"What is Evangelion, other than another example of mecha anime? The
director seems to think it is much more, while the cast hold a lesser
love for this project. To me, Eva will always be unique, not just for
what it stands for, but for the experiences we had during filming."
- Bob the Cameraman.
--------------------------
Ludicrous Configuration!
Productions Presents
--------------------------
"Ya, it was cool, like, surreal, ya know? Like, the whole time I was
there, it was, like, so cool. The peeps were fun to like, hang with,
ya know?" - cast member Maya Ibuki
--------------
An OnFire4jc
Parody Fic
--------------
"Filming? Well..it was okay.. I guess. The girls.. yeah, the girls
were cute.. really cute.. but.. they didn't notice me... They never
noticed me..."
- an extra
------------------------------------
Neon Genesis Evangelion:
BEHIND THE SCENES 01
A Documentary Made During The
Original Filming Of Eva
(Some Spoilers)
------------------------------------
Inside a makeshift trailer, a young man sits in front of the camera,
being interviewed for the first time.
*Shinji Ikari: Age 15; On The Set of NGE*
CREW: What does it feel like, now that you've landed your first acting
job, and with the esteemed director Hideako Anno?
SHINJI: I feel pretty good about it.. I mean, this will probably be my
break into big screen acting. The director promises that the series
will be a hit, and after reading the script my agent and I could only
agree.
CREW: What are your thoughts on the other actors that you'll be working
with for the next few months?
SHINJI: I don't know them all that well, but from what I've seen.." He
leans in close to the camera, "They're newbies to acting. I mean, on
the first day, some of them couldn't even settle down enough to
concentrate on what Anno would tell them.
*Cut to Rei Ayanami and Maya Ibuki chatting furiously together while
the rest of the cast are anxiously listening to the director giving
them.. well, directions.*
"And then I went to Boston and met this really cute guy who was sooo
sweet and gave me lots of presents and candy and everything!"
"Wow, he sounds dreamy!"
"You don't know the half of it, girl! Like, he would take me out
everywhere and he could dance and sing.. *sigh* If it weren't for the
other two women he was dating, I'd swear he was gay!"
"Could've been, like, bisexual, you know. That's become popular for
guys who're desperate.."
*Cut back to Shinji Ikari*
SHINJI: I think they got a couple of the cast straight out of the local
high school. It's sad, really.
CREW: Let's talk about your part in the show...
SHINJI: Well, I play someone who's the savior of the world, literally.
He's a wimp, but gets the girls, the gadgets, et cetera et cetera..I
guess a new Bond without the attitude. Still, I'm hoping to change the
character into something a little more. With a bod like this, imagine
how good my character will look! *Zoom in to him flexing his biceps*
- - - - THE FIRST DAY
It's early Monday morning on the NGE set, which is made up of the
largest sound studio on the Gainax complex. The camera follows
director Hideako Anno around as he greets the arriving cast. Gendou
and Kozo arrive together, dressed in designer suits and looking quite
their parts. After introducing themselves, they leave to discuss the
script with one of the writers.
Ayanami Rei is next to appear, her white BMW roadster making an
impressive stop right at the front gate of the studio. Without
bothering to open the door, she hops out and greets the security guards
with a smile to die for, winking as she goes past. The guards, in
spite of all their training, turn to stare as she walks into the large
building. Her choice of a sports bra and tight shorts are quite
distracting.
*Cut to interview with Ayanami Rei*
CREW: What made you choose to take the role of Ikari's clone?
REI: *Chewing Gum* Well, I thought that, like, if I could pull this
off, I'd show how great my acting skills are! This clone chic's pretty
cool, plus she'll definitely get all the guy fans. I just -love- to
give out autographs, you know. *Winks knowingly*
CREW: ...
*Ayanami Rei, Age: 16; On The Set Of NGE*
CREW: Are there any similarities between your character and your
personal life?
REI: Other than the blue hair? *Runs a hand through her locks absently,
obviously proud of the bright color* I like to think that we're both
the same, really. I mean, we're sooo cool and hip, though she -could-
have more lines..gotta talk to Ann about that..
CREW: Ann?
REI: Yeah, you know, the director? He's the guy with the tight butt.
*Pops a bubble with her gum*
CREW: O-Kay..Moving on.. What's your take on the other cast members?
REI: DULL! I mean, did you see the two old guys that were here this
morning? They did nothing but argue over the script..BLA BLA BLA!
*makes hand motions* I mean, they didn't even check me out! What's up
with -that-?
CREW: ...
*Cut to the makeup booth, where Miss Katsuragi has been getting her
hair done up by Director Anno's personal stylist*
MISATO: *Off Camera* What'd you do to my HAIR?!
HAIR STYLIST: *Off Camera* But.. the style, the texture...
MISATO: *Off Camera* The COLOR!!
HAIR STYLIST: *Off Camera* That too...
*The camera pans around the corner of the booth to reveal Misato,
sitting in front of a mirror, the stylist behind her trying to cut off
a few stray hairs. It looks like someone poured a large vat of grape
juice over her normally raven locks.*
MISATO: It looks like someone poured a fricken large vat of grape juice
over my beautiful black hair!
HAIR STYLIST: It's not -that- bad.. really..
MISATO: Take off your glasses, you dolt!
HAIR STYLIST: *removes a pair of purple-tinted designer glasses* Oh..
um.. *sweatdrops*
MISATO: BAKA!! *pulls out a large mallet and starts to wreak havoc.
We quietly watch, until she notices the camera. She brings down her
mallet, and the tape suddenly fuzzes out*
*The screen re-appears, and now we're talking with Shinji Ikari as he
watches an ambulance arrive*
SHINJI: I expected it to be exciting on the set of a movie, but not
like this. I mean, if a barber can be mutilated, who's next?
CREW: Hair stylist.
SHINJI: Wha?
CREW: He preferred to be called a hair stylist.
SHINJI: Oh. *pause* Nevermind then.
*The camera focuses on a stretcher, with the poor stylist strapped on
it -- his head is nowhere to be seen*
SHINJI: *Off Camera* Strange, to think a guy could work with heads all
day long only to end up losing his own. Ironic, ne?
*Cut to interview with...*
CREW: Gendo? Gendo Ikari?
GENDO: *voice off-screen* One moment, sirs! I must look perfect for
the cameras!
*Gendo Ikari, Age: 31; On The Set Of NGE*
CREW: What are your feelings on NGE?
GENDO: I am truly delighted about my part in this production. Always
have producers and directors put me in a position of comedic slapstick
that never reveals my true worth in society. I must, -must- prove my
worth in this series, or I shall never allow myself to face the large
public masses again!
CREW: ...O-kay. Moving on, what is your take on the character that
you play?
GENDO: I feel as though my character is much understated. He must
live with so much pain and sorrow that it grieves me to have to show it
to others. Yet his story is one that ought to be told time and time
again, so that we never forget the love he had for..
CREW: ..his wife?
GENDO: ..his fans. Now, if you'll excuse me, the masses await my
appearance. *He leaves*
CREW: ...
*Cut to the preparation of the first scene*
The camera pans around to show how big the soundstage actually is. All
around various cast and crew members are working away, preparing for
the upcoming shoot. In a corner, the director and producers are
talking in hushed voices. Shinji Ikari is already at his mark on the
set, waiting patiently to begin filming. Rei, on the other hand, is
about to complain about the delays, when she notices Shinji. Her eyes
go dreamy and she sighs, forgetting her annoyance. Shinji seems to be
oblivious.
SHINJI: *singing* I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, dee da li di...
THE DIRECTOR: *speaking intro megaphone* Could I have all the cast
take their places for the first scene! Everyone else, please move off
the set.
The film members comply, and soon the stage is ready. Normally, the
production wouldn't begin with the very first scene, but with the
absence of cast member Asuka Langley, there wasn't much choice.
THE DIRECTOR: Lights!
The lighting crew quickly turns down all the lights outside those
placed on the set.
THE DIRECTOR: Cameras!
The cameramen switch on their cameras, making sure they're positioned
correctly.
THE DIRECTOR: ACTION!
UNIMPORTANT CREW MEMBER ONE: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Scene One, Take
One. *clack goes the white rectangle*
Standing on a deserted street, Shinji is trying to make a phone call.
The sound effects around him will be edited into the scene later. As
he hangs up the phone, he catches a glimpse of Rei Ayanami standing
further down the street. A rush of doves (handpicked by the animal
trainers) causes Shinji to look away for a moment, looking back only to
find... Rei Ayanami struggling to get off the set quickly.
THE DIRECTOR: Cut! Miss Ayanami, you should be -off- the set by now!
REI: Oh, bite me, idiot! Wait, did I say that outloud? *sweatdrops*
*Cut to Scene Two*
The crew is preparing the stage for the next shot. Although trying to
study the setup and direct the crew, Hideako Anno is being interrupted
constantly by Rei Ayanami.
REI: Oh, Director Anno, here's your newspaper, sir. Can I get you a
cup of tea?
THE DIRECTOR: No thank you.
REI: But surely there's something I can do, isn't there?
THE DIRECTOR: NO, Miss Ayanami. I won't be pampered into raising your
salary back up.
REI: Hmph. Well, I know of a few.. exercises.. that might change your
mind...
THE DIRECTOR: Oh, really?
REI: *stretching her arms out slowly, giving him a good glimpse of her
firm, shaped abs* Mm Hmm...
THE DIRECTOR: *absently rubbing his nose* I suppose we could cut a
deal...
*Cut to Shinji Ikari, watching from a distance*
SHINJI: Why is Director Anno doing yoga?
*FADE TO BLACK*
Author Comments: I doubt an explanation is needed. This is a mockumentary
along the same lines of Drop Dead Gorgeous and Waiting For Guffman. Just to
warn you, there will be more chapters; probably many more, if they ever get
written. Remember, there's still a lot of the cast to introduce (and
fanservice to
provide). I'd tell you what happens next except the actors themselves
haven't told
me yet!
Anyway, C&C are very welcome and would be begged for except that I know
I haven't given C&C often enough to deserve it.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the rights to NGE or am affiliated in any way
with Gainax. None of these characterizations are true representations of
the
actors/actresses involved. Don't sue, please.
- OnFire4jc
Ludicrous Configuration! Productions
http://lcp.minos.net