Nice start.  More soon please.

Suggested changes: {Original : Changed}
--
Mac :})
Give a hobbit a fish and he eats fish for a day.
Give a hobbit a ring and he eats fish for an age.
----- Original Message -----
From: "John-Martin" <jmlotzn1@pacbell.net>
To: <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Wednesday, July 11, 2001 18:10
Subject: [FFML] [Fanfic][xover][Ranma][SM] All Relative Homecoming Part One

"What ship did you come in on?"

"Ship?  What ... oh ... no ship."

Nowadays, I'd expect her to assume he arrived by plane.  Of course, she'd
get the same answer.

"Haruka-san, I think I see him."  Mina, taller the
Hotaru, picked the figure from out crowd.  He was
silhouetted in the sun as he put down a huge backpack
and studied the platform, now emptying of all but him
and the {others : girls}.  He was strongly built, with the
muscles of a gymnast rather than a weightlifter.
His {: black} hair was in a pigtail, and he wore nondescript
traveling clothes, black pants, and a loosely belted
 gi top.

The girls don't know its significance, but I'd expect them to notice the
hair color and most readers would know.

"Ranma?" Haruka stared at her cousin, #Oh my, he's
crying.  Ranma never {cries : cried}#

It's been five years since she last saw him.

"Well, I knocked Pops into a pool and he turned
into a panda, then he knocked me into another one.
Here, he left this note for you."  He handed a
folded paper to Haruka, and then turned back to
Ami, "Yeah, you girls {may : might not : may not} believe it, but magic
does exist."

She put her hand to her brow and sighed,  #About
what I would expect from Uncle Genma, bad poetry,
full of sound and fury, signifying {little : nothing}.  I do
not need this.#

She picked out a hurriedly written addendum

Should any fianc�e {find : ask for} him, lie!

Ranma scowled,  "The old man {took : didn't  take} it too well. Then
when we camped for the night, he sent me to gather
some wood.  When I got back he was dead.  I never
knew he carried a tanto.  That reminds me, I need
to find a temple to pray for his shade."

He batted looking irritated at her finger,  "Do you
mind????!?!"

Perhaps {She batted the finger away looking irritated.}

{He : She} grabbed the tea and pored some over {his : her} head, and
swiftly made the transition back to male.  The girls
stared, Mamoru looked slightly disappointed until he
noted that Usagi was looking at him, and Ami poked
him again.

Hotaru yawned, and Michiru and Haruka exchanged
glances.  "{Hotaru : Haruka}, I'll take your cousin and
Hotaru home.  I've got some grocery shopping to
do and I'm sure you'd like to talk with our young
friends here."

"When he called, Michi-chan and I talked.
She'll back me up, and we will serve as parents
for Ranma. "  She punched her hand, "However,
now it turns out that he changes into a girl if
you splash him with cold water.  He's been trailing
around the backwaters of Kami-sama only know where,
and he's a walking nail just begging to pounded
{on : down}.  And I'm sure when I get the opportunity to
think about it, I'll find out there are problems
I haven't even heard of yet."

"When my parents died, I was broken up, but I
had my friends and others around to help me.
And there were times I did almost give up.  I
was still known as a brawler.  As near as I
can figure, Ranma lost everything. The way of
life he has known for two thirds of his life,
gone.  The only person who has been a constant
in his life was gone.  He didn't say, but I have
a feeling that after his father killed himself,
he ended up burying the body.  I know I saw dried
bloodstains on the note he passed Haruka-san.
Then he had to walk out from wherever he was by
himself to get here. I don't think he ever had
the time to mourn properly."

I don't think Makoto knows yet just how much of his life Ranma spent on the
road, so "two-thirds of his life" is probably too specific; maybe "most of
his life".

Haruka closed her eyes, as Ami, who patted her
on the back, spoke, "Haruka-san. That isn't all;
you saw what happened when he got wet. We have all
grown up as girls; we knew what to expect socially
and physically.  He hasn't. I would doubt that he
ever {sat : sat in : saw} a modern health class - especially one for
girls so I doubt if he knew what to expect."

He had awakened at the crack of {down : dawn} and had
been loosening up when Haruka had come down
to ask if he wanted to spar. He had looked her up
and down then tried to turn her down commenting
that he really didn't like to hit girls.

Did someone drop it?

As Ranma ate all the food that Michiru had
prepared for breakfast and was reduced to clearing
off the plates the other silently passed to him,
to their looks of surprise and a not fully explained
comment about being used to fighting for his food.
He leaned back and took in Hotaru's covert studying,
"Saw you watching me out the window, do ya think I'm {v
ery :: very} good?"

"A part of the code says that I gotta help those
who are weaker than myself.  I can see that Hotaru
has great strength inside. However she so weak
physically, she must be a target for her {school
friends' : classmates} teasing."

I wouldn't call the kids who tease her friends.


	     .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'