As the header says, I am in lots of pain. I am lost
in the haze of sharp, excruciating, screaming pain.
The only reason I am not screaming right now is I am
better than that. But I still feel the pain.
So, to deaden the pain, I might as well go through
my backlog. It is an obscure fact that certain
tribes in South East Asia use excrement to ease
muscle pain in some rituals. Sturgeon's law says
ninety percent of everything is ... you know, if you
don't know Sturgeon's law you have no _right_ to even
_be_ on this list. ^_- So, it will most likely be
a large pile I will be going through. I hope to Cthulhu
that you kids at least made good shit.
Disclaimer:
I am in pain. So please excuse the acidity or the
sometimes delirious statements. It should also be
noted that Sturgeon's law I also apply to my stuff,
except with the corollary that the remaining ten
percent is still shit. So you're in good company.
Also be noted that I do not review spamfics or
other insignificant pieces of shit, like teasers.
*******************************
FFML List Review for 04/08/01 16:42 to 12/08/01 14:08
by
Me, woman in need of painkillers.
*******************************
[Einhander] Phases of the Moon
All Parts
Snapdragon
Synopsis:
Please don't make me do this ...
Okay! Okay!
It's Einhander. Just that with freaky
fic action. Maybe a little introspection.
Review:
This fic is ... it's half good.
It could have been better. So many parts where
the author just tells. I mean, I know the POV
is in the head of the character, but did you
really have to do it _this_ way? No action
whatsoever? No outside force other than that
big glaring war?
Maybe, I'm judging this wrong... these fics are
introspection. As introspection, they're
decent. But where is the realization, that
shock of frisson?
And foe the biggest problem, it is too in your
face. You're not making the reader think. You're
not making _me_ think. Your message/theme/whatever
is so cut-and-dried I could throw it onto a
frying pan.
[Ranma][TM][SM][OMG][...] Unborn Wish
Prologue
Francis Bourque
Synopsis:
This is ... for Cthulhu's sake, if you've
read one you've technically read them all.
Make a big guess from that header.
Review:
First of all, you have too many scene
breaks. You know thos "----" things of
yours. It just shows how lazy you are.
Some of these scenes could be fused
together to get you more screen time, for
Cthulhu's sake!
Another is the fact that you jump around
too much, a corrolary of the first problem.
Another is the fact that from your prose
style and your delivery, I can rightfully
say, that you won't be able to pull this off.
I know. I did this too way, way back when. My
advice is to scrap this and come back to it
later when you can actually make scenes longer
than four/five KB.
[FFML] [Ranma] Compass Points Sidestories
Brian Randall
Synopsis:
Both are pretty artsy stuff. Better to just read them,
a synopsis does not do them justice.
Review:
Clipped and minimilast, in approach, in other hands
this would have been crap. Mr. Randall is a genius,
either having long practice or has natural talent.
Cthulhu, I wish I could do that!
[FFML] [Ranma] Nabiki - New Horizons -
Chapter 26 - My Blue Heaven
G.L. Sandborn
Synopsis:
Another chapter of Nabiki Tendo Takes Over The World!
^_^
Review:
I'm a longtime fan of the series and I must rightfully
say that it still has its charm. Mr. Sandborn's skill
in our Art has aged like a fine wine and damn does it
taste like a vintage year. ^_^
[Ranma][Sailor Moon] Outside Influences
Chibi Evil
Synopsis:
Ranma/SM. You know I would normally delete this.
At least it isn't a cliche.
Review:
First of all, endnotes are for people who know how
to use them effectively.
Second, for some strange reason, your sentences feel
discordant... either it's just my pain or there's
something wrong with your tempo. Play the thing by ear
and try to feel for it.
Third, the fic is starting to sound like "Ranma is
freaking powerful" fics by some of the more despicable
pieces of scum I know.
Fourth, the entire cast of Ranma 1/2 should be dragged
into the streets and shot. Except for Kasumi and Ukyou.
That girl sure does know how to make okonomiyaki.^_^
[SM] Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!!
Ben Oliver
Synopsis:
If you don't know this, this is for you:
What is your major malfunction?
Weren't you loved when you were a child?
Did your parents drop you on your head?
Are you some sort of retard?
Review:
Excellent work as always. You know I should
stop doing this. I'm praising you so much that
I'm starting to sound insincere.
So, Ben, man/gerbil/Arbyfish of my dreams, I'll
stop doing this. Just assume you have a fanatic
groupie out there and she goes with you all the
way.
Unless you write something so bad that I will have
to loose the death squads. ^_^
Gaijin[Part 2][Dark][Lime]
Insertion
Sean D'Anna
Synopses:
Again. If you haven't at the very least read one
chapter of these two... well, that's your problem.
Review:
Insertion and Gaijin aren't exactly irritating. Fun
popcorn reads. I've given up on Sean getting any better
and accepted the fact that this is the highest level
he'll ever reach in his short life.
Read Sean at his very best! Read these! ^_^
[robotech+ac] Tales of the wanderer
2-10
Starranger
Synopsis:
Starranger action sequence! ^_^
Review:
You know the only problem with this series is that
the chapters are getting shorter and the time
between them is getting longer. Other than that pretty
decent fic.
[BGC 2040 X-over] Seven Days <Fourth Day>
Khydin
Synopsis:
BGC/Phantom 2040. No matter how purists of the
shows (There are BGC2040 purists, Elsa? Where?)
would disagree, that's still what the guy did.
Review:
Okay, a pretty decent fic, excepting the fact that
I hate the mix. I mean, Phantom 2040 and BGC 2040?!
Come on!
[ranma][ff]Sob of the Breeze, Chapter 2
William Morse
Synopsis:
The Sixth Sense Ranma-style.
Review:
Creative. Fresh. And utterly beautiful!!!
I missed the first chapter. Can you send it over?
[orig] They Walk In Light 3
Ascension
Synopsis:
Another chapter in the grind.
Review:
You know... I don't know what this
is doing here... really, I don't.
There are dozens of other mailing lists
that specialize in this sort of thing, why
is it sent here? To deliver me a dose of
pain?
I'm not against original fics. I love several
of them, James Eades' pseudo-orig institution
Macho Caballo, David Homerick's stunningly
original Missy Foxglove, Stefan Gagne's Sailor
Nothing, the fic that Missy Foxglove should have
been, and Matthew Johnston's shojo fics.
But this?
Kid, take your trade to an appropriate mailing
list. This fic belongs in a SF-writers mailing
list.
[FFML] Ranma with Spots [Ranma/Gold Digger] authorized continuannce of a fic
Thryth
Synopsis:
Nodoka's a werecheetah. So's Ranma.
Review:
You know, I once read an actually good version of
the Ranma/Gold Digger formula.
This is not it.
The fic is like a jigsaw puzzle. Or to be more appropriate
a symphony with a lousy orchestra. The discordant notes
always ring true. People, always remember, that it is always
better to write alone. Sharing it with other people takes
genius or the other half of your soul.
I see none of the two.
Sorry, but this ... this could have been better. Heck, if
I were feeling better and had no fics in the oven, I could
probably cobble up something. This could have been something
by Chris Jones or by Vince Seifert. But you guys just don't
cut it.
[FFML] [Fanfic][R1/2][Fusion] Battletech: The Saotome Gambit Part 32
Jamie Wilde
Synopsis:
The finale of a saga.
Review:
Mr. Wilde should be writing professionally, not wasting his time
on giving us folks free stuff that we should be doling out money
for.
That is my only comment.
[FFML] [major re-write][dark][sm] Death of the Void Ch. 1
Sera Luanma
Synopsis:
Weird freaky dreams.
Review:
For one thing, you need more practice, Grasshopper.
What are you aiming for? What is the goal for
the scene? I could understand it, but I couldn't
_feel_ it. When you're a writer the viscera is more
important than the mind.
Plus, the prose is rather stilted. Smooth it out.
The formatting too.
[FFML] [FFML][fanfic][Tenchi]Sketches of Tenchi 10: Survivor! Jurai Party
Politics
Bert Miller
Synopsis:
Party Time for Tenchi and Co.
Review:
Decent funny fic. Mr. Miller's style has
become stable and consistent. Worth a
read.
[FFML] [fic][utena] (revised) In the Shadow of Revolution Act I Part 1
Timerunner
Synopsis:
What the hell happens after a revolution? A party?
Review:
Skillful prose and use of POV by an old hand. Recommended.
[FFML] [fanfic][R1/2] Second Best
DB Sommer
Synopsis:
Do not make deals with strangers.
Review:
Witha a rather explicit and in-your-face theme this
is the sort of story I'd usually hate, but Mr. Sommer
salvages it with good pacing and prose, though it
could have been better with a touch of subtleness.
[FFML] [Fanfic][SM] Embracing Destiny Prologue
Lunardragon
Synopsis:
Prologue to what seems to be a romantic fic.
Review:
After the lengthy dedication, I ahd given up and
accepted the fact that I was going to read more
crap.
To my surprise, the author is actually quite good.
Her facility with the language is not as strong
as I would like it and the prologue has several
holes and atrocious formatting, with all this the
fact still remains that this was a decent effort.
Keep up the good work.
[FFML] [FFML][Ranma] "Is Ranma-chan Hurt?"
Nuki Mouse
Synopsis:
With a title like that, I wouldn't be surprised
if you deleted it.
Review:
First of all, the fanfiction syntax convention of
using <> to denote thoughts is bad writing. If you
want to be good writer, at least the sort of writer
that hack editors ask to write for them, get rid of
them and try to integrate the thoughts. I mean all
published writers can do it, all you have to do to
learn the trick is pick up a book. Also those asides
in parenthesis should be chucked, too. These two
conventions contribute to bad writing habits and ruin
a work that could have been conceivably good. Plus the
title sucks. Look for another one.
[FFML] [Ranma] Two sides of the same coin
Michael Coll
Synopsis:
A badly formatted Ranma/Ranko fic. You Ranma
writers never get tired of cliches do you?
Review:
As I said badly formatted. Wrong grammar. Syntax
errors.
Why am I reading this?, I ask myself as my hand
reflexively reaches for the delete button and
send the fic into hell.
[FFML] [Ranma][Sailor Moon][xover] Prince Of Time Chapter 3
Kenneth Payne
Synopsis:
See that header? Make a wild guess.
Review:
This... this... this... could have been better.
That's all I'll say.
At least I didn't send your fic to hell.
[FFML] [Fanfic][Sailor Moon] Strategy and Tactics #5
Ken Arromdee
Synopsis:
Usagi is smart.
Review:
Funny and rather amusing in its own way. Mr. Arromdee
has a pretty familiar style so I'm comfortable with it.
Plus that Bill and Ted reference at the end was wild.
[FFML] [Fanfiction] [Ranma] Hitotoshi...
Turtyl
Synopsis:
One of the best Nabiki fics you'll ever read.
Review:
Turtyl is an old hand and I just loved his previous
works so I just had to go for this one first.
It is a great work, managing to be head and shoulders
above the current Ranma stock. This is the sort of stuff
I love. Keep up the good work.
[FFML] [Fic][Ranma][Alt] Complimenting Opposites ch01 [Revised]
Tangent
Synopsis:
Nabiki is Ranma's fiancee.
Review:
The synopsis is slightly deceptive. An old concept with
another approach. The prose is good, though Ranma seems
to be a leeeeetle bit too intelligent. But that's OK.
Just when you do a flashback, don't say it out loud.
I'll be watching
[FFML] [fanfic][SM Mega-crossover] A General Time Paradox - Chapter 9
Nidoking
Synopsis:
A megacrosover is a megacrossover.
Review:
Rather experienced hands handle this well. Pretty well made,
but true test of a megacrossover is whether will it hold up
till the end? I'll be watching.
[FFML] Gundam Moon, Chapter Five
Raye Johnsen
Synopsis:
Weird Gundam/SM thing.
Review:
Well-written, though confusing for someone to just jump in.
It is rather original and I would have to praise the
writer for the skill used to handle the entire thing.
[FFML] [FFML][Repost][TM] People's Prince part 6
Damien
Synopsis:
There's a summary included with the post.
Review:
Well written, though there was the occasional use of
things that could have been handled by straight prose.
Admirable work on the overall.
[Ranma/Nuku Nuku Fusion][Fanfic][Revised]
All-Purpose Jusenkyo Girl Nuku Nuku - Chapter 2
Ginrai
Synopsis:
The hi-jinks continue as the Amazon contingent arrives.
Review:
Very funny, reminiscent of Mr. Sommer's early work in
Shampoo 1/2 and Ben Oliver's wackiness. It's marvelous,
though a few times the flow is stilted. A little more
polish.
[FFML] [Fanfict][Digimon]
The Digimon Fics posted
by Lord Archive
Synopsis:
Who are you and what did you do to the real Lord Archive?
Review:
Actually, these are pretty good for Digimon fics. Lord
Achive brings his style to the Digimon field and I would
be lying if the results were not acceptable. Try it out.
[Karekano/Slayers (after a fashion)] Tsubasa Shibahime: Champion of Justice
(1/?)
Paul Corrigan
Synopsis:
Weird insanity.
Review:
Read it. Just read it.
[Ranma1/2 /???] Journey From the West
Prologue & Chapter 1
Stephen Avery
Synopsis:
New character story with a twist.
Review:
For one, author addressing the reader is just not done
unless you can do it properly. As in not irritating the
audience. Eric Hallstrom can do it and several commercial
authors do it, too.
_You_ can't.
Anyway, your writing when done with characters and without
asides is rather good. Needing a bit of polish here and
there, but still good.
*******************************
Fics reviewed: 49
Now, I'm going to rest for awhile and I'll come
back and tear apart the next batch: August 13 to
August 24.
That is if I can still use the computer. My eyes
hurt, damnit!
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