Ranma would have been a very good catch for Shampoo, true... but
times had changed, and so had he. Was the difficulty in finishing the
stone worth the price of failure? The sight of Shampoo bouncing between
the tables distracted Cologne, and she sighed again.
## COLOGNE: <ogling> Whoa, nelly!
This sentence produced an involuntary twitch in me, but there's no feasable
reason for it. Probably just left my mind lying the gutter again...
Finding a lull in the already slow day, Shampoo approached the
Amazon matriarch, "Great-grandmother..."
## Needs a speaking verb in this line, or else write it:
matriarch. "Great-grandmother..."
When a line of action and a line of dialogue are combined, ( Blah blah, "Blah.")
then the action line must contain a vocal verb to link them. (Shampoo approached
the Amazon matriarch and bellowed, "Great-grandmother!!!")
Cologne rubbed her forehead wearily, "I know, I know. 'How do I make
a chi attack like Airen,' right?"
## Say whaaaa? Cologne's a telepath? I think you need at least SOMEthing leading
up to this deduction of Cologne's.
Akane grumbled, wondering why Ranma had gone to school early,
leaving her behind.
## Yes, I would wonder why ANYbody would go to school early. Ranma is definitely
not "stable" at the moment.
Her aura of anger reached about 60 watts before she realized two
things.
## In the future, all of our electricity will come from angry martial artists...
Cool!
First of all, Ranma wasn't there. Secondly, Shampoo was
staggering about, a haunted look in her eyes. Guttering briefly like a
candle in gale-force winds, her battle-aura winked out.
## Cool simile.
Akane listened, hearing nothing of the battle -- wherever it was.
Shrugging to herself, she dismissed the affair. Ranma could handle
himself in the challenger's arena, whatever the specifics of martial
arts origami were, anyway.
## What a keen idea...
Akane rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to retort, but Shampoo
interrupted, "If you two not work together with Shampoo, he no one's Airen."
## UKYO: Well, we'll just have to find this "No One," and hunt her down!
"Yesterday, Shampoo ask Great-grandmother
how to make chi attack, like Ranma."
Both of the other girls blinked at this, then Akane shrugged. "And?"
## SHAMPOO: Restaurant go boom. Akane offer free room and board, no? Is no
problem, Shampoo sleep in Ranma room.
Shampoo swallowed, and explained, "Great-grandmother say... Chi
attack not work with good feeling. Only bad feeling."
## Come to think of it... You ever see a school of "Happy-go-lucky Martial
arts?" There might be something to that...
Ukyou frowned. "Actually, it might. Ranma could become conceited and
arrogant."
Shampoo and Akane stared at the okonomiyaki chef for a long, silent
moment.
## Heh heh... Though I doubt Shampoo would agree with Akane on that one.
Shampoo collected herself first, then continued, "When you use
feeling, feeling become stronger to you. Lost-boy use depression, so
always be depressing."
## She really hit the nail on the head, there.
The three girls shared a glance, then Ukyou nodded. "It's our duty
as Ranma's fiancees to find out what's going on.
## Fine, but I can't see Ukyo admitting that Ranma has other fiancees than her.
Mousse lowered his glasses, and accepted a list from the old woman.
Scanning it over, his face contorted in a comically confused expression,
as he whined, "There's only one item!"
## Ha!
The matriarch scowled. "That's only what he calls it, child. It's
not what it really is. The real mouko takabisha is an internalized
technique, not an outward one."
## So, in this story, the mouko takabisha was NOT created by Ranma? Hm. "Mouko
takabisha" is just a name he made up for his variation of the shishi hokodan. In
this chapter, you don't really mention anything else about the "real" mouko
takabisha.
Shampoo hesitantly said, "Shampoo not so sure... Ranma not very
confident when Shampoo try to sleep with him..."
## Uh huh...
Cologne's sinister scowl shifted subtly, becoming a sly smirk, as
she nodded to herself. Delicate, careful pressures to make a perfect gem.
## COLOGNE: <tapping fingertips together> Eeeeexcellent...
Akane glanced over her shoulder to the door, then back towards where
Ranma had been a moment before. "No, Ranma I..." She pursed her lips
thoughtfully as Ranma disappeared over the neighbor's rooftop.
## GENMA: Ah, my son! What a true master of the "Anything-Goes Evasion of
Respsonsibility and other Scary Things" technique!
Ukyou watched while Ranma concentrated, forming a glowing ball of
wavering energy between his hands. She pursed her lips thoughtfully,
trying to read the emotion that should be radiating from him.
Ranma held the ball of energy for a long moment, and it became more
and more stable the longer the pair watched it. Ukyou frowned, feeling
only nervous indecision. Not fear, or guilt.
## Well... here's where I bring in my own interpretation of Ranmaverse phyiscs.
Discard it or take it as you will. It seems to be that the shishi hokodan and
other related attacks are more comparible to a gun than a bow and arrow. Your
energy ball right here is like an arrow being pulled back in a bow, ready to be
relased. The arrow is visible, simply awaiting the signal to fire. It seems to
me, from the manga, that the character focuses his internal energy inside him,
like a bullet loaded in the chamber, and is fired instantly, shooting from the
chamber (the martial artists palms) towards the target. So, according to LIRP
(Leif's Interpretation of Ranmaverse Physics), Ranma's demonstration would
involve destroying something, unless it was launched into the air.
The redhead was huddled behind a small bush, wearing her typically
placid expression. The only difference this time was that she was
comparing her reflection to a small picture of herself -- or rather,
himself, at the time -- to a small mirror.
## This sentence is reduntant. You say Ranma compares his reflection to a
picture to a mirror.
Akane heaved an exaggerated sigh. "He's an old pervert. We'll beat
him up anyway."
## Ha ha! Love it!
The old man's brain sparked, sputtered, and choked. Giggling, he
could only stare. A pretty girl in a thin white piece of lingerie was
about to pour water on herself! How could the situation get any better?
Shampoo winked, dousing herself, dampening the white lingerie, and...
turning herself into a cat.
## Hee hee...
Shampoo-neko calmly licked herself clean while Happosai's weak
struggles were halted with a few exacting hammer and spatula strikes.
## Great, really.
Akane said nothing, merely maintaining her blush and nodding
slightly. Shampoo was still somewhat pink herself, and managed, "Shampoo
see Airen, too. Happosai is right, Airen is too too well-"
## Yes, and Shampoo is always this shy and demure considering nudity... Bah!
Cologne picked up where Akane left off, "...you don't really trust
the Amazons, but if you were to catch Ranma and bring him to me, I might
be able to use some truth spice or something on him?"
Akane colored slightly, then nodded.
Shampoo scowled. "Shampoo not like that idea."
## HAHAHAHAAA!!! *SNORT* Is very funny joke, no?
Ukyou balked, complaining, "Wait a minute, drug Ranchan? Are you
sure that's... I mean... Seriously?"
## Scruples + Ranmaverse = No solution
Shampoo shook her head. "Is... Shampoo not want to hurt Airen's trust."
## Stop! Stop! You're killing me!
Akane frowned. "I thought your first impulse was always to try and
use magic or drugs on Ranma."
## It was.
The Amazon twitched slightly, then grimaced. "Is wrong, stupid--
Truce. Great-grandmother help in planning some times. Shampoo know that
magic not work on Airen well."
## Doesn't keep her from trying, again, and again, and again...
The room that Ranma shared with his father was eerily quiet, with
only Ranma's soft breathing disturb the stillness.
## disturbed
Ranma moved in to strike, and the battle was joined. Ukyou stopped
paying attention, instead turning her thoughts inward. Ranma would win,
of course -- he always won.
## Which means, of course, that he won't.
Ranma lay on the -- as of yet -- unlit grill, unconscious for the
moment.
## As of yet??? Now THAT has interesting connotations...
Shampoo spared a haughty glance towards Cologne, then raised her own
hand to touch Ranma's aura. Not the normal shining blue of an intense
battle, but a dull amber halo.
Contact.
Ukyou hesitated, then followed suit, smiling grimly.
Contact.
Akane nodded, following with some hesitation, while Cologne stared
in surprise.
Contact.
## So take THAT, old ghoul... I like the defiance here.
Akane, of course, because Ranma knew that he cared about her, even
if he wouldn't admit it to himself.
## This sentence doesn't make any sense, grammatically. I had to read it twice,
and I'm not sure if the fact that it's based on the context saves it.
Interesting. I disagree with some of your characterizations, but don't take it
personally, I disagree with everyone. I'm kinda worried about where this is
going. I'm guessing that the girls will team up to cure Ranma's fear, now that
they know where it all comes from, and make him feel better and more secure.
Several of his problems will be solved, and he will be drawn closer to the
fiancee of your choice (no offense), and there's a happy ending. Or, his fear is
inescapable, he drops lower into the downward spiral, and everyone ends up
unhappy. There is, however, the note of Cologne and Happosai's evil plans for
Ranma, though it seems now that maybe Cologne's diamond is fractured and broken
beyond repair, now. So, I challenge you to prove me wrong. I'd appreciate it if
you did.
Leif Johnson
I have this strange aversion to extreme pain, okay?- Ranma Saotome
Now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.- Dark Helmet
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