Cold Water Date

 By Robert Haynie

 A Virus Story

 (The Virus scenario was created by Chris Jones.  Virtually no-one
else was, though.  As always, in any Virus tale, there are too many
disclaimers to count.)

 ####

 (i'm NOT a pervert i'm not i'm not)

 Akane Tendo kept that mantra in her head almost constantly of
late.  Three months ago the face of almost all of humanity had
changed with the spread of the Nerima Virus, which had in effect
created a race of aquatransexuals.  

 This mantra was caused by the peculiar fact that she was-- when
not a she-- beginning to notice Ranma when he wasn't a he.  

 Oh, she'd come to terms with the curse before that-- but she'd
certainly never been ATTRACTED to Ranma's female form.  But now, if
hit with cold water, he WAS noticing her... the way her pigtail waved
in the breeze, the gentle but confident swing of her hips, the subtle
jiggling of her--

 Arrrgh.  

 (NOT a pervert!  NOT!  NOT!  NOT!)

 It would be to her later astonishment that this was, in fact, the
case.  Altered, changed, and restructured she might be-- as was at
latest estimate over 99 percent of the Human population-- but indeed,
she was not a pervert.

 No more than any other healthy young man, anyway.

 ####

 Doctor Tofu Ono was chatting with perhaps the only person who he
COULD sanely chat with about the world-wide metamorphosis, one
Professor Washuu Hakubi.  Considering that said professor looked like
a barely adolescent girl, was in fact over twenty thousand years old,
and was an alien, that said something.  WHAT it said, he had no
idea-- but it certainly said something.

 (This was not, by the way, as yet common knowledge, but after the
incident at Washuu's lab, he sort of figured out the basics.  Since
the formentioned lab and estate on which the lab rested could at
times make Nerima seem positively sedate, they usually met at Tofu's
offices.) 

 "Pheromones, you say?" Tofu commented, idly.

 "Oh, yes.  It's fascinating how the genetic changes are acting.
We know that preadolescents are infected-- they just don't change
until the onset of adolescence.  We know that it's become an integral
part of the Terran physiology at present-- and we do know about what
I like to call the Opposite Sex No Matter What It Looks Like Effect."

 Tofu refilled the tea-cups.  "Descriptive, at least.  And how
does that work again?"

 "There are, apparently, subtle differences between the pheromones
of a -- to use a popular phrase-- 'Cold Water Girl' and a REAL girl.
Also body language and the like reinforces it, but mainly it's the
pheromones.  The same is true of the male forms, also.  Most seem to
be able to target this instinctively.  It's not an absolute--
attraction can occur in any case, given certain circumstances-- but
people DO tend to gravitate still to the opposing birth gender."  

 Washuu sipped her tea.  "Of course, they are confused at first.
After all, say you're a girl, and now you're a guy, and WOW, that
chick looks HOT, and you're probably going half insane trying to
figure out WHY you're reacting that way-- not knowing that somewhere
deep inside-- on a crude instinctive level-- you KNOW that that's
really a boy and that's why you aren't flipping over the other hot
chick who IS a real chick."

 "Interesting way to phrase it," mused Tofu.

 "I got the description from young Moroboshi... although he's
actually one of those who could care less.  As long as the BODY is
female..."

 "We probably should get this out as soon as possible, so that
people will be more at ease." 

 Washuu nodded.  "We should.  But we shouldn't rush it either.
More research needs to be done, but the basic findings can be
released..."

 ####

 The news was carefully disseminated.  And, of course, it was more
or less as Professor Hakubi had said.  To most people's mind it was
generally a comfort to know that you had a 90 percent probability of
being attracted to someone with an opposing (or complementary,
depending on your level of tolerance with the opposite sex's latest
idiocy) natural gender.

 Not everyone paid attention, however.  

 One example was Akane Tendo, who had a deadlock (in her opinion)
on her femininity.  Oh, at times she felt small differences, but they
didn't mean anything.  At least they didn't mean anything until about
a month after the change when they started to mean something no
matter what Akane felt about the matter.  Perhaps there were,
possibly, just the tiniest bit, in a microscopic way, differences
after all.

 It really only began to hit Akane what the differences WERE when
they first went to the beach that summer, two months after the
change.

 A good amount of her growing frustration was the way her family
was dressed that first day at the beach.  She (or he at the moment)
had grown used to Ranma in female swimwear, and her definitely
attractive swimsuit wasn't anything new... in fact, he was fairly
used to the redhead in a maillot.  Although, for the first time he
was noticing that the redhead was in a maillot, and that the maillot
was very snug, and he could easily edit OUT the maillot in his mind
leaving Ranma sans maillot, and-- He shook his head, uncertain WHERE
these... thoughts were coming from.

 Regardless, he certainly was NOT used to his father wearing the
same thing, or Mr. Saotome in a standard boy-cut tankini, or Auntie
Saotome in a pair of rather loud Hawaiian print trunks, or Kasumi in
baggies, or Nabiki-- who after getting used to the whole damn thing,
and as ever not giving a damn, in blue speedos. 

 It didn't seem fair that EVERYONE seemed to be adjusting at times
better than HE did. 

 It seemed perverted, somehow, even though he knew intellectually
that no-one could wear bathing attire proper to their birth gender
nowadays.  Including himself.  The idea of going around without a top
was... disturbing.  Even though he knew that he had no need
whatsoever for a top at the moment.

 Thus, it wasn't so much the simple black and red shorts he was
wearing bothering him as the fact that he couldn't bring himself to
remove his Minky Momo T-shirt (a desperate but unconscious attempt to
reinforce his femininity).  Somehow not removing it made him look
stupid, but taking it off made him feel exposed and... indecent. 

 "Thought you wanted to swim-- or learn how, Akane," Ranma said,
tapping her foot.  "Drop the T and come ON, you can float boy-type
you know."

 "um...In a little bit, Ranma."

 "'Kay, see you in the water!"  Ranma started to jog towards the
surf, and try as he might, he couldn't keep from watching her long
legs pad against the sand, her after-section shift under the tight
spandex/lycra blend, her pigtail (so cute) waving gently behind
her...

 "Akane, are you all right?"

 "Um... sure, Kasumi, why?"

 "Oh, you just have a little nosebleed, that's all-- where are you
going?"

 It may have been a masculine body dashing towards the groups
cabins, but it was a fiercely burning feminine blush on his face.

 ####

 "Hmm... Washuu-Chan,"  (The alien genius, for reasons Tofu didn't
quite understand, tended to insist on that form of address except
when formally addressing the CDC and like bodies) "I can foresee, at
least in Japan, certain psychological problems that this can bring up
that may not be as relevant to much of the rest of the world."

 "Oh?  And this is great tea, Doctor."

 "Thank you.  Kasumi taught me... it's odd how much easier it is
to talk with her when female, although he makes me SLIGHTLY nervous,
but at least I know why now.  But many girls in Japan equate a normal
sexual interest from a boy with perversion-- in many ways we are a
rather repressed society.  I fear a LOT of our particular social
mores are going to go out the chute with the laundry." 

 Washuu paused, and picked up a folder.  "Case #12, Akane Tendo...
the one who was REALLY repressed and had such a negative opinion of
boys?"

 Tofu paused.  "DEAR GOD.  What this must be doing to HER... males
simply feel sexual arousal more easily than females at this age-- in
fact, from mere VISUAL stimulation, where the average female would
need both mental and physical affection to even BEGIN... and
considering her fiance's appearance when female... "

 "You think she might lose control?"

 "I think she might brain herself with a mallet."

 ####

 Ranma was one of the few who was VERY carefully reading the
various texts coming out from the American CDC and other agencies
dealing with the Nerima Virus.  Not that she understood the more
technical terms -- or for that matter, many of the less technical
terms -- but she was trying, with a handy dictionary.  Sheer bloody
minded determination, as often before, allowed her to figure it out
better than many professionals, if not in proper medical phraseology. 

 In a household where she was usually considered the most
ill-educated person (with the possible exception of her father) she
was the closest person to an expert on the Virus there.

 The "she" part was due to one of those annoying sets of
ridiculous coincidences that just seemed to dog her life.  The home
washing machine was broken.  A lost Youma had attempted to enchant
the local Laundromat to steal energy, and though the recently
variable Sailor Senshi had made a special visit from Juuban to defeat
the thing, the authorities had placed the joint off limits on the
grounds that possible danger could still exist.  (The Juuban
authorities were pointing out that the Nerima authorities were being
silly worrywarts.) 

 And due to a rather complex chain of events consisting of
Shampoo, Mousse, a really unhappy Pantyhose Taro (who was CONVINCED
that Ranma had triggered the Virus on PURPOSE to steal his powerful
curse form away from him), sixteen Furinkan students on a scavenger
hunt looking for dry noodles, and some girl Ranma had never SEEN
before in a three piece suit with a lady samurai and some chick
dressed like a leftover from a American gangster movie trying to
steal some artifact that belonged to Cologne, there was not a lot of
hot water IN Nerima, since the gas lines had been broken.

 Since predictably the lunacy had carried over to Kasumi's washing
line, damn near all of her clean clothes had been rendered far from
clean. 

  The whole thing had been totally stupid, insanely improbable,
preposterously coincidental... in other words, just another day in
the life of Ranma Saotome. 
  
 Anyhow, it would be a day at least until Ranma could get clean
clothes.  Clean MALE clothes, that was-- and there were none left. 

 Fortunately, from repeated past efforts by Nodoka to get "Ranko"
to be more feminine, and since Ranma, trained from an early age to
not throw anything away hadn't (You don't discard much when you live
on the road), she had at least some clean female clothes.  Not tons,
like a "real" girl did, but enough to make do. 
 
 She even had the proper underwear, which was, if not what she
cared to wear, needful, since she didn't even have any clean boxers.
(If only they hadn't been lacy and blue satin... and so damn scanty.
Whatever went through Nodoka's mind during those shopping trips was
still a mystery to her.)  Add a matching bra, since a support T would
have looked funny under her present ensemble.  Which, she had come to
admit, didn't look half bad.

 Most boys-- no matter their present gender-- were DAMN uncertain
about female-styled clothing, normally.  But Ranma had had
experience... she didn't exactly like the stuff, but she could deal
with it.  Besides, she'd always been secretly proud that when she was
a girl she was a damn good looking girl, and could carry a miniskirt
and cammy-top off better than almost anyone else at Furinkan-- with
recently, the POSSIBLE exception of Kuno, and damn if SHE'D have the
nerve to wear one.  Ranma tended, when she HAD to dress up girly, to
do it RIGHT, with the weird ego/pride that was part and parcel of her
being.

 Anyhow, it WAS all that she had clean, except for that idiotic
white frilly thing she'd gotten when she'd been hit on the head more
than a year previous-- GAWD, she was beginning to remember that, and
it SUCKED-- and a sundress she really hated (Nodoka, unlike Ranma,
liked pink), so she lay on her stomach in said mini and cammy-top
reading a Dragonball reprint and wondering when Ryoga-chan was going
to pop up next.  Besides, the manly thing wasn't as important as it
had been.  Partly because the definition of manly was pretty damn
uncertain recently.  Look at Ryoga, for example...

 For reasons she couldn't explain at ALL, Ryoga, now free of the
pig, invariably popped by in female form.  Ranma had yet to get an
explanation as to why the most recent visit had been in a dress that
would make Asuza choke in it's innate kawaiiness.  All he'd been able
to get was that there'd been something about some insane woman in
Kyoto, a cabbit (whatever the hell a cabbit was) and an accident with
something called the Luna Pen.  Ranma didn't really want to know. 
 
 She sighed, remembering the fight that had resulted from her
laughter at Ryoga the Idol Singer.  That had been a good one.

 She wriggled a bit, getting a bit uncomfortable, not noticing
that her skirt hem had crawled up a few inches... not that she would
have quite cared if she had noticed.  She returned to the manga, it
was getting to the good part where Gohan and Cell were about to
really get it on, and...

 "Arrghkl."

 Ranma looked back, hitching herself on one hip, to see a boy-type
Akane backpedaling like a maniac, and for some weird reason holding
his nose.  She sniffed, but couldn't smell anything wrong.

 Then she noticed that Akane-kun seemed oddly... cute.  Not in the
way Akane-chan could be when she wasn't yelling like a maniac or
trying to feed her, but... different.  Something subtler, something
slightly disturbing, as though she shouldn't be thinking of-- 

 (Oh, I get it.  That's what the magazine is talking about...
that's why I been starting to think he's kinda cute-- 'cause I'm not
really a girl, and he's not really a guy.  That's okay then.)

 After all, that's what the article said.  Something about
pheromones-- whatever they were-- and body language, and stuff that
she didn't understand really, but which all said "It's okay if you
find yourself attracted to a guy if that guy's really a girl".  It
meant that nothing was really wrong after all, and she probably
wasn't about to start chasing REAL guys.

 Ranma, in other words, had a reasonably detailed idea of what the
hell was going on. 

 Akane had had no such advantage, and leaving the room, was
suffering through intense discomfort at his reaction to his first
genuine panty-shot... and a classic example it had been too.

 ####

 By now the reader will start to understand that some people were
accepting the new order, and others were not. 

 Akane was not particularly accepting.

 ####

 "This is SOO STUPID."

 "Man, I HATE these things."

 Hiroshi and Daisuke were complaining about that most peculiar
item of Japanese schoolwear, bloomers.  Bloomers are gym shorts made
of a cotton-polyester blend.  They are short-- cut more like panties
than shorts-- tight, and less than comfortable.  They were apparently
designed by a scholastic official who felt that since girls could be
so unreasonable about a boy's natural desire to peek at a girl's
panties, there would be a time when a socially acceptable equivalent
would be presented for public view.

 To most of the boys at Furinkan, bloomers had always been neat.
At least before they were the ones wearing them.  But for some
reason, the Education Ministry, in its infinite capacity to try to
keep tradition while trying to adapt-- and as usual, doing it in
entirely the wrong way, as far as the students were concerned, had
decided that male students were to take one gym class a week as
females, and vice versa.  Of course, proper uniforms were needful.

 Thus two female semi-hentais in tight red shorts.

 (Elsewhere, Akane and Yuka were also griping-- not about the
frankly more comfortable male-type shorts they were wearing, but
about the athletic supporters that had been required of them.
Sayuri, for some reason, merely thought of them as bras for the male
anatomy.)

 Ranma, who was again more used to the matter, was fairly relaxed. 
 
 "What's scary is how some of the girls look at me when I'm a girl
and they are guys,"  Hiroshi said.  "Especially at gym or swimming
class."

 "What scares ME is I don't mind so much," Daisuke replied.  "And
that I'll look at a cold-water guy and... feel kinda warm, and
funny..."

 "It's the furrymoons," explained Ranma.

 "The what?" another student asked.

 "I been reading about them.  There's these things called
furrymoons and they make you smell but you can't actually smell them
but it keeps ya knowing which is really a girl and which ain't."

 "Oh, pheromones.  Yeah... but it's still kind of disturbing..."  

 Daisuke sighed.  "And it doesn't change the fact that Sayuri-kun
is weirdly cute."
 
 "When you're a girl?"  inquired Hiroshi.

 "When I'm a girl.  I start to get kinda flustered when he... you
know... LOOKS at me."

 "Ranma, were you ever... noticing boys before?"

 Ranma snorted.  "As if.  And the only ones that I notice now are
cold water boys.  And I ain't noticing them, really.  I got enough
problems with them when they are girls."

 Hiroshi paused.  "Okay.  Say, Dai-chan, you still on for this
afternoon?"
 
 "I guess so."

 "What's up, guys?" asked Ranma curiously.

 "We're going to get our nails done."

 "You guys can be weird at times," the redhead noted.

 "Not all fancy or anything, just something that'll look good in
either shape," Hiro protested.

 "Besides, I know other guys who wear polish anyhow.  Gos does,
for example."  Daisuke paused.  "Of course, he's a she more often
than not these days, with all that black lace and stuff.  Couldn't
get a date with a girl for his life, but SHE seems to attract cold
water boys, sort of."

 "Well, for once people are remembering her," Ranma noted.  "I saw
Kichiko Furuhata buy her ice cream the other day.  Say, what's WITH
all that lace and fishnets and black anyhow?" Ranma asked.

 "It's called Goth, I think," Hiro said.  "Some fashion from
America. Hmm... You think that would be a good look for me?"

 "You're a blonde when girltype, it just wouldn't work." 

 "I repeat... you guys can be VERY weird at times," Ranma sighed.
Getting her nails done.  Ridiculous.  Besides, with her training and
control of chi her nails always looked just fine.

 ####
 
 Akane had never quite understood why boys found girls in bloomers
interesting.  As far as she-- and almost every other girl at school--
was concerned, they were uncomfortable, overly tight, and
unattractive.

 Akane had never looked at them from a male point of view before. 

 But watching Ranma and company playing a game of softball,  HE
was beginning to understand.

 The nature of the worldwide curse was such that it tended to be a
quality curse.  The alternate form, with few exceptions, tended to be
a superior example of the non-natal gender.  Even Hikaru Gosunkugi,
the least impressive male on campus, was (as mentioned before) oddly
attractive as a female.

 Ranma went beyond attractive.  And Akane was doing everything he
could to ignore it.

 It didn't help that Sayuri and Yuka were watching with her during
the short break.  And that unlike Akane, they were adapting... and
somewhat accepting, which Akane was NOT.

 "You know, the articles are right.  Hiroshi's kind of cute when
she's like that and I'm like this." 

 (Sayuri did not say that,) Akane told himself, trying to deny
what most of the planet was coming to terms with.

 "I think Daisuke's cuter.  She's got a nicer butt." 

 (Yuka did NOT say that.  She did NOT,) thought Akane, ignoring
with a mighty effort the fact that the term "she" was not applicable
to Yuka at the moment.

 "Maybe.  But Hiro beats her in the leg department."  Sayuri
shrugged.
 
 (I'm not listening.  La La La La La...) 

 "I always wondered why guys liked girl-watching.  Now I know.
And it's not fair, in a way...  we've got so much to catch up on."

 (Not hearing this.  Not at all.  Not even POSSIBLE!  LA LA LA LA
LA!)

 "Yeah.  Akane's got the cutest cold-water girl in school.  Say,
Akane, don't you have an opinion?  I'd think you'd stick up for
Ranma, being her fiancee and all... or do you think someone else is
cuter--"

 "I'M NOT A PERVERT!  I DON'T LOOK AT HER LIKE THAT!  I
DON--URGH!!!"

 Akane had not said that.  He'd SCREAMED that since he was
confused by the chat of his two best friends, his unfamiliar male
hormones again upsetting his mental balance, and most of all the fact
that a part of his mind that he had been trying VERY hard to ignore
had been fascinated with Ranma's after-section beneath her
form-fitting red shorts.
  
 The interrupted scream was due to what could best be described as
Deja Vu-- With A Vengeance.

 The unexpected cry had distracted Ranma for a moment, just as she
swung her bat.  For once, Furinkan's premiere athlete made a mistake,
clouting the ball into not her usual long fly and easy home run
(which was the norm, and which was why whatever team Ranma was
playing on had a five point handicap) but a nasty foul... 

 Right into Akane's face.

 "Oh, CRAP!"  The redhead dashed over, contrite.  "Damn!  You
okay, Akane?"

 "Ungh."

 "I would have thought you could have caught that, Akane.  I mean,
you're a martial artist too, right?" asked Yuka.

 "Ungh."

 "Are you all right, Akane-chan?" asked Sayuri, uncertainly. 

 "Ungh."

 Hiroshi stared, and murmured, "You know, this seems familiar." 

 "Same here, but I can't quite place from where," added Daisuke.

 "Ungh.  This should NOT have happened to me.  Not to ME." 

 Ranma sighed in relief.  "So, you're okay?"

 And Akane looked up, a bruise purpling on his face, and replied,
"I'm not okay.  But it's nothing to do with the ball."  He paused,
and then added, "Excuse me.  I have to go home before I go insane."

 Ranma stared at the retreating cold-water boy and wondered if it
wasn't already too late.

 ####

 Once upon a time, Akane had had a crush on one Doctor Tofu.  She
was over that now, but still, in anyone's mind, the first crush will
linger.

 It was therefore much to Akane's severe discomfort, as he entered
the clinic to get the bruise treated (and hopefully to get some hot
water) to see said Tofu in female mode and dress. 

 Tofu had discovered an unusual benefit to the curse.  When
treating female patients-- at least birth females-- she could put
them at ease for more intimate procedures by going female and
dressing the part.  Thus the modest knee length skirt and ribbon tie,
the low heels, and a pair of clip-on earrings, since she'd just been
treating old Ms. Haraki, who pretty much insisted on it.  (Haraki-san
was one of the few immunes.  She was also something of a crackpot.)

 Akane stared at an attractive older woman, and gulped.  "Hot
Water PLEASE," he gasped.

 Tofu nodded.  "I was wondering when you'd drop by, Akane.  Have a
seat.  I suspect I know what you want to discuss."

 "I... I don't want to discuss anything..."

 "Well, perhaps it's more what you NEED to discuss... how did you
get that bruise?  It looks oddly familiar..."

 "Arrrgh."

 "Oh, I see..."

 ####

 The concepts that were pounding through Akane's head were, at
best, shaking most of her convictions about how the world worked--
especially as it related to boys.  A long chat with Doctor Tofu had,
basically, upset almost her entire understanding of boys.  Especially
her reactions to being one.

 Boys looking at a girl was not perverted, but natural. 

 Boys interested in naked girls was not perverted, but natural.

 Boys having certain feelings and desires was not perverted but
natural.

 And her reactions to Ranma girl-type, when male, was also,
considering certain factors, natural.

 What WAS perverted was the way that most of the boys at school
had ACTED on those interests and drives... which bought up the all
time nastiest thought of all. 

 The LEAST perverted boy in school was Ranma Saotome.  He almost
never acted at ALL.  Hell, he tended to avoid acting.

 Which meant...

 Meant...

 DAMN, why couldn't she figure out what it MEANT?
 
 Ranma had one highly advanced technique that only properly worked
for males.   One that could, oddly, be performed by anyone, no matter
how untrained.  One that Akane Tendo indulged in after a fast glass
of water over the head.

 And, oddly, there WAS something cathartic about beating your head
against a handy wall...

 ####

 Kasumi happily carried the groceries home, male.  It was so much
easier to do it that way.  Besides, it hardly mattered to him...
somehow, as he always did, he made the best of a bad (or at least
strange) situation.

 He walked into the house, put them away except for what he was
about to cook, happily noting that he was taller and could reach the
high shelves so much easier.  Then he started to prepare dinner.

 Akane came in, and stared.  "Kasumi, why are you a boy right now?
And you're cooking awfully early, aren't you?"

 "Oh, yes, but it's a cold supper tonight.  I'm taking Doctor Tofu
out to dinner, you see."

 Akane nodded... recently they had started dating, of a sort,
and-- wait a minute.  "Um, you mean he's taking you out--" 

 "Oh, no.  It's a cold water date."

 "A what?"

 "Well, he's not as silly as he used to be, but he can get that
way.  But when I'm a boy and he's a girl she hardly gets silly at
all.  So, sometimes we cold water date.  It's becoming a fad, I
hear."

 "Um.  Okay.  And how does this work, exactly?"

 "Well, the cold water boy takes the cold water girl out.
Sometimes the cold water girl even dresses up, as does the boy.  It's
easier than you'd think, since there's usually more cold water around
than hot, so less accidents happen.  And you can date a bit more
often, because even if you DO have to buy new clothes, male clothes
are usually cheaper... and you sort of switch off on being the paying
person, so you can afford, I suppose, an extra date or two a month.
It's really great fun."

 Akane shook her head.  "You are kidding me.  You just have to
be."

 Kasumi cocked his head to one side, quizzically.  "Why would I do
that, Akane?"

 "Because, that's... that's..."  Akane wanted to scream it was
ridiculous, that it was insane, that it was... perverted...

 "Anyway, that's why I'm making a cold supper.  I'm sorry, but the
Nekohanten is closed for repairs, and Ukyo-san is visiting family, so
our usual take out isn't possible... but these recipies will taste
very nice even when cold.  Actually, especially so."  He merrily
began slivering carrots.  "And I hope the Doctor likes where I'm
taking her tonight... she's always liked sushi."

 Akane wasn't listening to her sister turned brother anymore.  Her
head hurt.

 Badly.  

 ####

 Ranma performed a simple kata-- well, simple for him, in the
dojo.  For Ranma, simple was something that would tie Bruce Lee in
knots.  Leaping, whirling, spinning, kicking, punching, and something
not quite describable with his elbow... that was simple.

 No, the fun (read difficult) part was that he was doing it while
balancing a glass of water on his head.  Now that everyone changed
sexes, he wasn't as disturbed any more... it no longer made him
different.  Now he was using his curse as an excercise, to see just
how long he COULD keep this mix of martial arts from hell and
acrobatics from hades up without becoming a girl.

 It had been three minutes so far--  a personal best.  This was
HARD.

 He was in heaven. 

 Now, twist and flip, double cross leap, axle left-- no, careful,
keep the head up-- toss the glass in the air with a snap of the neck,
and catch it at the base of the pigtail, and then... 

 From the door, Akane watched.  (He'll never ask me out.  He'll
never admit any feelings.  And why should he?  He's right.  I'm not
up there.  I don't qualify in his world.  I know he loves me... after
Jusendo, I KNOW it... but... he's as proud as... as...)

 (As I am.  Face it, I love him too, and I haven't said it either.
And no-one leaves us alone ever when it looks like we could talk, and
Kami-sama only KNOWS what would happen if he asked me on a date,
Kodachi and Shampoo and Ukyo and Kuno and someone from out of the
woodwork who we NEVER met before would all-- wait.)

 (If HE asked ME... but... what if...)

 It was an explosion of light in her brain.  It was as though the
true nature of the global change had FINALLY connected.

 And she smiled.

 ####

 It had been a good day.  Not once had he gotten bashed by Akane.
Not once had some loony attacked him for no reason (He preferred
attacks for a reason), and not once had he been turned into a-- 
 
 Splash.

 "Aw, what did you do THAT for-- urk."

 Akane was there... male, in one of the few male outfits he'd
picked up when no-one was sure that the Change would be reversible.
He was holding, of all things, a box of candy and a bunch of flowers.
Lilacs, Ranma thought.  And he looked insanely nervous.

 "What's going on, Akane?"  she asked, dripping, a bit confused,
and deep down certain SOMETHING INCREDIBLY WEIRD was about to happen.

 Akane's original plan was to march up, toss Ranma the flowers,
hand her the candy, and say, "You and me are going out, Friday.
Dress Nice."  Very cool, very commanding, just like he'd seen in a
movie once.

 Instead he began to feel intensely warm, very uncomfortable, and
highly aware of what he was trying to do.  (Kami-sama.  This won't
work.  Girl OR guy, Ranma's too macho, too, well, self... self
something, to...)

 "Um... you're, um, a very pretty girl, when you are one, and I
wanted to ask you out?  This Friday?  I mean, like, dinner and a
movie?"

 Akane groaned internally.  (DAMN.  I'm BLOWING this.  All of a
sudden I'm as flustered as... as... hell, a REAL boy!  But she's so
CUTE!  I accept that now, but...)

 Ranma stared.  "Let me get this straight.  You're asking me out
on a date?"

 "Um.  Er.  Yes."

 And to Akane's astonishment, Ranma smiled-- an almost, but not
quite feminine smile, and replied, "I'd love to go out with you,
Akane-kun."

 Akane fainted.

 ####

 The next day at school, lunch got a tiny bit strange.  Ranma,
male at the moment, had entered the now more-or-less unisex changing
rooms-- somehow, people in general had stopped caring, and peeping
was becoming a dead sport when all you needed to peep was a glass of
water and a mirror... and anyway, boys had stopped peeping mostly
because of a sense of newborn empathy.

 But when SHE came out in an honest to Kami girl's uniform, (which
were something of a dying breed-- and the rumor was that new unisex
uniforms started next term anyhow) a few eyebrows were raised.  

 Hiroshi and Daisuke were idly finishing lunch and wondering what
to do with the rest of the hour when Ranma dumped a bucket over their
heads.

 "COLD!"

 "What did you do THAT for?"

 "And... why are you dressed like that?"

 Ranma grabbed them both by the elbow, and dragged them off.
"Girl Talk."

 The two now females stared at Ranma in sheer confusion.

 After a bit, separeated from the rest to the school, they glared
at the crimson haired girl.  "Okay," Hiroshi gritted, "What do you
MEAN by Girl Talk?"

 "You ever heard of a cold water date?"  Ranma replied.

 Daisuke nodded.  "They are becoming popular.  I even bought a
dress and lingerie in case I got asked on one.  Why?"

 "Akane-KUN asked me out."

 Hiroshi and Daisuke stared in sheer disbelief.  "You're kidding." 

 "Nope."

 Hiroshi smiled.  "I guess this IS girl talk.  And it's a way
around your problems, I suppose-- Dai, what are you doing?"

 Daisuke had her hands under her chin in loose fists, her eyes
sparkling, and a totally dreamy expression on her face.  "Ooooooooh,
you are SOOOOO LUCKY, Ranma-chan!  The CUTEST cold water boy in
school and he asks you out!  I'm so jealous!"

 Hiroshi sighed.  "Don't pay any attention to her.  Recently when
girl she's been going full scale kawaiiko.  I think it's affected her
mind more than the usual."

 Ranma stared at Daisuke, who was at the moment-- except for her
boy's uniform-- looking as though she had fallen out of a shojo
anime.  "You may be right.  Anyhow, I was sort of wondering... Um...
you remember those clip-on earrings your mom bought for you during
the early days of the Virus?"

 Hiroshi nodded, trying fervently to ignore the now silent but
VERY dreamy looking Daisuke.  "Yeah.  Why?"

 "You still have them?  'Cause I'd like to borrow them."

 "Sure.  Um... if I can borrow that green miniskirt of yours."

 "Huh?"

 "Well, Yuka and I are going out cold-water style Saturday
ourselves, and I want to look good.  And you KNOW how frumpy the few
girl clothes that Mom got me are..."

 Ranma began to snicker.  "Yeah.  Make you look like Kasumi."

 "And looking like Kasumi isn't exactly conducive to dating, you
know.  Well, dressing like her anyway.  I'm... well, hell, I'm hoping
for a goodnight kiss.  So, I'd like to--"

 "Not a problem.  You know, something just occurred to me."

 "What?" Hiroshi asked, quizzically.

 "If anyone had told me I'd be having this conversation three
months ago, I'd have knocked his block off."

 "If anyone had told me the same, I'd have helped."

 Daisuke just smiled, almost lost in romantic dreams of being
cradled in Akane's strong arms.  Some people adapted TOO much, it
seemed.

 ####

 Boxers.

 Akane had never worn them before.  He had been sticking to
panties-- the new fabrics that were coming out of the R&D labs of a
company called "Jurai Enterprises" were very flexible and stretchy
and most of all soft and NOT binding, and so the probable discomfort
innate to an accidental change was ameliorated-- but these felt...

 Actually, they felt rather pleasant on a male anatomy.  Loose,
unrestrictive, comfy.
 
 And MALE.

 He was incredibly aware at the moment he was male.  Totally, at
least in a physical sense.  He adjusted his tie, uncertainly, and
rechecked the small step-by-step guide on tie-tying.  

 (Why am I doing this again?  Oh, right.  Because he won't ask me
out so I have to ask HER out.  Damn, boys clothes are uncomforable
for dating.)
  
 (Not that I have ever DONE any real dating.)

 (But I HATE this tie.)

 Eyeing himself in the mirror, he combed his hair again , to
adjust the pageboy-like style to something a bit more mascuine (Hair
gel was a WONDERFUL thing for a Cold Water date, he decided) and
adjusting the hang of his jacket just so.

 (I'm gonna knock her socks off.  I KNOW Ranma's been looking at
me when I'm a he and he's a she and I am gonna knock her socks off.
Unless she's wearing stockings.)

 Satisfied with his appearance, knowing full well that at the
moment he was a perfect combination of well built man and bishonen
boy that drove real girls nuts and tended to floor the cold water
variety-- Ah, HE was the cute one now--  he left his room, went
downstairs to meet Ranma for the planned date--

 And had to make a mental effort to remember to breathe.

 The teal blouse, low cut and-- if you dared focus-- showing an
edge of a lacy black undergarment, the not-almost-not-there gray
miniskirt (It was definitely there.  It was also very tight and very
short and left no doubt that there were legs coming out of it), the
high heeled pumps that encased stockings that-- from time to time--
would reveal the end of a garterbelt strap, and the now almost savage
mane of unbound crimson hair framing a case of unexpectedly feminine
and downright devastating makeup.  

 Akane felt uncomfortable as HELL.  He'd planned to be handsome.
He was.  But he'd never expected Ranma to plan to be a four star
unlimited bombshell.

 And she WAS.  In fact, she had managed to surpass any disguise
that she had ever worn-- because this time it was NOT a disguise.
This was Ranma The Girl going out with Akane The Boy and Akane The
Boy was beginning to sweat.  Heavily.

 "Um.  You look nice."

 (Okay.  THAT was smooth.  You're talking like something out of a
bad TV show.)

 Ranma nodded her head, in what could only be referred to as a
coquettish manner.  "Thank you, Akane-kun.  Shall we go?"

 Akane decided that there was one-- and only one saving grace
about this moment.  And that was that Nabiki wasn't here at the
moment.

 ####

 She was called Urd.

 Urd had a sort of facination with romance.  Well, actually, she
had more of a facination with some of the sloppy physical activities
that romance tended to lead to, but that meant that romance was still
important.

 Urd sighed.  The problem was, since Bell and Kenichi had FINALLY
broken through the shyness barrier she had nothing to DO in that
area...

 The phone rang.

 In THAT household, that could be peculiar.

 "Moshi Moshi-- AH!  ALLFATHER!  WHATEVER IT WAS, I DIDN'T-- oh?"

 "You're kidding."

 "I'm not familiar with the matter, please let me check
Yggdrasil... By YOU, this is INSANE!  I can't BELIEVE such a life
exists--"

 "They are WHAT?  HE'S going SHE and... SHE'S going--"

 "Well, I have lots of potions-- Oh?  Oh.  Just make sure no-one
interferes.  Well, if you say so, that shouldn't be that difficult--"

 "Oh?  All right, Sir, accessing that part of the file--"

 "Oh, my You."  she added in a very small voice.  "This could get
difficult after all... but I'll do my best, Sir."

 Urd hung the phone up.  She wasn't certain why Kamisama had asked
her to keep this date uninterrupted, but she knew now that it would
NOT be an easy task.

 Not easy at all. 

 ####

 Belldandy entered the room to see the somewhat odd sight of Urd
dressed, not in her usual goddess robes or revealing outfits, but in
honest to You Know Who military Urban Camoflauge fatigues with a
bandoleer of potion bottles, a large mallet borrowed from Skuld, and
an expression of extreme determination.

 "Urd?  Is something... wrong?"

 "I'll say.  There's this couple that would have been together
LONG ago except for a pack of people interfering.  Tonight they are
going on their first date, and He wants me to make sure no-one
interferes."

 "Oh... so those aren't love potions, then?"

 "Nope.  They are for very different purposes, Bell.  And as
Father is my witness, I am NOT going to flub THIS one."

 Bell nodded and smiled.  "I'm sure you'll do very well, Urd-chan.
But don't you think the firearms are a bit... excessive?"

 Urd blushed, and sheepishly set the twinned Uzi's down.  "Sorry.
Got a little carried away there."

 ####

 Akane was feeling insanely self-concious as he walked down the
street with Ranma's arm wrapped about his, the redhead looking for
all the world just like any other girl out on a date with her
sweetie.  She was even leaning her head against his shoulder and
smiling, her eyes half-closed.  It was like something out of a shojo
anime, except that it just happened to be really happening.

 (We'll be at the restaurant soon,) he told himself.  (Then she'll
have to stop this.)  Ranma was acting entirely too feminine at the
moment.  GOD, what he wouldn't have done for Ranma to act... well,
like a tomboy.

 Ranma, on the other hand, was simply acting like a girl,
something she had more experience in than any other living cold water
girl alive.  She was thinking that it was only right to act the right
way on a date.  And she DID think Akane was handsome in a way she
didn't about, say, Ryoga or Kuno.  It was just the furrymoons, after
all.

 Besides, at the moment, she felt DAMN feminine... and didn't mind
at all.  Somehow, with Akane-kun, it felt nice.  She was practically
purring inside-- or would have been if it weren't for her rather
understandable prejudices against cats.  Hmm... a good night kiss,
like Hiroshi had mentioned, might be nice... THIS boy she would enjoy
it from, maybe.  (Although she knew she wasn't suposed to kiss on the
first date... but they WERE engaged... have to think about that.)

 And really, at the moment, neither Akane or herself really looked
like themselves... so perhaps this date would turn out all right, the
gods willing.

 She had no idea that for once not only were the gods willing, but
in fact pretty darn insistent about the matter.

 ####

 Tatewaki Kuno had, understandably, removed her (today, anyhow)
shrine to the pig-tailed girl.  After all, her own variant of gender
transformation had finally caused two and two to be added together
with a resulting answer of four, rather than the usual metaphorical
sixty-three and a half.  

 On the other hand, somewhat surprisingly, Kuno was one of those
who had adjusted to the peculiarities of the now dual gendered Human
Race.  Thus a new shrine had been added instead... one to Akane-kun.
At the moment, she was sitting before various pictures of the male
Akane and sighing.

 "Oh, both my princess and my prince... yet ensnared by the foul
Saotome, who I know know to be both vile sorcerer and witch, as well
as an evil temptress.  Is there no way to free you from this vile
creatures spell?  For you refuse my manly efforts-- when I AM a man--
and thus... But hold.  Why have I not seen this before?  Blinded by
the magus you may be, and yet..."

 She looked at herself in the mirror.  "As my masculine
countenance surpasses any other, so does my present beauty surpass
the crimson haired trollop that entangles you in her web of deceit.
Surely she did not anticipate this global transformation.  I shall
win your heart through the feminine arts as well.  Hmm.  Must
remember to have cold water nearby at all times to prepare for it."

 And thus, Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, went
to get a bucket and to raid her sister's closet.

 ####

 Kodachi Kuno sighed at a picture of a certain redheaded girl.

 "How could I have been so blind?  And certainly dear Ranma cares
nothing for me for certain, after I have abused and insulted her,
and... Oh, life can be so bitter.  I have never understood how he
could withstand my feminine charms, and... wait."

 "He never cared for me as a woman... but can SHE be wooed as a
man?  I know that the Cold Water types are still attracted..."

 He grinned.  "I'll free you from that uncouth thug, Ranma-chan,
who has no idea how to treat a lady!"

 Kodachi Kuno went to raid his brothers closet... and as an
afterthought, to get a bucket to make sure there was a lady to treat
right.

 It's not only great minds that think alike, after all.  

####

Robert Haynie, who really really wants to find 
a working technique for making beer out
of cheese.  Why?  Why ask why?  I just want
to...

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