Ryo Muhoshida wrote:
Please! Give some C&C to this fic. I would really
appreciate it because I'd like to better my writting
skills. Thanks
Ryo Muhoshida
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A Nameless Story
writen by Ryo Muhoshida
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"Sir! Wake up!"
"C'mon! Get up! We're almost there."
"Huh? Wazat?"
Hironobu Tenchou opened his eyes to the world once
That name sounds kind of weird to me. Sort of like a combination
of several people's names.
again. He immediatly shut them in an effort to block
immediately
out the harsh light that permiated the small traincar
that he and his fellow revolutionaries were traveling
on. He opened his eyes again, but just enough to allow
them to slowly adjust. Sighing, he straightened and
unconciously tightened the azure bandana around his
head. He turned his head so he could see out of one of
the car's many windows. The verdant landscape whipped
by in a constant blur.
"So. Is everyone clear on what the plan is?" he asked,
turning back around. Several soldiers nodded their
heads. "Good. But so there aren't any screw-ups; I'll
go over it again." He pulled a cigarette from his
behind his ear. On of the soldiers came forward and
lit it for him. Hironobu stood and took a long drag.
"Okay. Our mission objective is to infiltrate the
Locathan Castle without being seen, and assassinating
their porker of a king. Now, only four of us will
What do you mean "their"? Isn't he from this country?
actually be entering the castle. Myself, Cabal,
Tomoko, and Korran will be that team. The rest of you
will be divided into two groups. Howard, your group's
job will be to make sure we can get into the castle
without a fight.
Oh really? It doesn't seem likely they'd be able to do
that. In fact an operation like this just about demands
that job be carried out by inside men.
Largo, your group will be responsible
for covering us if we need to make a quick escape.
If someone chases us, fire an orbital laser at them!
We'll all be getting off at the main station and
heading to our specific vantage points. When the
mission is complete, we'll all meet at the rendevouis
rendesvous.
point. That would be the rooftop of the theatre.
Understood?"
If that's the extent of their planning, I'd rate their
odds of success at somewhere between laughable and ludicrous.
Again, the soldiers nodded, signifying that they had
indeed understood. Hironobu took another drag, and
exhaled the smoke. He turned again to face the window.
<i>Hmm. So many lives depend on the success of this
mission. I know damn well that this whole thing is
suicide, but I can't just let that irresponsible
bastard sit on the throne and declare war without
knowing how terrible it is.</i>
This would be better conveyed either in dialogue with
another character, or cut down and put more seamlessly
into the narrative.
Hironobu took another drag from his cigarette and took
it from his lips. Using his thumb and forefinger, he
snuffed out the glowing ember.
<i>Your Highness, just like this cigarette, your life
is going to be snuffed out.</i>
Not with that plan.
"Sir?" a woman's voice said from behind him. He slowly
turned to face her. She was a good foot shorter than
him and had long crimson hair tied back in that
easilly hid a ponty tail with some ornate ribbon. She
Hunh?
had a slender figure her true strength. In all
Her slender figure belied her true strength.
respects, she appeared human. All except dor the
feline ears and her tail that swished back and forth.
She appeared almost human, except for her feline ears
and a tail that was swishing back and forth.
Tomoko was one of the best fighters Hironobu had even
seen. She had a graceful beauty to her art. With her
twin daggers, she could decimate any foe in a matter
She could kill one tenth of him?
of seconds. It was very hard for him to take the young
woman seriously until he had seen her in action for
himself.
Now, she starred up at him with her ocean-blue eyes
shinning with the light of the train car. He could
shining
vaguely see his reflection in the azure pools. He
dully noted that he was in need of a haircut. His
brown hair would have hung into his eyes were it not
for the bandana he wore. His dark, piercing eyes
locked on to hers.
"Is there something you need?" he tried to make his
"He tried" should start a new sentence.
voice sound less gruff than usual, but had no success.
Tomoko looked down at her feet.
"Sir. Just what are the odds that we'll succeed in
this mission?" she looked up at him again. He turned
away again to face the window. He took out another
cigarette and lit it. He took a drag and blew out the
smoke slowly before answering.
"Well. The odds that we succeed with the assassination
and escape with our lives is about... oh I'd say,
30%." Tomoko visibly cringed. Hironobu turned his head
I thought this was a suicide mission! A 30% chance of not
only succeeding but getting away alive isn't a suicide mission!
Although, as I've mentioned, with that in depth plan of attack,
they'd have trouble pulling off anything more challenging than
shoplifting.
to face her. "I don't know about you, but I thrive on
odds like those." He turned back around and took
another drag. "Good shit." he mumbled to no one in
particular.
Wait, he's going into combat doped up?