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Working once again:
Should Old Acquaintance Be Forgot
Chapter 6
Shall we?
Why not?
"EX-HUSBAND, YOU ASSHOLE!" The gun was now quivering in her hand. "We've
been divorced for over sixteen years!"
I seem to recall Kei leaving Iria 15 years ago from your mention in
previous chapters. Am I wrong or is this a reflection on the change of
ages?
Probably said. 'Over fifteen years'. They've been apart for Eighteen now.
"Like what?" Kei asked, missing whatever was now passing between the
former
spouses.
I'll point this out now, and mention it again in a few other places. My
main problem with this chapter is I think there's a bit too much
exposition. Kei asking, "Like what?" plus the other actions of the DP
clearly show she hasn't a clue. You've introduced the readers to this
situation with about the same amount of foreknowedge as them. We know they
haven't a clue what's Killgore's problem with Iria's calling him Lance, in
no small part, for me at least, because I have no clue what's Killgore's
problem with being called Lance. You do an excellent job of conveying
confusion, anger, irritation etc. with the dialogue and actions. The
narrative statements confirming it are fairly unnecessary.
Hmm. Well in some cases, I picture the character openly admitting their
bewilderment, like Kei in the above. Still, I'll try to cut back on them.
"Yes. Like what, Lance?" Iria teased.
Smiling sweetly?
Insincere sweetness.
Killgore's composure finally broke, though only by a very slight degree.
"Damn it, woman! You know I hate that name."
Case in point. Really quickly you reveal very well Iria and KG know each
other very well and know the exact buttons to push. The change of Iria's
personnality from cool-minded vengeance crazed psycho to incredibly
irritated, almost juevenile, vengeance crazed psycho at KG's tiny barbs
come across clearly.
Not quite sure what you mean there? That his saying "I hate that name' is
unneccesary?
That shook Kei out of her stupor. "Why? Lance sounds much better than
Eugene." A lot better. She always pictured 'Eugene's as nerdy eggheads
that
got high marks in school and ruined the grading curve for everyone else,
like her. Actually, almost everyone else tended to ruin the grading
curve
for her. But those were the worst of the lot.
And Yuri.
That goes without saying. :)
The opinion made Killgore shake his head vigorously. "No way. It makes
me
sound like some pathetic holo action hero or something. I only let other
people call me Killgore for business reasons, since the name seems to
work
well in attracting potential clients. Natural advertising, in a way, I
guess." He shrugged at the idea, seeming to consider it a necessary
evil.
The necessary evil bit is that extra exposition coming through. I'd leave
it at him shrugging.
Okay.
"Wait!" Killgore shouted at the men, who instantly responded to his
command.
"These are allies. They've already infiltrated the target area and have
begun a mop up operation." He turned to Iria and Kei. "Do you have any
other
comrades in the building?"
Well trained, we see.
Pretty much.
A low growl issued from Iria. Kei saw that the muscles in her face were
twitching madly and she was fingering the butt of her holstered pistol
again.
madly,
Jealousy? Or she hates his guts and doesn't want his hooks into Kei? My
guess is the latter.
Maybe both.
same brand as Killgore's though a great deal smaller, as though the man
had
very dainty feet. He was about even height with Kei and slender, with
flaxen
brown hair that traveled down his back in a wave that made Kei react in
envy. The troubleshooter noted that he too was handsome, though in a
very
different manner from Killgore. Where the big man was all mass and
virility,
the newcomer was lean and trim, almost effeminate, though not in an
unattractive way.
Is this dude really a chick?
No. Just gay.
Giving a growl that was almost as angry as Iria's had been earlier, Kei
reached up to her earring, the communications device that she shared
with
Yuri. She gave her partner a quick summery of what had happened and what
to
Thought they had radio's in their little cyber-jacks. Oh well.
Nah. I'm not using that DH version of the DP, maybe some elements, but not
many.
As he came up from his bow, Kei noticed something odd about him. In the
space below his right eye and next to his nose were what she thought at
first were moles, but upon closer inspection proved to be a trio of tiny
you need that comma?
I think i need it in front of the conjunction.
and having no openly acknowledged failures to date. And that each member
bore a trio of teardrop tattoos under the right eye in the order of
scarlet,
purple and black. No one knew where they were headquartered, how many
there
were, how they were recruited, who led them, or any other meaningful
information. All that truly existed of them were a host of wild, vague
rumors, none of which were ever proven true.
Except for the one bit of knowledge which everybody knew, the tattoos. I
take it these bad boys are famous, well known, and all that? So they let
the word out that cool assassins have tattoos, every poser gets them, and
then no one cares about them. Good camo.
Yep. That was what I though too.
That confirmed it for Kei. Anyone not of the Samisdat getting the tattoo
most likely would have bragged about it, but this man dismissed it
casually
in afterthought, as though it were a matter of no consequence. There was
Or he could have been young and drunk, took far too much BS because of it,
and as such now just found them annoying.
Would have gotten them removed if that was the case.
Webs o' suspicion indeed.
True. I am making some here.
also the way he carried himself, seeming at ease, yet giving out an aura
of
that hinted at potential violence. Only Kei's trained eyes picked up on
the
subtle signs that indicated he was ready for action, despite his
seemingly
at ease posture.
double seemingly at ease wording intentional?
Nope. A mistake. Will correct.
unfair here. I always did fun things with you. I think you're having a
bad
case of rewriting history."
"The hell I am, you sleazy, rotten, bucket of sh-"
I don't think she likes him.
Just a little.
"How about the fact your a backstabbing untrustworthy asshole?" Iria
offered.
you're
"At least we're not the frigid one," the attractive man countered.
"Sure about that, Mr. 2-inches?"
Iria and KG, finally sick of Kei and Cross's bickering, smacked them both.
hehehehe
"Once you get to know him, it's surprisingly easy," Iria assured Yuri
while
shooting yet another disapproving glare towards Kei.
Now Iria is Badass #1 so far in this fic, to me, and as such I'm inclined
to believe that KG probably is as bad, or at least close, as she says he
is. As such, he has just become my favorite character. I hope he turns
evil.
Ye shall see.
it was obvious none of the additions would be heavy weapons. Still,
professional assassins tended to be known for precision, not ungodly
firepower. Such an attitude was almost an anathema to Kei's
sensibilities.
One could never have too much firepower.
I think those final two sentences should have been shown, not told. eg,
"No ungodly firepower? Kei shrugged and decided some people just didn't
grasp a few key issues."
I don't know. There it's a mental observation on her part, and not the sort
of thing to mention out of nowhere.
Kei noted that he sounded disappointed at the loss, though it seemed
more at
the lack of survivors and not being able to handle an interrogation. She
Hm. He actually cares about people surviving? Interesting.
Or at least is pretending he does.
also noted that Killgore's butt looked really nice as she moved around
slightly to get a better view of it.
And we have a nice contrast between the two hormonally overactive TCs
TC's?
and
everyone else.
Yep. :)
"Drop dead," Bob retorted.
And we see the calm one dislikes KG as well. He's rising rapidly in my
estimation.
Yep. It does seem to indicate he's a rotter.
"I'll still be slicing through encryptions when the only crypt in our
life
is the one you're rotting in," Bob swore.
I'm going to have to give that one a bomb on the insult-o-meter. Bob
looses points for an insult too long and not funny. Do get the impression
that Bob dislikes KG so much he's not quite as witty as normal.
Yeah. That would work. We won't say I just couldn't come up with a decent
one. :)
violence went from next to nothing to imminent. Everyone that was save
for
Cross, who seemed as relaxed as ever.
Methinks he's the most dangerous one. And I still think he's actually a
woman.
Spoiler here: He's really a guy. Just very effeminate.
It was Iria who expressed the only dissenting opinion. "Screw him. We
don't
One would imagine that hasn't happened in 16 years.
Not with her, anyway.
Every word hurt Kei worse than the thousand of curses others had used
against her by others.
huh?
Should be just 'others had use against her."
"We cannot team up with that... man!" Iria spat.
Wild line of speculation. Killy is odviously very attractive and very
charismatic. He's also scum. Could Iria be worried that if she deals with
him extensively again, she might find out he has changed and be attracted
to him again, something she'd odviously not want? So far her actions could
be interpretted as lending evidence in that direction.
Could be as well. Interesting theory.
"I wish he was dead!"
Put a hit on him and be done with it then. Sheesh.
Nah. She needs an acceptable excuse to whack him.
and look at what's going on. Our luck gunning for Zeiram is absolute
zero.
Lots of people are dying. We aren't getting any closer to stopping him,
and
it might already be too late to help the people at Baltron. We haven't
been
able to cut it alone. I think we can trust him enough use his help to
stop
Zeiram. Once that's done, you'll never have to see him again."
These people need to start constructively using nuclear weaponry.
Not in populated areas. That's the only problem. Besides, neither the Lovely
Angel of Creeper V have that kind of heavy firpower. the LA is still gutted
from the DP's last mission.
Now Kei knew she was hiding something. There was little doubt Iria was
telling the truth about Killgore killing whoever it was she had been
referring to, at least from her perception, but the details were
probably
very 'important.'
Another bit that might be better shown than told. And important would be
the right word for that sentence, so the quotes may be unnecessary.
Will drop quotes. See abotu the rest.
you up in orbit. I want to be there when he talks to you. I've gotten
better
at telling when he's lying.
His mouth is moving?
Really, this KG guy sounds like he should run for office.
Nah. Even he can't stomach politician. He does have some standards. :)
Kei held a mixture of the two feelings. Her head trusted Iria's
judgment,
but her heart, or more properly her lust, made her want to think
Killgore
wasn't all that bad. Certainly Iria was painting a worse picture than
what
Is this narrative exposition or thought? Most people don't think about
themselves so accurately and objectively, and my knowledge of the DP tends
to lean towards that.
Kei's actually using her head here. Largely in part becasue she's torn in
what to do and is mentally debating it rather than just charging in
headfirst, as is her usual wont.
time for any leopard to change its stripes, she told herself. And people
tended to learn from their past mistakes, so why couldn't Killgore have
learned from his?
Mainly because he's just scum.
Doesn't preclude him learning a thing or two, though.
way deeper into the ship, Yuri noted that Kei had dropped behind her
slightly and struck up a quiet conversation with the shorter of their
escort. Eavesdropping, she heard Kei asking subtle (for her) questions
of
the escort about Killgore and his crew. The shorter one remained
pleasantly
I'd go with just he, instead of the shorter one.
Hmm. Was trying to describe the difference between the men without being
overt about it.
The only real space in the room was towards the center. There was one
larger
holographic projector in the middle and several rising levels of benches
that circled around it. There was also just the slightest bit of room
for
someone to walk around the area to speak to others. The whole room gave
the
effect that a horde of information was right at their fingertips. Very
impressive indeed.
I'm seeing Return of the Jedi. If I don't get a forest moon of Endor joke,
I'll sigh.
I'll do it for you. *Sigh*
Now that you mention it, it does sound like a smaller version of it.
"Like I said, you stole it," Iria said in disgust.
Hell, I'd do it.
So would I, but she's nitpicking.
During the entire exchange, Iria had not moved from her seat. Instead,
she
returned to the exact same posture she had before being attacked and
continued to scowl at Killgore.
Now that was to me pretty much pointless and distrupting.
1) Faceless goon attacks badass #1. Like there's a doubt who'll win.
Well, presumably not in his mind.
2) Faceless goon is very well trained. If he wasn't as the other were, he
wouldn't be in the War Room. So he's got to know something of what's what.
Why then would he disrupt the meeting to pick a meaningless fight with
Iria?
Actually she's pretty much picked the fight. She's continuoiusly insulted
Killgore from the moment she entered the room, and with no provication in
his men's eyes. Remmy was just answering in kind. Probably.
3) Since we all saw how that would end up if it stayed in pure violence
from the beginning, why not spice it up? Have the faceless goon actually
win in a way, get a knife to her throat or something, and then have Iria
stare him down from there? or something similar.
Nah. It's staying this way. She's that much better than him.
4) These boys _are_ good, I gather. And morons don't live long as
mercenaries. Faceless goon seems really out of place.
Actually I give him a name. But your point is noted.
5) Unless, that whole incident was staged to lead to something else. Maybe
I'm being paranoid.
Is it paranoia if you are right, though? :)
Cross said, "Arty picked the fight. It's his problem, not ours." The
others
nodded in agreement.
oooh. Faceless goon gets a name.
Yep. it was the first opportunity to mention it.
"This information exchange," Killgore clarified, smiling at Iria as he
accepted to her rephrasing. "As you might have guessed, when it became
obvious YSC's operations were coming under attack by a hostile force of
outsiders, they hired us to take care of matters. To that end we've been
pursuing Zeiram since he hit Asteroid K12."
And the lying begins.
You don't know that for sure, though it is a possibility.
For some reason, you've left me mildly suspicious of our dear boy Eugene,
and I can't imagine why.
You're paranoid. Probably.
bio-engineering: Professor Anton Scorphius."
The suspect.
Yep. And with a name like Scorphius, you know he's going to pop up. :)
Killgore shook his head. "No. Anton was well provided for by his
brother,
not to mention the fact he made multi-millions in salary and stock
options
as the head researcher in bio-engineering for YSC. His is one of the
most
brilliant minds in this century, and they let him do whatever he wanted
and
gave him whatever resources he needed when he worked for YSC."
So he's got no motive, no known means, and yet they're sure he's the
cause. My bullshit detector is beeping.
Heh. Iria would agree wholeheartedly with you.
shuttle explosion some four years ago. It was only recently someone
with,
how shall we say, their eyes and ears open in TC passed on information
that
made my employers aware of this fact a couple of months ago. They were
still
Hardly the iron-clad prosecution case.
True. The implication is they have other resources checking out the facts
now.
"Intelligence indicates he is working of his own free will and quite
enthusiastically for them. And the data is reliable, so I have no reason
to
reliable? A single mole in a foreign corporation who most likely hates
your employer is reliable?
Hmm. It was unspoken, but i though it would be assumed Killgore is implying
YSC would have looked into it further.
"Right," Iria said slowly, obviously suspicious.
I'm with her.
And would thusly cut out KG from the rest of the fic if Kei and Yuri thought
your way as well.
That made Killgore wince slightly. "Since we're being completely open
with
one another, I'll tell you. Actually Sarvgon is owned by a shell
corporation. It's real owners are YSC. For reasons they didn't get into,
and
frankly I didn't care about, they didn't bother giving me full
disclosure as
to why they set up a shell corporation instead of owning the operation
above
the table."
And Killgore's just accepting this? Awful trusting.
It does seem as he is being too trusting, doesn't it?
it. I hope you're willing to trust me on this."
Kill him and take it anyway. That's my advice.
Nope. They have to kill him by accident or else it's murder.
information I need to get this job done, and YSC isn't going to hold
back
any information to get the job done, not with how they're suffering. I
unless they staged the whole thing and have fed you a load of horse
excrement for reasons not yet clear. Or you're in on it and feeding us a
line of horse byproducts as well.
Could be. Or maybe you're just paranoid again.
wouldn't place my men in any unnecessary danger. Does that satisfy you?"
No. Iria and Bob both think you don't give a damn for your men, or anyone
save you, and again, I'm with them.
Now you're just being cynical. :)
"It's bullshit, Lance," Iria stated flatly.
And the most beautiful part of all, Iria hates KG so much to begin with, a
lot of her arguments will be passed off as her lack of objectivity.
She doesn't really have any, truth be told. She's not really making any case
for her actions. She's just saying it off the top of her head, which is why
the DP really aren't agreeing with her.
Ever so slightly Killgore's jaw seemed to twitch. Tension in the room
increased as his men began shifting uncomfortably. Only Cross seemed
largely
unaffected, sending an irritated glare Iria's way and doing nothing
else.
And Cross remains in the background. You wouldn't have created him and
left the other Mercs shallow if he didn't mean something. We shall watch
him suspiciously.
Heh. This is true. Otherwise I would be baiting you in an annoying way.
The remark made Iria start to go for her gun when Kei placed a hand on
top
of hers and reminded her mentor that he was referring about sharing
their
Ehhhh. Come now. He said, "Show me your's, and I'll show you mine." or
somesuch earlier and no one reacted to the innuendo under a much more
stressful situation.
Iria thought it was direted at her. It was to show how irriational she's
become.
The last comment brought a chortle to one of his men.
You wanna tell me which one? Please?
It doesn't really matter. Someone not named yet.
overlapped our information, and remember, he gave his first. He couldn't
possibly have changed his story to match ours like that. He sounds
legitimate, and we could use the help. Since neither you nor my partner
want
me to contact 3WA headquarters for reinforcements, this is the only way
we
can get the added firepower we need to take Zeiram out. And Cross is
right.
In case you hadn't noticed, we haven't been doing too good on our own."
My my my, this is all playing out perfectly. I'm getting deeper and deeper
set in my suspicions. When you reveal I'm completely wrong, I'll appluade.
As I said before, ye shall see.
Killgore gave a sad glance at her departing form and let out a wistful
sigh,
but said nothing to try to prevent her from leaving.
Damn, this boy's good.
Killgore: I'm the best at everything I do.
"Yes sir," all of the men said crisply.
And Cross, who I still maintain is a woman, blew him a kiss and flashed
some cleavage.
Heh. Not quite.
His femiminity or lack thereof isn't connected with my conspiracy
theories and evidence against the one may not affect the other. Unless it
is, in which case I'm just amazingly cool.
Since you C+C me so much, I shall not disagree with you.
shoulders, as though preparing himself for a long journey. "She didn't
tell
you any specifics about the situation, did she?"
"She was real closed mouthed about it," Kei admitted.
"Good. Then this is what really happened. Really. I'm too handsome to lie
to you."
Heh.
"Still no word of problems coming from Baltron," Yuri announced as Kei
finally made her way to the bridge of the Lovely Angel.
Because they're all dead?
Unlikely, it's a big planet.
"I know what you meant." Or Kei thought she did. Did Yuri suspect
Killgore
had hit on her? She wasn't sure, but her raven-haired partner was a
superior
a superior detective? As compared to herself? Or a superior detective in
relation to normals?
Compared to herself. Kei holds herself up as the standard which others are
measured by.
jump in the sack with Killgore already. Really, the woman almost never
showed restraint when some attractive guy caught her eye. Her idea of
'taking time and letting a relationship evolve' usually consisted of two
whole dates before hitting the sheets and engaging in a round of the
horizontal bop.
You sound as if that's a bad thing.
If you're going for a relationship, it can be. Depends on the people
involved.
The sound of a seven foot and four hundred and fifty kilogram mass of
drug
enhanced muscle with a cybernetic reinforced skeletal structure hitting
the
metal of the deck came from outside the room.
I liked that. Lots.
Thanks.
Killgore gave a haughty smile that made Iria's brows furrow in
irritation.
"Of course he does. How else do you think I could keep a Samisdat
assassin
on my payroll? Sometimes I even flirt back with him to keep him around.
He's
really one of the best. Almost as good as me."
That would explain the vibes.
Yep.
about that little detail, or their conversation at all. There was no
telling
how she would react if she thought Kei was seriously interested in the
mercenary, but it would probably involve excessive amounts of bloodshed
and
violence.
I say again, you act as if that's a bad thing.
Heh.
"She might not be happy about it," Iria admitted. "But it's a reasonable
request and it'll get her out of harm's way. Both her and Yuri know
there's
request,
In general:
The too much exposition thing did detract to me. I didn't point out too
many because I was trying to enjoy the fic, and that's hard to do while
being anal. I'd try to slim down anytime you, the narrator, comment on the
motives anyone does anything.
Will try then.
Killgore=scum
I REALLY like that character.
Good. You'll be seeing more of him.
I'm finding it harder and harder to believe YSC is the victim. I'll try
to go back through a few old chapters and see if I can dredge up any
evidence.
Heh. Good luck. They were written so long ago even I am forgetting some of
the details.
I liked this one. I got to be all distrustful and paranoid. Besides, I
always root for the bad guys. They just don't win enough.
The bad guy in this is Zeiram, though. So he should be the one you're
pulling for. Maybe he'll succeed in whatever plan he's got up his sleeve,
eh? Only time will tell. Hopefully I'll get the next chapter of this out in
the following month. Despite having the week off I've been so busy I haven't
done much writing. Hopefully will get to more soon.
Thanks for the extensive comments. They are greatly appreciated.
D.B. Sommer