Jusenkyou leaned back in His chair and sipped His pina
colata. "No
matter how much fun it is to play with mortals from
far away, sometimes
it's nice to come down in person and relax."
The Sea of Chaos guzzled another Sex on the Beach.
"Got a good point
there. I like to drop in Myself from time to time,
though My mortals
have this silly belief thing that if I were ever to
come to the world
directly, I would destroy it !." She chuckled. "As if
I would destroy
one of My creations."
Jusenkyou nodded in agreement. "That's exactly why I
never like to
reveal Myself directly. With all the groveling and
averting of eyes and
the 'We're not worthies...'" He started grumbling too
low for the Sea
of Chaos to hear, which was just fine by Her.
The Sea of Chaos shrugged. "Oh, I don't mind that too
much. It's kinda
nice sometimes."
Jusenkyou held up his empty glass, attracting the
attention of an
attractive barmaid. He changed the subject by asking,
"Got any idea
what happens next?"
The Sea of Chaos smiled wryly. "Of course. The real
question is, what
happens after that?"
Slayers NIBUNNOICHI
Part the Fourth:
Off to See the Wizard
Akane awoke slowly. _What happened..._ She tried to
wipe one hand
across her forehead, and came awake fully when she
clanked the chains
on her wrists.
Akane opened her eyes and looked around. She was in
what looked like a
fairly plush bedroom, with a bed (of course), a
dresser, and a desk.
The only thing that struck a jarring note were the
inch-thick chains
attached to her limbs that led to each of the bed's
four posters. She
was still wearing the clothes she'd had on in the
backyard.
Gosunkugi came sliding into her view. "Good, you're
awake."
Akane went straight for the throat, forgetting that
she was chained
down. The brutal jerk she gave herself quickly
reminded her of her
position. "I'LL KILL YOU!"
Gosunkugi just smiled. "Oh, I rather doubt that." He
began chanting
softly, just barely at the edge of Akane's hearing. He
stopped, and...
All Akane could say was, "Gosunkugi-sama..."
****
Nabiki sat down on what she considered her thinking
bench to do some
serious thinking. She'd spent most of the day tracing
what Gosunkugi
had done yesterday. Once she had the pattern, it
wasn't too hard to
figure out that he was going from real estate office
to real estate
office, blowing them up. Why? A grudge?
"Is your name Nabiki Tendo?"
Nabiki raised her head to look at the speaker. He was
of medium height
and build, wearing odd robes and carrying an unusual
staff. With his
purple hair cut in a bowl, no doubt he wanted to give
people the
impression of being a priest, but there was something
about his smile
that told Nabiki that wasn't quite the truth.
For some irrational reason, Nabiki liked him on the
spot and figured
they'd be either best friends or worst enemies.
"Yes." Nabiki decided to let this unknown person do
most of the
talking, in case it might throw him.
It didn't. If anything, he was smiling even wider as
he said, "Just the
woman I was looking for. I have information about the
whereabouts of
your sister."
Despite years of experience, it took all the effort
Nabiki could muster
to hold onto her cold, businesslike expression. Just
when she felt that
it would crack, she reminded herself that strangers
don't walk up to
strangers and offer information out of the goodness of
her heart. The
mask refroze. "You have me at a disadvantage."
Without missing a beat, the man said, "I am called
Xelloss. I am a
wandering priest, of sorts."
"Why should I trust you?"
To Nabiki's disconcertment, Xelloss chuckled and
spread his hands. "You
have no reason to trust me, of course. But without my
aid, it could
take you years to find the evil magician. And I assure
you, Charm is a
fairly common spell." At Nabiki's blank look, he
added, "A spell that
makes the victim fall in love with the caster. From
what I've seen of
this sorcerer, he would not hesitate to use it."
That's when Nabiki did lose her poker face. In these
situations (which,
Nabiki did admit, were not uncommon) you could always
count on Akane to
remain loyal to Ranma and, somehow, convert her
abductor into a friend.
With one of those constants gone...
"Where is he?"
Xelloss lowered his hands. "Now we're getting
somewhere, pun not
intended. I'm afraid that it would be too difficult to
give you
directions and leave it at that, so I'm prepared to
guide the warriors
of your choice to his Evil Wizard's Keep."
Nabiki forcibly restored her mask and relaxed herself.
She asked
casually, "Now for the thousand koku question. Why are
you helping me?"
Xelloss' smile widened even further. "Ah. Now that, is
a secret."
****
Ryouga had climbed up to the crow's nest to stand a
watch, telling
everyone that he was bored because he didn't want the
Captain to know
that he was terrified of a half-sized fifteen year old
girl. Amelia was
constantly badgering him to try out the latest batch
of cookies (she'd
found some cookie cutters that should have been rated
R), or to read a
book with her (the ship's library had a copy of
_Whatte Every Couple
Shouldde Knoe_), or to... and then there'd been last
night...
He knocked himself on the side of the head to distract
himself before
he lost another pint. Hence his refuge on top of the
mast. The Captain
had said there could only be one person up there at a
time, an order
that Amelia had pouted at but obeyed.
He was expected to keep an eye out for other ships,
but he considered
that responsibility a small price to pay for peace and
quiet. Besides,
what ship would ever come into these waters?
As though to deliberately defy his thought, a sail
came into view.
Something about it made Ryouga nervous. Maybe the fact
that it was
painted blood-red...
Ryouga pointed at it. "Ship off the starboard side
thingy!"
The Captain looked in the direction that he was
pointing, then cupped
his hands around his mouth and shouted back, "That's
larboard side,
you fool!"
Ryouga looked at his hand, which had betrayed him by
pointing in the
exact wrong way. He shifted his hand. "Fine! Ship off
the other side!"
The Captain nodded. "That's better."
Lina, who'd been standing nearby, asked, "What ship is
that?"
The Captain looked at the oncoming sail, and his face
turned grey.
"It couldn't be.... Not the Hackbeth! That ship is
owner/operated by
some of the most bloodthirsty pirates on the seas. We
are doomed." He
turned to his passenger, expecting to see terror, and
was shocked to
see her grinning and rubbing her hands together.
Still grinning, Lina said, "Pirates are basically
bandits, right?" Mutely, the captain nodded.
If anything, the sorceress's grin grew wider as she
shouted, "Finally!
Something to do on this ship!"
****
Nabiki knocked on the dojo's door assertively, then
slid it open,
showing none of the nervousness she felt. Wtihout a
quick target to
strike at, Ranma had turned all his anger and
frustration into
obsessively training. So far today, he'd been training
for eleven
hours.
As she entered, she kicked her way through a drift of
cement dust.
Apparently, he'd decided that just breaking them
wasn't enough.
"Hey Ranma!" she called. "I've got some good news!"
No response. She took a closer look around the dimly
lit interior of
the dojo and, sure enough, Ranma wasn't inside. She
sighed. _Gonna make
me work hard today, are you?_
She left the dojo and started around for the rear
gate. Her intution
said that he would probably be practicing something
very distructive if
he wasn't in the dojo. Ever since the Change (which
was how she,
personally, thought of it) he'd been oddly...
considerate.
The rear gate was open, so Nabiki looked out of it.
Sure enough, Ranma
was standing about ten feet outside the gate. Nabiki's
sardonic
greeting died on her lips as she spotted the glow
surrounding the
teenage martial artist.
She watched in fascination as the glow suddenly jumped
to almost
blinding. Ranma screamed, "MOKO TAKASHIBA!!" The
energy gathered in his
fists lanced at the ground, blowing up a massive cloud
of dust and
debris.
After the dust cleared, Nabiki was only slightly
shocked to see a
crater in the ground at least 70 feet across. Without
turning around,
Ranma said, "Nabiki. Did you find anything?"
That shocked Nabiki a lot more. Had he grown eyes in
the back of his
head? "Actually, yes. I found someone who's willing to
guide you and a
few friends to where Akane is."
Ranma tilted his head to the side. "A few friends?" A
smile spread
across his face. "I think I can find one or two." He
jumped away.
Nabiki looked at the crater one last time, shrugged,
and went back into
the yard. A shadow detached itself from the wall and
started running
away. "Tatewaki-kun will be pleased..."
****
Shampoo was washing her hair peacefully, humming an
odd little tune,
when she heard the door slide open. Quickly grabbing a
nearby bucket,
she prepared to crack open Mousse's skull.
However, the person that walked into the room was the
new girl that
Great-Grandmother had hired, Luna. Luna spotted her at
about the same
time and raised one hand in a lazy wave. "Yo."
Shampoo was cautious about welcoming Luna
wholeheartedly, but since
her Great-Grandmother had seen fit to hire her...
"Hello. It good to
see you today."
Luna shrugged. "Same here." She paused for a moment as
she rinsed
herself, then added, "S'nice place y'got here."
Shampoo thought
amusedly of the effort it must have taken Luna to
string together so
many words at once.
Shampoo responded enthusiastically, "Yes, is very
nice! Though not as
nice as home, never expected it to be."
Luna hopped into the actual bath, sinking in up to her
neck. She let
the silence sit comfortably for a moment, then asked,
"Where y'from?"
Shampoo shrugged. "Not sure, now. Since the day all
went strange, not
know if home where it should be or somewhere else."
"Harsh."
"It certainly is." Both of the girls in the bath
turned to Cologne as
she spoke. The old woman smiled. "In fact, our home is
one of the
reasons I came to talk to you."
"Great-Grandmother?" Shampoo was puzzled.
"I'm leaving the restaraunt in your capable hands and
going to see what
has become of our home. Stay out of the spices."
Cologne hopped into
the bath. "Ahhh. Perfect for old bones. I'll be
leaving in an hour, so
do you have any questions?"
"Yes. Can I fire Mousse?" Shampoo held up one hand.
"Mostly joke. But
what I do about Ranma?"
Cologne made a small gesture of indifference. "Help
him if he asks you
and continue what attempts you can to win him over. I
warn you now, you
will have little free time."
"Gotta question." Cologne turned to Luna. "Should I
use m'full magic
if'n she wants me to?"
Cologne shrugged. "Only if you feel necessary."
"'Kay." With that, Luna closed her eyes and began
snoring softly.
Cologne and Shampoo watched her for a moment, then
continued their
bath.
****
Happosai sat in his room, meditating on the secrets of
the universe.
For some reason, the secrets were located in a
Marmalade Boy manga this
afternoon, but it was not his to reason why...
When he felt appropriately centered, he closed the
manga and shouted,
"Soun! Genma!"
In 73 seconds, both his disciples were groveling
before him. Soun had
a mouthful of toothpaste, and Genma's glasses were
hanging off one ear.
"Soun. Genma." Happosai let that hang over the pair
ominously for a
moment, then he smiled widely. "I have decided to pick
my successor as
the Master of the Anything-Goes School of Martial
Arts. Soun." Soun
jumped to his feet, hope written all over his face.
"I'm afraid you
just aren't the caliber of person that is capable of
assuming my
position.
"Genma, you will be the Master in my absence. Of all
my students, only
you approach my level of depravity, conduct,
perversity, and general
lack of ethics." Happosai wiped a tear away from his
eye. "I'm so
proud of you!"
Soun's reaction was predictable. Bursting into tears
(Type #11: Weeping
in abject despair), he whined, "B-but I'm just as good
as he is!"
Happosai smacked Soun with his pipe. "Stop sniveling,
you fool! You only
prove me more right with every word. Maybe, just
maybe, if you show
yourself to have what I consider to be the right
stuff, I'll make you
a Master upon my return."
Soun powerposed against the Rising Sun of Japan! "I
shall show myself
to be worthy of you, Master!"
Genma, however, did not say anything. In fact, he
simply sat, without
moving, apparently deep in thought. Happosai smiled
secretly...
****
For situations such as this, Lina Inverse had a mental
checklist, so
she ran through it quickly. Wooden guardtow- Masts and
sails in flames.
Check. The ban- Pirates scattering far and wide.
Check. Bandit chief-
Pirate captain begging for his miserable life. Check.
Piles of
glittering treasure.... Not check.
Lina grabbed said pirate captain's shirt front.
"Where's your
treasure?" she asked politely. She didn't set him on
fire, which counts
as polite for her.
The pirate captain stared at her blankly for a moment,
then let out a
short, bitter laugh. "So that's why ye attacked us so
viciously. Ar,
but ye picked the wrong ship for treasure. The last
ship we raided was
only carrying papayas and bananas. The one before that
had pilgrims
headed for a shrine. And the one before that..."
Now Lina got impolite. Conjuring up a fireball in one
hand, she asked
calmly, "No treasure?" One eyebrow twitched twice, and
only twice.
Somehow, that made the pirate even more frightened. He
blurted out,
"Go and see for yourself, if you don't believe me!"
"Already did." Zelgadis climbed out of a nearby hatch,
having decided
that _somebody_ calm, cool, and collected would have
to take a look.
"The pirate's right. Only bananas." He held up one as
proof.
"Ar, t'purple man be right."
Before Zelgadis could beat the man for referring to
his unfortunate
skin condition, all three were distracted by maniacal
laughter coming
from the aft.
Amelia was perched on the poop deck's railing, tossing
Burst Rondos at
the feet of a few unfortunate pirates. "Dance,
evildoer, dance! BWAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Lina just stared for a moment, without releasing her
hold on the
pirate captain's shirt. "Oookay..."
Gourry slid up next to her, thoughtfully rubbing his
chin. "Y'know,
she's acting more and more like you every day, Lina."
This time, Lina _did_ drop the pirate, in order to
drop Gourry. "How
DARE you insinuate any such thing about my beha- oh."
Lina Inverse
(contrary to popular perception) did not always live
from moment to
moment without a thought for the past or the future.
Almost always,
admittedly, but sometimes a stray thought cropped up.
This time, it was _How long will I be treating Gourry
like this?_ that
popped into her mind. She tried to shake it out, but
it clung like...
like... like something really clingy and annoying.
Lina sighed. Once her conscience started bitching, it
was usually best
to just shut up and obey. "I'm sorry, Gourry. I guess
I took your
comment a little personally."
Gourry stood up, rubbing his chin. "Aw, that's okay,
Lina. I'll try not
to be so personal next time."
The pirate captain wiped his eyes with a dirty
neckerchief. "Arrr...."
Zelgadis would have been touched by this rare moment
of understanding
between two people fated for each other, but he was
too busy
facefaulting.
The moment was interrupted when an explosion echoed
from the poopdeck.
All three heard Amelia say, quite loudly, "Oops." Then
she called out,
"Lina, I think I overdid it a bit..."
Lina just rolled her eyes.
****
Happosai met Cologne at the edge of town. It was
eerily reminiscent of
the night they'd met- sunset had just finished
painting the sky a
glorious mixture of pink and gold, and had faded into
a royal purple
with a few stars already peeping out diffidently. The
moon hung, fat
and full already, confidently defying the last few
rays of sunlight.
Of course, no amount of poetic background could ever
make them think
they were twenty again, but still.... They both had
the feeling that
this was a new beginning.
"Well, Cologne?"
"Yes, Happi?"
Happosai offered his arm. "Shall we go?"
****
Ranma paused just as he was about to enter the Cat
Cafe, wondering if
he should even bother asking Shampoo to aid him in his
rescuing of
Akane. He'd already asked Ukyou, who'd just smiled and
said, "Sure
thing, Ranchan. Konatsu'll come to, 'kay?" He'd bumped
into Mousse and
asked him too. The robed martial artist had shrugged
and asked, "Why
not? You have led us upon some fine quests before."
He tried to convince himself that these three would be
enough, along
with himself and the mysterious guide, but.. something
told him that
he was lying to himself.
Upon sliding the door open and stepping in, he was
confronted with a redhead that looked a little
familiar. She said, "C'n I help ya?"
Ranma blinked. He said, after a moment, "Yeah. Could I
talk to Shampoo?"
The woman shrugged and shouted over her shoulder,
"Boss!"
Ranma heard Shampoo shout back, "Coming!" Already he
was beginning to regret coming here. He dreaded the
inevitable shout of "Airen!" and the
spine-breaking glomp that she always gave him.
Shampoo caame walking out of the back with a clipboard
in her left hand, tapping a stub of pencil against it.
She was wearing an loose, frayed dress, and her hair
looked as though she'd spent all night working. "Luna,
we running low on ramen and yakisoba noodles. I want
you to go to store tomorrow and pick some up. Think
Great-Grandmother let happen on purpose to test me."
She looked up from her clipboard
and gasped when she saw Ranma. She tucked her pencil
into her clipboard and tried patting her hair into
place. "Airen! What are you doing here?"
Ranma decided to be blunt. "Akane's been kidnapped
again, an' I'm gettin' some people together to rescue
her. Can ya come?"
Shampoo shook her head. "Sorry, but..." She frowned as
though remembering something. "Shampoo guess can close
the store for while. Need remodeled anyway. You can
handle, right Luna?"
Luna made an expansive gesture with her left hand. "No
prob."
Ranma took a deep breath, then asked all in a rush,
"Where's the ghoul?"
Shampoo said sadly, "She go back to village earlier
today. She leave me in charge of restaraunt, though.
Want free ramen? Promise to put no spices in." Her
smile was friendly, rather than alluring.
Ranma rubbed his stomach. "You don't gotta ask me
twice."
****
"Arr, thanks be to ye for letting me scurvy dogs and I
take passage with ye to the nearest port."
Lina sighed. She was getting tired of listening to the
pirate thank her. For one thing, every instinct in her
cried out to fireball the bandit where he stood. For
another, she considered one 'thank you' sufficient to
cover any situation. Why the pirate considered it
necessary to apologize 47 times escaped her. As for
the third reason...
Lina threw a boot at the pirate. "Would you get lost?!
I'm getting ready to sleep, and I don't believe in
providing peep shows!"
"Arr, I can tell when I'm not wanted." The pirate
moped his way out of Lina's cabin, and she sighed in
relief. She pulled off her other boot and was about to
throw it under her bunk when she heard a knocking on
the door.
She pegged the boot at the door and hit it square on.
"Go away! I need my beauty rest!"
"Lina, this is Zelgadis. I need to talk with you."
"This had better be important."
"Yes."
Lina sighed. "Come in."
The door creaked open and Zelgadis peeked in. "Are you
decent?"
"You'd know if I wasn't," Lina said crankily.
"Sorry."
"Oh, never mind." Lina motioned him in. "Have a seat."
Zelgadis entered and sat down backwards in the room's
only chair. Lina waited for him to speak for a moment,
then said impatiently, "Well?"
"I'm worried about Amelia." Zelgadis scratched his
chin, producing an odd stone-on-stone squeak, then
continued. "She's been acting more and more strangely
lately. That incident on the pirate ship, for one
thing. She isn't usually so... so... sadistic. And
Ryouga told me that a couple of nights ago, she tried
to..." He trailed off uncertainly.
"Tried to what?" Lina asked, genuinely curious in
spite of her need to sleep.
"Never mind." Zelgadis waved one hand in negation.
"It's enough to say that whatever she did, it was
incredibly OOC." He looked around nervously, but no
one complained about the fourth wall breakage.
Lina sighed and sat back in her bed. "I know what you
mean. Lately, she's just starting to change. She's
almost starting to remind me of Na..." She cut herself
off with a hand over her mouth.
"Remind you of who?"
Lina waved her hands frantically while shaking her
head over and over. "Nobody, nobody! Just a random
thought, hehehe," she chuckled falsely.
"Anyway," she changed the subject quickly, "What do
you suggest we do?"
Zelgadis spread his hands. "What can we do? Watch,
wait, try to find out if anything is causing this
change, and hope it gets no worse."
Lina nodded. "Sounds like all we can do."
Zelgadis looked down at his still-open hands, which
were slowly returning to their original shade of
blue-green. "The problem is, I don't think it's going
to be enough..."
****
Tatawaki Kuno sat in his personal dojo, meditating not
upon his two loves (as was his wont) but instead
pondering how the gods themselves had lifted the Kuno
family from the obscurity it had been trapped in and
into the prominence it now enjoyed.
There were a few stains upon this perfect life, of
course, of course; his father and his sister were both
totally insane, thus reducing his family's standing;
his sister had taken up poisons and dark magic as
hobbies, making her unmarriageable; and last but worst
the Tendos had engaged their youngest daughter to the
son of a ronin named Saotome.
The Tendo patriarch claimed he was only honoring his
pledge to marry one of his daughter's to Saotome's
son, which was marginally credible; however Saotome,
both father and son, had shown their total lack of
honor so many times Kuno was certain that Tendo could
break the engagement... if he wanted to. He had not.
This was, to Kuno, a personal insult, because he was
certain Tendo knew of his desire to marry Akane, and
only held to the engagement to frustrate Kuno's
desire.
Of course, none of these things touched upon the
subject of the pig-tailed girl...
"Tatewaki-sama!"
Kuno jumped seven feet, knocking his head upon the
rafters of his dojo, then began strangling his
faithful retainer. "You fool! How dare you interrupt
my meditations!"
"Glarrg..."
After Kuno had throttled his servant for what he
considered the proper amount of time needed for
correction, he released Sasuke. "Now, speak," he
commanded. "What reason could you have for disturbing
me?"
Sasuke groveled as he said, "I have important
information about Akane!"
Kuno grabbed his servant and began strangling him
again. "You fool! Why didn't you mention that in the
first place?"
Because he was a kindly overlord, he released his grip
quickly. AFter Sasuke recovered, he said, "Akane has
been kidnapped, Tatewaki-sama, and the vile Ranma
Saotome is already heading out to rescue her!"
Kuno stood up, knocking his faithful servant across
the room. He powerposed against a rising sun! "This is
it! I shall rescue Akane before Ranma, and thus earn
her love! And, no doubt," he added, beginning to
salivate slightly, "her friend the pig-tailed girl
will love me as well..."
Sasuke shook his head. "And, no doubt, I'll be the one
carrying all the luggage again..."
****
Xelloss sat in the dark, dank laboratory of his
newest... friend, contemplating his latest vile
scheme. The lab was well suited for such ruminations,
filled with bubbling beakers of vile liquids,
horrendous pictures depicting the tortures of the
damned, and bookshelves filled with nameless tomes
that even looking at the covers made you loose 1D6
SAN.
He felt the Cabbit Breeding Pit in the corner added a
nice touch.
His friend walked in, and Xelloss's ever-present smile
widened a bit. "Gos-kun! How's the little woman?"
Gosunkugi wiped one hand across his forehead. "I'm
telling you Xelloss, she's wearing me out. My God!
It's killing me!" He sank into one of his plush
armchairs with a sigh of relief. "Speaking of that,
how are your plans coming along?"
Xelloss made a circle with his forefinger and thumb.
"Just fine, just fine."
Gosunkugi sighed again. "It's good to hear that."
"Gosunkugi-sama! Where are you?" Gosunkugi sunk into
himself a bit, and turned green at Akane's next words.
"I made you dinner!"
Xelloss stood up hastily. "Well, must be leaving,
would love to stay for dinner, but her cooking reminds
me of my own!" He teleported just as the door to the
lab opened.
"There you are, Gosunkugi-sama!"
"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo...."
****
Ranma waited patiently atop the Tendo's gate, watching
for his friends to show up.
Ukyou was the first to arrive, pulling her brand-new
yatai. Though Ranma couldn't see Konatsu, he was
certain the male kunoichi was around her... somewhere.
She raised one hand in a lazy wave. "Hey, Ranchan.
Nice morning."
Ranma looked at the cool morning mists surrounding
them and smiled. "Just like when we were kids, wakin'
each other up at three in the mornin' to train."
Ukyou chuckled at the memory herself. "Yeah, those
were the days." She made as if to ready a spatula. "We
could do it again, if you'd like."
Ranma shook his head but still held to his smile.
"Ain't got time this mornin', Ucchan. Besides, we
start sparrin' and your kunoichi'd jump in." He raised
his voice a bit. "Ain't that right, Konatsu?"
Konatsu stepped out from behind Ranma. "You are right,
Ranma."
Mousse walked out of the mists then. "Good morning,
Ranma."
"Mornin'."
Mousse looked around. "When do we leave?"
Ranma held up two fingers. "We're still waiting for
two more people. Shampoo..."
Shampoo jumped into the small circle, right next to
Ranma. "I is here, airen." She was wearing her
decorated leather armor. Although she had no weapons
visible, Ranma was sure she had a few somewhere....
She nodded to the robed martial artist. "Hello,
Mousse."
He responded with a simple nod, and Ranma frowned
inwardly. About a month ago, something had happened
between those two that he hadn't been a big part of.
He hoped it wouldn't interfere with their teamwork...
Ranma realized Ukyou had asked him a question.
"Whatcha say, Ucchan?"
"Who else are we waiting for?"
"The guide..."
"Who is here."
All four teenagers jumped as a purple-haired man
wearing robes and carrying a staff appeared in their
midst. He smiled. "I am Xelloss, your parser- er,
guide, for this quest. Shall we be off?"
****
The sextet of rescuers had traveled far that day,
moving northeast first across the common roads, then
straight north by a branch that Xelloss had pointed
out. After dusk had begun paint the sky, they'd found
one of the many ubiquous inns that serviced weary
wanderers. They'd settled in for a hearty meal, and
now-
"So why are you helping us?"
"Ah," Xelloss smiled. "As I told the charming lady
whom I met you through in your hometown, that is a
secret."
-Xelloss was having fun in his own special way, and
Ranma was seriously considering beating him for it.
Badly. But as any Inverse could have told him, beating
on Xelloss, while fun, was about as futile as...
beating on Xelloss. Somehow, the sheer pointlessness
of it couldn't be compared to anything else, because
he just kept coming back for more...
Before Ranma did something rash, however, Mousse
leaned forward and asked, "What are you willing to
tell us?"
Xelloss opened his eyes for a split second. "What an
interesting approach. I don't think anyone's tried
that out before." Then, he resumed his usual smile. "I
like it. Very well, I am willing to tell you this
much.
"This path will not lead us directly to the Magician's
Evil Cliffside
Tower. Rather, it will lead us to a dungeon that has
an item we require to enter the Tower. It's a fairly
typical crawl with all the standard dungeon
dressings-of orcs, goblins, a few ogres, and a troll
or two- until you reach the Inconveniencing." He fell
silent for a moment, then continued. "The
Inconveniencing appears as a silver mirror that
ripples slowly, like a pool in a light breeze. You
step into it and face a test, a test of yourself." The
other five seated at the table leaned forward
unconsciously. "If you fail, you become..." all five
held their breath as Xelloss opened his eyes again,
regarding them with a solemn demeanor...
"Super-distorted."
Everyone facefaulted, nearly breaking the table. Then,
Ranma said angrily, "Aw, man! You had us worried over
nothin'!"
Xelloss said quickly, "You have no inkling of the true
horrors that super-distortion holds!" Then, he stood
up abruptly. "You'll find out what I mean soon enough.
We leave early in the morning." He walked away,
leaving the five martial artists seated silently at
the table.
****
The Amazon Council sat in deliberation without its
head for the first time in a thousand years. Though it
was against the customs to meet without a mediator,
desperate times called for desperate measures.
"We must do something!" An Elder glared around at her
compatriots.
"Oh, and what do you suggest we do? Throw rocks? With
how many demons there are, that'd be as effective as
your pathetic wards," another Elder said with biting
sarcasm.
The first Elder glared at the second. "You wanna see
firsthand just how effective my wards are?!"
This was, of course, the reason the Elders never met
without someone strong enough to clobber the rest
leading them. Get together around thirty women over a
century in age and having enough skill in magic and
martial arts for any 200 masters, force them to talk
for hours without a single nap, and then make them
_agree_ with each other.... Well, it shouldn't be
possible.
Of course, just because it wasn't possible didn't mean
it never happened.
When it seemed certain that the two would come to
blows, a third Elder spoke. "We can't fight this on
our own, of course, but we could hold it off and get
some Heroes to fight it for us."
The Council nodded in agreement. The first Elder said,
"An appropriate application of the Laws of Drama. But
where can we find Heroes, Liu Fa?"
Liu Fa threw a piece of paper on the table. "I just
got a letter from Ku Lon. She says that the
prospective Elder and her friends are shaping up
nicely. Perhaps we could gather them to do the job."
****
With an effort, Ukyou held back her urge to strangle
Shampoo for suggesting such a perversion. "How dare
you even think of using my spatula for that?!" She
clutched her huge utensil-turned-weapon a bit closer.
Shampoo leaned a bit closer, puzzlement written all
over her face in a ickily adorable way. "Don't tell me
Spatula Girl never thought of using spatula for that?"
A slight blush crept onto Ukyou's face as she
stammered, "O-of course I have, when I was really
desperate! But I always found another way."
Shampoo stepped back away from the okonomiyaki chef
and threw her hands up in disgust. "Then find other
way now, because we need firewood to cook dinner!"
Ukyou snapped back, "I'm thinking, I'm thinking!"
The party was camped by the roadside nearly thirty
miles from the nearest town. The boys, having won the
game of jankenpon, had chosen to go hunting for food
to supplement their supplies, leaving the ladies
(Konatsu including himself in their number) to get the
camp ready. The tents hadn't been a problem, but the
firewood... for some reason, there wasn't any ready to
gather off the ground.
Ukyou pointed at the sword across Shampoo's back. "Why
don't you use that to cut us some wood?"
Shampoo crossed her arms across her chest. "Against
Amazon law for Amazon to cut wood with her weapon. Is
okay for cook to do it with utensils though."
"Why you..."
Before this could degenerate into another catfight,
Konatsu appeared between them with an armful of wood.
"Ukyou-sama, I've gotten some wood for you."
Ukyou grinned weakly as she lowered her spatula.
"Thanks, Konatsu. Where'd you get it?"
Dropping the armload onto the ground, he pointed over
the hill. "There's a camp of bandits about two miles
that way, looking for anybody along this road."
"WHAT?!"
Konatsu blinked in surprise. "Couldn't you tell?"
"Naw, I don' thenk dey could." A massive bandit
boss-type stepped into their view. About twenty other
brigands emerged from well-concealed hiding spots.
Konatsu disappeared, and the bandit boss scowled.
"Where de pretty fem gone to?" Then, he shrugged.
"Guess de slavas be havin' to deal wit' you two."
"'Have to deal'?" Ukyou said, with an expression that
promised severe beatings.
"'Slavers'?" Shampoo said, with an expression to
match.
Ukyou leveled a finger at the bandit boss. "So, not
only do you threaten to sell us into slavery..."
Shampoo drew her sword. "You insult our beauty too?"
Then, the two struck a pose and said in unison,
"Because we've been itching for a good fight, we shall
punish you!" They looked at each other for a moment
with confused looks on their faces that matched the
ones worn by every single bandit there.
The tableaux was broken when the bandit chief fell
down with a half-dozen darts embedded in his chest.
Then, Shampoo and Ukyou started having a little good
old fashioned fun.
When the boys (including Xelloss, for reasons of his
own) returned empty-handed, the girls had piled the
bandits up in a heap and had started a merry bonfire
roaring.
Ukyou held up some Unidentifiable Meat Du Jour On a
Stick. "Not my usual thing, but kinda fun for a
change! Beef is good. Want some?"
Shampoo looked up from the t-bone she was stripping.
"We get plenty from bandit camp. Is all you can eat!"
Those were the only words Ranma and the others needed
to hear, and they fell to with a passion. For some
reason, though, Xelloss didn't eat as much as the
others...
****
Lina perched on the bowsprit, watching Prayer Gate
Rock approach. And it was well worth watching.
Obviously not natural, it towered several hundred feet
out of the ocean in the shape of a (you guessed it)
prayer gate. A small fleet, ranging in size from
fishing boats to three-masters, bobbed at its feet.
"Arr, truly a wondrous thing it 'tis to see." Lina
turned around to see the pirate captain, who was
standing behind her, rubbing his chin. "Some say it
'twas made by the Dragons long ago, but none know why
or how. It's all riddled with caves, and is a waypoint
for traders."
Lina scowled at him. "If you knew all that, why didn't
you tell us sooner? It took us almost a week to find
this place!"
The pirate rubbed his chin. "Funny, even though Aye've
known about Prayer Gate Rock for what seems like
forever, Aye've never thought about it before
today..."
****
Jusenkyou smacked the Sea of Chaos. "I told You that
improvising and placing memories was a bad idea!"
****
The pirate shook his head. "Aye don't suppose it
matters now."
Lina stood up on the bowsprit dramatically, pointing
at Prayer Gate Rock. "That's the gateway to my next
fortune!"
****
Ranma stepped over a hill and stopped short. "Whoa..."
He was rather upset because the people behind him
didn't stop until after they'd knocked him down and
walked over him. Their reactions more than made up for
it.
"That's horrible!" Ukyou said. Shampoo, Mousse,
Konatsu, and Xelloss didn't say anything; their
expressions showed nothing as they looked over the
bodies that littered the battlefield. Ranma stood up
after the others had already started searching the
battlefield.
Shampoo was the first to speak. "These all men from
same unit. What kill them all?"
Konatsu spoke. "Yes, they all wear the same mon."
Mousse said, "They were attacked by a monster of some
sort, judging by these wound marks. Probably about a
day or so ago."
Xelloss shouted, "Come over here! I've found what
killed them."
The five martial artists rushed over to where Xelloss
was standing over a skeleton of a humanoid monster
that looked at least twelve feet tall and ten wide.
Xelloss reached down, and, seemingly with little
effort, ripped the skull from the spine. Looking deep
into the eye sockets, he intoned, "Alas, poor Yorick.
I knew him, Saotome."
Ranma asked, "Really?"
"No." He pointed to where the skull had been cracked.
"However, this sort of thing is very familiar. This is
the killing wound, inflicted by something blunt."
Shampoo said, "But battlefield only day old or so. Why
monster skeleton already?"
"This kind of monster rots quickly, leaving only
bones. Actually, I think it was destroyed some time
after it killed those men. My only question is,"
Xelloss said, putting the skull down gently, "who'd be
strong enough to kill a monster of this kind with a
blunt object?"
****
"Sasuke?"
"Yes, Tatewaki-sama?"
"Where on Earth are we now...?"
AUTHOR'S DEMENTED RANT
I certainly hope that I'm managing to keep this little
thing interesting. It certainly fascinates the heck
out of me. What's in store for our gangs of intrepid
heroes in Part the Fifth? Does Naga get to Japan ahead
of Lina? Do Ranma & Co. discover the evils of
super-distortion? Will Kuno (now that I've chosen to
use First-Season Kuno) actually manage to do something
effectual? Will the Author finally explain why he uses
the -ou sometimes and just the -o other times? Stay
tuned for the next episode of Slayers NIBUNNOICHI!
Aaron Bergman
iamfanboy@hotmail.com
"The only difference between genius and
stupidity is that genius has limits."
-Albert Einstein
__________________________________________________
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