A.  This is a obvious copy of Paragon (at least this chapter is)

B.  You're misspelling Cologne.

C.  You need to work on paragraph structure, and a few other points of grammer and spelling.

_________________________________________________________________
Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp

         .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
           | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
           | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
           |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
           `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'