Mystery Hentai Theater 3000!
The prologue!
+++++++++++++
Our heroes sit in a room surrounded by scientists. It is a lab of some
sort.
Happosai is the first to speak. "Let me get this straight, you want to
pay us, to watch anime?"
One of the doctors look up at him. "That's right."
"Great! Sounds like a sweet deal!" cries Ataru.
Carrot sighs. "It just seems a bit fishy to me."
Nobuyuki nods in agreement, "I suppose, but I need another part time
job. I can't afford to feed everyone in my house with all the guests that
keep dropping by."
"Well, it's agreed then. Into the sensory deprivation chamber, please
strap yourselves into place," says the doctor as he points them towards a
round pod that rests in the middle of the room.
+++++++++++++++++++
Behind a large pane of glass, the casts of Ranma, Tenchi Muyou,
Bakuretsu Hunters, and Urusei Yatsura, watch the experiment begin.
"Are you sure this will cure Mr. Masaki of his perversions?"
"It is an experiment. We can only hope," says Washuu as she closes her
eyes and frowns.
Tenchi approaches her from behind. "I trust you Washuu, err... Washuu
chan."
"That's right! After all! I am the greatest scientific genius in the
universe!" says the small redhead.
"Oh, the master is leaving! I'm so proud of you son!" cries Soun as he
grabs the boy in a rough hug.
"Ranma, hugging men isn't very manly," warns Nodoka as her son attempts
to fend the man off.
"Hey! Cut it out will ya?" snaps the pigtailed youth. "I'm just glad
it'll get the little pervert out of our hair for a while."
"I think we should have sent you along too," deadpans Akane.
"Hey! That ain't funny tomboy!" retorts the boy.
As Ranma begins to get beaten by his fiancee, Shutaro Mendo is crying
tears of joy.
"At last! I have finally rid myself of Ataru Moroboshi forever!"
Lum stands beside him waving cheerfully. "Bye-bye darling! I'll come up
and visit sometime!"
"You can't do that," says Washuu.
"What?" says the girl in surprise.
"In order for the experiment to work, they have to be deprived of all
female contact. You can come here and speak to them through the video
link if you want, but you can't visit them. The defense systems of the
satellite won't allow it."
"I suppose I can do without him for a while, if it will cure him," says
the girl with a downcast look about her. "Oh! How I suffer for my love."
She turns and begins to cry in Chocolate's arms.
The girl is also crying. "I loved my darling just the way he was!
Wahhhh! Well, not really, but I still loved him!"
"Calm down Chocolate," mutters Tira in embarrassment. "He'll be back
soon."
"Explain this to me again," said Marron as he approached the redheaded
scientist.
"It's really simple. We shoot them up into a satellite, and show them
the worst Anime movies we can find. After a while, they'll do anything to
get away! Even stop being perverts!" The diminutive scientist flexes her
arm and cackles madly. She pushes a red button on her console and the pod
blasts out of the lab, sending the scientist scattering away in panic.
Meanwhile, inside the space pod...
"Hey, anyone know why we have to strap in to watch movies?" says Carrot
as he closes the last of his latches in the small chair.
"Maybe it's part of the experiment?" says Nobuyuki.
"Seems a little odd. Unless the head scientist is some sort of
masochist? I hope she's cute. There sure is a lot of buttons and stuff in
here." He notices the console in front of him and frowns.
"Whatever, I ain't wearing no stupid seatbelt for a movie," retorts
Ataru. "Maybe they'll show us Urotsukidogi or something?"
"That would be great!" agrees Nobuyuki.
"I hope so," mutters Carrot with a nod.
"A true classic," says Happosai as he hops out of his restraints and
points at the sky dramatically. All of a sudden, the pod lurches forward
with a massive roar. The group is thrown back against their chairs.
Ataru, isn't so lucky, he tumbles back and hits the back wall of the
space pod.
"Well, is this cute enough for you?" says Washuu as she appears on the
screen in front of them. "Welcome to Washuu Space Lines! This craft will
take you to your destination! Which is right here!" The screen changes to
show a large satellite, that looks rather like a phallus. "It's the
satellite of no pleasures!"
"What the heck is going on?" snaps Carrot as he finally managed to pull
his head up.
"This is the experiment silly! You're being shot ten miles above the
Earth, so that I can find a movie so horrible, that it will cure you of
your perversion!" Washuu notices Ataru is still face down against the
back wall. "I told you to buckle up didn't I?"
"Muhrrr fuhhrrr!" mumbles the boy angrily.
"You'll find everything you need up there. So don't worry. Just relax
and enjoy the ride!"
"What about our jobs!" cries Nobuyuki in panic.
"Don't worry, your company sponsored us sending you here. You'll get
your old job back once you're cured. However long that takes..."
"Wait a minute! How long are we supposed to be up there?" cries Carrot.
"Oh, my calculations estimate at least ten years or so," says Washuu
with an offhanded wave.
"What?!" cry the passengers, as well as a few of the observers back on
Earth. In fact, only the Ranma crew appears to be celebrating.
"Relax! You'll be fine! Ja!" Washuu ends the transmission, leaving the
pair a view of the satellite closing in.
"Ranma! How dare you treat your master this way!"
"LUUUUMMMMM! HEEEELLLLLPPPP!"
"My own son! How could he do this to me?"
"There's some girls where we're going right?" says Carrot hopefully.
Everyone looks at him for a moment.
Finally, he realizes what's happening. "NOOOOOOOOO!"
+++++++++
Back on Earth, everyone stares at the redhead.
"You're joking right?" says Chocolate as she grabs the woman by her
collar.
"Of course I am! It will probably take twice as long," says Washuu
cheerfully.
Ranma falls to his knees in front of her. "I...I love you!"
The very angry fiancee squad immediately hits him over the head and
drags him away. Soun and Genma are still crying tears of joy.
"Bring them back!" snarls Lum.
"Can't do that. There's only enough fuel for one trip," replies the
scientist.
"I'll go get them then!" snaps the angry alien princess.
"I'm going with you!" announce Chocolate and Tira at the same time.
"I wouldn't recommend that. You see you'll never make it past the
defense system," warns Washuu.
"We'll just break it then!" snarls Lum.
"If you destroy the defense system, it will send the satellite into its
final defense mode."
"What's that?" asks Tira nervously.
"The self destruct system," replies Washuu.
"Then turn it off!" snaps Lum.
"The only way to do that is onboard. Do you really trust those guys to
do it themselves?"
"Goodbye Darling, I'll wait for you!" cries Chocolate dramatically.
"Wahhhh! I'll be an old maid by the time I'm married!" says Lum with
tears in her eyes.
"Don't cry Lum! I'm here to comfort you!" exclaims Mendo as he attempts
to cradle her in his arms. He is promptly sent to the ground in a shower
of sparks.
"Nobody touches me unless I say!"
"Just relax. After the experiment is over, they'll come back as good as
new!" comforts Washuu. She then turns to a large drawer and pulls it
open. Let's see. What would be good? Aha! I've got the first movie right
here! 'Darkstalkers Revenge! Part one! No one can sit through this
confusing piece of crap! Bwahahahahahahahaaa!"
Tenchi wanders up to her. "Washuu, does this have anything to do with
that show you've been watching on the dish lately?"
"Huh? So you found me out did you? Hee hee."
Everyone else in the room face faults and lands on the floor.
Coming Soon!
A show that MST's real Anime shows rather than fanfics. Waddaya think?
Let me know!
C&C to Carrotglace@juno.com