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"This new guy wants me to do WHAT?"
A -really bad- Ranma 1/2 self insert fic.
Authored by: Too ashamed to reveal himself.
Story began: 11-6-2000 (9:58pm)
Story finished: 11-6-2000 (10:08pm)
Inspired by: C.Jones' "Horrible Fanfiction List".
Disclaimers:
I don't need to make any disclaimers. I own everything. Yup, I own Ranma
too. Got a problem with that? Don't make me hafta write you into this
story...
It was a happy day at the Tendo dojo. The sun was up. Birds chirped.
Ranma and Akane were fighting in the dojo.
"KIIIYAHH!" Akane shouted.
"Stupid tomboy. You attack like a gorilla." Ranma muttered.
They stood there motionless for a few moments.
"Uhh... I guess that's it then." Ranma muttered.
"Huh? We haven't even practiced a whole minute yet!" Akane protested.
Ranma shrugged his shoulders and pointed -up-. "Wasn't my decision..."
He winced for a moment. "Er, I mean... Yeah, of course! It only took me a
minute to determine that you'll never be as good as me!"
"RAAAANNNMMMAAAAA...!!!" Akane screamed.
Out of no-where, a big bucket of water splashed Ranma.
"What the heck...?" Ranma muttered. "Where'd the water come from?"
"From me." A stunningly handsome, 22 year old boy (we'll call him
"Tarin") walked in carrying a bucket.
"What the hell was that for?!" Ranma shouted.
"Cuz I felt like it." Tarin answered. "You know, you're pretty hot as a
girl. Have you ever wondered what it was like to have sex as a girl?"
"Like hell I have!!!" Ranma quickly answered. Moments later, she winced
as if she were electrocuted. "Er, I mean, yes, I have! However did you
guess?"
Akane's jaw dropped to the floor. "RANMA! What are you saying?"
"Don't worry, Akane. I'm willing to share. I used to be a girl before I
found some nannichuan water. I'm more than willing to share if you want to
join in!" Tarin somehow managed to pull a 60 gallon barrel of nannichuan
water out of his shorts.
"GIMMIE!!!" Ranma shouted as she made a dive for the water. Moments
before finally getting to it, she was yet again winceing from an invisible
surge of... something. "Er, I mean... No thanks. I don't mind my curse. I
actually like it."
"Have you gone nuts?!" Akane questioned.
"I don't know! Something's screwing around in my head!" And, yet again,
Ranma winced from an invisible surge. "Absolutely not, Akane. I've simply
accepted how good my life is now that I have this curse... no, not a curse,
a blessing."
"Here ya go, Akane." Tarin dumped the barrel of nannichuan on Akane.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!" Akane screamed in a very masculine voice.
Moments later, she started to wince as well. "Er... I mean... Thank you so
very much! It's better than I would have ever dreamed!"
"Awwwwright! Now we're ready for action!" Tarin gleefully shouted. "You
take the mouth, and I'll go for that hungry looking twat of hers."
Ranma turned ghostly white. "I DON'T FUCKING THINK SO!" And, as you
probably predicted, Ranma yet again fell prey to the invisible shock of...
uh, something. "Oh yes! I can't wait! Take me! TAKE ME NOW! Fill me! Make me
whole! Make me a WOMAN!"
As Tarin and Akane approached Ranma, Tarin whispered something in
Ranma's ear when she regained her sanity temporarily. "If you think it's bad
now, wait until we get you pregnant... ...for the 5th time."
Moments later, Tarin and Akane had her screaming for two reasons. One
was out of sheer bliss. The other was out of sheer terror.
Cumming soon (not): Chapter two - "How many gallons of cum can Ranma's pussy
hold?"
---
This story is actually a oneshot. In fact, this is so much of a oneshot that
I will not be posting this ever again. Ever. Nor will I even keep it on my
hard drive. If you didn't like this story, too bad. I don't wanna hear about
it. If you -did- like this story, go seek professional help.
I tried to make this fic violate as many parts of 'the list of horrible
fanfiction' as possible. I blame C. Jones for my momentary lapse of sanity
while creating this fic. :)
-Troy