In a message dated 11.13.00 3:52:22 PM, GlaziusFalconar@peoplepc.com writes:
Synopses REVIEWED: 21. See below.
[Sailor Moon]
Title: RIPTIDES
Chapter: Segment I - ICE : The Reawakening of the Water Senshi
Artemis try to pry into Ami's past, but is rebuffed, leaving him to
wonder just what had happened to her? Oh, by the way, pity that youma
who tried to kill Ami's younger sister...
Heh. Don't try and write science-sounding words if they're not real. The
official name for water is simply hydrogen oxide, or so says my Merck.
I didn't make up any words. I simply mis-recalled the lessons I took in
my chemistry class. I corrected it in my later revision as dihydrogen
monoxide (which is correct scientific term for H2O).
Hydrogen oxide, btw, is wrong because it stands for HO, not H2O. (just
pointing it out. :)
As for the rest... well. If you could show us more of Mercury before she
snapped, I'd be able to buy her random acts of Popsicling, or perhaps more
of a look at her after the transformation hit... it just doesn't feel like
there's enough raw psyche to work with. I apologize if I missed whatever
prologue there was, but as things stand now there's not enough
justification.
I'm sorry that you feel there's not enough justification, despite
the abuse and the attempted rape (found in the revised version, only).
But I'm witholding the revelations of her past for later segments,
since I feel that to reveal it all too soon would be a cop-out.
Right now, I'm more interested in setting up the story than revealing
the events that led up to the aburpt change in Ami's persona. But don't
worry, I won't be neglecting these; rather, they will play important
role in later segments.
Thanks for your comments, though, and hope you'll enjoy segment 2
when it comes out.
DA/R
Dark Alpha -- AlphSailor@aol.com
G3 Fanfic Studio
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Bay/7233/