Subject: [FFML] Re: [fic][BGC2040][draft] Divine Wind Prt 1
From: "DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net>
Date: 12/18/2000, 9:50 PM
To: "Dave Menard" <deibu_kun@sympatico.ca>
CC: <ffml@fanfic.com>

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Dave Menard wrote:





    Well, here we go with my very first attempt at any sort of BGC fanfic.

C+C is desperately craved, even if it's only to tell me I've botched it

completely.



You've botched it completely.



Oh, wait, You want me to read it first before I cast judgment? Seems a bit

backward to me, but okay.





******



     "Hayashi-san, I'm disappointed we could not reach an

understanding."



Usually the lines said right before someone is killed. Or about to be

divorced.







     "If you examine our latest offer, Hayashi-san, you'll

find that you and your family retain control. We merely-"



Will own your souls. Now isn't that a good deal?





     "Forty-nine percent of the shares is _not_  control, sir.

I have no interest in becoming the figurehead of the company I

built with my own two hands!"



Not counting the contractors he hired to do the actual physical building

with their 'own two hands'. :)





     "Very well, Hayashi-san. We shall see what tomorrow

brings."



     "Tomorrow will change nothing! Good _day_, sir!"



     "Good day, Hayashi-san. Tell me, do you know where your

son is right now?"



Hayashi: Get real. That's not my son. My wife's been cheating on me for

years and I sure as hell don't sleep with her. Why do you think I keep two

mistresses in condos and spend more on them than my wife.



Actually your line is  bit cliche. Should try to do something else to

leverage the guy.







     "W-what? Are you threatening me?"



     "Such an ugly word. We do not threaten, Hayashi-san. We

warn." The line went dead.



Hayashi felt reassured. For a moment there, he had thought his son was in

danger or something.







--------------------------------------------------------------

Space Pirate Productions Present:



A Dave Menard Fanfiction



"DIVINE WIND"



An Adventure of the Original Knight Sabe



Sabe?





     "I know that Priss has suspected this for some time, but

I think you should know...



We're all lesbians."



"Cool. Group orgy!" Nene shouted.



You're not the first Knight Sabers.

I formed a team before you.



     "At the time I was young, and almost as hot-headed as

Priss;



Sylia: But not as butch. I knew how to dress like a lady.





***



TOKYO, June, 2037



     ADP Firebee choppers buzzed angrily around the top of the

evacuated Hayashi Communications building. At the base of the

structure, patrol cars and heavy SWAT units awaited the

outcome of the battle raging on the roof.



They knew that the ADP was cannon fodder for boomers, and were making sure

when the Firebees were shot down, they weren't hit with falling debris.





     Leon MacNicol, recently promoted to detective, was in a

mood his partner would have aptly described as 'bitchy', and

was taking it out on a 'Trooper.



drop stray '







     Daley plastered a sympathetic smile on his face and tuned

out as Leon slid into version twenty-two of his "what's wrong

with the ADP these days" rant, remembering to nod and make

affirmative-sounding noises every once in a while.



I'd say he'll make someone a nice husband someday, but this is Daley we're

talking about.







servicewoman's heart; as usual, irritation won out. "Where the

hell WERE you, Stingray?"



     "I was unfortunately



awkward. I'd get rid of 'unfortunately' or make it the first word





     "The head's mine," Red growled.



Maria liked getting head.







     The mechanoid bellowed, shaking the thin projectiles out

of its muzzle and snapped at Green, who sprung back out of

reach with a hip-thruster-assisted leap.



     Hidden behind her faceplate, an unpleasant grin grew on

Maria's face as the HUD of her scanner suite pinpointed the

core processor in the boomer's head. She tongued on the comm-

switch



She liked giving tongue as well.







     Jill frowned under her helmet. "That _is_ pretty

strange... But Syl, just don't stay up all night workin' on

this. I've got plans for you tonight, missy."



Ah. So she's as big a perv as Sylia is. No wonder Syl acts so lonely with

her new quartet. No one to bang. :)







     Daley Wong slid his glasses down his nose and blinked. He

was a recent transfer out of Police Sciences, but he'd made a

point of learning the names of all the officers in the

detachment. He'd never seen the tall, crew-cutted



I think it's just 'crew-cut'





     "Even with that prosthetic leg, she can still drop a

full-armoured 'Trooper in his tracks. I even saw her punch a

K-suit once. Dented the sonovabitch, too. Trying to get her to

stay behind the barricades is more trouble than it's worth,

trust me."



     "I do so love all the fascinating little minutae of this

job."



     "Yeah, it's a laugh riot, ain't it?"



Nice exchange.







     Detective Lieutenant William Fanward ignored the jab and

shook his head. Ibanez had been something of a mentor to him

back in his days as a 'Trooper, and sure, he felt sorry for

her; Hell,



hell





     "Aw, Christ. Fuckin' snitches." Maria groaned.



Yeah. How dare they make you try to toe the line. :P





     "Fair enough. Wouldn't want her worrying about strange

women keeping you out 'till all hours of the morning. The

usual place?"



Fanward: Your bed? Sure.







     She could remember the exact date, hour and minute the

club had opened, since she had been awakened from a pleasant

dream involving Leonardo DiCaprio (her favorite leading man,

never mind that he's pushing the high side of sixty. Some men,

like fine wine, just get better with age...)



and then other simmer in a pile of their own excrement their entire lives as

bums that had one decent movie in their careers. :)



they'd had their Asimov protocols, the directives that

theoretically prevented them from ever doing harm to humans

through action or inaction, removed or seriously compromised.

Used to be only the military wanted or needed toys this



think 'that' would be better.



     "Johnny, stop it!" the girl cried, latching on to the

biker's arm. "She ain't worth it, let's just go! Maybe

Morrie's got somethin' left in his stash, huh? C'mon Johnny-"



     "Fuck that, Priss!



Heh. Great. Thought it might be her.







     As she watched, he slapped his girl hard, sending her to

the pavement clutching at her jaw.



Oops. Mistake



Elsewhere...



     "You bastards! My SON was in that building!"



     "Ah, so. My condolences on your unfortunate loss,

Hayashi-san



     "You sent that thing, didn't you?"



"Think you can get my wife next? I'll pay you," Hayashi offered.







     "It is indeed a sad thing for a father to outlive his

heir. Tell me, Hayashi-san. Have you given any thought to our

offer? In light of these events, it seems your legacy may be

in doubt..."



     "Y-yes, fine. I'll make the sale."



     "Excellent, Hayashi-san. We are glad you have seen reason

at last. We look forward to working with you in future days."



Hayashi: Not when you find out I've embezzeled all the funds and I've sent a

computer virus to gut everything the instant the sale is passed.







     Sylia restrained a giggle. "I suppose I mustn't keep her

waiting, then. Tell her I'll be along momentarily."



     "Very good, Mistress.



Sylia: No no. Jillian's the Mistress tonight. I'm get to be the 'bitch'.





     "I suppose you know that will cause him no end of

distress?" Sylia laughed. "'Mistress Sylia! Your manicure!'"

she cried in mock horror.



     "Yeah, ain't I a stinker?"



Very





     She'd have to look into FudoCorp. A company that

challenged any of GENOM's various monopolies was worth

investing in. Her personal fortune, while certainly not among

the top ten, or even top fifty in Tokyo, had grown beyond the

point where she'd ever have to worry about money for the rest

of her life. More than enough to fund her personal crusade,

and still have plenty of funds left to invest in worthwhile

enterprises.



Like lingere stores.







     Sylia shook her head with a soft laugh. Nothing in her

lover's posture suggested that she even knew the meaning of

the word 'stiff',



flexibility was half of their relationship, after all. Good sex was the

other half.



 as each movement flowed smoothly into the

next, a deadly and graceful ballet that ended with a series of

forward flips that deposited her next to the bed.



But won't save her ass in the end. :P





     "Hmmph. No surprises there. Pass me the horoscopes,

willya?"



     "Here,"



"Here."







     He'd been a musician himself, back in the twenty-

twenties, worked as a session man for some of the greats.

Svenson, The Paris Carlton Project, The Juice, Karla Estevez,



The Rolling Stones. Over a hundred and the old farts were still touring.

They'd probably fall over dead if they stopped.





     The style was quickly becoming identified with Tokyo,

just as previous genres of popular music had been indelibly

linked in the public mind with cities like San Francisco, New

York



or Chumbumkin, Idaho



     That's why he wasn't surprised to get the call that

morning, shortly before eleven.



      "Finnegan-san, my name is Sakamoto. I represent a group

of investors who wish to purchase an interest in your

nightclub."



Finnegan: Two Billion Dollars.



Sakamoto: Too pricey



Finnegan: Oh? I'm sorry to hear that. Do you know where your son is?



Sakamoto: Hey! That's my line.



     "Yeah, uh, same here." Finnegan hung up and leaned back

in his chair with a groan. He'd have to make a few calls, see

if there was anyone else in the neighbourhood they'd

approached. Maybe by presenting a united front, they might be

able to head this off before it went any farther...



Or at least hire assassins to kill the prospective buyers. They understand

that kind of lingo.





     After fifteen minutes of sweating alcohol poisons from

every pore in her body, she made her way to the shower and sat

under the steaming spray until her skin was bright pink with

white traceries and whorls of scar tissue standing out in

stark relief.



Nice imagery.







     With a frown, she brought it up in a separate window. Of

the boomers that had gone rogue for no discernable reason,

fully 75% had been serviced by a Boomers 'R Us franchise in

the past six months!



     How is it no one at ADP noticed this?



It's called surpression. :)





     Quickly, she brought up a profile of the business. As a

publicly traded company, the information was available through

her sources at several brokerage houses. Founded two years ago

by Tombo Yakage, a retired employee of GENOM's service

department. Is it possible that they still retain some ties to

GENOM?



Is a bear Catholic? Does the Pope crap in the woods?





     She frowned. Much as she liked to lay all the evils of

the world at GENOM's feet, this simply didn't seem like their

style. Besides, GENOM has



had (sounds better)



     There was more to this than immediately met the eye,



No kidding. :P







     Nigel Kirkland was one of the few people outside the ADP

that she actually felt comfortable around. He was one of those

people who were just content to work or sit quietly, without

feeling the need to fill the air up with useless chatter. He

was a competent mech', and she respected that. She'd known

more than a few guys like him in the service and on the force,

mostly in the motor pool and tech support jobs; quietly

professional, stand-up guys, who took pride in doing a job

right.



Yep. Sounds like him.





     "Take off your pants,"



When I try that, I tend to get slapped. :(







     She was relieved to remember that she'd chosen a fairly

utilitarian pair of underpants this morning, instead of

something risque or, even worse, old-granny panties.



Her 'Hello Kitty' underwear was nice and understated.





     "Little early to be drinking, isn't it?"



Blasphemy! It's never too early or too late to drink.





     "I hate it when people ask you if they can ask a

question. Just ask."



Heh.







     "Can't you use this high-faluting 'mystery-tech' to build

me a leg, then?"



     "I could, but I won't. Bad enough you wear the suit as

often as you do."



Of course, it might make the difference between life and death here.



Very nice work. Maria and Jill were well rounded and easy to understand. We

got to know them as the story progressed rather than simply being told what

they were like. It flowed well and caught be interest immidiately. Enough of

the rest of the cast was also present, so the original characters didn't

control too much of the action. Very few grammar errors. I'll definitely

look forward to reading more.



D.B. Sommer









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