Nearly sacrificed to a god? Shartnast?"
"No. I don't remember that one." Pirotessa reluctantly admitted.
"How long ago was it?"
Pirotessa wracked her mind for several moments before coming up with an
answer. "Roughly four thousand years ago, I think"
It was Deedlit's turn to give off an exasperated sigh. "Well that explains
it. I can barely remember anything past two thousand years. Almost none of
our kind does. It's worse for me given how much I've done in the last couple
of thousand years. I've got plenty of newer memories to think about."
Pirotessa stared at the amber-colored liquid in her drink. A moment ago at
had been gun metal gray. That was one of the charming things about Sasuasha
Juice. It changed colors, and subsequently flavors, every few minutes with
no two colors necessarily producing the same flavor. It also changed
alcoholic content as well. Some people would play games to see how drunk
they could get on the fewest number of drinks. She liked the
unpredictability of it.
The dark elf took over half of it in one gulp. Her eyes crossed for a
moment; definitely a higher alcohol content. "You don't remember that man
who saved you, then?"
Deedlit snorted. "I don't even remember who I was being sacrificed to. I
sure don't remember who rescued me. Are you sure you're not making this up?"
"I'm making nothing up," Pirotessa assured her. She gave Deedlit a sad look.
"I remember you loved him a great deal."
Deedlit shrugged. "Evidently not enough to remember him."
That angered Pirotessa for reason she could not fathom. Had she been
interested in the man too? She couldn't remember. No. She was relatively
confident she had not, though she failed to remember the man's name. There
was only one name, one mortal whose name she could recall from that time.
"I remember Ashram," she said softly before finishing her drink.
"So that was his name?" Deedlit asked.
That angered Pirotessa even more. "No! That was the name of my lover. Yours
killed him, I think. I'm pretty sure I nearly died too, though I can't
remember for certain."
Deedlit remained impassive as she waited for a change in color before taking
a sip from her recently delivered glass.
Angrily, her voice full of emotion, Pirotessa said, "I don't remember
anything. Not what he looked like. Not the sound of his voice. Not the color
of his hair. All that I remember of him was that name and that he was one of
the great loves of my life."
At last, Deedlit thought she divined what was wrong with her friend, and it
wasn't about who killed this Ashram fellow. She vaguely remembered having a
similar crisis a couple thousand years ago. At least she thought she had. In
any case, she knew how to at least try to deal with it, and how to help her
friend.
"Pirotessa." The golden-haired elf rarely used her friend's name, even when
they got together, like now. She probably hadn't said it openly to her face
in nearly a millennium. "You're being ridiculous. No one can remember the
past that well, not even our kind. Two thousand, three thousand years maybe
for those with good memories, but they always fade into nothingness. Always.
We live too much life and accumulate too many new experiences that overwrite
the old, even if a lot of the events are just the variations of past ones
with new faces attached to them."
Deedlit leaned forward, becoming more boisterous, almost surly. "And if you
think we got it bad, just look at humans. Some of them can barely remember
things that happened forty years ago. They forget people and places all the
time way worse than us. If you don't believe me, try asking one about their
past and see what they can come up with. I don't think I can remember
anything past two and half thousand years or so myself. I'm stunned that you
even remember that Ashram guy's name, considering how long ago you say it
was."
Pirotessa shot to her feet. The chair was hurled behind her as she slammed
her fists on the table, shaking it with the force of the blow. "It's not
fair! His name is all that I can remember. I know I loved him with all of my
heart, as much as I can love anyone, and it's not enough. Even his name is
threatening to drift away with each passing year. It was only in the throes
of a dream I had last month that I realized I hadn't thought of him for
nearly eighty years. Eight decades!
"I want to remember. Not from recordings, not from mental imagery converted
to holographic disc so that I have to stand on the outside and try looking
in my mind to recall his name. I want what he was to be mine. I want to be
able to remember him on my own, from within so that I know what we had was
real. I don't want him to be gone as though he had never existed, as though
we never did the things we did. I want what we created to last, if not in
the real world, then at least within me. I want forever. If I have to live
it, I should be allowed to remember it."
In response to Pirotessa's heartfelt emotion, Deedlit snickered.
"You sound like a human with those sorts of fancies about romance. That's
one thing they've been consistent about over the millennia: a perpetual
fascination with love." Deedlit mused. "But I got news for you, that 'my
love will burn for you forever' stuff might sound sweet to them, but it sure
doesn't apply to our kind. For us 'forever' is a reality, not a concept. If
any of them could live for a thousand years, they'd begin to get a grasp of
that as well."
Deedlit took a small drink. "Forgetting, not loving, is what's really
inevitable, even for us. The great beast of Infinity swallows everything
that made us what we have become right at this moment. In time, it will
devour this experience too. It's normal, though. Natural. It's why we forget
instead of remembering everything. We were made to live in the present for
the future. Hang on to the past too much or too long, and you'll be devoured
right along with it.
Pirotessa's shoulders slumped in defeat. She recovered her chair and sat
back down, the weight of centuries seeming to drag her down. Her voice was
hollow. "What's the point in living forever if we can't be allowed to
remember it as well?"
Deedlit's eyes opened wide, and then they closed as she laughed hard. It was
impossible for Pirotessa to tell if it was sarcastic, bitter, or one of
general amusement; it was just one of those kind of laughs.
Pirotessa's reaction was almost instantaneous. "How dare you mock me, you
unsympathetic bitch! I should kill you for this offense!" Decades of buried
power began to awaken within the dark elf as her hands began glowing.
Deedlit, unmindful of the danger, nearly fell out of her chair as she
laughed even harder.. That curious reaction to the threat mystified
Pirotessa even more and made release her hold on the power.
It took Deedlit a full minute to compose herself. "In the name of the Light,
you really do sound like a human. This has got to be the most interesting
meeting we've ever had. At least it's the best that I can remember."
The dark elf looked at her in open bewilderment. "What's that supposed to
mean?"
Deedlit finally began to control her outburst. The last of her laughter died
as she spoke. "Haven't you figured it out? Even with only two thousand years
or so of knowledge, you should have. Every other elf I know has. I just
assumed you had too."
"Know what?" Pirotessa asked.
Deedlit went from amused to serious in the blink of an eye. "The answer to
your question, of course."
Pirotessa drew back in surprise. "You mean to tell me you know what the
point to our existence is?"
"Oh, yes."
Deedlit's voice was full of confidence, more than Pirotessa could ever
recall her having. Sensing on some primal level that Deedlit was speaking
the truth, the dark elf's heart raced in excitement. "If you know, tell me.
I need to know."
Deedlit rose out of the chair and walked next to Pirotessa, placing her
mouth so close to the dark elf's ear that even the faintest whisper could be
heard. Her words were more breathed than spoken. "Remember, you asked for
this, so now you're going to get it. The answer is:
"There is no point to life.
"Never was.
"Never will be."
Deedlit stood back to observe her friend and watch her deal with the
startling revelation. Pirotessa's reaction was to sit in shock, unmoving and
barely breathing. After a full minute of closely resembling a statue, she
began to tremble. An aura of hopelessness began to surround her and fill the
air. Deedlit was tempted to embrace her friend, but resisted the urge. It
would be best for Pirotessa to put the shattered pieces of her world back
together on her own.
The dark elf finally looked at Deedlit and began to speak. "There has to
be-"
She was silenced by a sad shake of Deedlit's head.
The last of her energy leaving her, Pirotessa slumped in her chair. She
looked at the half filled glass of Sasuasha Juice. When she had first drank
it, she had enjoyed the mysteries it held; now it was just a gray liquid.
The words just seemed so... true, once they were spoken aloud. It made
terrible, terrible sense. In a way, it explained everything that Pirotessa
had questioned over the last several hundred years. She did not want to
believe them with all of her heart, but that wouldn't change anything if
Deedlit was correct.
Deedlit returned to her seat across from her friend. "Hard to accept at
first, I know. I was the same way." At least she thought she had been. That
particular lesson of life had stuck with her for sometime now, perhaps two
thousand years.
With that statement, a bit of life seemed to return to Pirotessa, almost as
though she were lashing onto the idea there was hope. "So how do you do it?
I mean deal with that sort of knowledge?"
Deedlit examined her oldest friend and shrugged. "Personally? I live life in
the fast lane. I've helped others fight the good fight and try to hold
myself to noble causes and be true to what I believe in. The Gods know
whatever ideals I have are going to outlast most civilizations. I've spent
most of my time neck deep in humanity. I've had more friends in that time
than I can remember, and sometimes their actions even surprise me. I've had
more lovers than I can possibly remember too. Some I used for sex, others I
thought I loved, and some I truly did. That sort of bonding helps a lot too,
even when you know they're going to die. Basically, what I'm trying to say
is just because there is no overall point to life, doesn't mean you should
stop living it."
"But how can you do it?"
"Like they do." Deedlit pointed to a couple walking by. They seemed to take
notice and smiled, bowing to the elves before continuing. Deedlit waved at
them before returning to the discussion. "Those two know damn well that
after they've turned to dust, we'll still be sitting here, drinking Sasuasha
Juice or whatever new beverage their ancestors will have come up with. Does
it stop them from living just because they won't be around as long as
others? Of course not. They live life as full as they can, which admittedly
isn't very long for some of them since it varies from human to human."
"And you think we're no different from them? That we should imitate them?"
Pirotessa asked.
"Not exactly," Deedlit admitted. It took a moment to find the right words.
"Duplicate their attitudes, is what I mean. Their spirits are like ours,
even if their way of thinking isn't. It's why we've been able to co-exist
for so long. We're enough alike we don't feel threatened by one another."
Pirotessa shook her head. "It's all so much to absorb. And I still don't
know if can accept it."
Deedlit shrugged. "You will, it'll just take time. The Gods know you'll have
plenty of that."
Pirotessa did not, could not, respond to the statement.
Deedlit frowned at her drink. This meeting hadn't gone along the way she had
hoped it would, not in the least. But it had been lively. She might even
remember most of it for over two thousand years. Still, she didn't want to
be depressed, or worse, hang out with someone as depressed as this. Besides,
it was her responsibility to look out for another 'Eternal One's' welfare
and maintain their healthy mental attitude.
"I know what we can do!" Deedlit declared as she rose from her chair, then
grabbed Pirotessa by the arm and hauled her up to a vertical base.
"What are you doing?!" The dark elf snapped, wanting to remain mired in her
depression.
"I'm going to make you take my advice." Deedlit began dragging an only
partially resisting Pirotessa along.
"What advice?"
Deedlit stopped tugging and grinned. This time Pirotessa recognized the
grin. A bit of old fire came back to her voice as she warned, "Oh no.
Whatever it is you've got planned, I want no part of it."
"Of course you do. It'll shake you out of your doldrums," Deedlit insisted.
Sensing she would lose the argument, like she always did when it came to
Deedlit, Pirotessa shook her hand free of her companion and straightened out
her outfit. The dark elf could at least walk out of the caf� with some
dignity. "What do you have in mind?"
Deedlit continued grinning. "Not much. Just going to some bar where we'll
dance a lot, get really drunk, and pick up a couple of guys and get laid."
"Oh no." Pirotessa turned immediately around. "I don't think that's a good
idea. I'm not in the mood."
"Which is why you need to do it." Deedlit grabbed Pirotessa's arm again. She
was pleased to note her friend wasn't struggling very hard. The dark elf was
stronger and could overpower her if she wanted to.
Pirotessa quickly gave up under her friend's persistence. It made her wonder
if she really did not want to do this, as she maintained. However, she still
needed to put up a token resistance. "Do you really think a night of
debauchery is the solution to all these soul-shattering revelations that
have forced me to question my whole way of thinking?"
"I know it's not going to hurt, unless the guy you pick up is into the sort
of thing." Deedlit gave Pirotessa a wink, which caused her companion to roll
her eyes in response, like it always did. Deedlit was always getting her
into trouble during these get togethers. The dark elf should have known this
was coming. Still, there was something reassuring to her, something that
would not have occurred to her had they not had this discussion today.
No matter how much trouble Deedlit got her into, eventually, perhaps in
centuries or perhaps over several millennia, Pirotessa would forget
everything that was going to happen.
It seemed there were some advantages to forgetting after all.
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Author's Afterward:
Hmm. Haven't done a 'mere' character piece in a while. Pretty sure the whole
concept of dealing with 'eternal love' for immortals such as the elves set
in Record of the Lodoss War has been done before, just not by me. ^_^ Was
sort of hoping the more 'modernesque' setting in the opening would help to
grab attention, even if the entire concept has been written many times
before in many different ways by those better than I.
As much as I tend to be the closet romantic, I also swing towards less
idealistic versions of love as well, this being a perfect example. Employing
the age old adage of ' eternal love' and some of the difficulties (or in
this case, impossiblity of it) for individuals that might actually have the
ability to live forever certainly applied to that line of thinking. I
thought the idea of Deedlit being the one to completely forget about things
first and being so nonchalant about it would be a bit of a twist. After all,
her and Parn's relationship was the center of RotLW and was pretty much the
classic sword and sorcery, knight and maiden tale, and would be the more
likely part to be remembered rather than Pirotessa's own subplot with
Ashram.
Well, enough ranting. And whether you agree or disagree with the ideas
presented, hope you enjoyed.
D.B. Sommer