To reply, post publically or e-mail the author at
<Matthew.P.Katinas@rose-hulman.edu>
Enjoy!

The FFML Refugee List

Gary just reminded me that I hadn't posted this chapter here yet! So,
here it goes.

What's happened so far: A merchant in a strange cloak has been selling
marriage contracts to the residents of the Nerima District for food.
These contracts, signed in blood, have powerful magic to force the two
signers to marry each other. So far, Shampoo and Razor (the backwards
Amazon) have signed a contract, Ranma and Ukyo another, Akane and Ryoga
a third, and Hikaru Gosunkugi and Kodachi a fourth. As night falls, they
all give up trying to break their contracts and decide to get some
sleep...

Ranma 1/2 -- The Contract
Chapter 9: To Sleep, Perchance Together

    It had been a long and tiring day for the proprietor of Ucchan's
restaurant and her new assistant, and they were both looking forward to
relaxing now that they had finished closing shop. However, one more
obstacle remained before they could settle in for a well-deserved
night's sleep, which became apparent when Ranma and Ukyo made their way
up to the bedroom. "So, who gets the bed, and who sleeps on the floor?"
asked Ranma.
    "Well, actually..." admitted Ukyo, "I don't have any spare sheets."
    Ranma blinked. "What do we need spare sheets for?"
    "Well, you can't exactly sleep on the bare floor, can you?"
    "Oh, yeah." He stared at Ukyo's only bed. "So where am I supposed to
sleep?"
    "In the bed, genius! We're just going to have to share it."
    "Sh-share?" Ranma's face drained of color. "You mean sleep
together?"
    Ukyo crossed her arms. "Well, it's not as if we have a choice.
Besides, we don't have to 'sleep together.' We'll just both be sleeping
in the same bed."
    Ranma's eyes narrowed. "You don't seem very upset about it. If I
didn't know better, I'd think you wanted us to sleep together!"
    "Who do you think I am... Kodachi? I'm not that kind of girl! If I'd
known the contract would force us to sleep together..." She trailed off.
    "Go on," prodded Ranma. "Finish your sentence."
    Ukyo bit her tongue. "Forget it. We're doing this out of necessity,
and nothing's going to change that. So let's just get to sleep and worry
about the contract in the morning."
    Ranma sighed heavily as he removed his outer clothes. "I guess we
don't have a choice," he said at last. "There's no way we'd ever find
that contract tonight..."
    "If you don't want to sleep with me, then just say so," said Ukyo.
"I know how you feel about... well, me and Akane."
    "That's not it!" said Ranma quickly. "I mean, I'd rather not sleep
with you, but it's not because of Akane."
    "What's wrong with me, then?" demanded Ukyo.
    "You're awfully pushy," said Ranma. Ukyo shrieked her anger and
smacked him in the face, snapping her own head backwards. "What was that
for?" asked Ranma.
    Ukyo rubbed her aching cheek. "You said I was pushy!"
    "I meant you were being pushy TONIGHT," explained Ranma. "You're
asking a lot of questions that I really can't answer."
    "Oh." Ukyo considered this. "Yeah. I guess you probably wouldn't
feel comfortable about questions like that. I really put you on the
spot, didn't I? I deserved to get smacked."
    "No! You didn't!" said Ranma, putting his arm around Ukyo's
shoulders. "I said it totally the wrong way. If I'd thought about what I
was saying, I would have realized that it might hurt you."
    "But if I wasn't being so pushy, you never would have had to say
anything that would hurt me."
    "Let's just admit it. We both screwed up."
    "You're right," said Ukyo. "I'm sorry."
    "Me too." They stood there for several seconds, deep in thought,
until Ranma broke the silence. "It's weird, isn't it? We were just
arguing, and now we're getting along."
    "Yeah, it is. The sharp pain of your own slap kind of throws things
into perspective, doesn't it?"
    Ranma sighed. "I wish Akane and I could come to that kind of
understanding. Maybe that contract does something right."
    Ukyo echoed Ranma's sigh. "Akane again," she mumbled too softly for
Ranma to hear. "She always gets in the way, even when she's not here."
Slightly peeved, Ukyo pulled her shirt off over her head. Ranma quickly
turned away.
    "There's no need to be shy, Ranma honey," said Ukyo. "We're going to
be sharing my bed, you know. It's not like there's anything to be
ashamed of."
    "I know that," replied Ranma. "After everything that I've been
through, it doesn't seem like sleeping with a girl should be anything
out of the ordinary. But it still feels weird. At least it's just you."
    "And what's that supposed to mean?" asked Ukyo.
    "Well, we used to sleep together before I, uh, figured out that you
were a girl."
    "We were five years old! It's different at that age!"
    Ranma sighed again. "Geez, here I am trying to get used to the idea
and you have to go and screw it up!"
    Ukyo groaned. "Fine. I'll wear my pants to bed. Will that make you
any more comfortable?"
    "Thanks, Ucchan. You're a real pal."
    "That's all I am, isn't it?" asked Ukyo contemplatively as the two
of them climbed under the covers. "No matter what happens between us...
we'll never be anything more than friends."
    "Why are you so concerned about it?" asked Ranma. "Do you really
have something against being friends?" Ukyo squirmed uncomfortably at
his words. "We have such a great relationship already. Do we really have
to let romance destroy that?"
    Ukyo squirmed again. "I never thought of it that way." Her hand shot
under the covers and began to scratch at her legs. "Damn, these pants
get itchy in bed."
    "Could you stop moving around like that, Ucchan?" asked Ranma. "It's
hard to sleep."
    "I can't help it!" snapped Ukyo. "These pants are uncomfortable!"
    "Then put on a different pair!"
    "They're all made of the same material, Ranma. I never expected we'd
be sleeping together so soon, or I would have bought a nightgown or
something." The words were out of her mouth before she'd realized what
she was saying. Fortunately, Ranma was apparently too tired to interpret
the hidden meaning of her remark.
    "Why don't I just sleep on the floor?" he suggested. "That way you
won't need to wear them."
    "I couldn't ask you to do that!" said Ukyo, doing her best to mask
her disappointment. "I told you, I don't have any spare sheets or
blankets." The itching was getting worse - it was almost a burning
sensation now. "What if you were a girl?"
    "Would you be more comfortable that way, Ukyo?" asked Ranma.
    "No," she admitted.
    "Neither would I." There was a slight pause. "Go ahead. Take them
off."
    "Really? You're not embarrassed?"
    "Of course I am. But you're the one with the itchy pants."
    Ukyo gratefully slid her pants off and tossed them out from under
the blanket. Almost immediately, Ranma felt a tingling sensation on his
chest and back. He scratched it, feeling relief for only a split second
before the feeling came back, more painful than before. "What's wrong,
Ranma honey?" asked Ukyo.
    "My shirt... itches," said Ranma.
    "Then take it off. You're not going to get anywhere by scratching at
it all night."
    "But it only started itching when you took your pants off," said
Ranma. "I don't think this is a coincidence."
    "What do you mean?" asked Ukyo.
    "It's the contract again," said Ranma. "It's trying to make us take
all of our clothes off."
    "Then we can't! We've got to fight it!"
    "Easy for you to say... I'm the one who's itching now!" He threw the
covers off and swung his legs off the side of the bed. "I don't care if
I have to sleep on the bare floor!" Instantly, his stomach turned,
forcing him back onto the bed. "I can't do it... I can't even get out of
the bed!"
    "We'll just have to get out of bed together," said Ukyo.
    "That's not going to help us... we'll end up in the same place when
we try to get to sleep. We can't get far enough from each other to be in
different beds, even if we had another bed to use." He arched his back,
trying to reach that nagging spot that always seems to migrate away from
any fingernails intent on scratching it.
    "Just take off your shirt, Ranma honey," urged Ukyo. "It's okay,
really."
    Ranma nearly tore the shirt in two in his haste to remove it. As
soon as it was off, Ukyo gasped in pain and began to pull at the bandage
around her chest. "Let me guess," said Ranma. "Itchy again?"
    "It hurts!" cried Ukyo. "It's... really sensitive there, you know?"
    "That's it," said Ranma. "I'm putting my shirt back on."
    As Ranma sat up to don his shirt, Ukyo looked up at his back and
gasped again. "Ranma, don't!"
    "Look, I told you, I'm not going to go along with it!"
    "But your back! It's all red and irritated! If you put your shirt
back on..."
    "It's a risk I'm willing to take," said Ranma, clenching his fists
as his hands began to burn. He held the shirt in one hand and examined
the other palm. The skin was worse than just irritated; it had been
eaten away. Small beads of blood formed at the center of the irritation.
As he stared at his palm, a tiny droplet of clear liquid fell from the
shirt and landed on the bed, leaving a smoking hole in the sheet. Ranma
quickly threw the shirt away and pulled off his boxer shorts.
    "Ranma honey?"
    "Get your clothes off quick!" ordered Ranma. "They're oozing acid!"
    Ukyo hastily unwound her bandage and threw it toward her pants, and
her panties followed quickly. Once her last garment had been shed, she
turned back to Ranma. His eyes were traveling up and down the length of
her naked body. She felt blood rushing to her face and quickly covered
herself with the sheet. "I was just checking to make sure you weren't
seriously burned," said Ranma. As an afterthought, he slid the sheet up
to cover himself as well.
    Ukyo sighed her relief. "Well, that's over with, at least. So... now
to get some sleep."
    "We'll sleep back to back," said Ranma. "I don't care what else the
contract tries to do to us, we're not doing anything else in this bed or
any other bed. Right?"
    "Right," agreed Ukyo. She turned away from Ranma, and he followed
suit. The bed was so small that they had to press their backs together,
but the welcome pressure of Ranma's muscular back against hers made
Ukyo's stress fade away as she let herself drift off to sleep.
*************************************************
    Shampoo unlocked the door of the motel room and let herself in.
Razor followed close behind. "Man at desk not very polite," grumbled
Shampoo.
    "About that in rooms allowed being not weapons right being he,"
Razor pointed out.
    "But is important you keep curse-breaking knife!" replied Shampoo.
    "Worrying not should we," said Razor. "In a few days for walking
able being will he." He quickly closed the door behind himself. "That
for us searching here will no one sure being you?"
    "Of course! Nobody think we in ordinary place like motel!"
    "Very sneaky being Cologne," warned Razor. "Us for finding many ways
having she."
    "No worry so much," said Shampoo. She raised her hands to her collar
and unbuttoned the top of her shirt. Razor, momentarily forgetting
himself, tried to turn away; so he was still intently watching Shampoo
as she reached into her shirt and pulled out a thin chain that was
attached to a diamond-shaped stone with a jeweled circle set in its
center. "This one is powerful charm," explained Shampoo. "It hide us
from prying magic."
    "That this taking did you knowing Cologne?" asked Razor, staring
closely at the pendant.
    "She find out soon, if she try to find us with magic," replied
Shampoo.
    "Why this charm having you, anyway?" asked Razor. "With me for
running away planning did you?"
    Shampoo shrugged. "Is always good to be prepared."
    Razor breathed in heavily. "For what prepared being you?" he asked,
not directing the question at Shampoo. She cocked her head to the side
and stared at him, but he merely pulled the sheets off of one of the
beds and turned the mattress over so that the wooden base to which it
was attached was on top. He laid a handful of knives on the wood, then
laid on top of them and covered himself with the sheets. "Good night,
Shampoo."
    The board sank slightly under Shampoo's weight as she climbed onto
the mattress next to Razor, and he felt her body heat as she slipped
under the sheets. "In the other bed for sleeping you intending did I,"
said Razor.
    "Shampoo want be with you," Shampoo replied softly. She wrapped her
arm lightly around Razor's waist.
    "On knives sleeping must I!" said Razor. "Dangerous being in this
bed sleeping you!"
    "I no care about danger when I with you," said Shampoo. "Even if I
have to cut off own hand to be with you..."
    "No!" shouted Razor, more forcefully than he had intended. "In other
bed sleeping will you!" He turned over and pushed Shampoo away from
himself - or rather, tried to pull her toward himself, so that his hands
would push her away - but Shampoo refused to move. Her breathing grew
slow and deep.
    "Oh, Razor," Shampoo moaned in pleasure. "You make Shampoo so happy.
I knew you wanted to be with me!" Razor's eyes popped open as he
suddenly realized where his hands were. This only made his situation
even worse, as he saw that Shampoo had removed all of her clothing
before joining him in the bed. He quickly tried to pull his hands away
from her chest, but this resulted in a tender squeeze. "Oh, you so
good!" breathed Shampoo, craning her head forward to kiss him full in
the lips.
    Razor finally managed to break the kiss and turn away from Shampoo.
"Right being not this!"
    "What wrong, Razor?" asked Shampoo. "Is I no good enough for you?"
    Razor shook his head. "The reason being not that." He grabbed a
knife and idly scratched his chest, which was beginning to itch. "The
real reason knowing you."
    "Amazon law no can beat blood contract," said Shampoo.
    "The problem being not Amazon law!" Razor grabbed another knife and
began to work on his back. "That you hurting will I afraid being I!"
    "No be afraid, Razor," Shampoo assured him. "I no will let you hurt
me. You no have to be afraid."
    "For you of burden too much being that." The itching was spreading
now, far faster than he could scratch; and the scratching wasn't helping
at all. The painful sensation in his arms made one of his hands slip,
plunging the knife through the back of his robe and into his back.
    Shampoo sucked in air sharply through her teeth as blood oozed out
of the hole in the robe. "Razor! What you doing? Is you crazy?"
    Razor groaned in pain. "Itching... hurting! Too much being it!" He
slit the robe with his knives and tore it off. "This fabric... with it
wrong being what?"
    Shampoo fought through her shock to find her voice. "Razor..."
    "Of me your hands keeping off must you!" snapped Razor. "Of itching
because my robe taking off did I!"
    Shampoo shrank away from Razor. "Why you so angry? I no did touch
you."
    "Me for touching not you telling did I because being that," said
Razor. "With Ranma first, with me now. So grabby always being you. That
stopping now must you."
    Shampoo sighed. "I understand, airen. You want Shampoo be
submissive."
    "The point being not that! Nothing understanding can you?"
    "Shampoo understand. Razor can do what want. Shampoo will be
dutiful, honorable wife."
    Razor groaned. "Every time my situation improving trying I, worse
becoming it." He covered his face with his hands. "Backwards being
hating really I."
    "Sleep now, airen," whispered Shampoo. "Tomorrow, Shampoo be
honorable fiancee."
    "This doubting I," Razor whispered to himself. Despite his doubts,
he fell asleep quickly.
*************************************************
    Ryoga rolled over in the bed to avoid Akane's arm as she stretched
it out violently, clipping his ear despite his attempt to dodge. It was
always a good feeling to be close to the girl he loved; even if he had
to be a pig to do it, and she was more dangerous in her sleep than the
entire Amazon tribe awake. Even the power of the contract seemed unable
to save Ryoga; while Akane slept, her flailing fists and feet hurt him
just as much as they had on every other night. There was something
almost relieving about that pain, though... as if it was a symbol of a
part of their life that the contract couldn't touch.
    Still, something felt different about this time. Perhaps it was the
fact that Akane's thrashing had already caused her to shed all of her
clothes; it was the first time she'd ever done such a thing, and Ryoga
was already fighting back a massive nosebleed. Or perhaps it was the
nagging knowledge that a single sheet of paper with a pair of bloody
names on it was forcing their sleeping arrangement - and the additional
knowledge that, were Akane to realize that fact, she would be yet
another step closer to figuring out the true identity of her pet pig...
and there was no telling how many more blatant clues she'd be able to
overlook before the truth finally sank in. Ryoga had the feeling he was
treading on thin ice as it was...
    "Ranma..." Akane moaned softly. Her leg kicked out, nearly knocking
Ryoga off of the bed. He bit into the mattress and clawed his way back
onto the bed. But his heavy heart weighed him down. She was dreaming
about Ranma, all right. But what kind of dream was it? It couldn't be a
happy dream. Nobody thrashed this much while having a happy dream. Did
they? It had to be a nightmare!
    'Ranma,' Ryoga thought to himself. 'You're giving Akane nightmares!
You don't deserve her! You don't deserve to live! Just wait until I
wring your neck for -' A stream of hot water poured onto him from above.
Ryoga's terrified squeal continued right through the transformation. He
gazed up past the teakettle to see who was holding it. "Nabiki?! What
are you doing here?"
    Nabiki turned her head away. "Get under the covers, Ryoga. Then
we'll talk."
    "B-But Akane's... and I'm..."
    "I think I can trust you to keep your hands off of her while I'm
here. But I refuse to have to stare at your naked body in the meantime."
    "You could have brought my clothes up with you," Ryoga pointed out.
    "Just cover up, before I have to wake Akane."
    Ryoga quickly pulled the covers over himself. "All right. I'm
covered. What's this all about, anyway?"
    "What do you think it's about, Ryoga?" asked Nabiki, as she swung
the teakettle back and forth by its handle. "You still haven't told
Akane that you're P-chan."
    "How did you know about it?" asked Ryoga.
    "I've always suspected something wasn't right about that pig, and
the bandana really gave it away. Of course, it was when you changed
right in front of me during the Ultimate Darkness demon incident that I
was one hundred percent sure. But I've always been unusually observant.
Akane... tends to overlook certain details if they don't match her
expectations."
    "What does that have to do with me?" asked Ryoga.
    "How long do you honestly think you can keep her in the dark? My
sister's pretty naive, but she's not stupid. When she realizes that
being away from P-chan has the same effect as being away from Ryoga,
she's going to get the idea. The Mark of the Gods wasn't enough of a
clue, but that never made her sick to her stomach. This is going to be a
little too much for her to ignore."
    "You really think so?"
    "I know my sister pretty well, Ryoga. I've only known her for her
entire life."
    Ryoga bowed his head in defeat. "So, what can I do? I can't exactly
pack up and run away, like I usually do. And I can't get rid of the
curse just like that."
    "Tell her the truth, Ryoga. Tell her about your curse. It'll hurt
less than if she finds out for herself."
    "I can't do that!" Ryoga shouted. Quickly lowering his voice, he
added, "Akane would kill me!"
    "If you don't, I'LL kill you," said Nabiki. "And I'll make it a lot
more painful."
    Ryoga swallowed hard. "I guess I can't argue with that."
    "Good. I'll just wake her up, then, so you can tell her."
    Ryoga grabbed Nabiki's arm. "Don't do that! She'll be extra mad if
she wakes up in the middle of the night!"
    Nabiki shrugged. "I guess you have a point. In that case, maybe
you'd better wait until morning."
    Ryoga heaved a sigh of relief. "Yeah. I'll tell her in the morning."
    "I'll be watching, Ryoga. Sweet dreams." She blew him a kiss and
stepped around the bed, toward the door. "Good luck finding some cold
water."
    "What?!" Ryoga leapt out of the bed - or tried to, at any rate. His
stomach lurched before his feet could even hit the ground, and he
scrambled back under the covers. "Nabiki!" he pleaded. "You can't leave
me like this! When Akane wakes up, she'll see me as me!"
    "No better time to tell her the truth, right? Oh, and by the way; if
you so much as touch her, she's not the only one who will make you
regret it." She slipped out of the bedroom and closed the door.
    "Nabiki!" shouted Ryoga. "At least bring my -" Akane's fist shot
out, punching Ryoga in the head. He fell instantly unconscious.
    "Take that, Ranma," murmured Akane as she rolled over, kicking Ryoga
in the shin.
*************************************************
    "For a string bean, you're pretty heavy," groaned Kodachi as she
dragged Hikaru across the threshold of the Kuno mansion. "Perhaps I'll
make you a meal for Mr. Green Turtle once I've destroyed that infernal
contract."
    Kodachi's father swooped down on her in the middle of the foyer.
"What is dis? Ya bring home dis strange fella? He done fell asleep
befoah he even got heah! And to tink we ain't evah been introduced! Ya
got some 'splainin' ta do, young wahini!"
    "I don't think so, father," said Kodachi. "This young man is none of
your business."
    "Who's da Big Kahuna of de Kuno tribe, Kodachi? Ah'm believin' it's
me!"
    "Shut up, father," said Kodachi, pushing a button on the wall. A
mallet swung from the wall and smacked Principal Kuno in the face.
    "Well done, sister," Tatewaki congratulated her from the top of the
stairs. "But you seem to have interesting company tonight. Hikaru
Gosunkugi? What attraction could he possibly offer you?"
    "I did not bring him here by choice," Kodachi informed him. "This
oaf signed his name to a contract that prevents us from separating."
    "A contract? How strange. Akane Tendo wanted me to sign a marriage
contract earlier today. Unfortunately, every rogue in the city seemed
determined to prevent our marriage, but I fought valiantly against the
encroaching hordes, my bokken slitting throats left and right until -"
    "Don't exaggerate, brother dear. You lost most pathetically, did you
not?"
    "How did you know that, Mistress Kodachi?" asked Sasuke's voice from
right beside Tatewaki.
    A sharp kick from the Kuno brother sent the ninja rolling down the
stairs. "Hold your tongue, Sasuke! As it happens, I consented to let
that hapless lost boy sign the contract, knowing that as soon as Akane
sees him for the dog he is, she will come running back to my arms,
crushing him in defeat!"
    Hikaru groaned. "Did anyone get the number of that brick?"
    "Speaking of crushing..." Kodachi kicked Hikaru in the head. She
reeled from the impact. "Ugh. I forgot. Any injury that I try to deal
him is inflicted upon me."
    "Am I late for school?" Hikaru asked groggily.
    "Keiki got too much hair," mumbled Principal Kuno. "I give it de
buzzcut..."
    Hikaru screamed. "Principal Kuno! What are you doing in my house?"
His eyes darted from side to side. "This isn't my house!"
    "How astute of you, Gosunkugi," said Tatewaki.
    Hikaru's eyes bulged.
"K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-KUNO!"
    "You will address me as Upperclassman K-K-K-K-K-K-K-Kuno, knave."
    "Don't bother with him, brother dear. We've got a contract to find."
    "Kodachi, please..." moaned Hikaru.
    "What do you want, string bean?" demanded Kodachi.
    "I need to use the restroom."
    Kodachi sighed. "It's right at the top of the stairs. Hurry up."
    Hikaru stood up and took a step toward the stairs, then turned back.
"Kodachi... you have to come with me."
    "How dare you make such a demand of my sister, you fiend!" shouted
Kuno. "You will not exercise your perversions on her!"
    Kodachi snapped her ribbon, wrapping it around Tatewaki's head.
"Shut up."
    "Vmml fmmnd, rmmlmmse mmm..."
    Kodachi gave the ribbon a sharp tug, pulling her brother over the
banister to fall the ten feet to the hard tile floor headfirst. "I said
shut up. I can handle my own problems."
    "You appear to have a lot of family issues," said Hikaru.
    "They'll be your family as well, if we don't break that contract
soon," said Kodachi.
    "You don't need to remind me," said Hikaru as he carefully stepped
over Sasuke. Kodachi followed, stepping right on top of the fallen ninja
as she passed.
    Hikaru paused outside the bathroom door. "I don't think you'll need
to come in with me," he said.
    "I wasn't planning on it." Kodachi slid the door closed between
herself and Hikaru and sat down to wait for him. "What a predicament!
Unable to separate by more than a few feet from a man that even Sasuke
could defeat in a fight! He's not helping at all with the search for the
contract, especially with such time-wasting diversions as this!"
    The toilet flushed, and the door opened. Kodachi stood up and turned
to face Hikaru. "It's about time -" she began. Hikaru raised his hand
and blew the powder from his palm into her face, silencing her. Kodachi
swooned and collapsed.
    "I know what they say about going through other people's medicine
cabinets," said Hikaru as he bent down to grab Kodachi's arm, "but in
this case I think it was well worth the risk." He began to drag Kodachi
toward the stairs. "Now... it's time to search for the contract, MY
way."
*************************************************
    Mousse awoke in the early hours of the morning, awakened by a noise
that was only barely detectable even to the acute hearing that had grown
from years of near-blindness. Before he could dismiss it as unimportant,
he heard it again. There was someone in the kitchen, all right. And they
probably weren't there with Dinah.
    Mousse slipped out of bed and tiptoed to the bedroom door, opening
it slowly to prevent the door from creaking. He carefully avoided the
squeaky floorboard as he crept down the upstairs hallway toward the
staircase. He lightly took one step too far and tumbled head over heels
down the stairs, landing in a heap at the foot of the staircase.
    "Keep the noise down, you clumsy oaf," Cologne admonished him from
the kitchen. "I've already got a headache from trying to find Shampoo."
    "Shampoo? Did you find her?" asked Mousse.
    "No. Something is preventing my scrying magic from locating her. I
suspect that Shampoo stole the Zhebi Necklace that is missing from my
collection of amulets."
    "Do you want me to go look for her?" asked Mousse.
    "That won't be necessary," said Cologne. "I don't need to find her
anymore."
    Mousse picked himself up and stepped into the kitchen. Cologne was
balancing on her staff, stirring a pot on the stove. "What are you
cooking for, great-grandmother?" he asked. "The restaurant's closed for
the night. We're not going to have any more customers."
    "This isn't for eating," replied Cologne. "This rice is for the
merchant."
    "The merchant? You mean that guy selling the marriage contracts?"
    "Exactly. I must attract the attention of the merchant, and the only
way that I know of to do that is to prepare some food."
    "Do you really think he'll try to sell a contract to you?" asked
Mousse.
    Cologne glared at him. "Is that supposed to mean something?"
    Mousse quickly put the table between himself and Cologne. "Not at
all!" he said innocently. Cologne returned to stirring her rice. "I
think he probably would try to sell you a contract," he said under his
breath. "It's the only way you'll ever get anyone to marry you." Cologne
swung her staff around in a circle, throwing Mousse through the door and
into the street.
    "Nice shot," complimented the cloaked man in the corner.
    Cologne whirled on him, shocked. "When did you get here?"
    "I'm wherever I need to be," replied the man. "Now, let's get down
to business."
    "I have business to discuss with you, all right," said Cologne. "But
I'm not interested in purchasing a contract from you." She quickly
picked up the pot and dumped its contents into the sink.
    "Then why did you call me here?" asked the merchant.
    "I want to see Shampoo's contract," said Cologne.
    "You want to see Shampoo's contract?" repeated the merchant,
sounding quite amused.
    "That's what I said," replied Cologne firmly. "It has to exist in
physical form in order to have any binding power; and if you fail to
show it to me, I can declare it legally null and void."
    The merchant gave an impressed whistle. "You certainly know your
lore."
    "I haven't lived three hundred years in ignorance," said Cologne.
    "Certainly not," agreed the merchant. He reached into his robe and
pulled out a sheet of paper with two signatures printed in blood on its
surface.
    Cologne squinted at the contract. "I can hardly read it from this
distance. My eyes aren't what they used to be."
    "Then perhaps you should move closer," said the merchant.
    Cologne edged her way forward, staring intently at the paper the
entire time. "Yes, this makes it much better. I can almost make out the
words from here..." Her hand darted out and snatched the contract before
the merchant could react. She quickly leapt backwards out of his reach.
    The merchant smiled. "You ARE good."
    "I'm glad you appreciate my skills," said Cologne. "Now to end this
farcical marriage!" She grabbed the contract in both hands and pulled at
it to tear it in half. The paper, however, remained whole.
    "You can't destroy that paper," said the merchant.
    "I will not give up!" insisted Cologne. She flicked the tip of her
staff, and it burst into flame. "Shampoo will not marry a cripple!" She
held the contract in the flames. The flames licked at the paper, but
didn't catch.
    "I told you, you can't destroy it," repeated the merchant. "You
can't tear it, burn it, shred it, spill ink on it, erase it, or banish
it to another dimension. In short, you can do nothing that would
invalidate the contract. So, -" Although he didn't even appear to move,
the contract was gone from Cologne's hand and in the merchant's before
she realized it. "- if you have nothing further to discuss... I have a
few ceremonies to conduct tonight."
    Cologne had to struggle to find her voice. "What are you? What do
you want?"
    "I am the merchant of bliss," replied the merchant with a bow. "And
at the moment, all I want is to be left to my business." He collected
his cloak around himself and casually swept his way out the door.
    Cologne beat out the fire on the end of her staff and darted out the
door. The only living thing in the street was Mousse, lying in a pile of
garbage. "Did you see which way he went?" she asked.
    Mousse sat up and pulled the obligatory banana peel from his hair.
"I saw something... I think it was a UFO. It had pretty glowing lights
and aliens inside it..." He collapsed.
    Cologne sighed. "I should have known better than to ask Mousse a
question starting with 'Did you see...'" She pounded her staff on the
ground in frustration. "How could I have let him escape? Am I finally
beginning to lose my wits with age?"
    "That already happened a long time -" Cologne silenced Mousse with a
staff to the face.
    "I am going to have to search for Shampoo after all," said Cologne.
"She must be warned. Her life is in danger... and it may already be too
late to save her soul."

------------------------------------------------------

REESE: Okay, we've got to think of a really dirty nickname for that girl
who's been bugging you and spread it around school... what was her name
again?
DEWEY: Regina Tucker.
REESE: (pause) We'll think of something.

FORCHE: Hey! Far out!
NIGHTCRAWLER: I swear, that homey's lingo is so whack!

ZETA: It's a 20th century illumination-providing device known as a light
bulb. Apparently, it caused a great deal of trouble near the end of the
century.
RO: Why is that?
ZETA: Nobody could agree on how many people it took to change one.

My webpage: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
                     desaix@sysnet.net
Sir Desaix, member # 116 of the Knights of the True Fiancee
              anime  fanfics available at
  http://www.geocities.com/zednik.geo/fanfics.htm

	     .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'