To reply, post publically or e-mail the author at jemhf@wam.umd.edu
Enjoy!
The FFML Refugee List
WELCOME MY FRIENDS TO THE SHOW THAT NEVER ENDS
**********************************************
* *
* Jeremy's House of Jeremys Proudly *
* PRESENT for your viewing pleasure *
* his very FIRST MST *
**********************************************
The story: Many years ago, a young Jeremy wandered through an ancient
alleyway in the holy ancient city of Los Angeles/New York. But then, he
tripped!
When he came to, he discovered that lo and behold his mind was now
fragmented into various personalities. When it came time that a
decision needed to made, they argued for hours on end. To make matters
worse, a fictional character he had come up with began regularly
interjecting in the arguments.
But then, they discovered something they all enjoyed: Fanfiction.
The Cast:
Jeremy (Jerm): A disillusioned college student who enjoys anime,
fiction, sci-fi, fantasy, writing, fun, excitement, wrestling, and
delicious pretzels.
Crazy Jeremy (CrzyJ): The silly, zany, and insane personality. All
Jeremy's humor, good or horrendously in bad taste, comes from CrzyJ.
Dark Jeremy (DarkJ): This sinister figure comes from that horrific and
evil side in us all, but Jeremy in particular.
Macho Jeremy (MchoJ): Need something heavy lifted, some fine art made
fun of, or an arrogant fool? MchoJ's your fool.
Intellectual Jeremy (IntlJ): This fellow enjoys learning and knowledge,
and maintains an unhealthy disdain of stupid people.
Stupid Jeremy (StupJ): Every stupid decision and mistake Jeremy has
made, and there are many, has come from this brainless clod.
Lecherous Jeremy (LechJ): This sick freak can't understand why Jeremy
doesn't write any lemons.
Lord Jeram (LordJ): This fictional character is nothing like his
namesake. LordJ is an arrogant, pompous blowhard who fancies himself
Master of the Mental Arts. Nothing gives him more pleasure than
blasting people he doesn't care for.
TONIGHT's EPISODE: Seven Halves of The Whole
(By Request from the Author)
EPISODE I
Jeremy walks into Brain Central and proceeds quickly to the Head Meeting
Room.
Jeremy: Hey gang, guess what? We've got a request for a MST from someone
named "Light Hawk". I need two people, so who's interested.
Macho J: (flexes his arm muscles) Yo yo yo! J Dog in the House! Time for
Macho Jeremy to MST a little F&J: Fics and Jeremy!
Jeremy: (rolling eyes) Uh, sure. Who else?
Lord Jeram: (appearing out of nowhere hovering above the meeting table)
FOOLS! I, LORD JERAM, MASTER OF THE MENTAL ARTS, AND WEARER OF THE
INCANDESCENT BLACK ROBES DO ACCEPT THIS MST CHALLENGE! IT BEHOOVES YOU
TO ACCEPT, IMMEDIATELY!
Jeremy: (holding fingers in his ears) Ok, ok. Come one, let's go to the
Video Room.
The three compatriarts race to the Video Room, where the tape has just
begun rolling.
Jeremy: Ok fellas, settle down. Jeram, will you please just sit down!
You're blocking the screen!
LJ: LORD JERAM NEEDS NOT YOUR ADVICE, PEON. But he CHOOSES to sit.
MJ: Whatever, dudes. Hope this flick has some hot chicks. Ooh baby!
Come to papa!
J: Stop, you're embarassing everyone.
LJ: HE DOES NOT-
J: STOP SHOUTING!!
LJ: Ahem. As I was saying, he was not embarassing Lord Jeram, Master
of-
J: Ok, that's far enough. Let's just watch already.
I was actually going to wait a few more weeks before sending these two
chapters out. However, with the list going down in a coupld of days
I
want to get them out beforehand.
MJ: Where's the chicks, man?
LJ: I have heard of this so-called list going down business. I refuse
to believe it. I will continue to post regardless of its existence.
J: (rolling eyes) Yeah, you do that.
I hope you enjoy. C&C would be appreciated but flames would be
laughed
at and promptly thrown away.
Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 is the property of Rumiko Takahashi. I make no
claims to her characters, I just wish to borrow them for a while.
J: I wonder what would happen if he lost one of them.
MJ: Don't even, man! What if he lost that hot babe?
J: Which hot babe?
MJ: Does it matter?
Previous chapters are archived at
http://www.geocities.com/LightHawk19/THOTW.html
********************************************************************
Chapter 7
Icy Fury
"Hey Akane!" yelled Sayuri as Akane was leaving the school grounds.
J: I wonder if this has anything to do with coffee grounds. Heh heh.
MJ: Ugh, dude, that stinks. Without Crazy Jeremy, you ain't funny.
Besides, shut up, this Sayuri chick and this Akane babe are about to get
it on, Icy-Fury-style!
"Hi guys. What's up?" said Akane as she waited for her friend
to come over.
LJ: The macho one's ego.
J: (snickers) But not his brain activity.
LJ: (laughs heartily) Lord Jeram finds that remark amusing, mild one.
MJ: Hey dudes, come on now! It ain't my fault I'm too cool for words.
"Yuka and I along with some other girls are going ice skating. We
wanted to know if you could join us. Wanna go?"
Akane was hesitant, remembering what happened the last time she went
ice skating. After a few moments of thought, and her friend's silent
pleading, she gave in. "Sure, I'll go. Let's hope there's no trouble
this time." The girls, who had walked over as well, all nodded at
that. Thus with their destination in mind, they headed off.
J: Well, I'd hate for them to have their origin in mind. They'd never
leave!
MJ: That's weak, dude.
LJ: Not exactly, fool. The great Lord Jeram had such a thing occur to
him once. A vile and evil dragon wizard had placed a confusilation
dweomer on his august self. He kept attempting to leave a paltry,
insignificant universe, but somehow kept winding up where he started.
J: That wasn't you! That was E.T.!
LJ: Oh yes, that may be accurate, if not what is desired by the
audience.
Ranma, seeing Akane walk off with her friends, was curious and jumped
over to the group. "Yo Akane! Where are you goin'?"
"To the ice rink," replied Akane with a smile. "Wanna come?"
Ranma sweated a little. He was not a good skater and he knew it. He
declined, rather politely at that, and with a wave he roof hopped over
to the restaurant district.
"He still doesn't know how to skate, does he, Akane?" giggled Sayuri
as they watched him bound away. Akane giggled too as she shook her
head no. They were almost at the skating rink when one of Yuka's
friends pointed out a young man calling and waving to Akane. Akane
quickly spotted Jay, she had to note the young man's shirt color,
and waved back.
MJ: Dudes, why did she have have to "note the shirt color" anyway?
J: Uh, I don't know actually. Maybe he was wearing a hot-pink shirt or
something distinctive.
LJ: HA! I repeat: HA! Lord Jeram knows a few foolish sorcerers with
rainbow-colored robes. How ridiculous they look! HA!
J: As ridiculous as black with white bands crisscrossing over it?
LJ: Silence, toad.
"Who's your friend there, Akane? One of Ranma's rivals for your
affections?" Yuka asked.
Akane laughed and shook her head. "Oh no. It's nothing like that at
all. He just happens to be training at the dojo with my dad."
"Oh," Yuka said. "Well, why don't you call him over and see if he
wants to join us." The others gave an enthusiastic "Yeah" and managed
to convince her to invite him.
LJ: Lord Jeram votes "Nay"! I do not wish anymore company than I already
have.
J: Oh, please. That's not what they're talking ab-
MJ: Guys, quiet down, I think these girls are about to take their
clothes off.
"Hey Akane. Is there something you need?" Jay asked after she
walked over to him, wondering if there was something wrong.
MJ: There's something I need! Oh yeah!
J: (in Mr. Peabody voice) Quiet you!
"No. The girls just wanted to know if you would like to go ice
skating with us. That is if you know how to skate."
Jay thought it over for a bit. He did not like the idea of being
surrounded by high school girls, but they were Akane's friends and he
did not want to be rude. Besides, it had been a while since he had
been ice skating. "Sure, I guess. I can skate forwards and stop
without falling. If you can count that skating, that is."
LJ: Lord Jeram counts that as not only skating, but skiing.
J: What?
MJ: I can ski backwards and forwards at the same time. It's just
another great thing about being me!
J: I can't ski backwards.
MJ: Maybe _you_ can't dude.
The girls immediately started small talk with Jay once he reached the
group. He was polite but he declined to talk to much about himself.
"I'm sorry, girls, there's just not much that I could tell about
myself," he told them. They were disappointed but understood none the
less.
MJ: Hey, maybe they could "convince" him to tell more! Heh, heh, I know
exactly what I'd ask for if I were that wuss Jay.
J: Hey, that's not nice.
LJ: SILENCE! Lord Jeram is trying to watch here!
Akane, however, felt there was a whole lot for Jay to tell. Over the
past few weeks she had begun to feel that Jay was hiding himself from
the world, just like Ranma had said. The only things he readily
talked about were martial arts and the events that happened recently.
MJ: Hey, maybe he's got whaddya call it - ambrosia!
J: You mean retroactive amnesia.
LJ: Unlikely. As a Master of the Mental Arts, I would have sensed it
immediately!
J: Uh, why aren't you talking in the third person anymore?
LJ: Oops.
It was strange. His twin form, Zack, was as open a person as you
could find. He talked about everything. Sometimes you could not get
him to shut up. Whenever she tried to talk to him about Jay,
however, he clammed up too. He was apologetic when he told her that
yes things had happened but they were in the past and they were doors
best left unopened.
The ice was being resurfaced when they reached the ice rink. Akane,
with two cups of hot tea in hand, walked over to Jay, who was watching
the machine go over the ice. "Thought you might want a cup of tea
while you waited." Jay gave his thanks and accepted the cup.
"Where are your friends?" he asked.
"Oh, they went to get a bowl of ramen before they started skating.
Warms you up, you know. I'm sorry if they made you uncomfortable.
They
just get excited when a new martial artist comes to town."
J: Heh, they must get excited a lot.
LJ: How do you figure, hairy one?
J: Well, uh, you know, a lot of martial artists come to town in Nerima.
LJ: Such as?
J: Uh, Ranma for one. Then Ryouga, Ukyo, the Amazons, Happosai, Taro,
and uh... Uh...
LJ: And?
J: Well that's a lot already.
LJ: You only mentioned seven martial artists, worm. That's not that
many for a entire year's worth of episodes.
J: But, well, uh, you see...
MJ: Give it up, dude.
Jay smiled. "Don't worry about it. It's no big deal."
Akane nodded and sipped her tea. Jay was perhaps the most tolerant
person she knew. She idly wondered if there was anything that upset
him.
J: Akane: Jay-san, I was just wondering... is there anything that upsets
you?
LJ: (Catching on) Jay (darkening): Yes there is one thing. One thing
that makes my
blood boil in anger and pain. (Cue Thunder) UNPAID PARTKING TICKETS.
J and LJ share a hearty laugh.
MJ: Uh, what's so funny, dudes?
J & LJ: Nothing.
Sayuri and the girls walked over to where the two were sitting. "I
see the machine is done, let's go." The group excitedly moved on to
the ice to begin skating.
Akane went off with her friends to chat while Jay skated slowly
behind them. That was just fine with him for the time being. He used
the opportunity to relax in the cold and relatively peaceful
atmosphere. It had been a while since he had gone ice skating but his
balance came back quickly and he was soon moving along at a good clip.
MJ: "Went off with her friends?" Dang, I'd like be part of that action.
J: That's disgusting. You've been spending too much time with Lecherous
Jeremy.
LJ: Silence, foppish ones. Lord Jeram senses something is about to
happen.
"He certainly seems happy, Akane," remarked Yuka as he passed them.
"It's a shame he doesn't like to talk. Is it just because he doesn't
know us or something?"
MJ: No, he just likes something else altogether! Yeah!
J: Oh, grow up.
LJ: Silence!
Akane shook her head. "No, he's always been like that. At least as
long as I have known him. But then that's only been about three
weeks. Come on girls let's have some fun."
J: MachoJ, don't even try.
With that, they started doing some high quality skating on the open
rink. Ice skating was in fact one of the few things that Akane was
truly graceful at. Though few knew it, it was one of the things that
her mother taught her when she was little and she kept it up over the
years. Today she did aerial spins and several other movements as her
friends tried to copy her. None of her movements were very fancy but
it didn't matter to her and her friends, they just had fun.
A short while later, a tired Akane found Jay leaning against the wall
watching her and the girls. "Not bad, Akane. I was impressed with
your stuff out there. Never could get myself to try it," he said after
she skated over. "Your friends weren't too bad, either."
"Thanks," they all said, startling Jay, who did not hear them skate
over behind him. Now they were looking at him try peel his face off
the ice. "Hey, we thought you were a martial artist, couldn't you
have like heard us coming or something," said one of the girls.
J: Jay: Perhaps you girls have forgotten the Cardinal Rule of
Ice-Skating. "Never sneak up on people."
MJ: What's your obsession with unfunny comments, dude?
J: (scowling) Oh, shut up.
LJ: Be quiet, be quiet! Something's about to happen, I just know it.
J: Yeah right, "something's about to happen" for five paragraphs
already.
LJ: Shhh!
"Hey, I can't detect everything, you know. Do you expect me to be
like Jackie Chan?" replied a smiling Jay. "No, really, I just wasn't
paying attention. If I wanted to I could have but it's a lot of work to
keep my senses sharp all the time."
They all nodded in understanding but still giggled at the red mark on
his face all the same. They were about to skate off when the sound of
"Oh Pierre!" stopped them in their tracks. Suddenly, Jay felt his hair
fall to its natural position. His dragon clip, which kept his hair in
a ponytail, was gone.
LJ: Ah ha! Something will happen now!
The events that happened next were something Akane would never forget
for as long as she lived. First Jay looked down at his feet to check
if his clip had merely fallen, to no avail. Next he looked over to a
cute teenage girl with long brown hair holding his clip. Akane could
swear she saw his eyes darken to an almost black color. A second look
showed that they were their normal green.
MJ: Hey, Lordie! Black! Like your robes! Cool!
LJ: Do NOT call me that.
"A...Akane, would you kindly get that back for me," he said,
obviously trying to maintain his composure. "That hair clip
means a lot to me, so could you please get that for me before
I have to hurt that girl."
J: It's too bad Dark Jeremy isn't here. He'd get a kick out of anyone
in pain.
LJ: Please be quiet, something's about to happen!
MJ: Yeah, dude, he's about to do something cool!
Akane looked at him with wide eyes. She did not think the clip was
work getting violent over but she quickly skated over to Azusa to try
and get the clip back. "Excuse me, Azusa. But that clip you have
belongs to my friend over there so would you give it back, please."
J: Why would the clip be work?
LJ: He meant to say worth, fool. Read between the lines!
MJ: Heh heh. Read ya loud and clear, dude.
J: Oh, shut up.
"NO!" she screamed back. "It's Azusa's little Pierre and you can't
have it." No sooner had she said that than it was plucked from her
grasp by a handsome young man.
"Is this yours miss? Oh, Akane, how nice to see you again." Mikado
said, giving her one of his best smiles.
J: Hey MachoJ, how'd you rate the smile on a scale of one to ten?
MJ: Compared to me? Zip.
LJ: Do you infidels have hearing difficulties? I said that something's
about to happen!
"Actually, Mikado, it belongs to my friend over there," she said
disgustedly to him as she pointed over to Jay. "Now if you would
kindly
give that back to me, I can return it to him."
Mikado would have none of that, however. He simply tossed it back to
Azusa, who was about to pound him flat with Charlemagne, aka a large
mallet. "How about we forget him and just worry about us." This was
said as he was about to give Akane one of his patented kisses.
J: His winks on the other hand are patent-pending.
MJ: Dude, enough with the jokes already. They suck.
Right when Akane was about to send him through the roof, Mikado was
grabbed by the neck and held up face to face with a furious Jay, who
was considerably taller. Mikado was held several inches over the ice
and was beginning to turn blue, due to the choke hold. "Listen mister.
That dragon clip belongs to me and I greatly resent you taking it from
that girl only to give it back after Akane said who it belongs to.
Now, you will either get it back for me or you will be in serious pain
after I am done with you." Jay's eyes were really dark as he was
saying this. Nothing Mikado could do would get Jay to release his grip
until he remembered the only pressure point he knew.
MJ: Whoa! That's a lot of stuff for just one paragraph, guys.
J: You have a point there. It's just like too much thrown at you at one
time.
LJ: Bah! What foolishness! You fools are merely weak and stupid, like
your clothing!
J: Our clothing?
MJ: I think my duds are pretty cool. Not like your black and white
robes, Lordie.
LJ: Do not call me that, peon!
Mikado hit the "Jealous boyfriend release grip no matter how strong"
pressure point. It had never ceased to amaze him how many times he
had to use that on men. All he did was bestow a great honor on the
women he kissed. The pressure point worked this time as it had all
the others and Mikado was able to break free. But that did not mean
he was home free, not by a long shot. He merely made Jay more angry
as he was being chased around the rink.
MJ: Uh oh, gang, looks like this Meekudo dude kissed the wrong babe this
time.
J: What? But he hadn't kissed anyone yet.
LJ: Oh ho! I can hardly wait for this "Jay" character to unleash bolts
of lightning upon this Mikado infidel! The pain it shall inflict! AH HA
HA HA cough cough. Excuse me.
Mikado had few tricks to use. The Dance of Death required time for
him to start the spin and he did not have the time he needed to do so.
All he could do was use all of the speed and agility he had to keep
from getting hit by one of Jay's punches and hope to wear Jay down.
Akane watched nervously as Jay tried to take Mikado apart. While all
of his punches missed, they never missed by much and when he hit the
guard rail, it shattered from the blow. Akane skated over to a
quivering Azusa who was muttering "Miki" every once in a while and
tried to get the dragon clip back.
LJ: It seems unfathomable, but apparently the great Lord Jeram, Mental
Master, has missed something. Is not this Mikado a arrogant and foolish
male?
J: Uh, yeah, I suppose so.
LJ: But 'Miki' is a feminine name! And rightly so, I might add.
MJ: I think the real question is: Why is cute little Azusa babe trying
to get the dragon clip back when she already has it?
J: No, Akane tries to get it back.
MJ: That's not what it says, dude.
LJ: Both of your interpretations are acceptable, little ones.
MJ: A tie? I hate ties.
J: (snickers) Then why are you wearing one?
MJ: What? I don't get you dude. Another stupid joke?
J: (growls) Oh be quiet.
"Azusa, you need to give it back or your partner is gonna be really
hurt."
"NO! It's Azusa's little Pierre! So you have to stop that crazy man
yourself." Azusa was clutching the clip for dear life as she watched
the battle rage.
J: Heh heh. Watched the battle rage? What's a battle rage?
LJ: I think I speak for the macho one when I say: Enough with the bad
jokes already or face my WRATH!
MJ: Yeah dude, seriously.
Mikado had managed to get far enough away from Jay that he could use
some hit and run tactics to slow him down. While Jay was the better
martial artist, Mikado was by far a better skater. He used his
skating abilities to his advantage. Jay was continuously hit on the
blind side and was never able to recover fast enough to counter attack
before Mikado skated out of reach. It did not matter though, Jay hardly
felt the blows hit and his enemy was showing signs of fatigue.
J: I believe he means that Jay was hit on "his" blind "spot" not "the"
blind "side".
LJ: Not necessarily, young fool. Humanity has a collective blind side
when it didn't sleep well the previous evening. It's difficult to
explain to non-Mental Masters like me.
MJ: Collective blind side, heh heh. Cool.
"Who is this guy? Why won't he go down?" said a slightly winded
Mikado to himself. "Maybe I should have given it back after all."
The fight raged on.
J: Did Mikado "say" this or did he "ask" himself? And look, more raging!
MJ: Dude, Mikado is "winded" remember? That means he's flying.
J: What? No it-
LJ: (laughs) Fool! You are both foolhardy troglodytes, indeed!
Akane was beginning to despair of thinking of a way to calm down her
friend. Calling his name did not work, her shouts fell on deaf ears.
She would not even think of getting in the middle of that fight
because she knew Jay was almost beyond reason. Suddenly, she noticed
a familiar person who might be able to help.
"Zack, over here!" she called over to Jay's brother who was looking
around the rink.
J: Wait a minute, Zack? Who's Zack?
MJ: Man, you haven't been paying attention in the previous chapters.
LJ: Indeed peasant. With my astonishing powers, I can easily discern
who this mystery character is. And he is indeed the brother of Jay. Do
not doubt me, fool!
J: Aiya! Fine, I don't care that much anyway.
MJ: That much?
J: I said enough.
MJ: No you didn't.
J: Argh!
"Akane! There you are!" Zack yelled as he ran over. "Ranma said
you were here. Do you know...." He trailed off when he saw his
brother try to take a young man apart.
"Can you calm him down Zack? I don't know how," pleaded Akane.
"I've never seen him like this."
"Akane! Tell me exactly what happened! I need to know." It took a
few minutes for Akane to tell him what happened but Zack nodded
knowingly when she was finished. "That will do it, sure enough. That
hair clip means a lot to Jay and he doesn't want anything to happen to
it. It's the same way with my phoenix clip. Let me talk to the girl."
LJ: A phoenix clip? I enjoy such devices greatly. The last one I had
brought me back from the dead ten times before dying.
J: Really?
LJ: No, mortal, I jest. I never die!
MJ: That's wild dude. I wish I had a cool clip like that. I'd have a
cooler one though, not a stupid bird. I'd have a horse, cause I'm such
a stallion.
J: (rolling eyes) Yeah, sure you are.
The both went over to Azusa with Zack talking to her this time. Zack
had no more luck than Akane did.
"She's a real kleptomaniac, Zack. There aren't many things that will
get her to let something go." Zack did not bother to reply. Instead,
he walked over to the game room. "Where are you going?"
A few moments later Akane heard a loud smashing sound and saw Zack
calmly walking back over to where she and Azusa were standing. "Now
little girl. I know you like your little Pierre but how about a
trade.
I'll give you Michael if you give me Pierre." Zack pulled out a small
stuffed cow from behind his back.
LJ: Ah ha! Clever lad. Ingenious in fact. Reminds me of myself, only
younger by a few centuries.
MJ: A cow? That's lame. What about a tiger or a lion? Ooh, or a man-
eating cave snake! That'd be awesome.
J: Perhaps, but I doubt young Azusa would care for something that scary.
LJ: Au contraire, young peon. According to amazing powers I possess,
young Azusa would enjoy anything she could wrap her arms around.
J: Hmm, I suppose you may be right.
LJ: Of course I am.
MJ: Heh heh, I'd like her to wrap her arms around me.
J: Oh dear Lord.
LJ: Yes?
J: Not you!
Azusa's eyes lit up. "Oh it's so cute! Please give me Azusa's
little Michael."
"Oh no. You have to give me Pierre first and then you can have
Michael. Is it a deal?"
Azusa looked at the cow and at the clip for a few moments. In the
end she had to choose the cow because it could be squeezed better
than the clip could.
J: Listen, don't say a single word!
MJ: What? Like I would say something weird? Like I wish I were that cow
so I could be squeezed? Somthing like that, dude?
J: You drive me crazy.
LJ: Not so, functionary. That is Crazy Jeremy's job.
J: Fair enough. Although I'm glad he's not here. You guys are enough
strain on my nerves as it is.
(Spooky Voice): crazy jeremy is here - in spirit! boo hoo boo hoo! his
spirit is doing the laundry of scariness in your soul! submit or read
the dictionary! where does broccoli come from?
J: (glowering) Crazy Jeremy, get out of here. This is a closed set! No
one watches this fic but us, got it?
CJ: Tickle me plainly. By my troth, I am off!
MJ: What a weird dude.
LJ: His mind is painful for even Lord Jeram, Mental Master, to probe.
But it is not painful at all to flay that mind! Ha ha ha! Ha!
J: Sigh.
"How did you think to do that?" an incredulous Akane asked.
"I guess I'm used to dealing with children," he said with a smile.
LJ: Indeed? I fail to see the relevance. All of my children are quite
well-behaved.
J: Oh really? Tell me about them.
LJ: Benyi, the eldest, is a Diamond Adept. He and his wife travel the
Lower EtherRealms searching for the Lowest of the Low, the Marodrak.
J: How often do you see them?
LJ: Not often enough. In addition, I also have two daughters, Devri and
Lauri. Devri is Energy Master and Lauri is a Priestess of the Ultimate.
They are married as well.
J: And they are well-behaved? Now, as adults?
LJ: Well, I don't know. I don't keep track of them at all times. My
wife doesn't like it when I do that, nor do my children.
MJ: Dude, you don't have children. That would be out of character.
LJ: You are a fine sot to talk!
J: Let's just move on.
"But what was that smashing noise I heard before you came out?"
"Oh that. I had to get the cow from one of those games where you
have to pick it up with a claw. I didn't want to spend the money or
the time it would have to taken to get it. But let's worry about that
later, we need to get my brother calmed down before he really hurts
someone."
J: Tsk, tsk. Vandalism is not the way.
LJ: Indeed. Why, with the right skill and cunning, which I have in
spades, one could easily replicate the tiny cow toy. Violence is so
boring.
MJ: I like it. Smash, pow, violence, cows! Yeah!
The fight was not going well for Mikado at all. He was tired and
slowing down while Jay was still going at full speed. Several punches
had already grazed him but nothing serious, yet. Suddenly he was
pushed hard into the wall though Jay was still in front of him.
Zack had rushed into the fight and pushed Mikado as hard as he could
into the wall, knocking him unconscious. Jay, still in his berserker,
nearly took off his brother's head but the punch was deftly blocked
and countered. It took a blink of an eye but Zack put his brother
on his butt and managed to knock him back to his senses.
MJ: Jay is still "IN" his berserker? Tell me that's not what it sounds
like!
J: Calm down, you macho freak. It's just a typo. It should be
something like "in his berseker state" so stop screaming.
LJ: You are both ignorant toads. Neither one of noticed that Zack
knocked _himself_ back to his senses.
J: Oh please, now you're just reaching.
MJ: Yeah, Lordie, you're pulling a Jeremy.
LJ: ARGH! SILENCE!
"<Oh my God. What just happened, Zack,>" said Jay, holding his head.
"<I remember that girl taking my clip but not much after that. Do you
think it's comin' back to me?>"
"<It's ok, bro. I don't think it's comin' back. You're ok now.
Besides, I have your clip back. You don't need to worry about it
anymore. Come on, let's go.>"
"Are you all right, Jay," asked a worried Akane. "I've never seen
anyone that mad before."
J: Yeah, he's been acting mad all right. Like a mad scientist! It's
alive!
MJ: What? Why would a scientist be angry?
LJ: You fools. I am content to remain in my wisdom.
J: What does that mean?
LJ: Lord Jeram is not listening to you.
"I'm fine. It's just that this clip has a lot of sentimental value
to me. Someone very dear to me who I will never see again gave it
to me and I don't want to lose it. I'm just concerned that I lost
my temper like I did, that's never happened to me before." One of
Yuka's friends, all of whom had watched the fight from the safety
of the dining area, brought over a cup of tea to help calm him down.
MJ: All right, finally! Some good old fashioned hot action! Yeah baby!
J: Uh, I don't think that's what's going on.
"I guess we should leave now. I don't think the rink is going to be
used for a while. At least until it gets cleaned up," said Zack as he
gathered everyone to leave the arena.
MJ: I'll bet the arena's all bloody now! That's awesome!
LJ: If you find blood awe-inspiring, you should visit the planet of
Gorklins. They are literally made out of blood.
MJ: Whoa, cool!
J: What kind of blood?
LJ: The best kind.
J: Huh?
The walk back to the neighborhood was a quiet one. No one really had
anything to say. Especially Jay, who was horribly upset with himself.
One by one the girls reached their homes and with a word of good bye
they left the group. Soon after it was only Jay, Zack, and Akane
walking near Furinkan High.
MJ: Hey, why are they back there? It's not time for school is it? That
would be lame.
J: No, I think it's just a coincidence.
LJ: The Lord Jeram, Mental Master, once attended high school, many ages
ago.
J: (under his breath) Yeah, I'll bet, you old fossil.
LJ: WHAT WAS THAT?
J: Nothing, nothing!
LJ: I can read your mind, you know! And I know that you're thinking -
hey stop that! That's sickening! Oh, never mind.
J: Heh heh. Thanks for the idea Macho Jeremy.
MJ: What idea?
J: Nothing.
"Are any of you guys hungry?" asked Jay suddenly, much to the
surprise of his companions. "What? I just asked if any of you
wanted to get something to eat."
MJ: Mmm, I know what I'm in the mood for. Some sweet, sweet loving!
J: Oh control yourself, please.
"You were moping about all the way here, what's with the sudden
change?" said his brother, all the while looking at him like he had
grown a second head.
"Well, I figured the guy had it coming and I really couldn't help it
at the time. I am just going to take pains to not let it happen
towards people I care about. Besides, I'm starved." It seemed
that Jay was back to his normal spirits.
J: Heh, food always outweighs sadness.
LJ: Indeed, foolish one. Except for the Starving Pencilmen of Aragon-
57.
J: Hey, you just made that one up.
LJ: (embarassed) Well, yes.
Akane and Zack both shook their heads. Akane was waiting for dinner
that night and Zack had eaten before he went off to find Akane, which
reminded Zack of something. "Oh yeah, I needed to ask Akane a quick
question about this week's class. That's why I went to go find her.
You go on and get something to eat, I'll catch you back at the
apartment."
MJ: Whoa! Getting rid of Jay, eh? I know exactly what he's going to
"catch" now!
J: Aiya times two.
Jay sent a quick wave as he went off to find something to eat. After
arguing with himself over what he wanted he decided a bowl of good
ramen would be just what he needed to get back into good spirits.
Besides, he had never been to the Nekohanten which was famous in
the district.
J: So Lordie, correct me if I'm wrong, but you can't send a wave can
you?
LJ: HA HA HA! Such infantile reasoning! One can send many waves,
especially quick waves. Chief among them of course being the
astonishing mental waves of which I am expert in understanding and
manipulating. This is what Jay most assuredly sent.
J: Yeah, right.
MJ: Dudes, if he's looking for good spirits, why isn't he going to a
bar?
LJ: Looking for a stiff drink, young macho one?
MJ: You know it.
J: Oy.
"Ah, welcome to Nekohanten. How Shampoo help you today?" said the
blue haired waitress as Jay walked in. She sat him at one of the
booths that lined the side wall and gave him a menu.
"{You Chinese, yes?}" asked Jay in simple Chinese.
"{You can speak Chinese? Not many people here can speak any.}"
Shampoo was ecstatic, she hardly ever got to speak her native tongue
anymore. Her great grandmother always made her speak in Japanese for
practice.
LJ: That doesn't sound like like Chinese to me. Szechuan dialect,
maybe. HA HA HA!
J: Ni yao shi ni de nupengyou ma? (From Mandarin: Do you want to be your
girlfriend?)
MJ: Wha? I wish Intellectual J-Man was here. He speaks all that weird
stuff.
LJ: HOW DARE YOU?! THE IMMENSE LORD JERAM IS HAPPILY MARRIED WITH-
J: Immense?
LJ: Uh, never mind.
"{I speak some. I no very good but grandmother made me talk when I
train. I like to p..practice when can. I have wanton soup.}" The
last was said after he handed back the menu to Shampoo.
MJ: HA HA HA! What in the heck is the guy babbling on about? "I no very
good train have soup"? Jay is one weird dude.
J: He's supposed to be speaking bad Chinese.
MJ: Sounds like bad English to me. Oh, me please like soup to practice!
Ha ha!
J: I just don't care anymore.
LJ: Excellent strategy, foolish one.
Over the course of their brief conversation Shampoo never noticed the
dialect that Jay spoke with, albeit with a heavy accent. She was just
glad she could speak her language for a bit. Cologne, on the other
hand, did notice and her eyes narrowed at the young man sitting at the
booth.
MJ: What dialect, bad English? Heh heh.
LJ: I'm afraid you are pulling a Jeremy young peon.
J: Hey!
MJ: Oh, hey, dude! You're right. Dang, I'm embarrased. But not for
long!
"One wanton soup for customer, great grandmother," said Shampoo as
she brought over his order. Cologne, who had heard the order,
was already preparing his meal.
"Did you notice anything strange about that young man, Shampoo."
She thought about that for a second but came to no conclusion. "No
great grandmother, he just speak Chinese. That all." Cologne let it
go at that.
LJ: Foolish Shampoo! The secret mysterious language that Jay speaks
shall lead to all of your dooms! HA HA HA HA! (lightning crashes) Not
that I'm in favor of that, of course.
J: Right.
"Here's his order, child. Go take it to him."
"{Thank you, miss.}" Jay said right before he began eating his soup
like there was no tomorrow.
LJ: Excellent foreshadowing! FOR THERE IS NO TOMORROW! HA HA HA! Ahem.
Again, not something I'm in favor of.
J: Okay, Lordie, whatever you say.
MJ: Man, stop yelling so much.
"You welcome," replied Shampoo in Japanese as she went about taking
care of the other customers.
Jay finished quickly. After he payed his bill and left, Cologne left
the kitchen to Mousse and hopped out after him on her stick. She
reached him a block later. "{How is it you speak our language, sonny
boy?}
"What? {I learn it.}" replied a confused and startled Jay.
J: Yes, both confused and startled. They seem superfluous.
LJ: Not so, young sop. Just remember for a moment-
J: What, the confused-startle beaks of Orogon-6?
LJ: Hmmph.
"{This dialect you are speaking is not one that is taught in the
outside world.}"
"{My grandmother teach.}" said Jay slowly after he figured out what
she said. "{I no very good. Is wrong?}"
"{Listen, sonny boy. The Chinese you speak is only spoken in the
Jusenkyo valley in China. More specifically it is spoken by the
Amazons. No one else in China speaks it.}"
LJ: Ah, you see? Doom fortended by yours truly.
J: I'm not convinced yet.
"{All I know is grandmother is of Jusen tribe, near Jusenkyo.}"
Cologne's eyes widened at that.
"{What is your family's name? Tell me now!}" she ordered.
"Ummm {All I know is grandmother name Shang Mao.}"
"{Is she related to a Shang Li?}" Jay nodded his head and said that
that was the name of his great grandmother, or so he thought. Cologne
features turned to stone after that and switched back to Japanese.
"You are no longer welcome at the Nekohanten. If you come there again,
you will die. Your great grandmother is responsible for the death
of one of my daughters and I swore a blood feud on your family that day.
I will let you live for now but do not let me see you at the Nekohanten
again." Thus she bounded off back to her restaurant.
J: Whoa, that was an incredibly fast rejection!
MJ: Ouch, man. What a mean old hag.
LJ: You see? You see? I was right!
J: You were partially right.
LJ: Explain.
J: (eyes rolling) Because although there is semi-doom, there will
definitely be a tomorrow.
LJ: A future without Shampoo? That's no future at all.
MJ: Checkmate!
J: Fine. I don't care. Ergh.
Jay walked back home very confused and was determined to find out
what was going on. When Cologne got back she gave both Shampoo
and Mousse an order that he was no longer welcome there and if he
caused any trouble they were to fight him.
"<Hey bro. Enjoy your meal?>" asked Zack when Jay returned and then
noticed his expression. "<Anything the matter?>"
Jay told him what happened after he ate at the Nekohanten and his
encounter with the old woman. He promptly went to the phone to call
his grandmother in Colorado to find out what was going on.
J: Whoa ho! This is getting pretty exciting! Colorado, land of
Adventure.
LJ: I'm afraid, little one, that the land of Adventure is on the planet
Charbria, as "Adventure" is the actual name of the kingdom.
J: I wasn't speaking literally. Can't you just watch the story?
LJ: I enjoy it on infinitely more levels than either of you infidels.
J: Oh geez...
Meanwhile, at the Tendo Dojo, Akane had just finished telling her
story about what happened at the ice rink. Ranma did not seem too
upset though. "It's no big deal, Akane. The jerk had it comin'.
I would'a done the same thing."
"You don't understand, Ranma. I can understand you getting mad about
something like that but this is Jay. I have never seen him get upset
about anything. It was like he was a whole different person."
"Now now, Akane." said her father, trying to prevent a possible
argument. "Ranma is right. Jay had a right to get upset over
something like that but you are also correct. It isn't like Jay to
do something like that. Let's just let bygones be bygones and let
this pass, shall we?"
The discussion was actually closed with the call of "dinner's ready"
from Kasumi and everyone rushed to get their share of Kasumi's oden.
MJ: Mmm, food! All right!
J: Not for you.
MJ: Aw, man.
Author's notes:
MJ: Whoa, it's over? But there wasn't any, you know, action!
J: Well, maybe next time.
I hope you liked it. Ryoga returns in the next chapter and has a
small disagreement with Jay. Also, an old friend returns.
LJ: An old friend? Mayhaps I smell another chapter?
J: Of course you do. He says right there: "in the next chapter". Are
you blind, or just stupid?
LJ: Enough of this insolence! Is the fic over?
J: Yeah.
LJ: Then by my troth, I am off!
Thus ends my first MST. Hope you liked it.
-Jeremy
-----------
http://lordjeram.cjb.net
jeremy@lordjeram.cjb.net
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
desaix@sysnet.net
Sir Desaix, member # 116 of the Knights of the True Fiancee
anime fanfics available at
http://www.geocities.com/zednik.geo/fanfics.htm
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