From: "KaraOhki" <karaohki@snet.net>

To: "Gary Kleppe" <kleppe@mediaone.net>, <ffml@fanfic.com>

Subject: [FFML] Re: [fanfic][Ranma]Travels, Trainfing and Trials, Chapter 6

Date: Sun, 5 Nov 2000 22:17:45 -0500

----- Original Message -----

From: "Gary Kleppe" <kleppe@mediaone.net>

To: <ffml@fanfic.com>

Sent: Sunday, November 05, 2000 9:55 PM

Subject: [FFML] [fanfic][Ranma]Travels, Trainfing and Trials, Chapter 6

Notes

Travels, Training and Trials

A Ranma 1/2 fanfic by June "KaraOhki" Geraci

karaohki@snet.net

Kasumi jumped.  "I, um, we, it was okay."

"You're supposed to be in love with Tofu!  How could you make out with

Ranma!"

"I DID NOT MAKE OUT WITH RANMA!!!"

NABIKI: If you say so.

KASUMI: There was absolutely no making out. No, we went straight to--

NABIKI: I don't want to hear this.

Suure she doesn't

Seems like it would be more effective and just about as easy to show

this as a (brief) scene, rather than summarizing it for the reader. I'm

not sure that I buy this kind of characterization of the

Furinkan boys, given what we know of them from the manga -- Hiroshi and

Daisuke, for example, who seem pretty typical. None of them took

this kind of attitude toward Ranma in the manga; why are they doing

so here?

I'm writing a different universe, remember?

Actually you're writing an alternate, or what-if, version of

the Ranma1/2 universe; specifically a 'what if Ranma received training

in more than just the physical side of martial arts?' universe.

Changes from the canon universe should follow logically, or at least

believably, from that initital divergence.



In this case you seem to be trying to establish that the boys'

reactions are due to the fact that Ranma and Akane aren't denying

their relationship as fiercely at school as in the canon universe.

(He challenged Akane in the Morning Dating Duel and beat her right

before their eyes.)



But, like Gary, I just don't buy it.  In the cannon, nobody bothered

to believe their protests anyway and the typical response was to try to

get Ranma to spill-the-beans on how far he got making out with Akane.

They also gave up persuing Akane when they realised that Ranma

could take out Kuno.  I don't see any reason this stance wouldn't

occur to them in this universe.

"Well it has been a while."  Mrs. Hibiki saw Ranma hesitate, then he

grabbed her and gave her an affectionate hug.  "I'm sorry I never got to

say goodbye.  Pop never gave me a chance."

"That doesn't surprise me.  From what you told me of the way your father

treated you, I-"  Mrs. Hibiki stopped short and put her hand to her lips.

 "I have to find Pierre and put him out!"  Before Ranma or Ryoga could

say a word she ran upstairs.

FYI, it was established in the manga (the Yoiko story) that Ryoga's

family (1) has a dog, not a cat, and (2) are away from home lost just as

much as Ryoga himself, if not more. It's your fic, obviously, and your

decision what to change, but it's rather annoying to have a character

pointing out Genma's faults when her own are being ignored. By all

indications, the Hibikis are far worse parents than Genma.

Annoying, but realistic.  Even in real life a lot of people point out

other peoples' faults while ignoring their own, and it happens all the

time in the Ranma universe.



eg: "Aiya!  Why Ranma want violent girl?"  Shampoo asked as she

   burst through the wall.  Pointing at Akane she cried, "is

   obstacle; Shampoo kill!"

Are they worse because they are absent?  If they are absent, that's really

something beyond their control.  We don't really see what they're like

because we don't get to meet them.  As far as Pierre is concerned, he gets

along very well with the black and white dog...

Whether the Hibikis could help getting lost or not, Ryoga was left to

fend for himself for extended periods of time; that's neglect which

_is_ as bad as abuse.



Mrs. Hibiki: I'm not a bad parent; I'm just never there for Ryoga.



Actually we do get an insight into what sort of parent Mrs. Hibiki

is: in the Yoiko story she made some noodles for his lunch then left

left to go shopping - and Ryoga judged by them that she'd been lost

for at least ten days.  So, not only did she ignore the fact that she

was liable to get lost, she hadn't noticed that Ryoga hadn't been home

to eat the noodles in the first place (he had no idea Checkers was

even pregnant).



The Hibikis seemingly made no effort to ensure that Ryoga was cared

for while they were absent, or even notice when he was absent.  It's

a good thing that their dog could fend for herself while pregnant and

even arrange a television appearance on her own after she gave birth.

"They probably wander around in circles 'cause Ryoga can't find her

house!  He's really embarrassed about getting lost all the time, and he's

too proud to ask directions.  They probably wouldn't help anyway. His Mom

hardly ever

Actually, he has no problem asking for directions; he's shown asking for

them many times in the manga. He's simply incapable of following them.

As in: "You have to go this way (points)!  Why are you going that way?"

Repeats altaverse line

:Repeats reply to the alterverse line.



This is an alterverse where _Ranma_ was give additional training in

areas of the art the Genma ignored.  Unless something this new Ranma

said or did caused Ryoga to become too proud to ask for directions

there shouldn't be any change in that behaviour.



However, I do buy that Ryoga wouldn't want to draw attention to his

lack of direction while on a date.

Ranma ran over to the older boy and looked him over.  He bent down and

touched his face then ran back to Akane.  "I think you broke his jaw."

"GOOD!  Then I don't have to listen to his stupid speeches anymore!"

Ranma had only one word in response.  "Hypocrite."

"What?"

"You heard me.  How can you give me a hard time for beating on people and

then do this?  If there's nothing wrong with what you just did to Kuno,

then there's nothing wrong with what I did to Shin and Kenji."

"I guess you have a point."  Akane would have said more, but a loud groan

from Kuno distracted both of them.

Urk. Is that all the reaction she has to this? I mean, *nobody* likes

being told this bluntly that they're in the wrong. Even if Akane

begrudgingly accepts that Ranma has a point, I'd still expect a little

resentment.

I'll see what I can do with this.

Perhaps by having Akane point out that the kendoist is a martial

artist and that she didn't seek him out?



________

Graham

gj.kemp@bigfoot.com



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