*LOL*  Oh my gosh...I just read this and nearly died laughing!  This is a fan fic by a Mr. Justin Fraser.  I'm seeking out his web page that supposedly has the whole series on it, but I have yet to find it.  If anyone can point me to it, I'd be thankful!  ^__^  It's definately one of the more...odd...things I've ever read, but I felt it was definately one worth sharing.  I'm not gonna be able to post my new chapter of the KOF story real soon, but at least this is something that says, "Hey, I'm still alive!"

~~^__^Anita Ashworth^__^~~


Episode 1:  The Radittsu Menace
"Gooohan!!!!!!!!!!Goooooohaaaaaaan!"
Too many vowels made Gokuu's stomach hurt.  The cause of a tree limp, he floated by on his--there was a time
when he called it Kintoun--yellow flying cloud.  Forward direction was acted upon, but only two feet above sea
level, and at a walking pace.  There was almost a point to his action.
    He hit a tree.  It hit him back, and for the next half-hour there was an argument between a man on a cloud
and a tree, also on a cloud, about who thought who owned the road.  But our hero worked his way around the
argument by blowing the tree up and continued looking for his lost (hopeless, chronically pathetic) child, Gohan.
    There was a tiger on the path, and on its head there lay a hat.  Four-star ball of dragon summon, a mark
that he'd found Gohan's comin'.  The path was clear and straight ahead, but could we hope that Gohan's...
    ...Dead?  Do you think we're lucky enough for that to happen before he becomes everyone's dark nemesis,
the Saiyaman?  And did you like my rhyme?  I thought it was pretty cool...
    Meanwhile, on a plateau that was far only on a dominant scale, Gohan was performing daring acts of
karaoke:
    "All I...want to...do is...dance!  All I...want is...what's inside your...dress!"
    However, the malicious Skuld-sama had managed to extract some DNA from this little bas...this young
and innocent child through means of an ingenious contraption that ultimately ended in her burning her own
eyebrows off and having to ask Gohan for a lock of hair.  Gohan had refused on the basis that you "shouldn't give
hair to strangers." and Skuld, never before confronting such a daunting task, had to knock him senseless with a
mallet before being able to yank rather much more hair than she needed from his bruised but already traumatized
cranium.
    She had taken it into her head to clone an evil henchman for herself, in the unsuspecting form of Gohan,
who was a little prick that would not only avoid attracting any attention to himself, but actually waylay and
probably get outright denials in the very midst of his evil-doings.
    Skuld was sure that, despite the fact she'd given him evil, glowing-red eyes, no one would notice him at
all.
    "Sometimes it's uncouth...to tell the truth!"
    Evil Gohan stood behind the singing simpleton and raised a rather large rock.
    "All I...want to...do is...Uungh..."
    I...don't know how to describe what happened next.  Even Evil Gohan felt sorry about things afterward.
Gohan fell over, right on top of a sleeping lion, which immediately began tearing him apart.  This was not enough
to be interrupted in the middle of his nap, so the lion also banged Gohan's head against a few trees, much to their
complaint, though when they did complain he only hit them again.  It was a pity for him because the Tree Gang
happened to be in the area, and they beat the lion with brass branches and threw Gohan over a cliff.  Before he
landed, his head was severed by a small peak.
    Evil Gohan's eyes became normal, and he blinked.  After getting over the initial shock, he realized he had
no pockets, so he was going to have to hide the body manually.  Using a large stick, he was able to hide the body.
The head, however, he could not find...
    Minor details to that effect.  His eyes turned red, and an evil smile superimposed itself.
    It was Gohan Time!



    "Gohan?  What are you doing?  Are you hiding a torn and ravaged, animated body?"
    Evil Gohan froze.  He packed the body into the side of the waterfall and turned carefully on the branch
that was supporting him hundreds of feet in the air.  He wasn't afraid of falling, but the branch was beginning to
shout threats.
    He made eye contact with Gokuu.  They stared at each other.  Then, they stared at each other.  After that,
they stared at each other.  Evil Gohan was forced to break at one point so he could...stare at Gokuu.  Two days
later, Gokuu cleared his throat and produced Gohan's hat.  The fact that Skuld had given Evil Gohan the identical
hat, complete with four-star cotton ball, caused a lot of confusion.  Gokuu eventually shrugged and tossed the true
hat over his shoulder.  It was old hat, anyway.
    Gokuu stared at Evil Gohan.  This went on for a further three days.


    Farmer McExtra  prodded the object that had fallen from the sky.  He leapt back, almost instantly, and
waited a moment before stepping forward and prodding it again.
    The task of being a scientist, he decided, was too difficult for his simple mind.  He gave up the data-
collection process and opened the door with a crow-bar.
    The pod's door  steamed.  It coughed a few times, started to laugh, the choked on an old piece of corn
from earlier.  It died, and Radittsu stepped forth.
    "Thought it would take me years to get out of there.  Ah, now.  I must find the son of someone who's very
powerful and kidnap him.  Then I can come up with something new and exciting to do."
    He turned to Farmer McExtra, who was staring at him without interest.
    "Are you powerful?"
    Farmer McExtra took a long step forward.  He actually wrapped one leg around the circumference of the
earth and placed the foot right in front of Radittsu's.  They were face to face.
    Farmer McExtra narrowed his eyes and kicked Radittsu in the shin.
    "You're a freak.  Don't talk to me."
    The farmer left the scene.  He hated freaks.
    Radittsu was left hopping up and down on one foot, cursing all creatures that would wear overalls.  He did
so while wearing his highly-exposing saiyajin armor.  Best look elsewhere, and leave the agricultural industry be.
    Removing a large cannon from the dead space pod, he cleared his throat, climbed in, and used Stretch-
Arm (tm) to light the fuse.  An explosion sounded, and the crowd watched in both fascination and horror.
Fascination at the fact that he was able to hit a fifty-yard target four-hundred yards away, and horror at the fact that
Radittsu had no helmet.


    Piccolo held smelling salts under the unconscious man's nose.  This wasn't waking him up, so Piccolo
kicked him in the gut instead.  After some strenuous and gut-wrenching hacking, Radittsu was able to speak.
    "You!  What did you do that for!?"
    Piccolo ignored him.  "I have to ask you something.  You're not a...freak...are you?"
    "Shutup!  Do you have a son I can kidnap?"
    Piccolo looked puzzled.  With a sigh, Radittsu  conceded.  "All right...Look; this farmer said I was a freak,
okay?  How's that?  Now, do you have a--ungh!"
    Piccolo was giving Radittsu  the bear-hug of his life.  "Brother!" he shouted, a few times.  "I, too, am a
freak!  I mean, just look at me!  But now, I'm not the only one!  Certainly I will help you find a powerful son to
kidnap!"
    "Huh?!  But I didn't...ergh...even tell you...yaaagh...my plan..."
    Piccolo released the puzzled saiyajin and began writing an address on a card that by force of parlour trick
he'd just pulled from Radittsu ear.
    "This is the name of my arch-enemy.  He fights me because I'm a freak.  He has a son that you can kidnap.
Don't delay!  I must be off to help other freaks!"
    And he was gone.  Radittsu watched him ride off on his horse, tilting his cowboy hat as he turned away.
In the distance, just before looking away, Radittsu swore that he took his hat off, reared the horse on its hind legs,
and shouted, "Hiho, Horse-of-a-Different-Color, away!"


    The Mutant Roshi lifted his window shade and peered out into the sky.  He sensed a great power heading
in from the east.  The majority of things tend to come from the east nowadays.  Odd really...like, you won't ever
hear "I sense a great power to the...south!"
    This passing thought was hit by a train when Roshi spotted Gokuu and some goofy kid flying in on a little
yellow cloud that would later go on to play no role in the series.
    "HEY!  IT'S GOKUU!!!"  The voice was  loud, gruff, vibrato-tinted, and full of goon.  The sort of voice
that could make rocks laugh and regret.  There were forms to be filled out, for any normal being to be allowed to
use that voice...However, you don't mess with the Kamesennin.
    Bulma, resident Hotstuff herself, and a constant seeker of anything male that can fit through an average
doorway without too much trouble, looked up from the card game with Oolong, resident cup of tea.
    "Gokuu's here!?"  Gokuu's here!!!"
    The closet doors, and all the hampers and kitchen drawers in the house burst open.  The attic door
dropped from the ceiling.  All this revealed tiny little Shaolin faces, each one slightly resembling Krillin and
shelving looks of excitement on their faces.  Windows smashed in as more of the Shaolin Monks, complete in their
ceremonial robes, came leaping into the small house.  Despite the fact that the Mutant Roshi had never bought one,
there was suddenly a chandelier with swinging monks on the ceiling.
    They all shouted, "Gokuu's here!?"
    Then the music started.  It was very celebrational-sounding:

    Gokuu's coming, Gokuu's coming
    Bring out the flags and cheer!
    Here comes Gokuu's spiky hair
    Which little children fear!

    Everyone is worthless
    When this ole boy's around!
    We're all second fiddle
    And Gokuu steals the show!

    (Cheers and monks doing backflips and handstands, etc.  Drum and oboe solo).

    So get off your seat and stand up tall
    You'll never be afraid!
    Bad guys pick on Gokuu
    (Quartet of Monks) And to us..no at-ten-tion is paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaid!!!!!!

    PUNK!

    As the silence moved to fill the gap left by the music, the Kamesennin looked around the room.  The
monks stared at him expectantly.
    Then, Roshi took a breath, and shouted, "GET THE HELL OUTTA MY HOUSE!"
    Imagine over one hundred monks in a house, all about three feet tall, scrambling over each other in
attempt to take flight through narrow passages and broken windows.  This is EXACTLY what happened next.
Many of them died.  A few limp Shaolin bodies covered the floor.
    Bulma stumbled as she tried to get to her feet.  There were little kung fu shoe marks all over her face.
Someone had spilled Oolong.


    Outside, Gokuu lifted the evil Gohan from Yellow Cloud as Kamesennin and Bulma, along with a
cardboard cut-out of Krillin, came from the house to greet him.  Bulma carried the cut-out under one arm and set it
up when Gokuu wasn't looking.
    "Hi, Kamesennin!  You're looking goo..."
    "SHUTUP!"
    "Hai!"
    Nobody spoke for about an hour.
    "Er...Gohan?  Don't you think you should introduce yourself?"
    "Yeah," Bulma raised an eyebrow, "Who is this punk?"
    The words registered in Gohan's artificially created mind, and the change was almost immediate.  He
paced over to Roshi and raised a hand.
    "Whaddup, G?  I'm the Killer Rice yo.  Ya' cool, muh daddy?"
    "YO!  WORD!"
    "Gimme summa dat!"
    There was a complicated hand motion that made Gokuu's martial skills look like childs play, and these
two, who had never met, were able to pull off such a complicated manouver of a handshake that Gokuu and Bulma
audibly gasped.
    After this fierce and strange ritual, Evil Gohan  moved on to Bulma and said, "Greetings."  He held out a
hand.
    Bulma stared for a moment, then reached out and shook.  After taking hold of his hand, Bulma's facial
expression froze.
    "He's a great kid.  He studies hard, and Chichi says he'll grow to be a great..."
    As Gokuu droned on, Bulma looked down into Gohan's face.  An evil smile stretched from ear to ear, and
for just a moment, his eyes glowed red.  She shook her hand away and stood back, not saying a word.  Evil Gohan
walked back over to his foolish father, who was a fool and was not wise, instead being foolish.  What a fool.
    "So how have you been, Krillin?"
    Gokuu stood in front of the cut-out, hopping on one nose and holding a delightful conversation with his
cardboard companion.  It was advertising a book.  The book was called Krillin:  My Life in Action.
    "That's good to hear!  You should train with me.  Like old times..."
    There was a brief flash of light, then smoke started filling the beach front.  Everyone turned, and since
Bulma had been facing the beach already, she came face-to-face with the Mutant Roshi.
    "HEY!  MOVE IT!"
    "Sorry..."  She stepped aside, trying to keep Kamesennin between her and Gohan, who would occasionally
shoot her nasty looks or play racquetball.
    So at the beach front there were some dancing girls and synchronized swimming, before Radittsu
appeared in the midst of the smoke sporting a top hat and a cane.
    "Tadaaaaa!"
    A large ocean-liner passed behind him, completely ruining the atmosphere.  It even blew its foghorn.
Radittsu cleared his throat and tossed the excess clothing away.  The way everyone kept staring at him got on his
nerves, so he went fishing until he felt more secure.  Then he approached the group, who had not taken their eyes
off of him.
    "You're..." he removed a card from somewhere in his skimpy outfit, "Son Gokou?  Is that right?"
    "NO!  DAMMIT!  WHY DOES EVERYONE SPELL MY NAME WRONG!!!?  IT'S GOKUU!  WITH
AN UU!  NOT GOKOO!"
    "Okay, right...but it's you, eh?"
    Gokuu held back and sighed.  "Yeah..."
    A smile stretched across Radittsu face, and before anyone could pounce, move, or experience jet-lag, he
leapt past them all, grabbed Evil Gohan, and ran off, shouting a taunt:  "I've got your kiiiid!  Nyah nyah!"


     Time to die.  Witness the awesome might of Evil Gohan, who is so angry at the fact that he's been locked
up in a pod that he's forgotten just how powerful he is.  When he realizes it, there will be a vast assortment of
primary colors to choose from.  Se la Videl, I guess twice on.
    There was an old, old farmer, living on the side of a hill, all alone but for the race of Dark Moogles
running an illegal furnishing industry in his basement.  He carried a blow gun, and an assortment of colored
pellets.  For years he'd been preparing, today it was time.  He lifted his weapon ever so slowly to his mouth,
inserted all the pellets, and with lung power that could drive toothpicks through bricks, fired into the sky, into the
clouds, and into a heavenly aura of flashing color and lightning.  The earth shook, mountains crumbled.  The
Moogles tripped during all of their dark dances.  Small, colored spears fell from each cloud, and the farmer smiled.
    Pocky.  Taste the rainbow.
    The old man stared in amazement as he held his rather large straw hat out to catch his crop, until one
renegade Pocky stabbed through his eye and into his brain, flooring him instantly.
    Taste that.
    A small cyclone of Pocky took off in a Westward direction.


    Piccollo fell to the ground with an "oof!"
    "Oh my god!!!!" Bulma began doing rythmic backflips and pulsating gyrations of natural syntax,
bounding and revolting the fires of darker artisans.  The green falling, unparallelled in a remote dysentary study,
was recourse for an exchange of dietary info.  You just couldn't have a Piccollo, not now.  You needed root beer
first.  Where was the irony of such idiosyncrasity?  Much adeu, but no Mountain Dew!  Take a hint, man.
    Piccollo ignored the uncontrollable rationings of the adjectivable Bulma and leapt on top of Gokuu,
slapping the hell out of him in a fit of understanding.
    "You never told me you were a freak!  Why!  We could have been brothers!"
    Gokuu was starting to lose consciousness.  There was only one thing to do.  He took the Krillin cut-out
and smashed it over Piccolo's head.
    "Quoi?"
    EVERYTHING stopped.  Never in the history of the universe was there a moment when so many actions
at once stopped.  Even those on a molecular level, even those of golfers, even the very actions of your ordinary
rock, stopped.  Gokuu was suddenly the center of the entire universe's attention.
    "Um...I mean...Nani?"
    There was a universal exhale, and things continued, slightly off-balance from the horror of the things that
were heard, and what was heard was French.
    Piccolo became vibrantly angry.
    "That man who kidnapped your son--"
    "How did you know?"
    "--was a freak!  And he was your brother!  You fool, I could have helped you!  Don't you see?"
    "SHUTUP!"
    "We have no choice!  We have to stop that man before he gives us freaks a bad name!"
    "I'm sure he'll give Gohan back if we ignore him."
    "Don't you get it!?  Now is the time for action!  I'll sing, I swear it!"
    "WHAAAA!!! RUUUUN!!!"
    The mutant Roshi was off in a hydroplane within a moment.  Everyone watched as he took kachi in three
dog-fights.  With his Red Baron's cap, he took out three Golden Retrievers.
    "Okay, look, Piccollo...No need to resort to violence.  Let's work this out.  I'll help you defeat the goofy
guy without pants, and you don't sing, okay?"
    "Fine!"
    "Fine!"
    "FINE!"
    "He's green!  HELP!"
    Gokuu related to his mammalian side.  "Oh, and why did you fall in from a spiral of Pocky?


    The readers are, and they ARE, hoping that Evil Gohan does not remove the bandanna masking his eyes.
He was tied up in a space pod that would offer no resistance to his evil power, and he would be angry if he saw
Radittsu collection of Saiyaman action figures.  The hope is not that Evil Gohan won't become angry, but that he
won't escape at a certain, precise time.  Doing so results in something far more horrible than even Radittsu outfit...
    Gokuu and Piccolo hurried through the skies.  Time was of the essence,  and if not for a stoplight they
could have avoided a horrible, horrible incident.  They waited for what seemed like minutes.  Minutes and socks.
Then, out of the corner of his eye, Gokuu caught a glimpse of Picollo staring in a peculiar way at him.  He was
furrowing his brow, and quite large and green it was, along with smiling in a challenging sort of way.  There was a
sound like an engine revving.
    Yellow Cloud hummed loudly as well.  When the light turned green, they were off, coming around the
clubhouse turn and into the stretch!  Picollo kept trying to slam Gokuu into the railing, but the detailed (get it?
De-tailed?) Saiyajin pulled ahead.  The little fake bunny no match for the speed of a freak.
    Slow motion took over as Gokuu tore through the ribbon.  The crowd went wild!  Gokuu had won the
championship!
    The End.
    Like  hell.  The fun is just beginning.  It was large outside, and many flew around.  The clouds gathered
for rebellion, and Radittsu sported a large, black, helmet apparatus.  He stood, ice cream and motionless as Gokuu
sailed in on his Fluffy Yellow Cloud.
    "Give me back my son, you frea--"
    He stopped in mid-sentence.  Picollo, who'd stopped to make a phone call, bumped into him and caused a
large and discerning strain of sea dysentary.  He made the phone call London, by the way.  London, Japan.
    The moat surrounded them, and suddenly an arrow pierced through Gokuu's leg.
    "Noooo!  Avenge me, Antonio!"
    "Screw you," Picollo replied.
    "I only said it because he was wearing that ridiculous looftoof of a helmet!" Gokuu whined.
    "Shutup!  Both of you!  I've prepared this little script...Shall we begin?  Ahem...Gokuu (heavy
breathing)...I am your father!  Join me, and together we can...OH, SHIT!!!"
    Picollo lifted the stick to strike again, but Radittsu was too fast.  He leapt into the attack and whipped his
hair into the green face.
    Gokuu gasped.  Such a powerful attack!  How could they defeat him?  And where had that Darth Vader
helmet gone?
    Piccolo lifted himself up.  Gokuu hopscotched to his aid.  She informed him of Piccolo's need for
assistance and, finding the Namekian eligible for such insurance, Gokuu was activated.
    "Gokuu...I never told you this before..."
    "What is it, Piccolo?"  Gokuu helped him to his feet, and Piccolo coughed greenly and leaned on his old
enemy, much to Gokuu's annoyance.
    "Well...I hate you."
    "WHAT?  You hated me all this time?  I never knew...That's it!  Even if it means risking my life, I'll
destroy this bastard!"
    Piccolo grabbed his arm as Gokuu tried to flee from the fight while he had the chance.  "Wait!" he
whispered, "I've got an attack that I've been preparing for just such a moment!  You saw how that stick hurt him,
right?"
    Gokuu scratched his scalpy-scalp and crossed his eyes.  "Yeah?  But how can we beat that much hair?  I
mean, REALLY?"
    "With trees!"
    Gokuu was silent.  Piccolo sighed.
    "Look, if a stick will hurt him a little, a tree will hurt a lot, right?"
    "Well..." Gokuu sketched a mountainside, "I guesso..."
    "Right!  When I say 'Go!', right?"
    Nod.
    "Go!"
    Gokuu didn't move.
    Piccolo stared in disbelief.  "I can't believe this!  What are you doing?"
    "You didn't say 'Five!'"
    The green on Piccolo somehow managed to turn red, despite its superior power.


    Evil Gohan's hour had at last come.  When he awoke and found strewn about
the space pod of the less evil Radittsu a collection of Saiyaman figures, his true power
was revealed to the outside world.  A ping-ping-ping sound indicated to Radittsu that
there was a great power.  He scoured, completely ignoring the arguing fighters before
him, for the source of this power.
    It was coming from the space pod!  But that was impossible!  It was only the
brat...The son of a low-class saiyajin!  It was baka na!  It was muy loco even to think it!
    "How can this be?" thought Radittsu.  "The only way I could imagine such power
is if some evil genius had created an evil clone of my brother's son in an attempt to kill
Kakarotto!  But that's just dumb!"
    A shout eminated from the crater, louder than the explosion from which emerged
an enraged Gohan, flying at a dead straight path towards the traitor to sanity that had
decided Saiyaman was a good idea.  There was only a brief gurgle from Radittsu on
impact, and he fell over just in time to see Gokuu and Picollo standing above him with
menacing smiles on their faces, each holding a great power in their hands; trees!

    The beating was devastating.
    There were tiny bits.
    Loud smacks of bark.  Bones began to crunch.
    Hair flew and armor cracked.  It was only this fact
    That led to the end of the beating, because
    For Gokuu
    And for Picollo
    There could be nothing, nothing
    Nothing worse than an even MORE naked
    Radittsu.

    *Here, if writing was proper, could be music, but music and writing can only fuse
powers in the form of stupid push-button children's books.  Sorry.*

    "Osu!  Oru Gokuu!  Look, my voice is kinda givin' on me, so bear with me
everyone...Next time on Cotton Ball Z:
    Gyaaaaaaaaaa!!!  There's Saiyajin even more powerful than Radittsu?  Evil
Gohan's getting fed up with pretending to be Gohan, and if he has to put up with Picollo
much longer, he may kill him!  Meanwhile, strange things happen with the real Gohan,
who is not as dead as we all thought.  See you next time!"

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