Subject: [FFML] [SLR] Synopses List for October 20
From: "Glazius Falconar" <GlaziusFalconar@peoplepc.com>
Date: 11/13/2000, 3:49 PM
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                   The FFML Synopses List REVIEW! (Riskbreaker-style)

                   ======================  '-_-'

For the week of: October 20, 2000

Reviewer on Duty: Glazius "Riot Squad" Falconar

Synopses Submitted: 22



	Synopses REVIEWED: 21. See below.





* * * * *

[Bubblegum Crisis]



- - - - -

Title: Saber War

Chapter: 1

Series: Bubble Gum Crisis, 2032 version. (Ah, the classics)



	Classics? ::sudden vision of the MegaTokyo String Quartet::



	...nah.



Genre: Science Fiction, NextGen, Flashback

Author: Komodo

Email: kyhdin@aol.com

Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Keep/5268/Fanfic/fanfic.html

Archived At: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Keep/5268/Fanfic/fanfic.html



Date Sent to FFML: October 15, 2000



Series Summary:



The year is 2097.



The A.D. Police are gone.



The Knight Sabers disappeared more then thirty years ago.



Now, at long last, a new Kight Saber will arise, and turn back the

darkness.



But the road to victory is never easy and in the Mega-Tokyo of the

future, alone and outgunned, Satori will battle the Knight Sabers'

greatest creation. . .and the instrument of their destruction.



Episode Summary:



Arrested for B&E, Satori Mackenzie is stuck in Japan for two years

thanks to some legal wrangeling. But under Japanese law, she's

considered a minor and winds up living with the reclusive Mackie

Stingray, only to discover that the old man's has a secret.



...you know, this seems an _awful_ lot like the first episode of Batman

Beyond.



Then again, that may just be me, but... gyah, right down to the Ba-



Ah, I mean, the Saber-Cave. Yeah. Saber-Cave.



There are a couple of things I don't get. If she can't be released on her

own recognizance, why not just get her mother to vouch for her? Wasn't

remote authentication of documents already implemented? If she comes so far

after the GENOM era, how does she know about rogue boomers, and why wouldn't

there be any mention of said rogueness in her education?



If there was a prologue that detailed how she got busted in the first place,

it didn't turn up in my own search of my archives, and I think it'd be a

much better image to start the story on than just her in a cell. But that,

again, may just be me.



* * * * *

[Crossover]



- - - - -

Title: Angel's Heart

Episode: Chapter 1: The Light in the Midst of Darkness

Series: Birdy the Mighty / Bubblegum Crisis / Iczer-2



...ye gods.



Genre: Crossover, Action

Author: Nikholas "Radler" F. Toledo

Email: niftol@i-manila.com.ph, radler@tri-isys.com

Homepage: http://nikholas-f-toledo-zu.webjump.com/fanfics.html

Archived at: http://nikholas-f-toledo-zu.webjump.com/angheart.html



Date Sent to FFML: 03-04 Oct 2000 (+0800H)

Archive Number: 14892 and 14911

Size: 225 KB



Title Summary:



Set in MegaTokyo, the stage is set when Iczer-2 returns to Earth,

searching for Nagisa.  Quincy leaves GENOM in the hands of Kate

Madigan, whose life takes interesting turns.  The Knight Sabers, the

AD Police, and one particular Federation cop join the cast as an old

menace takes new clothes.



Episode Summary:



The AD Police have a new Chief, and she's not all she seems.

Madigan's life begins to haunt her, and Nene undergoes training.  Leon

gets a promotion, and a new boomer arrives on the scene.  Iczer-2

loses someone, but finds someone else.  Who can be after her?



Hmm. I don't know if it's just a stylistic quirk or not, but it's generally

a good idea to start your scenes with action, rather than dialogue, internal

or otherwise. The little prologue before we find Leon and Daley heading back

to work doesn't really make any sense to me - perhaps because I don't know

the characters that well, but if it needs to stay in, set up the empty void

of space before you take us inside Iczer-2's head. This goes for most of

your scenes, really - make sure you give the reader somewhere to put your

characters _in_ before you start going on about what your characters

_think_. This isn't a visual medium, so you can't just have an assumed

establishing shot over internal monologue; you need to establish the scene -

any scene - first. You also slip into passive voice in a few places - it's

fine and good to tell your readers something could be seen, but easier to

actually describe what _is_ being seen. As a whole, the writing feels...

rather rough around the edges. What Japanese there is honestly grates more

than it helps to set any sort of ambience. The internal monologues are, for

the most part, fairly smooth-flowing, but the narrative voice itself needs

to flow from one concept to the other a bit more smoothly than it is.



- - - - -

Title: First Contact

Chapter: Chapter 7

Series: Ranma, X-Com, Starcraft

Genre: Crossover

Author: Adam Brown

Email: abrown@wwdb.org

Homepage: http://abnighthawke.homestead.com/ABNightHawkeMain.html

Archived At: http://abnighthawke.homestead.com/ABNightHawkeMain.html



Date Sent to FFML: 10/16/00

Size: 13 Kb



Series Summary:



The Zerg have invaded Earth, with the Protoss right behind them, and

the three Tendo sisters are caught in the middle.



Episode Summary:



Kasumi is now in the hands of X-Com.  What is she?  What can she do?

Why can she control the Zerg?  And what did the Zerg want with her in

the first place?



"The Super Martial Arts gene"? They couldn't come up with a better name for

it than that? Gyeh...



I can buy Kasumi putting the Zerg's death to one side after finding out

she's been gone for five years, but that's going to have to come back at

some point; it's too good an angle to let go.



- - - - -

Title: Funeral Pyre

Chapter: Chapter 8

Series: Ranma, X-Com, Starcraft

Genre: Crossover

Author: Adam Brown

Email: abrown@wwdb.org

Homepage: http://abnighthawke.homestead.com/ABNightHawkeMain.html

Archived At: http://abnighthawke.homestead.com/ABNightHawkeMain.html



Date Sent to FFML: 10/20/00

Size: 47 Kb



Series Summary:



The Zerg have invaded Earth, with the Protoss right behind them, and

the three Tendo sisters are caught in the middle.



Episode Summary:



The Protoss meet with X-Com and bring Phoenix along.  Will Ranma

succeed in making Phoenix remember who he thinks she was?  Also,

Kasumi starts her psychic training.



...ye gods, he's still stupid. Isn't he supposed to be able to pick up at

least emotional vibes as a Ghost? Kerrigan read _minds_ in canon, and that

was with her limiter on...



Admittedly, nobody else would have found out about this, but these are some

damn disastrous consequences, even for Ranma.



- - - - -

Title: One War Three Sisters Sidestory: Voice of the Phoenix

Series: Ranma (X-com, Starcraft)

Genre: Drama

Author: Kevin D. Hammel

Email: khammel@mail.geocities.com

Homepage: http://www.fanfic.net/~khammel/



Date Sent to FFML: October 20, 2000

Archive Number: 15288

Size:  32 KB



Summary:



An authorized sidestory for Adam Brown's "One War, Three

Sisters". Details the 'creation' of the hybrid Protoss-Human warrior

Phoenix> It is told from the perspective of the Protoss Healer who

'made' her from the wreckage of the human formerly known as Tendou

Akane.



...I'm sorry, but this doesn't show up in my own archives or on the archive

site at meridun.tripod.com, or the author's homepage. Uh... ^^; I'll

capsulate one if someone can point me to it, but other than that there's

nothing I can do.



* * * * *

[Evangelion]



- - - - -

Title: EVA 2055

Chapter: Episode 6.0 "Truth and Falsehood"

Series: Evangelion

Genre: Cyberpunk, Divergent Continuity, Drama, Intrigue



	Does it make julienne fries, too?



Author: Adrian Forest

Email: dalziel_86@hotmail.com

Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/dalziel_86/fanfic.htm

Archived At: http://www.geocities.com/dalziel_86/ep6.txt



Date Sent to FFML: October 19, 2000

FFML Archive Number: 15276



Series Summary:



The year is 2055. 40 years after Third Impact was aborted, new events

bring old friends together, and bring unfamiliar faces into the

spotlight.



Episode Summary:



Ruri is puzzled by the pilots' emerging strangeness, but there is

little time for investigation. Still unwelcome in Lowside, Shinji and

Asuka nevertheless try to settle in. Aki learns of FAUST's origins.



...well, wow. There's so much going on here that I can't quite make sense

out of. But it's the _good_ kind of can't quite make sense, the kind where

you know that one little piece is going to snap everything else into

place... at least, I hope you've got it planned that way. This tells a story

that's definitely engaging and definitely enough to keep people coming back,

if only to put all their random ideas about the nature of things to rest.



- - - - -

Title: NEGEV

Chapter: 1 (Wuss Boy/Zombie Girl)

Series: NGE in a Space Sci Fi setting

Genre: Alternate Universe

Author: E.L.Toh

Email: teloong@cwcom.net

Homepage: http://www.teloong.mcmail.com/

Archived At: http://www.teloong.mcmail.com/NEGEV.htm



Date Sent to FFML: 20 Oct 2000

Archive Number: 15253

Size: 33 Kb



Series Summary:



It is the year 2124 A.D. In the wake of a massive asteroid strike, now

known as the Second Impact of 2099 A.D., Earth has reasserted control

over its outlying colonies and outposts. However the mounting of the

retaliatory first Expeditionary Force, against the source of the

asteroids, has ended in its destruction. The UNSC has thus authorised

the launch of NEGEV in order to penetrate the galactic core.



Episode Summary:



A new pilot arrives onboard the NEGEV to find that its CO is a

megolomaniac (who also happens to be his father), its deputy CO is an

old wind bag, the XO is a lush and the chief science officer is a

scatterbrain with a lesbian assistant. But it's all worth it just to

on the same vessel as his girlfriend - even if the pride and joy that

is his fighter craft has to be mutilated to fit something called EVA

Units as part of Project E.



...okay, first, no pilot-looks-at-space-station-and-describes-to-reader.

That's just tacky, and you can set the scene a lot better by describing the

space station floating in Ye Emptye Voide and then have the craft gating in.

Similarly, don't have the characters mention their exact ages to each other.

I can't think of anybody who does that, outside of Tatewaki Kuno, age 17.



Second, the setup for the UN meeting is a bit awkward. I have no idea what

the semicolon-separated clauses refer to.



Aside from that, once the story gets going, it gets GOING. Very impressive

transliteration of terms, if not necessarily meanings, and fairly decent

character ports as well. I do look forward to additional parts.



* * * * *

[Legend of Zelda / Not Given]



- - - - -

Title: Secrets Best Kept

Series: Not Given, The Legend of Zelda

Genre: Comedy

Author: Christian Clark

Email: teknosw@hotmail.com

Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/teknos.geo



Date Sent to FFML: October 17, 2000

Size: 14K



Summary:



Many times, the mysterious minstrel Shiek, has aided Link in his quest

to save the kingdom of Hyrule. In this fic, we find out just who this

Shiek really is... and learn a secret that is best unknown.



Hmm. This came out of a comic... and honestly, it should stay there. The

jumpcuts necessary for reaction shots really don't work in text, but the

central idea is still pretty funny.



* * * * *

[Magic Knight Rayearth]



- - - - -

Title: The Three Magic Knights part 13

Series: MKR

Genre: Comedy

Author: Carrot Glace

Email: Carrotglace@juno.com

Homepage: Http://www.geocities.com/misatira



Date Sent to FFML: 10/22/00

Size: 28kb



Summary:



Caldina attempts to destroy the Magic Knights once again.



...I'll say it again. Dan's a one-trick pony. If the sort of comedy in the

prior parts worked for you then, it'll work for you here. If not, don't

expect much new.



* * * * *

[Misc.]



- - - - -

Title: National Geographic Explorer: Otaku special

Series: Fandom

Genre: Comedy

Author: Carrot Glace

Email: carrotglace@juno.com

Homepage: Http://www.geocities.com/misatira



Date Sent to FFML: 10/20/00

Size: 12kb



Summary:



Carrot seeks out the elusive Otakus for National Geographic Magazine.



...eh. If you're going for the Wacky Nature Special feel, you should really

work the camera more - heck, even write the thing in script format, complete

with observer who's disguised himself as a Pokemon card display getting

mobbed by Otakus Pokus...



* * * * *

[Monster Rancher]



- - - - -

Title: Moonlit Thoughts

Series: Monster Rancher

Genre: Serious

Author: Platinum_Dragon

Email: Platinum_Dragon@usinternet.com

Homepage: http://dragonsanime.com,

http://pixieshrine.dragonsanime.com,

http://www.usinternet.com/users/platinum_dragon

Archived At:

http://pixieshrine.dragonsanime.com/fics/moonlit.txt,

http://www.usinternet.com/users/platinum_dragon/mr/moonlit.txt



Date Sent to FFML: October 14, 2000

Size: 6k



Summary:



Pixie's thoughts, after Genki hits her.



...dude, what's with you and video games? First Castlevania, now this...

well, not that I _mind_...



...but I really can't place this. Maybe because I haven't been following

your series as well as I should, but I can't place this, and thus... it

really means nothing to me. 'M sorry. It's a fairly nicely realized piece -

you may want to break it up a bit more as the thoughts flow around - but I

don't have a context to put it in.



* * * * *

[Pokemon]



- - - - -

Title: Jellic's Hateful Quest

Chapter: 18

Series: Pokemon

Genre: Adventure, Fantasy

Author: Nidoking

Email: Matthew.P.Katinas@Rose-Hulman.Edu

Homepage: www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp

Archived At: www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp/Cover.html



Date Sent to FFML: October 16, 2000



Series Summary:



An epic fantasy hero (you know the type, defeat the Ultimate Evil, eat

breakfast, then defeat more Ultimate Evil) is thrust into the world of

Pokemon, where he can't fight his own battles any more. Instead, he

has to rely on the most hateful of weapons: creatures that many would

describe as "cute."



Episode Summary:



Jellic finally reaches Karddor Labs, where he discovers the answers to

many questions, not all of which he asked...



...ye gods. The classic medieval fantasy tradition of the villain with the

Anagram Name Nobody Guesses Until It's Too Late.



...oh, and Pokedexes work off of a central database, or at least established

facts; Ash's has returned a lot of unknown readings (no, not Unown, unknown)

and the game Pokedex data has a lot of things in it that couldn't possibly

be known just by catching a Pokemon. Of course, it's your interpretation,

but still, I doubt there'd be any source for previously undiscovered

Eeveelutions.



And Evil Pokemon (Dark in G/S) are completely immune to Psychic attacks, and

Evil/Dark attacks carry extra oomph against Psychics.



That's the trouble with writing Pokestuff, the sequels tend to supplant you.

Umbreon, for example, would be an excellent anti-Psychic weapon and be

perfectly in character for an Evil Dark Lord to have, to say nothing of some

Houndooms.



- - - - -

Title: Jellic's Hateful Quest

Chapter: 19

Series: Pokemon

Genre: Adventure, Fantasy

Author: Nidoking

Email: Matthew.P.Katinas@Rose-Hulman.Edu

Homepage: www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp

Archived At: www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp/Cover.html



Date Sent to FFML: October 17, 2000



Series Summary:



An epic fantasy hero (you know the type, defeat the Ultimate Evil, eat

breakfast, then defeat more Ultimate Evil) is thrust into the world of

Pokemon, where he can't fight his own battles any more. Instead, he

has to rely on the most hateful of weapons: creatures that many would

describe as "cute."



Episode Summary:



Jellic finally learns the nature of Karddor Labs' new Pokemon... and

the Pokemon League Enforcers chase Jellic and Ashley right into

Elvor's booby-trapped lair.



...and again the games supplant you. Steel-types, and possibly the Metal

Coat.



...and, yes, it's a dastardly place to end a chapter. Also a very short

place and possibly a very stupid one. But well in keeping with

sword-and-sorcery tradition.



- - - - -

Title: Jellic's Hateful Quest

Chapter: 20

Series: Pokemon

Genre: Adventure, Fantasy

Author: Nidoking

Email: Matthew.P.Katinas@Rose-Hulman.Edu

Homepage: www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp

Archived At: www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp/Cover.html



Date Sent to FFML: October 21, 2000



Series Summary:



An epic fantasy hero (you know the type, defeat the Ultimate Evil, eat

breakfast, then defeat more Ultimate Evil) is thrust into the world of

Pokemon, where he can't fight his own battles any more. Instead, he

has to rely on the most hateful of weapons: creatures that many would

describe as "cute."



Episode Summary:



Jellic makes an unusual bargain for Ashley's life; causing his

face-to-face encounter with Elvor to have unbelievable consequences.



...okay, I don't believe Elvor would do something like that. Quite. He

_does_ seem to have a pretty good on genre conventions, but the sort of

bargain Jellic had to strike was more Q-type than Evil-type.



...heh. Then again, given what's just happened to the boy, Elvor's just put

five packs of aces up his sleeve.



- - - - -

Title: Jellic's Hateful Quest

Chapter: 21

Series: Pokemon

Genre: Adventure, Fantasy

Author: Nidoking

Email: Matthew.P.Katinas@Rose-Hulman.Edu

Homepage: www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp

Archived At: www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp/Cover.html



Date Sent to FFML: October 22, 2000



Series Summary:



An epic fantasy hero (you know the type, defeat the Ultimate Evil, eat

breakfast, then defeat more Ultimate Evil) is thrust into the world of

Pokemon, where he can't fight his own battles any more. Instead, he

has to rely on the most hateful of weapons: creatures that many would

describe as "cute."



Episode Summary:



Jellic (who is now a Scyther) and Ashley escape from Elvor's lair to

find the city in control of the Pokemon League Enforcers... and a

helpless woman being attacked by a Moltres.



...okay. You could probably rewrite the battle scene so as not to explicitly

mention the attack names. They don't add anything, and add a corny air to a

fight that's decidedly not. The Pokeball scene is... interesting. Very

interesting; I've seen many fanfic explanations of what goes on. Jellic's

speech seems to be necessary, but he could probably get by with writing

words on nearby surfaces with his blades. Other than that, this is

interesting, certainly, and had many facets to keep me curious.



* * * * *

[Ranma 1/2]



- - - - -

Title: Adulthood of a Modern Dynasty

Chapter: Chapter 5: A Mammoth Battle

Series: Ranma 1/2

Genre: Continuation

Author: Jim Lazar

Email: jimlazar@earthlink.net

Homepage: http://home.earthlink.net/~jimlazar/anime



Date Sent to FFML: 10/22/2000



Series Summary:



Childhood was rough, Adulthood will break Akane and cost her

dearly. But when the fight will determine the fate of the Human Race

some sacrifices have to be made, painful as they are.



Chapter Summary:



A evil creature that is neither man nor woman shows just how evil

he...  she... err.. it is. A dark cloud is forming over the future of

our heros and a mammoth battle will prove once and for all who is the

biggest martial artist in Nerima.



...okay, the elephant scenes are classic. Absolutely classic. You've built a

hell of a cast of characters here, Jim, and it's a lot of fun to spend time

with them. That's all I'll say.



- - - - -

Title: Nabiki - New Horizons

Chapter: Chapter 24

Series: Ranma 1/2

Genre: Continuation

Author: G.L. Sandborn

Email: sandborn@microlink.net

Homepage: http://www.microlink.net/~sandborn



Date Sent to FFML: October 15, 2000

FFML Archive Number: 15175

Size: 68



Series Summary:



This is the ongoing story of Nabiki Tendo after her marriage to a

wealthy man.  Life is not as easy as she thought.  They're both young,

bound by their Shinobi heritage, and struggling to make it in Hawaii.

The series also follows the other two Tendo sisters as they grow and

face not only the crazies found in Nerima but also the day-to-day

frustrations of becoming adults in Japan.



Episode Summary:



Big doings at the Tendo household.  So big that Kasumi gets overlooked

in the process.  Nabiki gets a taste of big business, Tokyo-style.

(Look out, Tokyo.  She's baaaaack!) Meanwhile, Little Sodoshi copes

with even more disappointment until Jade steps in to set her straight.



Well. This is a nicely written but still very depressing chapter, with

people snapping and flinging barbs left and right - not without reason, and

not to excess. Pain is tough to pull off, but it seems that you've managed

it very well.



- - - - -

Title: One Simple Wish

Series: Ranma

Genre: Drama

Author: Carrot Glace

Email: Carrotglace@juno.com

Homepage: Http://www.geocities.com/misatira



Date Sent to FFML: 10/20/00

Size: 31kb



Summary:



Soun and Genma go to a magic spring and make a wish.  Unfortunately,

things don't exactly go as planned.



...okay, you can't just skip a few weeks when things are so obviously

unbalanced before the jump occurs. Stuff moves _fast_ in Nerima, even faster

when people are making plans. The _premise_ is certainly something, but the

execution feels... rushed, empty, and unfulfilling. Perhaps that's just me.



- - - - -

Title: The Three Saotomes

Chapter: 6

Series: Ranma

Genre: Action

Author: Carrot Glace

Email: carrotglace@juno.com

Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/misatira



Date Sent to FFML: 10/21/00

Size: 19kb



Series Summary:



Eighteen year old Ranma Saotome, his brother Genryu, and their father

Genma Saotome return from their training trip to the Tendo Dojo. The

elder brother brings his problems with him, and they're much more than

the sixteen year old Genryu ever had to deal with.



Episode Summary:



Ranma faces off against an old enemy from China, one who accuses him

of murder!



...hmm.



You sure you didn't shuffle in cards from the Kenshin deck?



Silly of me to ask, but it _seems_ a lot more like a much more serious

anime - Tofu's about the only character in this story who doesn't have

Generic Bystander Lines.



* * * * *

[Ranma 1/2 / Avengers]



- - - - -

Title: Avenging Chapter 6: Weighty Matters

Series: Ranma/Avengers (The Superhero team)

Genre: Fusion

Author: D.B. Sommer

Email: sommer@3rdm.net



Date Sent to FFML: 10/15/00

Size: 32k



Summary: A rather large menace comes to challenge the dojo.



...you know, I guessed it was the Blob just from the description, and I was

right. Lawsy.



Nice "lucky hubcap" scene.



...heck, nice resolution. Classic Takahashi backfire. Good stuff, man, good

stuff.



* * * * *

[Ranma 1/2 / Battletech]



- - - - -

Title: Battletech: The Saotome Gambit Part 22

Series: Ranma 1/2 - Battletech

Genre: Fusion

Author: J. Austin Wilde

Email: wildeman@gci-net.com

Homepage: http://www.gci-net.com/users/w/wildeman/

Archived At: http://www.gci-net.com/users/w/wildeman/TSG-22.txt



Date Sent to FFML: 15 October 2000

Size: 123K



Series Summary:



A fusion of Ranma 1/2 and Battletech pitting the Tendo Family of the

Nerima Confederation against the dreaded Furinkan Combine and the the

League of Five Nails. The only chance the Tendos have lies in the

hands of two Dispossessed mechwarriors named Saotome.



Episode Summary:



In the aftermath of Goddess-Empress Azusa's wedding, Ukyou joins the

expedition. With the final decrypt key in hand, the location of the

Ryuugenzawa System is at last revealed - though it won't stay a secret

for long as both Pansuto Tarou and Shampoo steal the data for their

own ends.



Okay. Zero-G martial arts rule, let me say this right now. The whole chapter

is an excellent installment of what's turning out to be a hell of a

transliteration, and it's definitely recommended reading for anyone who ever

wanted to see Ranma In Space.



...so what's your secret? How do you put Ranma into so many different

settings and pull it off so well?



* * * * *

[Sailor Moon]



- - - - -

Title: RIPTIDES

Chapter: Segment I - ICE : The Reawakening of the Water Senshi

Series: Sailor Moon

Genre: Altuni

Author: Dark Alpha

Email: AlphSailor@aol.com

Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Bay/7233/

Archived At: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Bay/7233/riptides.htm

(will be up soon)



Date Sent to FFML: 10.20.00

Archive Number: 15285

Size: 62k



Series Summary:



How different would have things been if a single change had been made

to the Sailor Moon timeline? As the result, Ami Mizuno now leads a

completely different life from her original counterpart.



Then just as she's being beaten up some punks, a white cat appears out

of nowhere to tell her that she's Sailor Mercury...



Episode Summary:



While Ami's being attacked, Artemis quickly tells her that she's one

of the long-missing Senshi, Sailor Mercury. Few minutes later, her

abusers's gone bai, bai! from the world.



Artemis try to pry into Ami's past, but is rebuffed, leaving him to

wonder just what had happened to her? Oh, by the way, pity that youma

who tried to kill Ami's younger sister...



Heh. Don't try and write science-sounding words if they're not real. The

official name for water is simply hydrogen oxide, or so says my Merck. As

for the rest... well. If you could show us more of Mercury before she

snapped, I'd be able to buy her random acts of Popsicling, or perhaps more

of a look at her after the transformation hit... it just doesn't feel like

there's enough raw psyche to work with. I apologize if I missed whatever

prologue there was, but as things stand now there's not enough

justification.



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *



Well, there's the review, a bit behind schedule. Sorry about that - school's

been bearing down on me. As always, these are only my opinions - if you feel

interested in a story based on its synopsis here, by all means go and read

it.



--G. Falconar







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