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Part 1: The players take the stage
AZUSA: This stage is MINE! Claudette! Claudette!
Heh heh heh... Evil idea. Azusa as a Special.
In the manga, Akane called Ranma a pervert because she found him in her
bathroom
naked when she was expecting a girl. What possible reason could this
version
have for it?
I'd suggest "freak", "monster", and a bunch of other things. "Pervert"
IS likely to show up when Ranma gets into an embarassing situation, mostly
because
of the baka brigade at school. The canon Ranma has an impressive tendency to
get into
embarassing situations, of course.
Frankly, your treatments of the characters are, so far, just not that
interesting. Ranma is a one-dimensional action hero type. Akane is a
one-dimensional violent maniac. We can argue over whether these treatments
are
canon, and whether it matters, but the unfortunate truth is that these
treatments are just not that interesting to read about. Your Ranma just
walks
dully through every conflict he gets involved in, and your Akane isn't
likeable
enough for me to care what happens to her.
A hyper-powered Ranma *can* be done well; look at "Awakening of Demons"
for a
good example. The important thing is that he still has a distinct
personality,
and he gets involved in conflicts that challenge him, not only in fighting
but
personally as well.
This is an excellent point.
I believe there was justification for Akane's portrayal, although
she would likely have been more low-key until Ranma revealed he was a
special. This is
an altverse, so Akane's envy turned prejudice and hatred is a valid
departure from
canon. There are examples of Akane enjoying and taking advantage of
"short-cuts"
in canon, (the noodles and Battle Dogi), so I don't think it's totally OOC
for her to
harbor hatred towards people who were handed on a platter what she secretly
desires.
If you intend to play off this, however, I'd suggest more exposition of her
character, to
allow the reader to sympathize with her just a tad. That would help reduce
"Akane Psycho
Maniac" feel of things. Such an extreme emotional reaction should be
explained unless you
wish to render her character one-dimensional. Perhaps she lost a childhood
friend to a
rampageing rogue Special, and her envy and admiration turned to hatred?
The Ranma in this is intelligent, skilled, powerful, and emotionally
well-balanced.
Unfortunately, I agree with Mr. Kleppe completely in that it will be
difficult to make such
a 'vanilla' hero interesting. Since it is the first chapter, I can't really
talk about the conflict
you will provide him with.
It's certainly still possible to provide him with challenges, but in terms
of personality
development it's hard to do too much since Ranma is already
so perfect. Perhaps you could provide Ranma with a veiled sort of reverse
prejudice?
He hides it well, but he has a definite tendency to underestimate
non-Specials?
(Cologne and the other super-martial artists could come in handy here.) One
of the
biggest drawbacks to this Ranma is that he seems fairly adept in social
interactions.
That will make it more likely he'll avoid the amusing romantic and social
messes
the canon Ranma got into.
I'd suggest getting a prereader or two as well... The FFML is useful, but
haveing
someone who is more or less obliged to help you with grammar, spelling, and
characterization is even better. They're also helpful for extra ideas and
suchlike.
Let's hope the parseing on this message wasn't as mangled as my last.
Drake,
Lord of the H.O.G.A.M.H.O.T.A.