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POKENET - The Armenhammer Armageddon part 3
ASH: Usually, at this point, I try to tell you about what horrible fate
has befallen me previously, and Misty bashes me over the head with her
mallet because I'm exaggerating. But this time, that's not going to
happen! I really was attacked by a swarm of vicious Scythers, and barely
managed to escape, thanks to my wits and strength...
Pikachu zaps Ash.
ASH: ... and my Pikachu.
PIKACHU: (happily) PiKA!
JENNY: Unfortunately, we couldn't pin the attack on Team Rocket because
SOMEONE left the window open, letting all of the Scythers in from
outside.
BROCK: Oh, that was me! I was getting kind of hot from being around
Jessie, so I opened the window.
MISTY: Great. So we don't have any clues, and now we have to carry Ash
to the hospital!
JENNY: The hospital in this town is in the same building as the Pokemon
Center, but I don't know how to get there from here.
ASH: That's easy. Brock, find Nurse Joy.
Brock's eyes spin.
BROCK: Nurse Joy? Where?! NURSE JOY NURSE JOY JURSE NOY JUNSNOY!
Brock runs around in circles holding his head. One of Misty's
Pokeballs opens, releasing Psyduck. Psyduck takes one look at Brock,
shakes its head, and pops back into its Pokeball.
MISTY: Brock, what's wrong? Why aren't you going to Nurse Joy?
BROCK: It's no use! I can't find Nurse Joy when Officer Jenny is so
close!
He runs to hug Officer Jenny, who holds him at arm's length.
JENNY: You'd better give it another try, lover boy.
BROCK: Sorry. The signals from my Jenny detector are throwing my Joy
detector out of whack.
MISTY: Then let me put it back into whack!
Misty whacks Brock on the head with a mallet.
BROCK: I see lots of Nurse Joys... circling my head like tiny angels...
MISTY: He's no help. We'll have to ask for directions.
She grabs a young man who is passing by.
MISTY: Can you show us the way to the Pokemon Center?
MAN: Pokemon Center? The big building with the "P" on it?
MISTY: Yes, that building.
The man adjusts his yellow bandana with black spots slightly.
MAN: Sure, I guess. Follow me.
The man leads them through unfamiliar streets.
MISTY: Are you sure we're going the right way?
MAN: Actually, no. I don't know the way to the Pokemon Center.
Misty bashes the stranger on the head with her mallet.
MAN: Akane, I'm sorry!
JENNY: Who's Akane?
MISTY: Never mind! Just take us back to where we were!
MAN: All right. Just don't hit me again.
Several minutes more of walking...
MISTY: You don't know the way back, do you?
MAN: No, sorry.
He laughs with one hand behind his head.
ASH: I recognize that laugh... Ryoga Hibiki? Is that you?
Ryoga stares at Ash.
RYOGA: Ash Wednesday? What are you doing in China?
MISTY: THIS ISN'T CHINA!
JENNY: This is Indigo Island. Why would you think this is China?
ASH: Ryoga gets lost no matter where he's trying to go. I met him on a
case a couple of years ago.
RYOGA: I was trying to find the bathroom and ended up here.
BROCK: Even Ash isn't THAT stupid.
Ryoga pounds Brock on the head.
RYOGA: I AM NOT STUPID! I just get lost!
JENNY: Well... maybe if we could get to the other side of this wall...
RYOGA: Allow me.
Ryoga steps up to a water tank.
JENNY: Not that wall!
RYOGA: Bakusai Tenketsu!
Ryoga stabs a finger into the side of the water tank, which
explodes, spraying water everywhere.
MISTY: I'm all wet! He's going to pay for this!
She grabs her mallet to bash Ryoga, but he's gone. A small black pig
is sitting in a pile of Ryoga's clothes, with Ryoga's bandana around its
head.
P-CHAN: Bwee!
MISTY: Where'd he go? And where'd this pig come from?
JENNY: Never mind that. Look! There's the Pokemon Center!
She points through the gap left by the destroyed water tank.
MISTY: Finally! Let's go!
P-chan watches the group pick their way through the mangled wreckage
of the tank with tears in his eyes, then wanders off down a different
road and into a sewer. Meanwhile, inside the Pokemon Center...
BROCK: Nurse Joy!
JOY: I'm off duty!
JENNY: We need to get this half-wit into the hospital. He was attacked
by Scythers.
JOY: (looks at Brock) He looks fine to me. Perverted, but otherwise
perfectly healthy.
JENNY: I'm talking about Ash.
JOY: Oh, yes. He's in very bad shape.
Brock falls on the floor and clutches his leg in pain.
BROCK: Ow! My leg! Nurse Joy, help me too!
JOY: Oh dear. Your leg looks injured.
BROCK: It does? Oh yeah! OW! OWOWOW!
JOY: Let me look at it for you.
Joy kneels beside Brock and rubs her hands across his leg. At first,
Brock seems to be enjoying it, but then his face contorts in pain as she
employs a brutal shiatsu pain-inducing technique.
BROCK: OW! Stop it! That hurts!
JOY: That's right. You injured it, remember? I have to set the bone now.
BROCK: Do you have to do it so hard?
JENNY: She's ruthless! You have to admire that.
MISTY: Admire it? I'm taking lessons!
JENNY: As much as I love watching lover boy suffer, we need to get Ash
healed so we can finish our investigation.
JOY: Oh, you're trying to figure out who assassinated the Archduke of
Armenhammer, right?
JENNY: How did you find out about that?
JOY: It was on the news! By now the whole world knows about it, I'm
sure.
JENNY: No! Once Armenhammer finds out about this, we're finished!
JOY: Fortunately, Armenhammer is such a backwards country that they
don't yet have cable TV. They'll have to wait until the story hits their
local news channels.
ASH: If Armenhammer doesn't have cable TV, where did they get the
technology to build nuclear weapons?
There is a very long pause.
JOY: Chanseys! Sedate, please!
A Chansey stabs Ash with a needle and pumps him full of a sedative.
MISTY: Aren't you at least supposed to make sure you're injecting it
into the right spot?
JOY: (shrugs) Why bother? The worst it can do is kill him.
JENNY: Is that the worst that could happen, or the best?
ASH: What is that stuff supposed to do anyway? I'm not sick.
JOY: That's a sedative. It will put you to sleep until we can heal you.
ASH: Well, it's not working. I've never felt more -
Ash falls asleep.
BROCK: Say, Nurse Joy, now that that loser is out cold, maybe we can -
JOY: Chansey!
The Chansey jabs Brock with a needle and injects its contents into
him. He falls asleep.
MISTY: We have to get some of that for ourselves.
JOY: No problem. Chansey!
The Chansey injects Misty with sedative.
MISTY: I didn't mean...
She falls asleep.
JENNY: (backs away from the Chansey) I'm fine, thanks.
JOY: Of course. Chansey, get Ash into the emergency room and the others
into the accidental sedation ward.
JENNY: Nurse Joy, do you know of any Scyther owners in the area who
might have wanted the Archduke dead?
JOY: I'm afraid not. I haven't seen a Scyther around here in a long
time. And the current political situation is not only unstable; it's
downright dangerous! I can't imagine anybody wanting such a powerful
country as Armenhammer to declare war on us.
JENNY: That's what's puzzling me. It's a crime that never should have
happened...
JOY: In that case, it was probably Ash who killed the Archduke!
JENNY: Definitely not. There's no way he could get something that
important done properly. Besides, he'd be stupid enough to brag about it
to everybody. No, I'm quite certain that Ash isn't the assassin.
JOY: Then the solution is obvious.
JENNY: It is? What is it?
JOY: (smiles and raises a finger, � la Washu) It's an unsolvable crime!
Officer Jenny facefaults.
JENNY: Your naivete rivals even Ash's...
JOY: Thank you! I don't think anyone's ever said anything so nice to me!
JENNY: I really can't imagine why not...
*
ASH: Thanks to Nurse Joy's excellent care, I was back on my feet in no
time.
MISTY: Unfortunately, it took over a week for you to get rid of the
crutches.
JENNY: And we couldn't leave until you paid the bill!
ASH: At least I remembered to bring the title for my car. If I hadn't
sold that, we'd never have afforded it!
MISTY: And meanwhile, we have to walk everywhere... AGAIN!
BROCK: Can't you just whistle for a new car?
ASH: What, and scratch the paint?
Everyone facefaults.
JENNY: That... made no sense whatsoever!
MISTY: It's Ash... what do you expect?
JENNY: You're right. Looks like we're in for a long walk.
MISTY: Where to?
There is a long pause.
JENNY: I don't remember. I think there was someplace we had to go...
BROCK: I don't remember a thing. The last thing I remember was Nurse
Joy...
MISTY: Do you ever remember anything other than Nurse Joy?
BROCK: Yes! Officer Jenny!
JENNY: That's someone you should forget. Right now.
ASH: Well, I guess we can't continue the investigation. Too bad.
MISTY: You're giving up? But what about Armenhammer?
ASH: They'll survive.
JENNY: But WE won't!
ASH: Relax. I just want to go visit a friend while we're on holiday.
JENNY: WE ARE NOT ON HOLIDAY! We just don't know where we're going!
ASH: I know where I'm going. To visit my friend Richie.
JENNY: We don't have time to... what did you say?
ASH: I want to visit my friend Richie! He's got a helicopter rental
place, and sometimes he takes me up in one of them for free. I just have
to pay for him to land it.
MISTY: Why don't you just jump out and save yourself the money?
ASH: I never thought of that... let's try it!
MISTY: No thanks. Jumping out of helicopters isn't exactly my idea of a
good time.
JENNY: That's it! Ash, you got it!
ASH: See? At least Officer Jenny agrees with me!
JENNY: Agree with you? I'd rather die!
BROCK: You would, if you let him talk you into jumping out of a
helicopter. At least, while it's in the air.
JENNY: Richie's helicopter rental was our next lead on the case!
ASH: No way! Richie would never kill anyone! Well, except for that one
time...
JENNY: He killed someone?
ASH: He rode his bike over my hamster and squashed it!
BROCK: You tied your hamster to the wheel while playing Superhero Rescue
and forgot it!
ASH: How was I supposed to know Richie was going to go on a bike ride
that day?
BROCK: Because every single day, he rode past you on that very bike and
said "Hey, Ash, I'm going on my daily bike ride! Get your garbage off of
my property or I'll call the cops!"
ASH: Exactly! He never called the cops, so he was lying! Why couldn't he
be lying about the bike ride too?
Misty hits Ash over the head with a mallet.
MISTY: Your hamster doesn't matter! We have to find out who rented the
helicopter that the Scyther left in!
BROCK: Who says the Scyther didn't rent it by itself?
ASH: The Scyther sure wouldn't say that... it would just say "Scyther
scy!"
PIKACHU: Pika!
ASH: No, that's a Pikachu. It was a Scyther that killed the Archduke.
Pikachu zaps Ash.
JENNY: This craziness is getting us nowhere! Do you realize that we've
accomplished absolutely nothing since leaving Team Rocket headquarters?
We've made no progress on the case!
ASH: Well, then it's about time something exciting and climactic
happened, isn't it? Something so big and significant that it's worth
ending this part and leaving the reader in suspense!
BROCK: Nah. They'll probably just end the part right here without any
excitement at all.
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BURNS: What is this? Some kind of force field around these vegetables!
HOMER: That's the sneeze guard. You have to lean under it to get food or
sneeze on stuff.
JOHNNY BRAVO: *sigh* The only woman I ever really loved... and she's
gone. I wonder if I'll ever get over - Hey! Nuggets!
JACKIE CHAN: Oh, sorry. I broke your spy camera! (pause) SPY CAMERA?!
My webpage: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp